I am still working on changing out tags/categories on posts. I get to the one for ‘mercenary’, the dream where I got very clearly this was a life-wide energy I needed to work out in meditation, and I decided I needed to DO it. Right now.
I breathe a few times to calm myself. I pray briefly, I talk to IG briefly, I imagine the 3rd and then the Four in my upper chest unchakra and I breathe with them awhile. I imagine pulling in all my Aeons in a rapid line and breathing them all in together from within me. Then I tell IG I’m ready. I sit with my eyes closed, waiting.
Nothing happens. I wonder if maybe she is working hard on it and my lack of novelty is not giving her much to work with. I go through my memory to emphasize everything remotely novel or interesting I have done the last couple days of which there was not much. There is not a lot to build out of me when my life is so boring I suppose! But something seems to have worked out.
IG shows me something like a large child’s wagon, it looks like a stagecoach but it’s only about 2 feet off the ground and it’s half-sized. Then it attaches to a mule in front of it that will pull it. I try not to laugh. It is what it is. She nods to me and I get in.
I close my eyes in the ride to help ‘allow’ us getting somewhere. I open my eyes and we are moving along the dirt road of an old west town. But it’s crazy, like mardi gras done old west style, with firecrackers and gunshots and people laughing and music in various places and chaos all over the street and the rather wide dirt road, with a few wagons and horses here and there.
I notice barbershop quartet music somewhere, and I think, that is a rather different time period, is it not?? But then I’m distracted by a sudden seemingly profound thought: in addition to never having ‘modern world’ symbols in these, do you notice how they all ‘hold together with your expectations’? Like this is the old West, so you don’t see something from China in it for example.
As I’m thinking this — or an Aeon is thinking this for me maybe — the mule pulls me past some store fronts and some bake-sale-looking carts on wooden porches and then I realize we have just passed a tiny stall selling what has got to be like, indonesian pottery or something. OK that was clearly, completely out of place. I guess it doesn’t have to, I just expect it to, I thought with interest.
I get out of the wagon, and I thank the mule and ‘merge’ with him and merge with the wagon. No real sense of it.
I walk down the side of the dirt road while people party. I ask for the 3rd to join me and he does and I hold his hand as we’re going. I don’t know where we are going, then I sense it — at the end of the street and then way more down past an area where there was really nothing, was something like a small mine. We were going there.
I resisted. I’m making this up, I thought. I knew, I could feel it, even before it became clear.
Accept this, says the 3rd, so I do.
We go into the mine and I realize everyone (workers) is gone because they’re all in town partying. We get into this bucket with wheels on a track which morphs to seat us, me in front of him, and it begins moving. I close my eyes to better allow the sense of ‘travel’ and ‘acceptance of arrival’. We ‘drop down’ several times and then I look and we take a V fork, one dropping very low and turning and then there was total darkness and it wanted to pitch us forward, like I would fall on my face in the dirt.
My logical mind knew the car would fall on me via its own momentum in that case and I resisted it, leaping off the side to stand. Right there, the track had dead ended into this small cave like area we were in, which I could now see in as if there were light.
It was like a slow pause on everything. I felt as if the “being thrown forward, on my hands, with my face at the ground,” was something that was ‘supposed’ to happen, needed to. I needed to move forcefully to that position, for some reason.
So, shrugging, I put myself back in time to that moment and let it throw me, and hit the ground as I heard the cart turn and crash to the other side.
I see why I had to do that then, because there is this tiny gleam of gold under the dirt by my hand. I brush some dirt away and reveal more gold. This is a really big nugget I figure, and I dig a little more as it seems I was supposed to find it. Then I realize it’s a BIG thing made out of gold. I can feel it.
I’m reminded of the ‘In the Depths’ meditation where me and the four unburied from underground which was also underwater, this truly gigantic statue of the 4, gold eastern buddhas sitting back to back in a square, with something in each hand, jewels, and pointed things on their heads, and 3 round ‘layers’ above them, each larger, which were above their heads.
I resisted this. It can’t be something golden underground because that has been done, I think to myself.
Accept this, says the 3rd, so I do.
It occurs to me there is no law saying something cannot have a similar symbolism. I mean… the whole concept of archetypes, really, is a repeat of symbols, forms and dynamics.
I decide I’m not going to spend eons trying to dig it out, and I back up against the wall, do a radar-sonar kind of ‘scan’, and I see that it’s a big bulky thing all right but it’s probably about 8 feet tall and about that wide.
I do a technology in my head that simply maps all the material ‘around’ it, all the way down to below it, and then I just vanish it into energy-form like sonic drilling, and the 3rd and I float down with it as the whole cave floor is now much lower.
The word “tableau” came to my mind. There was some small platform involved. I was looking at it from the left back. It was a woman with mid-length hair and a cloak, with her right arm raised and a wand in it like magic, and right next to her was a lion. I was reminded of Aslan, of course, hard not to be. I was told once that Aslan symbolism was actually the 3rd. Was the woman… ? No, she did not seem bad or witchy.
They are like Jared was? I ask the 3rd. The symbolism of you and me, in them, seems obvious. I should… release them?
Yes, but stay out of the way when you do, he advises mildly.
I wonder why. We both back up to something like a corner. I put myself in front of him so if there is something bad, my body will protect his. Then I feel foolish since he is so much more powerful than me.
I put a hand out to the tableu and say: hold that thought.
I turn to him and I tell him how I love him and how I miss the Four and I wail, and I just am not getting it together, I don’t know what’s WRONG with me! And he said, “Meditate on that.” “Alright,” I sigh.
I tell him that I miss his energy and now I see these two small children. They’re in a field with weeds and wildflowers, boy and girl, and they’re playing together, they are about four years old or so. I say, “is that symbolic of us?”
“That IS us,” he says, “in one of our lives together.” I put my arms around him and my head on his chest and I say, “How wonderful, to have some of your energy in the real world. How I wish I had some of you in mine.”
He says, “If you successfully get through some of the things you need to, we will get that for you.”
“Really?” I say with wide-eyed hope, and then I hug him again. I let go and turn back to the tableu.
I decide it will be fast, and he and I both put our hands out and just powerfully ‘will’ the ‘release’ of this tableu into life in our focus-reality of that moment and after a moment, color flashes into them and then a moment later, everything seems to explode, and we duck as the sound is loud and light flash is bright and rubble is falling everywhere, dust is everywhere.
Then I see that she has blasted all the way through. There is a perfectly round hole the size of our tiny cave that goes all the way up to the very top of the ground and we are looking at stars in a deep blue night sky. I had the feeling she was ‘ready’ to do that when made immobile and the 3rd knew that. Or something. How else would he know, I wondered.
I realize I don’t know what to say to her. She is looking at me expectantly.
I, ah… I don’t know if you are an archetype, or a guide, or —
I’m an Aeon, she says.
I just stare at her.
You can’t be, I say, having struggled with that and decided. That’s impossible. There are only 12 and they are already accounted for.
There are other groupings, she says.
No, I insist. I’m making this up. I don’t like this any more. I knew I wasn’t altered state enough. Some part of me is forcing my imagination in. I should just get out of this meditation and do it another time.
Then I stop and suddenly add, but wait. You’re not like an Aeon, you can’t be, I mean, you are clearly a symbol of the 3rd and I, instead.
I am you, she says.
You can’t be me, I say, determined that THIS, at least, I was sure about. *I* am me.
The 3rd leans close to me and says, Go with this. I will explain more another time and I will help you understand it.
I feel as if my stomach and my head would both hurt if they were not nonphysical in some realm of the mind. I wonder how the ‘definition’ of Aeon is doing. Is every freaking thing called that or what. I reluctantly agree. Unhappily.
I say, not expecting this to work at all, “So what are your names?”
It did take some working at it, I admit. But I eventually came up with “Viru” for the woman (vee’-ru) and “Mal” (maal) for the lion and they seemed good with it and it felt ok. I was surprised, since unless someone gets me a name fast before my mind slams shut, usually I just don’t do well with that at all.
I am forgetting something now. There were some offbeat things that seemed to relate to money/gold/greed and some other things that I don’t remember. I think we did some energy work and I asked if we could do more after that.
Eventually the lion was a man. I studied him. He had golden hair and tawny eyes and was a big guy and I said, you know, you look just like I’d expect a lion to look if he were a man.
She does something and now we are in a natural place like a forest clearing, it is night but the full moon is bright and we can see. The four of us are in a perfect square about 20 feet apart, and in my hands I find a beautiful little blue bottle, actually although it was one piece it was really two bottles, one smaller than the other, attached to each other, and each with glass stoppers.
The blue is so gorgeous, it is this deep azure blue, and there is clear liquid inside it. I realize it’s the same color as the throat in the chakra-gem world.
This is a rather alice in wonderland symbol, I say. But I don’t want to drink it if I don’t know what it is. What if it’s poison?
This is your meditation, the 3rd reminds me. You could deal with that in this state if it were. But I had a feeling he was mostly saying, in energy but not in words, “It is what needs to be done.” Which is not, mind you, the same thing as “It’s ok it won’t hurt you,” which was odd. But apparently… it needed to be done, and I trust him, so…
So I open both stoppers and I tilt my head back and drink all of it at once.
Then I feel myself changing. At first I think I’m imagining it. The placebo effect! Then I think, am I getting larger? But no — then I actually feel the side of my upper lip rising in a snarl — even on my physical body — and I feel all kinds of energy flashing around me, into me, like I’m growing and expanding in weird ways, and I am crouching like I have four legs and some diff body shape, and I realize I want to get or even kill them, I want to tear out their throats!, I want to tear them apart limb from limb, and I snarl and leap at her, but all three of them have their hands out at me, and it hits me in midair and I fall to the ground where I was, leaping up again instantly.
I can feel them doing something to me, and I can’t move from my location except to twist and snarl in fury, and I’m getting body rushes — not extreme but plenty noticeable and in waves — as I feel that my body is changing and various limbs, tentacles, claws, etc. are vanishing, being energized off me or something, and I push against this, trying to leap at each of them but I can’t get near them, until finally I am battered by their energy to the ground, all the energy that was part of me is now gone, and I am the regular me again.
I realize I’m in precisely the position where IG had wanted me when I was ‘thrown out’ of the mine cart to begin with. By coincidence? It didn’t seem like it, but I wasn’t sure what it really meant.
“What was THAT?!” I ask the third. (I mean, MY 3rd. Not the lion-guy-3rd.) “Was I holding someone else’s energy or something??” Then I add, “Never mind, that is not important right now.” I wanted to be constructive, not get lost in details.
I get up. “Is there something else we can do to work ‘through’ this energy? Because I really want to and I am still lucid.”
She says something I don’t hear to the men who smile, I think commenting on my being unrelenting in a way.
Now we were in the room of some kind of house or flat, seemingly on an upper floor I guessed from the window, normal place, seems like late afternoon/early evening light grey sky.
Where are we? I ask.
This is our house in this reality, she says. I realize that the two of them live together as mates.
We are all dressed up, all four of us, in modern clothing like evening at a classy business dinner perhaps. She leads the way to a big iron gate elevator and we get in and go down. At the bottom we got out the opposite side, and we walk onto the street.
It’s a wide road, with medium and tall buildings, nice cars some of which are… different in a way I don’t pay attention to as I knew I couldn’t figure it out, and all the people are having a good time, some kind of celebration.
Then I realize something, and I say, “But wait! This — this is the same place! I mean… the road! This is the same road! You know, that I came in on! Except… well except everything is completely different, aside from people partying and the approximate width of it, and yet… yet I feel it. It’s the same.”
She turns around. Yes. This is the same road, in another probability, she says to me.
I try to wrap my head around that. I suddenly remember the meditation with IG and Senior where I forcibly “evolved” a world with my will, twice. Well yeah but if the old one still existed, then —
Everything exists, she says in response to my thoughts. It doesn’t quit existing just because it evolves.
I’m still trying to get it. So… so… both probabilities existed at the SAME time. And I came in at one level but now I was at another level. And both were still, well, ‘real’ so to speak. My logical mind didn’t have any problem with it after a moment, but I felt resistance. It was pretty hard to argue with a world of rowdy people though. They were there… no point in arguing the obvious. So I shrugged and continued walking the way we had been.
We get in this vehicle that is like an interesting cross between a car and a carriage, more like a very short-length car that also has seats up on top so you can sit in the open air (a little like the wagon, I consider, wondering about the parallels between worlds, with my position on the ground, with this vehicle, things like that), and we move down the street.
I look around. The visuals are not really clear in this. I figure I’m trying so hard to stay lucid that I’m not altered state enough and my forehead chakra is not really giving me as much as they often do. Then again it’s profoundly overtaxed given my internet schedule. It’s ok, I say reassuringly to ACKRCK and BUSM. You’re doing awesome and I know you work really hard for me. This is just fine, I can see well enough for the need.
We stop and go into a building, I realized it’s suddenly dark night, and the building is something like an 1800s tavern with yellow lantern lights, and then we duck into the doorway, and it’s different, bigger, bright, and a man who is like a host, dressed in a long colorful robe of sorts, recognizes the woman and bows to her.
This is all mixed up! I say in exasperation. I mean….! Outside it’s like modern times except some things that are like space age in a few vehicles and then the outside of this place is like poor village 1800s and then the INside is like rich kingdom magical world again, and —
She turns to me and says in her own exasperation, “Would you get OVER your obsession with TIME?!”
I don’t know what to say to that. My mind is thinking well I guess… I guess… why would it matter? She’s right. I think to myself it’s an answer to the thoughts I had earlier that led to the indonesian pottery stall. Maybe all my archworlds make sense because I expect them to. But there is no reason why we can’t have multiple times, places, whatever, blending all over. Part of my limitation. It occurs to me this is probably good, part of ‘opening up’ and making IG’s life a little easier with all this if I’m not so suppressed.
We go up a flight of stairs straight back to a door at the top, and she turns to the man at the bottom of the stairs and reminds him that she is never to be bothered of course, and her tone makes it sound like should this happen, consequences might be dire. He nods and bows and assures her not.
We go into a room and there is a circle on the floor with some symbol in it. I am reminded of the circle on the floor of the tower which I always avoided looking at, in the worry my conscious mind would make it into something and I wanted to get it spontaneously, but the castle changed before that ever happened.
I think I looked at this and did see it but I can’t remember what it was now, except a vague memory I hope I’m not inventing — it feels very ‘lite’ in memory — where it actually changed as I looked at it and got more and more bright azure blue until it looked like the throat chakra gem in my gem-world with IG, and we all joined hands and after a moment, I found myself looking up at a ceiling in some different much larger room.
I was lying on my back in what seemed like water except I couldn’t really feel it, except the sense it was very thick and very powerful. All four of us were lying side by side. I realized that we were ‘in’ a pool that was like the throat chakra gem (bigger than we were together, but much smaller than the one in my world with IG), but it wasn’t a hard facet, it was a semi-solid surface we were floating in/on.
I realized the point was to cleanse and energize so I focused on that happening. My perspective shifted and now we were in the same position but vertical, with our pool now like a wall but not affected by this, and I lose a lot of memory here but I was working with the throat chakra a bunch.
It occurred to me that there was a really really strong ‘liquid’ association here. I wondered if the gem world’s was actually soft like this, a semi-solid instead of the hard facet it seems.
I wondered at the gem-glass with the clear liquid in the bottle, obviously these things did relate, but how?
At one point some of the stuff I was doing with the throat seemed to have some effect, I kept realizing my head was back (like exposing the throat) and I had some sensation in that area, not a lot physically but some.
More happened, but I can’t remember it unfortunately. Well, I did get at least some of it written down. A lot of it fell out of my head before I could get my typing to that point.
The Viru/Mal don’t ‘feel’ like Largers, nor like the 4 (ok maybe a little like that), and they don’t ‘feel’ like my 12 Aeons either. I don’t know what they feel like. Maybe I wasn’t altered state enough.
Edited to add later: I remember a block of the end now, got it all in one chunk. Not all of it alas. But some more:
I was using the energy of the azure chakra we were ‘in’ (now like a wall) to go through the energy of my throat chakra, which at that point was a little expanded, and to look for every kind of block, issue, conflict, etc. and ‘see’ it (actually ‘feel’ it) with that filter and clean it out. I was frantically trying to remember at least some of the biogram-ish things I’d listed on my maybe-practices page earlier.
We came out of that, standing together, and I think I asked if there was yet-more we could do for me energy-wise because I was still lucid and I really wanted to get as much done as possible. Not sure how we got to this, but the four of us were then looking at my left leg, which all the sudden, ached (physically) like crazy. The knee ached, the lower shin ached, and the ankle really ached. I looked at it from the ‘new’ perspective and wouldn’t believe how I saw it.
First… there was no body part visible. From the full kneecap down to the lower ankle, was nothing but black iron, redone as thin, finger-thick pointed spikes run through it with some larger pieces around it. The worst sci-fi images combined, like a bad startrekNG borg and a firefly Reaver for example, might example it a bit. No wonder it hurt so bad all the sudden. My ankle, I noticed, had so incredibly much complexity to it compared to the shin and even the knee. I remembered the profound complexity of the feet seen from the chakra gem-world and considered that we undervalue this part of our body.
We began working on it energetically and I was praying fiercely to allow, to let go, to ‘allow myself vulnerability’ as it somehow seemed like this region had a lot to do with ‘allowing’ though I wasn’t sure why. Sometimes I felt like nothing was worked and a few times I got a small amount of rush. I think I passed out or something as my memory cuts out there abruptly for a bit.
But then the leg was clean, actually too clean in a way and had to be slightly fleshed out again, and I remember feeling like it was important that this bone was actually much thicker, and denser, stronger, than ordinary bones, due to my long term much higher weight. I remembered the #3 of 4 ‘Knight of Wands’ archetype who had ended up with way too much, too heavy or thick, bone all over, and told me that was the way he chose to be (it wasn’t something I could ‘fix’ to make him more normal). I felt oddly glad for this as if it mattered in some way and was not a bad thing in this case.
There was a sense however that the knee to ankle was really ‘vulnerable’ still and needed protection for awhile until it had more time staying clean/healed even in my physical world. They put something like a novel version of a cast around it, about an inch from the skin all around in a long cubic rectangle box shape was a white-light-energy thin ‘case’ that would just stay around it until it had enough time to heal from the middle all the way out. I adjusted my leg to be more straight where I was sitting on my bed, and noticed that the ache from all through it had dissipated.
PS Now I am wondering if the mule was IG’s sense of concept humor about my stubbornness…