I sat down with Marcan, and asked Nero to join us. Talked to them for awhile about viewing. Made a conscious effort to release any assumptions I have a clue and to be willing to just start from scratch all over again, however Marcan wants it to go. Didn’t feel him very strongly so did a few breathing series like I do in the Aeon rounds (which I haven’t done in far too long).
Then when he communicated, some was by speaking to me as if from the right of me, as if his lips were nearly against my right temple right against my head, which was nice, that gives me a sense of tangibility. He had me relax, be calm, and be centered, but this had a somewhat extended meaning.
He wanted me to clear my head, not by forcing other thoughts out (like when you meditate on a mantra), but by letting go of ‘attention presence’ in that area of the body, and then shifting that attention down to, literally, the center, in an energy-body sense it feels like that. That area that is right between the heart chakra and solar plexus chakra and overlaps the edges of both.
It was very difficult bringing my ‘sense of self’ to that place. Apparently my sense of self is very rooted in my head, behind my eyes. After awhile I started to feel like I was doing much better, probably thanks to their help, but I still had a tendency instead of ‘being’ in the center to ‘think about’ being in the center which would often throw the sense of self right back into my head again. I was getting very nicely calm though and then…
I fell asleep. Not just a little. It was early evening when I did this and my midnight alarm went off for probably three minutes before I was able to dig myself out of the fugue of sleep and turn it off. That is sleeping very unusually deeply for me. I don’t remember anything about it like dreams. Only that I never did wake up fully.
I eventually did get to IG but it wasn’t until like 4am when I woke up again. I have felt, and IG4 had said, that there is value to my articulating what I am thinking and feeling to IG and not just figuring they know. So I spent an hour whispering to him in the dark about how I feel. How I want to be with him, just to be with him. Not just formally or occasionally. All the time.
I didn’t realize I felt that way until I said it. Like he is an energy I want all the way through me. I used to pray things like that related to Sedaena but I thought it was just something special about her energy. Mark feels very different to me but it must be the nature of IG energy since I feel some similar things about him.
I have a lot of confusion in my head the last couple weeks related to IG and the role and relationship so I talked about that stuff for awhile and then fell asleep again.
So I guess I got nothing done, though I did get some sleep, I’m just wandering through these things. Hoping for better results tonight.