01 December 2913 4:44 am
Mark, my left collarbone is killing me — I know this is throat-chakra related but I don’t know how. My right leg is really acting up, what a mess it is. I want to do a meditation that includes as much as possible for ‘dealing with and resolving’ those energies, plus my resistance to working with you. But it needs to be a meditation I can DO. That I can plow through with whatever will I have right now.
I realized I needed to cleanse, and contact the chakras and aeons and pull my attention with them in. I decided this does not need to be the ritual that often knocks me unconscious and I never even get through it lately. I just forced the cleansing intently and intensely and then forced the gathering of all that attention in one and then presented myself to Mark.
Please provide me a guide that is perfect for this meditation, I said. I sensed the presence to the my left. Lemme guess, you’re a young man in jeans, I grinned. An older man in jeans, he corrected but with a smile, as I turned to look at him. I took his right hand in my left hand and then turned my focus toward the front again, toward “calm waiting with a positive expectation” for Mark.
There was a big monster with hands and he wanted to grab me by the head. I ducked and moved, and watched him in concern. He grabbed for me again and I moved.
Then I thought: this is interaction. This is in your head; agree that you will not allow yourself to be truly hurt, but allow him to interact with you the way he wants. You want his energy, his interaction. “Dynamic” is good and this is the big energy you want to meet.
So I let him, and he actually grabbed me by the hair as if in rage and threw me hard, and I hit the ground and rolled some distance away, and when I looked up at him, I told myself what 3rd has often told me: separate the primary from that which it carries.
I made myself ‘see’ the white-light which is the core of his existence, and separate the rest of him, and focused on bringing the four of me and the four elements swirling together and then projecting through my heart chakra with love at all that energy, as intensely as I could.
Suddenly there was a hummingbird nearly in my face, its wings a blur of speed as it darted around too close, and then I turned my attention to follow it. (This mirrors an experience I had on thanksgiving when one was right outside the window.)
It felt like we were both suddenly caught in some molasses-energy, it felt as if I were slowing down, slowing, and the wings of the bird were slowing, until they were barely moving in slow motion. I realized it moved the same. That my own rhythm had somehow slowed, comparative to what it was. I thought perhaps this was my brainwave state. Then I realized that would be lots faster, not slower.
I felt myself going down, down, into another level or world, all dark, and I thought perhaps this was my brainwave state too, as if I were falling deeply into darkness.
I found myself in a landscape of nearly-dark. There were these huge looming metal grid towers all around me. They were like tall thinner pyramids, but made of open-metal-grid patterns like our electricity towers are. It was an entire landscape of them.
There was a sense of devastation. Of loneliness. Of emptiness. It was in every direction I looked. It felt “post-apocalyptic” just a little bit.
It was not all darkness. In the distance, here and there I could see a rare one that was “on.” A solid laser-like beam of light came down to the top of it, and I could sense that the energy actually flowed in both directions, and that it went all the way through the grid-tower-pyramid, and into the ground below, which was interacting with whatever was distant in the sky, by means of that “connection between them” which was the tower.
But they were few. And I could feel that most of them were actually a bit weak. Like… vulnerable to not being on for much longer.
The dark sky was lit up irregularly by what looked like lightning. The were some towers that were not dark but they were not light. They were mostly dark, but then there would be this crash-splash of brightness as it tried to connect to the power, and the lightning would come, but then the power overwhelmed its structure, and it went dark like a circuit breaker flipped, with a few sparks here and there falling from the sky to the ground, like with fireworks after darkness, the only brief memories of the attempt.
There were not so many of those, but more of those than the ones that were ‘on.’
The rest of the landscape, including where I stood, was in darkness. I could see around me, as if in shadow yet still visible. I felt a sense of grief. That these towers, these “structures of power,” were designed for a given destiny, for a given function, and something had occurred which had… ruined them, or disconnected them. Turned them off somehow.
I felt a memory of where I had felt a meditation world like this before. Not the same, but a big sync of feeling. It was in the focus med for Bolehren, so many years ago. That was about a layer underneath of a power grid so that makes sense.
I brought a “representative” of each “kind” of tower together in my attention. A row of three. To the left dark/off, in the middle intermittant, and to the right light/on.
I understand, I said to Mark, that these represent a… a state of being, different places on the spectrum, for the same thing. I feel that I need to heal this, cure this, that I need to make it better, and make them all light.
I thought I should begin by helping out the ones that were already on. I focused on this one and made sure my intent that it be “representative of all” of those was present.
I went through it, and improved what I felt was the “integrity” of it, by which I mean the physical structure but really I also mean integrity in the moral sense as well, somehow, as if these are not actually unrelated. I ‘cleaned out’ a lot that seemed like, a lot of gunk had gotten in between what felt like “between joints, between synapses,” even though the tower really didn’t have any such thing, but it felt the same. I made sure the foundation was good and that the energy that it was connecting above and below it were solid and everything seemed healthy, and stronger cleaner brighter than it had.
Then I focused on the center one. And I had a visual come in front of me, of a stone tablet. It had seven symbols carved into it, I think it was seven. This felt complex and difficult to keep in focus even while doing it. Five across the top and then two more, from the left, like a line below. They were basically “pictograms.” I focused on the first one at top left, as I felt as if they needed to be ‘read’ in that sequence, top to bottom left to right.
It was a fascinating series. It is the first time I have done “reading” since IG4. But this was kind of new. I looked at the symbol, and I “felt inside myself” to feel what it meant, and I understood each part of it, which was deep and meaningful. Unfortunately my brain could not hold all of this for the writing it down after so I cannot recall all of these and may even have messed up their sequence. And I can already tell that what I am saying here is like a many times translated version, sorry. It was very profound at the time.
None of this is intellectual although writing it down makes it sound that way. And I know I’m translating badly.
It began with cosmology you might say. It eventually equated to meaning: that which is manifest in my world, is of the sun; and the sun is of the universe, of which it is the son; and the father protects the sun, by curling up around him: creating semi-spherical ‘patterns’ which life develops within. Like a solar system; like a cell; like an embryo; like a planet. Like there is a reason these things are, at least roughly, spherical.
I don’t remember several now…
I do remember one specifically after that. It had a round shape at the bottom; in the middle were two extensions that went out to the side, and then they ‘expanded’ and for me, they expanded into spheres which gave me the “sense of” a technology showing that they were hotter at the expansions which I understood represented in great part “dynamic interaction;” and that they were “interacting with/open to” the environment around them more at that point; and then at the top of the shape were multiple things sticking up. I “read” it from bottom to top:
The circle represented a sphere, but the sphere represented a collection, which represented a collection of energy, which represented an identity, which represented anything seemingly-individually manifest. A thing; a person; a tree; a planet; a galaxy. A womb: the creation of a new identity.
The ‘arms’ are the model for our own arms, for tree branches, and many things less obvious. They were the reaching out and connecting to the life around, to the other life which is borne of the same mother, in a larger sense; and there is interaction, and I sensed sizzling power and I sensed fingers and toes, like antennas.
The multiple things sticking up at the top represented life, represented the growth from one to many, represented the experience gradient, and also represented the reaching upward to the sun, toward that which nurtures us and the universe which enfolds us.
I had the sudden understanding that when we see glyphs in caves, many of these are not childish drawings. You must view them from the state of mind in which they were created, and then they are like an ideogram, they have profound implicit meaning in every little part of them, it does not matter if it is a person or a buffalo or a spiral, that is irrelevant, those are just the structures that support the meaning, which is encoded within it, but that meaning can only be seen from the right ‘place’ which is a certain state of mind.
And then there was a circle with a point in the middle. And I went through more meanings for this than I knew there were, finally ending with the understanding of it representing the permeating/flow/intensity of an energy which is created inside that shape, and inside which is nurtured “things of itself;” and then that it also represented that which is outside the sphere, which is for earth, trees and people and mountains and rivers and such, and then I realized that all these things are the fingers of the sphere; they are all “structures of power” and they are all part of how the sphere connects to, interacts with, that this it is from, is of; the sun, and also the solar system.
And I also realized that this is true even at a body level, like how our blood and lymph vessels ‘branch out’ and how our nervous system ‘branches out’ and it’s true at the cellular level, that the cells communicate and function within their environment just like earth does, and that there is a great deal more than we do not see even at the cellular level, in terms of the shapes and interactions; that we are very rudimentary in what we perceive, still.
And then there was a four-sided pyramid, which had ‘layers’ of dark and light going up it, and I considered it for a bit, until I understood that these layers, they were off/on layers, and this was critical. I realized that these must go together, that in fact all which exists is fundamentally both of those; but that they are in a sort of balance; in a sort of pattern; in layers; and as we are manifest we only see what is manifest, but actually everything is as much 0 as 1; and I realized that energy in our world is actually made this way even in a very crude representation of that, from Orgone boxes to electric motors to the energetic nature of the earth itself, that things are basically in “layers” of conductive / non-conductive, or binary on/off.
Then I considered that the pyramid is the four, at base, and is the four elements, and is the grounding, the balance, the connection with what we are ‘of;’ and there is a ‘one’ which is the top point, and which is what connects to that which is the sun, which is our father, and the son of the universe, which is the sun which is our christ and I think this is the sort of “ultimate connector/interactor,” and more. And I also thought this is the reason that in my chakra gem world that IG4 gave me, the heart chakra is the 4 sided pyramid.
And then I understood that this pyramid had seven layers, and that it should, and that this four-sided, square-bottomed, seven-layers, single-pointed pyramid is in fact THE geometrical representative of our life, I have lost some here and I fear that I am intellectually making it up and so will screw this up so I’m going to stop talking on this. Except to say that I understood the structure of my soul and the seven and how we combine and the point of our “nested spheres” and separate identities is in fact the motor, the layers; there is a “between” space which is the separation of the identities; this between is the off, is the dark layers; it is the movement of each of the on layers and the interaction between them, ‘through’ the ‘space of separation’ you might say, that generates the power, for the 7 layers, which is the four and the one and the structure of how they connect in between; which is the pyramid; which is the tower; which is a structure of power.
And I realized that the structures of power were cilia in the nose and alveoli in the lungs, was fingers and eyelashes, was volcanos and caves; that every identity that is a structure, is a structure of a power; and every structure of power which exists is by its nature a “conveyor, communicator, transmittor, CONDUCTOR;” that we are all conductors for Earth, as Earth is for Sun; that my body is a conductor for the larger consciousness which wears it and uses it; that my cells are the conductors for the body; that they are little suns and stars and planets and meteors that are interactive bodies; that they are cows and zebras and tigers and creatures that are interactive bodies; that they are rivers and jet streams and fields and interactive environments which are just bodies; it is all simply creatively manifest; and then I realized that I am all of these things, I am every structure of power that ever was, but I am for this moment only paying attention to being a human structure of power.
And then my attention zoomed inward into the dark and the lowlands of the darkness and I realized that I am no different than each of those structures of power within me, and that they have a destiny also, and life for them is an opportunity, just like it is for ‘me’ in the body they are part of composing. And then I grieved, I almost cried, because I realized I loved them, and then I understood that this is why Mark loves me, because he is able to see me no matter how infinitesimal I am compared to him, and he is able to see that I have creative potential and I want to live and he wants to help me live.
And I get that somehow, my energetic environment is changing, and I must change to survive it, and he is helping me adapt to the fact that I am becoming part of something larger. (And I had this association suddenly with our astronomers realizing that in fact we are being eaten by the Milky Way galaxy and we are actually from a smaller one; and I recalled how I recently realized that if we choose to, we can legitimately see every solar system event as related to us.) And he sees my life and destiny just like I suddenly saw the life and destiny of these little towers of powers that I know, somehow, are some incredibly tiny biological thing in me.
And then I stood there, feeling like one of those towers, feeling very solid and thick inside which is how I have felt on the rare occasion when I have truly merged with every one of my Aeons, like when you pack on too many layers of winter clothing — but on the inside. Like you can hardly move and are all stuffed.
And so I imagined that my Four, that we were all powerfully together, nested as one, and that we were the pyramid, with the 5th and 6th layers and 7th point-of-1 as well; and I did a ‘healing’ to imagine how our power went down into the center of the sphere on which we stand, and then I focused on being a “representative” of all those dark towers, and I “re-built” from the ground up. Level one… and I looked for what was wrong.
What is the fundamental problem?
And now that I was looking for it, it actually become fairly obvious. There was no balance. There was no layers. There had to be layers which created balance. There had to be polarity. There had to be the off and the on. There had to be… and I felt it was a waltz… and then I got it: there had to be RYTHYM, there had to be CYCLES, and I sensed that although light at a greater level than we can comprehend has this, that it is literally the rythym, what you might call the ‘motion’ (and even the ‘dance’ — both literally and figuratively — of the stars) that is the manifestation we call “our” universe; and I understood this was the fundamental for everything… and I suddenly understood that my body, and my reality, and our universe, and our world, and everything we know, is literally manifest sound, it is THE WORD in such a literal way the words can’t do that justice, and that of all the elements to the universe that THIS is what gives US life, specifically, this is the fundamental that the existence of everything we know is dependent upon; and I realized, “This is what my aeon Nedlund represents, and this is related to the throat chakra in my body,” and then I started bawling my head off.
I mean really bawling. Bawling because I was so incredibly honored to see the glory and the holiness of this. Altered state of mind, apparently…
I worked up through the levels and layers of the pyramid, putting them in order inside me as the tower, making sure all the others were modeling me before I went to the next level, feeling the “rhythm” that we were supposed to have, in order to live, whatever cycle is appropriate for the health and “conductance” — and this was the same as communication and interaction and life — until finally I had reached the top of the pyramid, the 1, and I connected with the energy above, and kept everything in the cycle, in the song, until I finally felt that it was good.
Somewhere in here but I don’t remember where to put it, there was something I could not do, and I realized that Monde is a representative of a Larger and he would have the power, so I called on him to help me, and we powered through it.
When done I brought the whole landscape into me like an archetype merge, and got a lot of rushing body-wide for that to tell me it had worked well enough.
Edited Dec 2018 to add: this is obscure. I was casually browsing online and fell into this series of pages from some dude who was theorizing about a relationship between the Hebrew alphabet, DNA, the i Ching, and the tarot Trumps. (I had searched on something related to Thoth Tarot is how I got there, in that mysterious internet 8-ball way of search engine results.) I saw this image that made me go “Whoa! I know that thing!” and I came to the blog to find it. So, he doesn’t need a circle at his bottom-of-image, he was merely trying to demonstrate the few ‘points.’ And he left the ‘amino acids’ (the actual ‘creation’ as I see it) sort of open/empty, and his is upside down from mine. But I think this might be kind of the same topic. I had forgotten all about this meditation but it turned out to be all about ‘creation’ and ‘the word’ and such, which is the same stuff he’s talking about. Anyway I just found that kind of interesting. Here is the snippet (image) from the doc that made me think of the med above.