Denial apparently remains the center of my meditative practices. Last night before the whole gems thing, there was a whole little segment of ‘conversation’. I don’t know with whom precisely, it doesn’t really matter on the internal stuff, usually The Four and the Aeons blend in and out seamlessly (as does private oracle and inner guide). This happens a little more mutually than it sounds when writing it down but this is the gist of it.
I remembered it today but had to wait till I was off work to come blog it.
I was in the middle of relaxing, minding my own business, when I sensed-heard:
Me: Uh. Ok, and … ?
Seamless: For example, you have wedding vows you are not keeping.
Me: Excuse me? I’ve been separated since January of 1997! I’ve been living a continent away since Spring of 2000!
Seamless: Then you should release yourself from the vow.
Me: Oh. Yeah, I paid for the paperwork, but he never came back from Canada, and … and … well fine I guess, I don’t see why it matters but if you think it does, I can finish that off I guess.
Seamless: You got the church dues bill today.
Seamless: You ‘owe’ dues to two churches you have nothing to do with and don’t share a belief system with.
Me: Well they aren’t killing me.
Seamless: Vows matter. You could be an ‘inactive’ member.
Me: Well alright then, yeah I guess, that’d be cheaper anyway, I’ll do that, rather than have a debt.
Seamless: Debts matter.
Me: What? There’s more? Like what? I pay every month out of levy for the rest of my freaking life already, that isn’t enough?
Seamless: There is the phone bill.
Me: The cel that got turned off. Yeah, I was paying it till I couldn’t get into the website anymore, I need to call them and make a payment… fine, I’ll do it. [I did that today.]
Then there was a sort of… “energetic discourse” that felt more like geometry-of-understanding than anything like words. And it basically said, to translate it:
Let your words only be spoken when they mean something. Let your commitment count for something. Clean up the pieces of commitments, of words, that you have outstanding in your life. Either you have an obligation and you should be good for it, or you don’t and you should be free of it.
They “felt” about these things as if they were … well, kind of the moral equivalent of ‘attachments’. Both in the things you are connected to and shouldn’t be way, and in the slightly nasty things feeding off you way, at the same time.
While I’m confessing the things I was completely in denial about and didn’t record, also when we first arrived at the yellow cube, the solar plexus chakra, I felt nauseated.
And when I was getting the info about how everything that goes on in the top half of my torso affects this energy, and I said I felt “riddled,” I literally felt as if there were thousands of the tiniest worm or bug or parasite holes bit into me and through me in that area, super tiny, like a sieve.
This is probably, technically, the result of gluten intolerance–not just those proteins but tons of stuff get into the inner body and ‘attach’ their molecules to organs and other tissues they don’t belong anywhere near, and they get into it whatever they attach to, like an erosive barnacle. It was kind of disgusting frankly.
I didn’t feel like talking about that when I was writing everything down. I was tired and wanted to sleep as if that’s an excuse.
Oh yeah. And on the chakras that were not the main gigantic gems, I got clearly that each of them was considered “a temple” by the people around. Not sure why I forgot to write that down as it was such a strong feeling.
Today’s midday session was miserable. 27 attempts that led to sleep each time. I may have to attempt a bit more tonight in compensation.