Notes from Remote Viewing Lab book 3

I meant to grab a clean remote viewing laboratory notebook from the shelf but accidentally got one from 2003-2004. Too lazy to get up again, I was reading through some of the notes that were dreams or “q&a with myself” as I called it, and… unbelievable. The Aeons were right. They have been working with me, really obviously, for a long time before I ever officially met them — which only began in 2007.

Also, some of the very recent fear of IG5 integration, I had a couple written things specific to exactly all those fears except it was the ‘fear of psi’ archetype that was telling me scary stories. It was just shocking to see that a sort of “early cycle” of the same stuff was going on then.

(To make sense of the Aeons and the IG5 stuff, that’s over on my Psiche blog.)

It hadn’t occurred to me that much like ‘understanding and insight’ about things come in cycles, repeating where each time I get it more deeply and completely than the time before, that maybe ‘fears and frustrations’ have the same kind of cycle, where I address a slightly deeper or more complete level of them with each round.

There was another book 3 I couldn’t find, so the dates of those intermix. This is Sep 2003 to Dec 2003 and a couple tiny notes from Apr-Jun 2004.

***

Notes from Remote Viewing Lab Book 3B

This is limited to notes about philosophy/experience, it’s not the session work. My lab books are sometimes a little like a magical diary and a journal combined. This refers to Aspect RV which I was doing some of at the time.

26 Sep 2003

I’ve been thinking a lot about what constitutes intent and validation in RV. Seems to me we might be viewing for subconscious motives. So it isn’t just talent, analysis, symbolic etc. issues that affect data. It might also be that what we really create in a session has other motives. Maybe some “experience” in a session is preferred to accuracy or relevancy. Maybe matching other viewers — or confirming one’s own belief systems about the target or some aspect of it — is what takes precedence.

Are sessions “creations” — an art form?

I had a memory of a dream that made me grok: “The session is physically associated with the target — not just psychically.” But the memory was too quick and the grok such a stretch that I lost it. Something about the fundamental geometries of reality or something.

01 Oct 2003

Something I haven’t dared put into words before is that these aspects, I feel like I’m giving them life through me. Like I’m allowing the composite of me to shift, so that personality is more manifest. Do aspects fight for survival, and are they as greedy for expression — and eventually dominance — as godforms?

Also, do you suppose Architect gave me vehicles of that specific shape [data was that shape but not a vehicle] because he only “knows” created things? Might I skew data in this way, are aspects that simple?

01 Oct 2003

That sense of “shooting upward” (with humans, from the crown of the head) is “death.” It’s like the spirit sparked or flew up really fast, and with great energy and momentum. It feels a ‘sharpness’ when the death was sudden/violent. There is a slightly flatter-wider feel for animals. There is multiple sparking-up all over for many people dying.

Every target I’ve had with a primary gestalt of mud has been difficult for me to make contact with. I wonder why.

11 October 2003

Would it be possible to work out symbolic data with myself, to represent something, like when there is no target, or the feedback doesn’t match the target tasked, or the target is a single gestalt (so almost no data)?

04 October 2003

Do you suppose it’s possible to have the ‘psychic flu’ or something? Where one seems just full of yuckiness and weakness, but it isn’t physical.

12 October 2003

A recurring thought I’m having: what if I’ve been looking at the “aspects” idea as if its all about rocks, not sentience? In other words, all I’m doing is asking questions. But what if the real answer is a ‘relationship’?

And what if I should be developing an “internal” methodology? Like say a target is only a gestalt. Or, has death. Or, there’s going to be a feedback problem. Can I train — or form agreements — with aspects to let me know? Just like in hypnosis, can I come up with a symbol, visual, something, so my mind can talk to me? A mental Rosetta Stone — a codice — between my conscious and subconscious?

Also, what if instead of only querying for data, I also query for target type, feedback, or protocol clarity? What if I query for whether the session should be continued, or other stuff about the session instead of the target? If I can psychically know the target, why not far more obvious stuff like session or protocol info?

How much of this could be done in a format more like a shamanic meditation than an RV session? By that I mean, “conscious dreaming.” What would happen if I tried RV in a conscious dreaming format? Yes it’d be symbolic, but what it be useful to my inner development?

10 October 2003

In my session I looked up in the sky and a woman standing in the air above me dangles a pair of eyeglasses. This was symbolic, I figured. I reached up and took them from her, and put them on. Then I was rushing through space like I was in a flight simulator. Stars were rushing around me as I moved forward at incredible speed. Awesome! A ‘symbolic data’ *interacted* with me like in an arch med!! It was real feeling, real visual, all at once. Is this symbolic data part of me?

[Target: Titan, moon of Saturn. This accidentally became the next day’s target too through an error where my kid put the envelope back after I’d moved it and I didn’t know, I think.]

11 October 2003

I was in session and I was in a ‘place.’ I didn’t see it clearly, it just felt like I was on a street with structure and a lot of people going kind of crazy like there was some emergency. I saw pretty clearly though, a woman some distance in front of me, walking toward me, and she was talking to me! But I couldn’t hear a word she said, I could only see her mouth moving. Like with my outer guides, how that happens. She got all the way up to me when something unbelievably massive swooped far above us blocking the sun and it seemed like everything blew up violently shaking and chaos and I was out of it. Then it all ‘restored itself’ in my head like a dream do-over, and she was right in front of me again, but now everything was moving backward, just like I’d seen it but in reverse, like the 8mm films my dad used to play backward to make me laugh when I was five years old. She was still talking to me and I still couldn’t hear her, she went all the way back to where she had began.

Then everything shifted and I was “in” someone experiencing what they did. Something above was going to kill us like bomb us and I was running for my life, toward this cliff that was high above water, lots of people around me doing the same thing, and I leaped as far outward as I could and fell a long way, and was suddenly out of it before I hit the water. Target turned out to be Titan, moon of Saturn. I had this follow-on emotion that I’ve had about mass-death civil war targets: this huge sadness inside me, like completely destruction of a people in a given area. It was very difficult to shake, very real for me. It was after feedback, which tells me nothing in this case, but I swear I feel like there was a whole people living a lot like we do there, and they were intentionally, completely annihilated, maybe even the chemistry of the planet changed so nobody could survive even if they missed the bombings. I feel such sadness and even some anger about it.

I can’t tell if I should be disappointed because there is zero feedback on this, so maybe it’s all hallucination, or if I should consider it another example of that amazing “interacting with the target symbolically” effect.

12 October 2003

What I learned in the last 20 sessions:

* It is possible to feel the difference between literal and symbolic data.
* My symbolic data often takes the form of people, as if it’s “charades,” or they’re talking to me.
* Some symbolic data of people can be “interacted with” for more literal or additional info.
* Long cooldowns and long sessions shouldn’t be necessary.
* I have great psychological resistance to intentional fully blind psi with hard feedback.
* There are many “degrees, types and forms” of even “visual” data if one bothers to pay attention.
* The data I usually think is raving AOL is correct.
* My ‘connection’ sense — and ‘visuals’ — seem rather cyclical, as far as how often sessions have that.
* After a string of bad or boredom, comes small breakthroughs.
* Staying awake improves my viewing. 🙂
* Visualization of energy / merge / oneness doesn’t hurt, seems to sometimes help
* I don’t seem to be a good judge of a session until days after. Too subjective I guess.
* It’s hard to do targets that don’t seem to have many details, e.g. a moon.
* I seem to suppress awareness of emotion in targets, especially the negative.
* Often my only data on negative emotion is my ‘inference’ of situation from black-humor-me (BHM) aspect.
* BHM is a good aspect for data but he’s out of commission when human events are absent.
* Architect is often wrong when he generalizes, but right when he senses a manmade shape. People-girl, same for her kind of data. Might be they are only trustworthy when target legitimately needs them.
* What aspects I think to ask for can itself give clues about the target.
* An aspect with no response says something too.
* There are usually aspects with info, new ones, to volunteer if I ask.
* My definition of shape is poor in my communicating. I say round or tubular when I mean spherical or cylindrical.
* My communication for details is poor. I say doorway when mean rectangular opening (doorway is AOL). I say moving when I mean motion or traveling. etc.
* My sketching ability is poor. I’m stumped trying to sketch even what I perceive very clearly in 3D.
* Bright or changing light that affects me through closed eyes is very annoying in session, interferes with visuals.
* Image Streaming (ref: Wenger) is fun practice but vastly more “free association” than RV. I’ve seen RV sessions from people that seem more like IS. The difference seem mainly, I expect RV data to somehow come through my middle, whereas I’m solely visual/head focus for IS.
* Good data in a session often follows a feeling of boredom that is nearly torturous. I suspect this is a “repression” — resistance, feeling nothing yet subconsciously aware of great pressure.
* I should train certain aspects / symbols to provide data on session feedback, existence of target, and other non-psi aspects of the RV process.

13 October 2003

{Snippets of the original writeup of my second ‘fear of psi’ archetype meditation.}

I told him I wanted to learn about who and what I am, and that I would not let fear stop me. He suggested that I am not what I think I am, that my current identity is… {rough translations here}, a miniscule blip… as if, I think I am something, that “I” matter, that I am seeking out “my” nature, but really I am just a … a reflection, a side-effect, a fractal shard of something that does matter but I as I know me might not, comparatively… that learning about what I really am would obliterate me and fear was not stopping me, fear was saving me.

I told him I have already died to this identity once and I was willing to do it again. I told him I was not afraid of being something different than what I thought, even if that something was frightening. He suggested… something like, what if I were to find that my current identity is… just a side effect of something so much more important. I’d find my current life and identity to be trivial and… fake, or maybe illusion is a better word.

I insisted anyway. He put his palms up and I did the same. He wrapped his fingers in mine. Then while looking into my eyes, his arms from elbow to fingertips merged into mine, and he moved the now-single arms and hands. His eyes were then telling me, yet I felt it in my middle somehow: “Where are ‘you’ in this? Whose arm, hand is this? Do you delude yourself that you are in control of this new thing you thought was you? Do you see that bringing larger or other identities into yourself, as finding what you call your larger/higher self would do, does not result in a larger you, it results in a different thing altogether, which is no longer what you consider ‘you’?”

13 October 2003

{snippets from a letter to a friend saved in lab book}

A simple fear would not cause a species that uses psi as their fundamental means of existence, communication and operation, to completely ignore its usage in every aspect of their experience. This is not ‘just’ fear. There isn’t even a word for the degree of it. Do you think a fear of psi could be genetically programmed? Not by evolution but by geneticists? Don’t tell anybody I wondered that ok.

I think maybe IS avoided the issue of fear by leading people like children and keeping them busy and focusing them on the method not the source. Except I don’t think that avoided it except temporarily given the behavior of everyone from his students to theirs, later.

It isn’t just the issues in session or ‘getting around to doing it.’ It’s those that cause people to practice but only with “indistinct” feedback. No local or photo targets with that instant hard-specific feedback, that’s too much. No feedback at all for others. More emphasis on the also-got’s: what another viewer also-got, as if that proves there’s something to it, though that isn’t in the target. Via that, one can use psi to be non-psi ‘about the target’ entirely (though maybe about something else) and yet still get psychological validation for the process, while not being threatened by hard feedback validating the psi! What a convoluted hilarity!

And people don’t work doubleblind or truly clueless to the probable nature of the tasker’s choices, because then the subconscious knows there are outs, other sources of info. Then one can be accurate and feel good about being psi while the subconscious feels smug that you met the psychological validation goal of the conscious process while simultaneously avoiding having to manifest real psi and deal with hard feedback and the subconscious response to that.

I’ve refused to work nonblind. Refused to validate anything but my own work. Having failed to avoid my fear, I’m sitting here facing it. But as a way of dealing with it I’ve tuned out a million things. Like how “intense boredom” is an oxymoron and by accepting it as boredom I ignored the intensity, and so didn’t realize what it meant about my feelings and the session. Like how session cycles have a similar pattern to them, indicating “cycles” not just the arbitrary nature of a black-box universe making things better/worse randomly. Like how the denial and the avoidance and the ‘intense boredom’ happens, both in single-sessions and as part of my larger cycle, just after I’ve been doing well and am clearly beginning to advance.

Another important thing. My own lousy way of communicating in session — me, a communicator by nature! — I think relates. What bizarre editor decides to ‘translate’ what I already know perfectly well but between brain and paper decide to say differently? And it’s often the strongest and most accurate data I’ll mysteriously not write down. The result: I feel psychologically validated for having gotten accurate data, but I am not psychologically threatened by having nailed the loop of recording it (hard data) in session for hard feedback.

This is not about the subconscious mind translating one thing into another. It’s not about the conscious mind attempting to put things together or find a known match. This is something else. I’m capable of communicating even complex and abstract things well in a variety of forms. I think it is not coincidence that I already have what I need but before it hits the paper it’s mutated. I think it’s part and parcel of a psychological avoidance of combining hard data with hard feedback because it forces internal belief systems change. I think maybe we should recognize this for what it is rather than being oblivious, thinking it’s lack of skill or bad luck, I mean sure skill is the end result observation but recognizing that actual psychological resistance is part of this I think matters.

I’ve become far more aware of what data is symbolic vs. what is literal. I’ve become more aware of the many different ways to “get” data in the first place and there is a clear correlation between type of data, and accuracy of data, and meaning or form of data, when you consider that incoming format. Yet this is not even something addressed by anybody else. I’ve become aware of ‘interaction’ both with ‘aspects of self’ and with the target itself. Nobody else talks about this stuff. When they occasionally get near one part of it, it’s almost childishly simplistic. I feel this great need to talk with someone about my inner work yet I’m in the middle of a field filled with people who do this and I feel alone in the middle of their crowd.

RV internally is the most fascinating, awe-inspiringly, soul-shakingly sucking-me-toward-the-light powerful dharmic draw imaginable. It’s like being the hunter and the hunted and the avid audience and the environment of the chase all in one. It’s like falling into absolute infatuation with something inside you that is part of you but you never knew before and can’t wait to meet again. Your real soulmate is in you.

I feel like on some psychobiological level I have been programmed to most fear the thing with the most chance of setting me the most free. And it irritates me and makes me feel like I’m going to hunt this down despite that. How dare anything expect to keep me from myself? How long did any part of me think I could be fooled and oblivious about this? I get it now.

I’ve found the road and if any element of me tries to get in my way, I am going to rip it out bleeding and leave it on the road behind me. I refuse to be an accessory to the crime of my own ignorance, or a party to the collusion of keeping myself in the dark, any further. That’s all I have to say about RV for now.

14 October 2003

I’m going to call it “blue screen” effect. I usually get it for humans, this was the same. This session had the weirdest effect! There were these 4 thin poles, vertical and a bit separate. They kind of moved around some small area a bit, and then one of them went forward a little and shifted to horizontal. The target turned out to be four men in the 1940’s playing pool. I realized that it looked exactly like it would if you took a video clip of several moments and then erased all detail and humans from it, like how movies use a blue screen to do that, just leaving the pool sticks carrying themselves around the table and then one leaning down for the shot, which is in focus.

Also this had something unusual, I had a whole thoughtball of thoughts, like sitting in someone else like I do in not-quite-dreams sometimes. I was thinking about my woman and I was feeling that she was kind of depressed, maybe because she had gained weight, and she never wanted to go anywhere anymore. I was frustrated, like I’d wanted to do something with her but now I was here-wherever on my own instead. There’s no feedback of course, that it was the thoughts of the man in focus or anything.

{As of a few years later, the blue-screen effect was predictable in my first few weeks of returning to viewing, but data types such as humans gradually would come into the sessions and that would disappear. – pjg Feb2013}

10 November 2003

Dream: There is this place that is the area that gets you “from one point to another.” In this place, many people have lost “pieces” of themselves. I saw their labeled pieces in little bags. It was a spiritual thing, but there were little crystal beads in these bags that “represented” those pieces.

I understood that a woman I knew well had a couple of these bags, and the ‘pieces’ of her lost (women), I sought and found them, and integrated them. The pieces of her were like “thin layers” — versions of her trapped in other realities. I had to find the layers, tell them of the main personality, and bring them to her for integration.

Weird that dream seems like “soul retrieval” or something. Not sure of the detail for that stuff but it sounds similar.

04 November 2003

The sessions that are ‘repressed memories’ instead of data, their content and my response to it is really upsetting.
Biggest weakness of this confusion? Not able to integrate.
Why? Am afraid my non-crazy part will lose stability.
Why? Don’t know how to stay stable when identity and reality are both changing variables.
Every time I think of this, I:
* have a coughing fit
* nearly throw up
* have massive bad muscle abreactions
* get profoundly instantly sleepy nearly pass out
* feel actual fear body-wide
Last night, I felt like I “switched” into a completely “other me” — I mean a totally different personality — and back so fast, it was only an instant, but it was the most astonishing thing I have ever felt. It felt like a toggle — like a hard switch that kicked an overload circuit and toggled off.

03 December 2003

As always I am sleep deprived. I sat down to do a session. I wrote it all down, and when I went to open feedback, I woke up. I dreamed all that! I was still sitting — sleeping sitting up — same place, lab book on lap. But I remembered at least most of the session data from the dream. So I wrote it all down again, what I recalled, and then I went to get feedback — and I woke up. Now I was upset, because I *feel* awake, and I don’t *seem* asleep, everything is just like normal after all. So I write down what I remember which is only like 45% of it by now if that, and I go to get feedback and I wake up. By this time I’m really upset because I don’t know if I’m awake or asleep because both appear to be fully reality. I only remember about 15% of the data by now but I write it down, and I hesitatingly go to get feedback and sure enough, the instant my brain would see it, I wake up. And I’m sitting with my empty lab book on my lap, no session at all, and no memory of the session data I got in the first dream.

I think the more upsetting part is just the nested lucidity where it seems like there’s all these layers of reality and when in other ones I couldn’t even tell that I wasn’t ‘home.’ How do we ever know? This has happened so many times now it’s ridiculous. I want to view, so desperately, but I’m so exhausted, between over-work and Ry and the online RV stuff I have no time for myself for anything never mind viewing. But it’s so important to me, so I make time, instead of sleep, and this is what happens instead.

11 December 2003

{I had a lot of issues with metaphysical dreams, some with entities, and fear, and more…}

Me: It is already here. Everything I am.

{Then suddenly a sense of another identity was present in me, talking to me, so I recorded the mental conversation. Later (2009 or later} I attributed this conversation to the Private Oracle, but it sounds like Nero just as much. Of course I filter them through me so there’s usually similarity. I didn’t consciously meet Nero or PO until many years after this experience, though.}

someone: All they can do is lie. Is make you believe it. Make you believe you are weak. Or that you are guilty, shameful, defective. Their only magic is in their power to tempt you to doubt. To make you think you aren’t worth discipline. That “this one time won’t matter,” and they seduce you from the exponential power of an unbroken chain of promise.

Me: My soul aspects — me — shouted at me in that dream-vision to seeeeeee. Not to guess, not to suffer, not to find the secret. Just to open my eyes. The answer is here. In me. In every breath I take. I don’t need to “go” anywhere, do anything. Just allow the obvious.

someone: The first deception is innocence. That which lulls you, which distracts you, is not there by accident, nor is it innocent. The beautiful trap that lures the hero to lose in the forest, while time speeds by in his world — should he not take it personally? Denial is nearly as dark a blanket as doubt.

someone: You fear fear. So strongly that you allow harm to come to yourself, refusing to call anything evil lest that be superstitious, refusing to see anything as deliberate lest that be self-important. You have died from being unwilling to allow yourself to be vulnerable. To be human. Yet in your fear, cloaked by denial, you render yourself passive. You, the warrior, imprisoned and enraged about it. And you wonder why you draw people with a mirror of this issue, the passive civilized surface they’ve learned to control, and the rage and self-hate and anger at the world they have underneath.

someone: You have such power. And you fear it. Get over the pretense of reason and balance and not wanting to be too-credible or arrogant. You know it’s yours, and not taking it is denial and weakness, based on fear. That is not anybody’s doing but yours. They can lie. They can suggest. Only you can believe. Only you can make the decisions.

Me: Why would I fear ‘power?’

someone: In your dreams, in your lives behind these borders, you fight, you kill. Part of you loves it, knows your battle-lust.

Me: How is it in me? How can I release it, the fear?

someone: You choke on it daily. You don’t wonder why you don’t sing? You don’t play? It exposes you. You felt it the other day. It gets the emotion flowing. Expression. Your fear traps your music and poetry inside you as surely as any princess was ever stolen away to the underwold. You have the power. You have the key. The only tool of the dark is to make you forget. Make you disbelieve. Make you doubt even the urgings of your true self. Every day, subtle pressure is applied. Every hour. Every decision you make, is a choice to do what you feel, versus give in to apathy and denial.

Me: I don’t believe I’m so important that evil tempts me, like Screwtape’s nephew on a mission. I believe such energy, I am responsible for.

someone: Who said evil couldn’t be part of you? Vanquishing an enemy is easy. Taming yourself takes more work. So: then don’t call it evil or demon. Call it your dark aspects. These are labels. The reality is a daily battle for your energy. Sit in the armchair and talk it away if you like — that too is your choice. But I assure you, _attention_ is _power_. In your models, there are armies, spies and devious friends calculating the theft — and even purchase, in ways you don’t understand — of your attention, every moment of the day. You’ve been shown the reality — thoughtform identities as you think of them — of everything. Color, flavor, ideas — compete for their own survival — never mind the powerful minions of worry and doubt. As the natives said, you feed the wolves inside you. Which will you feed?

Me: And so the point of this is…?

someone: Quit waiting for evolution like a princess waiting to be rescued. The power is NOW. It is HERE. It is YOU. Quit denying. That is your closed eyes. This is what you must see!

Me: OK, now I see the point of this, of my earlier thoughts on it all. I admit, I feel like, if I step up to bat, I am in danger. I feel as if I’ve been living in the psychic underground for my own protection.

someone: You have. You charm yourself into thinking some benevolent higher self put you ‘under’ as it casts off responsibility. You did that. Your self simply accepted that if you hadn’t the courage and backbone, then hiding was likely the best for that time.

Me: But they’ll come for me. All the scaries. The alien and dark goddesses and jackboots archetypes. I’ll be a big shining target!

someone: You’ll be VULNERABLE. Do you get it? In this life, that is your area for faith to be your strength. By not allowing yourself vulnerability, you hide yourself. You deny yourself. You project blame around you. You pretend the knowing is not right here. Other parts of yourself hate your lack of courage and you create your own internal wars that sap your strength and play out in your reality.

Me: But how can I defend myself? I’m ignorant about this stuff.

someone: You’ve had more education than most. We are waiting for you to step out of the closet and try it out.

Me: That reminds me of the closets I stepped into to get to/from other realities in the dream-school.

someone: Where are you now?

Me: Well, back in my own reality.

someone: Wrong. You are in a reality version that distraction and denial have made for you.

Me: How do I get out?

someone: Wrong question. There is no space, there is no time. Where are you again?

Me: Oh. I’m wherever I pay attention to being.

someone: Right. You PAY attention. It is the currency of your soul. You rent your reality. Never forget that. The choice to move is yours.

Me: This feels intuitive but it isn’t channeling. What gives?

someone: You don’t need to channel what you already know.

[end]

12 December 2003

Q: If my world were magic in a book I was writing, what would I have the heroine do?

A: Take a hard look. Decide exactly what she wants. Write some poetic spells for it. Have daily discipline. Avoid what makes her weak, temptations. Glory in her strength. Growing — evolving faster than the dark side counted on.

25 December 2003

I guess I’ve some psyche issue here. I’ve avoided doing sessions. It’s time to do them. Or do serious archmeds about the issue.

So I sorta did one. I felt actual, physical, intense fear. Why? It’s like a spiral, and every time I come around and am ready to go up a level in perception / skill, I hit the fear again, on its next level. Nobody else ever talks about this. Ever. Why?? The psi psychs say that what research has been done on this shows everyone has profound fear of psi no matter what they think or say. Am I just the only person who consciously recognizes it? That would seem a little unusual.

25 April 2004

I read “Thoughts Through Space.” I liked it. Funny that Sherman came upon Seth’s theories all by himself. And he talked about psi being hard on body and mind. I think I need better health and more exercise. I actually think my health somewhat impedes my viewing attempts. Though not as much as doubts, of course.

19 May 2004

A palette of emotional sequence is even more important than the physical sequences considered methods for psi. Emotion is like the wind and tide; method is like the sail and rudder. Without the latter you might get somewhere too fast to grasp the passing scenery, too chaotically to pay attention, or end up somewhere that isn’t where you want to be. But without wind and tide, you’re unlikely to go anywhere at all.

June 2004

I did a session with what I’m calling “Virtual RV.” I simply imagined making ideograms! I looked at them, I felt the making of them, I fleshed out some data, then I wrote it down. And it worked! J said, “Get good at this, do the whole thing like this, then people can say, “You’re a natural psychic and never had to work for it.’ ” — like they do him.

PJ

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