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Another insight into a mystery from over 20 years ago. Plus tied into a crown chakra lecture, and into some Reality Meds that I used to do way back.

Very late answer #2:

I was sitting calmly, and my mind kept falling into negative, violent daydreams. I would catch it, do a “rewind,” do a “cleansing,” and then let go. But it kept happening. I was starting to get really exasperated.

Mark, I said, What does this mean? Geez, there’s always more! Is there some giant blob of this energy inside me somewhere, that’s going to have to leak out of me in tiny amounts for the rest of my life? How can I actually SOLVE this? Why does it work this way?

My mind had an “unfolding of a concept understanding.”

There was the present-energy (the daydream in action). I understood that this was a daydream but that it could just as well manifest as something in my reality. For example, I had that energy, and I made a daydream out of it, but I could have say… yelled something… painted something… or done something which led to an event or circumstance in my life… it was all the same. It was “energy from within me which was manifesting in my reality.”

That energy was being “broadcast” and it seemed the source was me. Then the focus was on me and I could see that the “sound” (not physically heard of course) was coming from me.

“Energy was broadcasting THROUGH me, and it was carrying (like a carrier wave) that sound.” But by “carrying” I mean the energy WAS that-thing now. (I understood that fundamentally, a ‘base’ was ‘just energy’ but the ‘sound’ was a ‘quality it was carrying.’)

Then a focus was on the more-specific “source of the sound” inside me. There were two things that worked in combination.

1. Inside me was a ‘shape’ I translate as “a geometry” and it was functioning like a… well kind of like a whistle or horn, the way that wind passing ‘through’ a shape in them, creates a specific tone.

2. The energy was “of my source” and coming “through” me out into my world — and there is always energy being pushed THROUGH me INTO my world. This was constant.

“What shape I might choose to send it through” actually was up to me. You could say that the energy was unbiased or neutral in that regard.

But at the nexus point of where the energy hit the boundary of me, it was being fed through this “shape.” The shape put the energy stream into ITS shape and ‘imprinted its nature’ upon it.

Imagine a partially-translucent sheet of colored plastic and when you shine a flashlight through it, the light is white but once it hits and goes through the sheet, it’s now the color of the sheet.

And the energy, now carrying the nature of the shape inside me which “shaped it” at the point of projection basically, manifested into my reality as the daydream.


Oh. Something I have missed: a daydream IS ‘manifested into my reality’ just like the ‘sound, object, situation’ I mentioned above. I mean I said it above, that they were all the same as the daydream. My brain didn’t absorb that though. I was merely thinking the energy could be anything “even something not manifest” (daydream).

I feel this “correction” inside me. The daydream is not different in this respect. A daydream IS “manifest into my reality.” The fact that its energy is not combined with an energy-frequency we would biologically perceive as “physically solid” does NOT mean that it isn’t “manifest in our reality.” Wait, another correction:

Someone inside: The moment your body/mind experiences something, it HAS “manifested into your reality.”

Ohhhh. I feel the concepts to match that advice: that my body/mind is physically manifest in my reality, so everything that comes “into me” IS IN “my reality” once it’s in me.

So a daydream can’t be unmanifest. Even a thought is — gah!! Even a thought has been ‘made real’ by having it. A thought is in my mind and nervous system and chakras and my neurology and biology have reacted to it and so on.

As moments pass, now it seems so obvious, that a daydream or even a thought is in fact VERY physically manifest. It’s simply that it’s manifest “within us” as opposed to “outside us.” But our body is in physical reality. So anything in our body — including thoughts — is in physical reality.

OK… that was a little side-trip. Back to the point.


Mark, I said, Can you give me the energy here? (in front of where I sat, like an archetype or something I work with)

It is promptly there. I can’t perceive the majority of it. It feels like “an irregular geometry.”

I recognize the “feel” of the parts of the geometry that I cannot see. I’ve had archetypes like this. (Is this an archetype no different than any but for Aeons? How could it not be? If I had requested ‘the energy making me have those daydreams’ as an archetype — isn’t that what this is??)

My sense is like the unseeable parts are in other dimensions. The real answer is that my relationship to that energy is kind of like two opposing magnets at those places, and this is ‘preventing my clear perception of it’ in that place. It’s like “a distortion” that instead of making it look wonky, makes it look “not-quite-existent” just in that part. So parts of it I CAN see, and parts I can’t. The parts I CAN see, make it seem like it’s a sphere with lots of long pointed star-tips. Except a bit distorted plus the parts of it outside my vision.

I ask if I can share the love of my four elements of soul and it agrees, and so I run that on both of us. I get a little sensation during that during the rain/water, not the rest. I imagine sending it love-energy. And then I am “reminded by the sharing-reliving of a memory” of a meditation I once did with Nero, where when healing him, I had to “understand that I was also him and let-go of the energy from me, which would also be him.” So I did this, asking Mark for divine will to guide the energy to letting-go of whatever was not of his-will, and becoming its true-self within his will. It had been until that point about a twelve inch sphere.

And it didn’t just become all-visible, it bloomed and then incredibly fast, flash-grew into this giant “mathematical-net of heart-chakra rose-pink” that spread all across the room and up to the ceiling where I sat, like a gorgeous thread mesh-net that was ‘a rose-pink wall you could see through’ right in front of me. The “net” was amazing, it was kind of like one of those large-diamond-shaped-hole veils some women wear at funerals, but the “precision” of it made it seem like a fractal, like something made with numeric precision. (The pattern looked like this. But made out of something beautifully thin and fine like a textile, and that impossible to properly-describe gorgeous magenta-pink color.) And big! Nothing at all like the shape it began!

I was so surprised!… but I felt good about it and did my best to merge with it, and got enough rushing from it to feel the archmed-style meditation had gone well.


The daydreams did not bother me again. Good. Because I kept killing that anonymous bad guy (for the glorious hero good of us all of course!) and he was probably getting tired of it. 😉


I have some old blog posts where the crown chakra showed me how it worked and how energy would be pulled up ‘through’ me, so that every mote of me and my body “experienced” the energy and the energy “passed through” me upward. And the “me” would affect the energy as it passed through me, so the energy might be different at my shoulders than it had been at my knees. And when it hits the crown, various things happen to it, but it gets a sort of cleansing and then it gets a converting to energy that functions ‘outside’ me vs. inside, and then it gets “amplified” and it is pushed out in a “fountain” from the crown of the head.

It goes up and out and around and comes down and really does look just like the illustrations you can find anywhere on this, so apparently the crown chakra commonly talks to people, or maybe people can simply visually see it. And some energy is pulled back in at the kundalini but most of it is pulled back in just below the feet, converted to energy that functions ‘inside’ me, and then “pulled upward”. And this cycles rapidly and constantly.

Crown showed me how there was this part of me that the energy was projected through, and it sort of put the energy into “shapes” that were “projected outward” and the energy projected outward literally BECAME my reality. I don’t mean it ‘affected’ reality. I mean it WAS my reality.

At the time crown was showing me, the concept was using my memory a little as an analogy, and it was like when someone has cut out many pretty snowflakes in paper, which when you open the folded paper up, they are a complex shape, a bunch of them, and “the light shines through it” and if you were to shine light through the paper onto the ceiling or wall, all you would see is “the stars around you.”

This is… literally that. A shape inside me… energy projects out of me… the energy takes the nature of the shape… the energy manifests outside of me… and unlike the crown energy where it’s “automatic,” this energy is basically available for me to creatively, consciously manage.

Except now, for the daydream spiky-star energy, it felt specifically like SOUND.


The aeons suddenly “shared one of our memories” with me in a really major and sudden way. It was something that happened about 26 years ago. And it was something that had always been brain-crunching thing for me.


I was living with a friend. I had gotten to the point where I could do archetype meditations well, in an altered state. But that was a very new level of skill for me.

I was having a seriously sucky life situation. Several major things had gone so horribly wrong. And I was SO upset about it. It felt like the universe was conspiring against me! So I decided to do a meditation on “the energy that is F–ing up my life.”

I had finished the early part of the meditation and suddenly, it felt like something grabbed me by the feet and flipped me upside down! and it was utterly dark, and although I’d been turned upside down, in THAT reality, I was normally standing upright. In the dark.

Awareness of what was around me despite the dark came. There was a structure of some kind ahead of me, and the most terrible, heart-rending wails coming from that area. I went around the structure to the far back, and discovered a corridor: it was an outdoor prison. It was made of brick, with metal bars on the cells. And inside the cells, the prisoners were crying the most tragic tears. I could “feel” that they had been “separated from God” and it was–well, beyond-terrible for them.

I suddenly became “aware” that I had done this. I had separated them from God. I had no idea how I would do such a thing, but I had. And they had been imprisoned in the dark all this time, god only knows how long. And their perfectly natural wails of grief, were manifesting in my reality as these circumstances, each one a different element. And instead of coming to the wails and helping them, I instead was hating them for “F–ing up my life.”

“I’m so sorry!” I yelled to them as I RAN as fast as I could toward the first cell, and I opened it up, and I ran to the next one and opened it up, and so on until I had finally freed all of them. I threw my arms around each of them and told them I was so sorry, and I loved them, and please be free! and it was a truly body-rocking meditation.

(ALL those reality problems not only cleared up but got better than ever within 24 hours.)

I felt, at some meditation point after freeing them but while talking to IG1 (who I could not see or hear or feel and merely ‘allowed-trust was there’ at that point), that when I create something inside myself, I am using ‘the energy of the universe’ as my fabric to do so. And if what I create is not in alignment with Divine Will as I would call it now, then it is lacking “the light” and it is separated from the divine to whatever degree. That makes me responsible for… its grief.

Later, my brain crunched a lot on the “wailing sounds in THAT world are events and circumstance in MY world” part.

Odd it took 20 years for this to cycle around again.


I have an old post about “reality meds.” As an intuitive thing, in my Bewilderness days, I used to imagine a shape like a flat rectangle, with lots of flexible spaghetti-like things growing up out of the top. (Actually it was just holding them near their top. They went “infinitely far down inside me.”) I would imagine closing my eyes ‘inside’, and ask the flexi things on top to take their default pattern and show me. They would relax into a laying-down pattern. (I once saw a picture of brain neurons that looked like this, is likely where I got the imagery.)

I would “feel” inside myself whether or not that pattern meant that the thing I wanted (that the med was about) would happen. I could feel that for example, there needed to be at least 70% of them going in THIS direction for that to occur, and if that wasn’t so, I’d have to work on it. I would imagine going “down the cord” that they all fed into at the bottom of the flat panel, and to “the bottom-most problem area of the cord” inside me. And I would go up the cord looking for issues. Knots, frays, burns, cuts, all kinds of problems.

When I got back to the very top where they were so the cord was clean, I would look at the new pattern of flexi-cord-things on top. If I felt it would work for the future manifestation, I would ask it to ‘set’ that way, and then I would go on my merry way and expect reality would happen that way. IF I did it right, it always did.

The things I sometimes did wrong, were a/ doing this when I felt even before starting there was way too much set against the way I wanted, or b/ thinking I could “force” the top-pattern (without cleaning up the cord problems underneath) for result.

I could do (b) by the way — it amounted to magic, in my view — it’s just that it could only be for a super short time, and I had to “hold it hard” in intent from that instant until whatever happened did or didn’t, and I had to truly “want” it — a gut-level desire you can’t fake — and then I’d have to DO the meditation properly immediately, because if I didn’t, reality would “correct for” the energy. It would be like, if you got something free but then something else cost you right after so you were not ahead at all. So you couldn’t get out of the med; sometimes you could just save your reality in the moment so you got time to do it.

So I realize that the geometry meds and reality meds and other stuff I did all those years ago, I’m basically running into this stuff again, in different ways.


I have already been growing much more interested in meditation, psi, and self improvement stuff as I get healthier.

This experience recently has made me very interested in doing a lot more of these meditations. I had not done a reality-med “as an archetype med” which is what that spiky-star daydream amounted to.

I’m going to write a separate post (blessedly shorter I hope) about things I’ve been planning for some psi experiments. I would like to incorporate what amounts to some reality-meds, into the planning.