The universe is MOCKING me. Yes, it is laughing that, “Oh you thought you were soooo smart,” smarmy laugh.
For 15 years I ignored Steinbrecher’s advice and ignored Tarot. Because it’s just “not my thing!” And just recently I got dumped into it headfirst and now am torn between astounded near-worship of all these pie-slices-of-universe-energy I thought were just cards, and exasperation that this is a frakkin lot of meditation for someone who’s lucky to do it weekly except once or twice a year.
I also pointedly avoided his focus with Astrology. It is not my thing! I did a few planets. Sure, they were cool. Big deal. But today all these wandering scout-ants roving about my brain apparently had the same idea at the same time and they each brought their idea-luggage and sat down and had a convention.
And before I knew it, my whole perspective on Astrology and its relationship to the work I do had changed as radically as Tarot recently did.
I thought they were both just “someone’s models” and I’ve avoided divinatory arts all my life (remote viewing is a weird anomaly for me). And my focus is really on development of self, without any particular model aside from very loosely — barely at all now — the Jungian style, Inner Guide model, active visualization approach.
OK let me go back just a little so I can explain how it all ran together in my head.
I was reviewing the old gnostic page I found some time ago that had the ‘four aeons of light’, the ’12 aeons’ around, even a note on one page about one of the aeons being ‘hidden away’ like the 3rd was, even a note about the 12 having 3 kinds of energy. The guy with the site has not responded to my emails, if he’s getting them, it’s a Russia address. I don’t know that he even cares much about the topic; his focus is actually something to do with the human face that I can’t seem to wrap my brain around, and which seems phenomenally dull to me.
But this page blew me out of the water when I found it — as I ranted about previously — because it is the first (and ONLY) reference to MY “personal experiences” that I have found anywhere and come on, this is very obviously exactly my stuff, so to have absolutely zero ref to this stuff anywhere, and then find a page talking about ALL those things I’ve experienced close up and personal for 15 years now — allegedly from a doc nearly 2000 years old!! — well that’s pretty freaking amazing!
The part that I hated about his page was two-fold: 1) I could not FEEL it. It felt like the person who typed that was just… writing it, or heard it, or translated it, but had NO “inner connection” to the ‘Truth-capital-T’ associated; I didn’t feel any connection. And 2) There was all this stuff that appeared to be about Jesus, and this assumption that this stuff is all about a christ or perfect or first man or something, and that’s just ridiculous, since it’s happening to me and I’m a normal person.
But THEN as I just mentioned previously (I notice my capitals. I must be emotional :-)) I was googling for ‘copper’ and stuff and stumbled into a whole website that deconstructs and re-translates, from alleged hidden-symbolism, the very doc HE is talking about — the ‘Apocryphon’. And the way that guy translates it, it is simply about “self-realization” — as much psychology and “energy body evolution” as anything, by anybody.
Now, the second symbolism guy, he is totally convinced the surface stuff is all symbol, that the religious shtick is intention to ‘hide’ it right in the middle of the very stuff it completely contradicts if one can read it. I’m good with that I guess, I can’t speak to its Truth because for whatever reason I just don’t feel anything either way on reading it. I think that when words specifically say thing-X but mean thing-Y, to me it often just reads as wrong, or sort of cancels itself out as null.
So the first guy at least does seem to get the identity part, and the second guy at least does seem to get the this-is-not-about-jesus part, but neither of them that I can see really grok they are the “layers of larger identity” and they are Cosmology, which is how it’s coming through for me.
The original site I found when I first googled is here: http://www.emotions.64g.ru/bokat/bk2en.htm
And this is the one I just stumbled on, that ‘retranslates and decodes’ the entire Apocryphon apparently: http://dance-of-ecstasy.net/dance/toc2.html
I especially loved, when I found that first page, that he had the four in the middle and the 12 in a circle around, which is similar to how I’d put it together for myself — See my Aeon Round, here as an example.
Over time I’ve bored this blog with how I thought they could be worked ‘together’ in patterns that would look like ‘sigils’ and so on. But I don’t know them real well. I’ve worked with them together only barely, just once in a weave of all of them, and once in a merge with Marcan, then Nero, then others. I forgot half of my experiences with them until rereading them today. I forget everything, sheesh.
I’ve had a side-effect from that recent inner-geometry-grokking: I’ve become nearly obsessed with ‘getting closer to the four’. I determined to go through Bewilderness and grab all the dreams/visions that had them and do some kind of work with IG on those things, for example.
In my re-reading the blog I came upon my posts reviewing the Inner Guide Meditation book by Steinbrecher and my complaining about HIS complaining about Jane Roberts and Seth. He insisted that IG had a certain look/pattern and everything else was a “false guide.” Then more than once he says he thinks, based on Rob Butt’s painting of Seth, that Seth was Jane’s third-house guide.
I have already wondered back then, “What? Why aren’t we working with all the guides if each house has one?!” But ES kind of created a doctrine of his own in a way and to him if it wasn’t IG it was not good.
I got to wondering, I wonder what my third house guide is like, if I even have one?
Then I thought, sadly a bit, I don’t have guides. I have Aeons instead I guess. I wish OTHER people had Aeons so I didn’t sound like the only one.
Then I thought: what if it’s just that what I call Aeons, because they gave me that word, is what Steinbrecher was calling the house-guide? What if his personal obsession with Astrology caused him to mis-model this, limit it to that model, and not understand that these identities ‘spring from’ the 4, as impacted by 3 more primal energies, and are part of us?
What if LOTS OF PEOPLE actually have run into Aeons like me but they did not call them that, and promptly had some Guru like Edwin going, “Oh ignore that, that’s bad, that’s not your inner guide!” (or insert-appropriate-deity-here)
Then I thought, Well do the 12 Aeons, who I already know are stars or well, constellations I think essentially, might they map to astrology? Maybe the houses is a better start, not the signs. I had wondered that before but had no way of knowing, and I thought maybe I’d just be mapping on something just for the fun of making another freakin chart haha. God the left-brain stuff is so killer. Stop thinking and dive in, Palyne! Ahem, where was I…
I wondered: Do I have enough information about each of the Aeons to actually look at the 12 houses in astrology and see if, by chance, the descriptions of their qualities, corresponds to my Aeons? I mean, it seems like, if they DID correspond, it should be relatively clear by this time where at least half of them would relate.
So I revisited the blog posts for each one, and I made a list of the description of house qualities (standard modern Koch), and then I sat down with a spreadsheet to see if at least a couple of them might seem to fit somewhere.
… they TOTALLY fit. Not just a couple! Many of them almost eerily well, as if I could explain many of my situations in life, as well as my situations with how well I relate (or don’t) to that Aeon, based on what that house’s qualities were that they matched well with.
And better than that, one thing I had utterly forgotten was this free-form “focus med” on Ithikah that made no sense to me, you know? But it turns out, it is the info from that psychic-like session that made it very clear what house he belonged to. Wow! That validates astrology a heck of a lot more for me, never mind that it gives a mapping place.
There are even separate, ‘subtle hints’ aside from that. Like that Taan always appeared RIGHT in front of me (he is 1st house). That Ithikah once made clear that Bolehren was closer to me than he (he is 8th ruled by Pluto, she is 6th of my own primary planet/sign). That Nero felt he should be at the ‘end’ of the cycle of 12 (he is 12th house). That Jared and El Nino are 3rd house–ruling sign Gemini (the twins), and, that they’re the only ones I’ve had a ‘past-life’ bond with. These are trivial things; the more powerful things relate to experiences, symbols and outright telling me what they worked with, that clued me in.
So I will be expanding my Aeon round to include that kind of info in some fashion.
And then, that takes me RIGHT BACK to where I began (my hamster wheel returns!):
So if I plan the meditations on astrology to work with my positive, then negative aspects, to get them to work together, then I am literally creating EXACTLY the ‘Sigils’ for archmed work that I suggested way back when the Aeons were new to me and I was still half rejecting them!
And these will not generally be archmeds — they will be whatever IG wants them to be. I’m just going to drop in and let her direct whatever, and we will see where we end up.
So it’s cool that I realized I had that intuitive sense of my ‘aeon round’ (which to me was unique in the world at the time) and sigils for working them together; and cool that I know enough about them now to associate them with the houses disturbingly well, but this I hope will help with those I am not close to yet; and it’s cool that this lets me use the Aeons and IG for a much larger and more freeform meditative approach than ‘archmed on planet/sign-X’ would have been; but the COOLEST thing is the one most tied to my ongoing insecurity haha: to me, this PROVES that I am NOT the only person who has run into things like the Aeons.
I think that Steinbrecher talking about all those people who clearly had a ‘false inner guide’ because they asked for help and someone showed up to help them but, when they described them, they didn’t look like ES felt they should — I don’t think he had a CLUE what was really going on inside on a larger scale.
I think he basically has directed a ton of people *away from* their Aeons and that opportunity for great self-expansion, because he made the inner guide into what amounted to a near doctrine and sole-deity.
Had he not dissed Jane and Seth and irked me I would not have thought about this stuff; and were I not so freakin insecure about my experience having zero — ok, now, ONE other person reporting it but from nearly 2000 years ago and alas in secret code LOL; and were I not so frustrated at wanting to be closer to the four RIGHT NOW and knowing that getting closer to the Aeons is a big part of that but not feeling like I knew what to DO to make that happen; if those hadn’t combined I never would have thought of this and then sat down and mapped it out to see if that worked. And it does.
I didn’t know enough astrology and had to look it up, and the whole Aeon concept was new to me when it first came, so that they actually ended up validating association with the houses, and then Steinbrecher cross-associating this by accident with his snarking about Seth — to me this is like a triple confirmation.
I might add that the freeform psi session with Ithikah, compared to the House description I have (which has metal, colors, etc.) makes me realize that I can get all this info gradually from the Aeons, and I feel pretty certain if there are any inaccuracies in the ever-changing modern format for astrology, they can help me find and correct them for my own reference at least.
Since astrology allegedly maps to Tarot, I bet this means that the Aeons map to it — or that there is another ring of some kind of identity for that. The third did once tell me, I blogged, that he worked with an “overlap” of some of the 12’s energy, and that he also worked with some other rings of identities of different nature.
It only changes the Aeons sequence I have somewhat. Only a few had any strong sense of location anyway. I will re-order them by house when I get a chance. I hope I have the photoshop build file on S3 somewhere. But I must sleep now.