Denial apparently remains the center of my meditative practices. Last night before the whole gems thing, there was a whole little segment of ‘conversation’. I don’t know with whom precisely, it doesn’t really matter on the internal stuff, usually The Four and the Aeons blend in and out seamlessly (as does private oracle and inner guide). This happens a little more mutually than it sounds when writing it down but this is the gist of it.
I remembered it today but had to wait till I was off work to come blog it.
I was in the middle of relaxing, minding my own business, when I sensed-heard:
Vows matter.
Me: Uh. Â Ok, and … ?
Seamless: For example, you have wedding vows you are not keeping.
Me: Excuse me? I’ve been separated since January of 1997! I’ve been living a continent away since Spring of 2000!
Seamless: Then you should release yourself from the vow.
Me: Oh. Yeah, I paid for the paperwork, but he never came back from Canada, and … and … well fine I guess, I don’t see why it matters but if you think it does, I can finish that off I guess.
Seamless: You got the church dues bill today.
Me: And?
Seamless: You ‘owe’ dues to two churches you have nothing to do with and don’t share a belief system with.
Me: Well they aren’t killing me.
Seamless: Vows matter. You could be an ‘inactive’ member.
Me: Well alright then, yeah I guess, that’d be cheaper anyway, I’ll do that, rather than have a debt.
Seamless: Debts matter.
Me: What? There’s more? Like what? I pay every month out of levy for the rest of my freaking life already, that isn’t enough?
Seamless: There is the phone bill.
Me: The cel that got turned off. Yeah, I was paying it till I couldn’t get into the website anymore, I need to call them and make a payment… fine, I’ll do it. [I did that today.]
Then there was a sort of… “energetic discourse” that felt more like geometry-of-understanding than anything like words. And it basically said, to translate it:
Let your words only be spoken when they mean something. Let your commitment count for something. Clean up the pieces of commitments, of words, that you have outstanding in your life. Either you have an obligation and you should be good for it, or you don’t and you should be free of it.
They “felt” about these things as if they were … well, kind of the moral equivalent of ‘attachments’. Both in the things you are connected to and shouldn’t be way, and in the slightly nasty things feeding off you way, at the same time.
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While I’m confessing the things I was completely in denial about and didn’t record, also when we first arrived at the yellow cube, the solar plexus chakra, I felt nauseated.
And when I was getting the info about how everything that goes on in the top half of my torso affects this energy, and I said I felt “riddled,” I literally felt as if there were thousands of the tiniest worm or bug or parasite holes bit into me and through me in that area, super tiny, like a sieve.
This is probably, technically, the result of gluten intolerance–not just those proteins but tons of stuff get into the inner body and ‘attach’ their molecules to organs and other tissues they don’t belong anywhere near, and they get into it whatever they attach to, like an erosive barnacle. It was kind of disgusting frankly.
I didn’t feel like talking about that when I was writing everything down. I was tired and wanted to sleep as if that’s an excuse.
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Oh yeah. And on the chakras that were not the main gigantic gems, I got clearly that each of them was considered “a temple” by the people around. Not sure why I forgot to write that down as it was such a strong feeling.
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Today’s midday session was miserable. 27 attempts that led to sleep each time. I may have to attempt a bit more tonight in compensation.
P
Hm, well they could just as easily be talking about me as you I’m sure. I have been trying to keep up better with all that little pesky stuff and I’m a bit better on some things. I do think all those pesky unfinished things just niggle and niggle and slowly sap energy like some kind of Japanese water torture. And I definitely feel more relaxed when I keep up with them and get them done quickly. But really I never thought of them as anything so important as ‘vows.’
Your “Four” seem to parallel the Yod-Heh-Vau-Heh formula in Qabalah. The four letters of the “unpronounceable name of God” which make up the universe are attributed to the Father, Mother, Son, and Daughter. The Father and Mother are above the Abyss (Chokmah and Binah) and the Son is the Sun, or Tipareth. It seems you are the Daughter, the “fallen” sphere of Malkuth–you represent the Earth, or the human soul.
The other day I was thinking about your visions of the cells inside your body petitioning you for water in one of your posts (the people dying in a drought turning out to be the cells inside your kidneys, I think?) I was musing on what I, as the head of this tribe of live beings I call “my body”, might command them all to do. I decided the best general order to give cells would be “Metabolize!”
At that moment I was struck with a vision of myself sitting at the computer, reading news on the Internet. I seemed to be a component part of the nervous system of the world, and was “metabolizing” information. The command I gave my smaller parts was also the command that had been given to me by the larger self of which I am a component. As above, so below! Thanks for the cool experience which reading your blog gave me. 🙂
I just saw this, weeks later – sorry!
Ya know, I’ve thought of the YHVH (and it would figure I’d be the Fallen, LOL). The only thing really clear, and this from the early days with The Four, is that when we are combined, we compose the universe. Every possible relationship. I also see the four (and our 7 when combined) as being like those Vedic deities with all the arms and such. And once we got this huge statue that had four asian-looking figures back to back seated in yoga pose and above their heads were three ‘layers’ of energy, each like a fat disk, each one larger, and then four beams of energy came out and “manifested” us. The other 3 do seem to be incarnate, so I’m not sure how they’d be separated in the realm of whatever when I’m not, but I admit all this stuff fries my brain. 🙂
P