Aeons of Me (4th of 4)
In July of 1998 I was doing a meditative psi session (called ‘viewing’ although it’s not usually very visual) and I suddenly heard a whole bunch of people inside me arguing about it.
The debate was about ‘who’ got to give me the information I was asking for. One guy thought it should be him because he was most expert with this specific energy. A different guy thought it should be him because he is the one who normally gives me this kind of info. And a female thought it should be her because she almost never got to talk to me about anything and it was so unfair.
I could feel her emotion and feel her need to connect with and convey to me, and I knew if she gave me the information, it would be completely distorted into whatever she needed as a result.
The debate went on, sounding like some kind of committee. Later I was so non-plussed by the experience, that when I hit on the term “psychic politics” I realized I had a book with that title I’d never read, by Jane Roberts, and I went and dug it out. I guess I need to re-read it, as I don’t remember a single thing about it now.
I didn’t get much more info or experience with this for some time.
Years later in a meditation I told ‘the Four’ inside me (elementals of soul) that I wanted to view and I had paid my dues and wanted them to give me whatever it is that I needed to know most for this, to do this best.
The next day, Senior brought me a whole group of people. They seemed like big groups of stars, each of them, as well as people. I overreacted to a sense of identity-threat and held on to 3rd of 4 like a child. But I had to meet each and shake their hand.
It turned out, two I had met before. One long prior in a meditation and one just a couple days before. In the end there were 12 of them total.
They ‘compose me’ and I call them my ‘infrastructure.’ I am told that is not quite the right model, but not entirely wrong either. But it is not that they are 1/12 of me. Rather, they are Aeons, and each of the 12 span the whole Being, with each having a ‘focus’ that is 1/12 of it.
This took some time to understand and was very upsetting at first. But it turns out I am more an ’emergent property’ identity designed for decision and driving this Being, this vehicle of minerals and acids moving through time. They are all of me, or rather, all that I am is actually found in them. I see, I experience, “through” their eyes, through them. I share this experience as if it is mine, as I am to learn from it for the sake of the decisions I make.
They told me they were called Aeons. I told them that was a stupid word, sounded Crowley-esque and was a little embarrassing for that, and the word meant “time” anyway. They told me space-time-concept were all involved, and that word was the right one, so finally I gave in and began calling them that.
Some of them I was quickly close to, some very distant. They have different levels of integration with each other, as well as with me. My role as driver in this Being, as I call it, is to bring light to our decisions and further this integration, which is spiritual evolution. For all of us: as although we differ, there is nothing that harms or helps any one of us that does not by proxy do so to the rest of us also.
They might represent the 12 Houses in astrology but I am not sure.
“It’s supposed to be seamless,” they tell me, most people are unaware of the ‘blend’ of their Aeons being the source of their thoughts. For me once I met them as individuals though, it was less seamless. There are still usually just blends, but sometimes I can tell a certain identity is in focus or has a certain perspective, and I can intentionally have a relationship and conversation with any of them as individuals.
They appeared to me each in a given form/gender/name, but they have since often changed, and shown me that this is completely arbitrary. I’ve had a hard time letting go of the need for something like that, though. I call them Taan, Bolehren, Ithikah, L’Anna, Ray, Marcan, Jared and El Nino, Hot Amanakhaton (Jiri), Calme (Auk sham), LaeLee, Nedlund and Nero, as that is how I met them. I imagine them in a circle around me sometimes. I imagine we rest our foreheads against each other, take each others’ hands, and “breathe together” as an exercise, one at a time with them. I call that An Aeon Round and in an ideal world would do it daily.
They function as ‘guides.’ They all want their input to be part of what the composite Being chooses, of course. But they don’t all agree, at all. Hence their debates — and issues with each other — and hence my being the driver, or CEO if you want to think of it that way, instead of any one of them.
As it turns out, I’d been living in a cave. First off, Jung had a book called Aion and I didn’t even know, although I found what little I’d read of him interesting.
Secondly, it turns out videogames have the word all over, but I’m not in that world and never realized.
Thirdly, it turns out there is a ‘Gnostic’ work called the Apocryphon, of the ‘Sethian Gnostics.’ I seriously wonder if some of that stuff isn’t misunderstood hand-me-down info someone got slightly wrong (I call a lot of it “bad channeling by a jesus cult”), but the point is, it was the same thing I’d been experiencing all along. Four ‘Aeons of Light’ they called it (which represent my Four) and then “identities” around that which they do not call Aeons like I do, but is clearly the same thing.
I’ve had a lot of cognitive dissonance and rejection issues with all this as it is over the last couple of decades, and I think if I had associated it with any of those materials I was to later find, I would have totally rejected it. So it’s good I didn’t know. If on some subconscious level I did, clearly my mind kept me from it.
I have since come to understand that the word Aeon is applied (I mean in the inter-worlds, not just by human whim) when an identity encompasses all the energy of a given nature and it has been divided into individual “focuses” (which are all-the-energy, but paying-more-attention-to-being-that-part).
The ‘Four’ of which I am part, are Aeons of Light, as I was once shown, and the Gnostic docs name them that way. My own Aeons are vastly more than guides, though they function as such; they are a span of the larger-identity that I am part of (something huge), and they are basically Aeons of the 4th of 4.
Every tarot dynamic (identity) is an Aeon of the Universe. There are also cumulative Aeonic identities (e.g. “disks” in tarot) that combine many Aeons into a larger set. They are referred to as the Aeon of the Aeons in that case. When I’m referring in words to my Aeons in general or cumulatively or as a blend, I call them ‘the Aeonic.’
I had intense resistance to meeting my Aeons. I was upset every time I met one. I was sometimes rude to them. I begged my IG to stop introducing them. It took me a long time to finally perceive them all.
I was told that when there is a kind of energy that just can’t ‘translate’ as human to me symbolically, I get something else. So Jared and El Nino are two identities, one is a horse (but we can all be anything). Calme is a short winged girl with a wand. Ithikah was merely a ‘symbol-with-dynamic.’ Hot Amanakhaton (Jiri) was an oversized golden statue. Nedlund I only got a close-up glimpse of eyes (he is ‘sound’) nothing else. All the rest came across as just ‘people’ of varying sorts. I spent time searching the web for pictures that I felt were representative of my impressions to put in a graphic of their circle around me but that is arbitrary.
Later, how I perceived some of them changed, from a little to a lot. Maybe that relates to how much our relationship changed, I don’t know. And one (Ithikah) who had no form initially but a symbol, became a big creature rather like a centaur, except instead of horse in back it was some rectangle with 8 legs that was just like his original symbol had been, if doubled.
It has been made repeatedly clear to me by many inner sources that my integration with larger identities above me, including the Largers, and my Higher Self, and the Four, are dependent upon my integration with my own Aeons, and I should be interacting with them and toward this goal every day.
There is some cognitive dissonance in me about all this still.
In mid 2016 in the meditations Water Temple and Golding by the 4th, I had some experiences that changed my relationship with my Aeons a bit. Now I perceive them much more as being ‘me’ — sharing my body, when I do an Aeon round and breathe with each of them — as opposed to seeming outside me. My relationship with the Four of which I am a part changed around the same time a bit, and I was told that was simply that I had changed and so my ‘perspective’ in the relationship had as well.
‘Above’ the Four, or perhaps being what generates the Four, are three levels of energy. I suspect this is a trinity of nested-spheres just like the Four are nested-spheres. I do not know anything of it except that it exists and appears to be ‘source.’
The 12 Aeons in me are of three ‘natures’. I think this relates to those three higher energy spheres. Like each of those energy, combined with one of the four, results in an Aeon. When that info came across I got the three groupings for my Aeons in the columns below. One group is ‘closest’ to me by which I mean the clearest, best relationship, while one is ‘farthest’ from me, by which I mean, the most abstract, obscure, less-integrated relationship.
|Associations:||Closest Aeons||Mid Aeons||Farthest Aeons|
|1st (Senior)||Nero||Ithikah||Hot Amanakhaton (Jiri)|
|4th (Me)||Taan||Jared & el Nino||Calmè (Auk Sham)|
Now in the real world of “what difference does this make?” my relationship with my Aeons has changed my life. For example, my whole life I had this overwhelming “artificial guilt” complex. I felt horrifically guilty about everything no matter what. Things I could not possibly have had anything to do with. It didn’t matter. When I encountered my Aeons Jared and El Nino, I went through several experiences with Jared that were very creative, as if we’d had a life together where some very larger than life drama had played out. Once he and I had gotten through it, it vanished.
40 years of a massive psychological problem, gone overnight. I can’t even count the ways my life improved once this energy was gone.
I’ve had other issues that I have worked on and later been told that a sudden great upgrade in my dealing with a certain thing was because of the improvement in my relationship with a given Aeon. They are the larger-me and any changes we make are very powerful. In smaller ways they have shown they can even stop severe pain for me, walk me through dreams, serve as guides in any way I want, and more.
Ram Dass and others have talked about the many “parts of self” that seem to be whole personalities inside us that we need to bring peace to, and how this improves the life. I don’t know much more than that, but apparently I am not the only one with this kind of experience.
I did a project “mapping my Aeons to the Astro houses” on this page.