Select Page

Before I continued, I brought in a variety of planets.

Neptune surprised me by giving a major ‘sea-creature’ vibe, which made me wonder when the last time I worked with it was. Maybe the mid-90’s… and a few archetypes (like Responsibility, my old fave) to help.

I would start-to-begin but then be distracted by something in my head, repeatedly, until probably 30 minutes had passed with me wandering the map of memories and offbeat wanderings that began as shape-based observance and led into something else. Not dreamlings–not those that bloom like a physics sphere from and to nothing, with a whole world inside. Not even the truly helpless “neural-response” that I have to some energies, where my body (after some negotiation) dumps me out to a close-up visual daydream-memory rather than knocking me unconscious. No, this was just wandering like avoidance. I finally got stern with myself and managed to stay focused on the task in front of me.

Thoth Tarot Princess of Disks

Thoth Tarot Princess of Disks

I could understand why some part of me was trying to get away from it though, when I focused-in. I know some of this is emotion that no ‘mere visual circumstance’ can put into words or convey. But when I basically laid her face-down on a floating medical table of light, and vanished her clothing, it was just horrifying.

There was such an ‘organic’ element of all the metal that was literally “sewn into her.” It wasn’t just like weapons or something had punctured her. It was like something dark and insidious had grown into and through her. It was not “of” her–it had not become her or changed her–it had merely imprisoned her in such a terrible way.

For some reason, the perception that the “black iron vines” were functioning like an organic creature instead of just an inert thing, added a degree of slightly nauseating horror to it difficult to describe.

There was just so damn much of it all through her. As if, knowing it was hidden by clothing, it had just woven through her with abandon, feeding off her, like she were a rich cache of energy, the way tree roots would through water except not that straight.

It was so much, and it was all connected, so it was hard to know where to begin. I finally gathered all the others into me and just encompassed it all in my attention, and put myself in with it and followed it to wherever it would lead.

It led out of her and down into the ground, as I had seen, and I followed it much farther down and far to the side, until I was surprised to find one very specific “center of origin” of it where it actually had a big semi rounded shape and stopped.

It occurred to me that if my mind were not symbolizing this like a vine and like metal, it would probably be perceived as some really deep psychic invasion and feeding/draining.

I had a memory, all the sudden, of the times when doing healing energy work that I’ve run into things which had the impression of ‘black iron’. They were nearly always related to kundalini and “survival fights” and usually to sexual abuse, which I only found out by accident, but that felt right when I did.

I pondered the “sphere of darkness” (so to speak, it wasn’t a literal spherical shape) from which all this had grown, as if it were searching for her and could feel her there, and had found her and seized her, puncturing her and invading her whole body from behind when she wasn’t expecting it. The source of it felt not quite like an entity in the full sense, not like an individual, but more like a “collection of darkness” which could have been anything. Not even many-individuals, but more like… the underlying energy which could be acted out through any number of individuals or situations, like the energy itself in this case had a ‘source’.

I hadn’t the foggiest clue how to approach this. I imagined I slightly-shrunk everything in her and then coated it with non-conductive rubber, then I sent electric power through it to wherever it sourced from, and I felt some reaction, far away and deep underground. I remembered my recent arched on ‘authority and money’ – and how oddly cosmic it was, and the entire lesson series on darkness and light. I asked for the Queen to help me focus on “the source of true light and ‘truth'” and to send that through my heart chakra (“Hey, Themelians!” I called, not to be deterred by their not having answered thus far to that assumed name-of-entities) and to shine that light ‘through me’ onto it.

It squirmed. “You aren’t even the dark,” I said, trying not to mock it but instead of to feel sweetness and compassion. It fought like a fish to escape me, but I worked on forcing “the truth of light” coming through me, ‘through the denial’ of it until finally in just a tiny pinpoint, it got through that artificial shell that believed itself darkness, and “connected with the core of light that is indemic to all things and thoughts”. And when it did, it was like it fed that part of it, and it grew exponentially, consuming the darkness, until the ‘skin’ of it split, and vanished into it like the light was a sun, and it shot out through the vines and all the way up their lengths and up through her.

I went back to her and pulled them all out of her then, and projected the length of the thing and its source all into one space, separated the energy of form from the energy of motive, cleansed them both to sheer light with no other qualities, and then let the other three of the Four absorb that energy as I turned back to the Princess, still on the medical table.

Tek was already pouring energy into the whole ‘network of root paths’ now empty throughout her, to cause the body to regenerate itself as proper, and she was closing up, growing into herself, healing. I joined him for a bit, and I went through her entire body from above the head down to the feet.

It was all clean except her right leg from just under the knee to the foot. That wasn’t iron, it was steel. It was like a ‘boot’, and it had big metal spikes that went all the way through the bone from the back to the front. I recognized this. My outer guides helped me get this off my left leg a dozen or more years ago. My own leg, not any archetypes’. I wondered. Was that my parallel of hers? Or was it that I had managed to deal with that energy already, but only on that one side? This is the first time I have ever in 20 years seen a very specific symbol from my own body-work show up in a projected archetype let alone tarot. I worked on getting that out of her, and her leg healed, and when it was complete, she was ok.

I put her clothes back on and let her stand. She still didn’t say anything, but she seemed a little more… free and fluid. The unnatural stillness was gone, anyway. I asked if we could first trade energy to wear on or in the body to absorb more of each other. I cannot remember what she gave me. I was heavily fighting off passing out — despite that I had yawned about 40 times through this process (outside of merge-“rushing”, sudden yawning is the next most obvious sign of affects on me) — and in fact I’d have lost it but some aspect brought me around several times by a severe body-jerk and admonition to pay attention.

I do remember that I pulled energy strings from each of my chakras and from a sense of the Four together and wove them into a thick strand. I couldn’t decide what to do with it–given what she had just escaped, giving her any kind of necklace seemed wildly inappropriate–and I finally settled on making it like a whip or lasso of energy-gold, a little “Wonder Woman” archetype overlay there. She took it, and it unwound and solidified until it was a dull point at one end like a pointed staff, and thicker at the other end, on which her ‘symbol of power’ appeared, and she then had the staff that the figure in the card does. That seemed to work, so I left it at that.

I attempted to merge with her, and her environ, I think, I cannot recall because I slept after all this and have forgotten some. I don’t really think I got much out of it, in terms of a sense of merge.

I’ll have to assume that went ok, and move on.

**

Edited later to add: in re-reading the blog I discovered that the Six of Disks had some real similar symbology to this Princess of Disks med: http://www.palyne.com/blog.psiche/six-of-disks-success/

**

I forgot to mention that somewhere in there, I had the strangest concept go through me. This is hard to articulate but I’ll give it a shot. It related kind of to cosmology but also to… concept. It was something like…

…in the beginning, all was indivisible. And in becoming manifest, it became, seemingly, divisible. But the divisions must evolve to… recognize themselves, and each other, and to then accept themselves, to truly know themselves, by knowing each other. To begin, they are… blended, confused; it is chaos, it is legion. They are all (the pieces) on the journey to indivisibility, to singularity, to the I AM. The point of course, is not the destination, but the journey.

As an analogy, it is like pulling something out of the bottom of the ocean or from under the ground. In order to truly appreciate it, we must clear it of all the mud and barnacles and so on, like psychic¬†archaeologists, and then we can behold the wonder of its true shape and concept, cleanly perceive what it really is. And at that point, we can actually “integrate that pattern” into what WHAT we are, and our own sense-of-self expands a little, as the geometry of our combined pattern — our journey back toward the indivisible — becomes just slightly more complete. Until we do that, what we have is a mess, although in this perspective, that mess, to include all the confusion and pain and more, is all… just as equal as anything else, just a part of the journey.

So I perceived, at that moment, the whole of the situation with the Princess of Disks as just my experience with getting all the muck out of her and cleaning up her pattern, her geometry. For a moment, it was not personal, it was not darkness and invasion, it was merely like an¬†archaeologist¬†chiseling-off stuff stuck to the artifact. The degree to which I am able to do this, now and later, determines the degree to which I am able to cleanly absorb that pattern, and hence have my own larger-identity enlarged by ‘understanding that to be part of me now’. We are all the same larger identity (the universe). Our focus-personality (as Seth would call it) and even our ‘larger identities’ are just facets, each having its own journey experience.

So evolution is not a linear thing. It is a cyclical thing. It is not from the point of darkness to light, since there is no such thing as darkness except as a variant on the spectrum of light (nothingness, does not have darkness, it has nothing, although its polarity, composed of itself, is the somethingness out of which all things including darkness are borne). It is not from the point of chaos to the point of singularity, it is actually from the point of singularity through the entire cycle — “to chaos and back” you might say — back to where it began.

I admit my brain still has a hard time grasping how the tarot and my Four and the solar system and larger universe and the daily mundania of my life are all correlated–as if these are conceptual relationships my brain is not quite smart enough to get a handle on, but is at least wise enough to recognize is beyond it, so it allows some other part of me, more intuitive and less intellectual, to handle that particular task.

P

Thoth Tarot Meditations: Disks
Thoth Tarot Ace of Disks
1, 2
Thoth Tarot Two of Disks (Change)
1
Thoth Tarot Three of Disks (Works)
1
Thoth Tarot Four of Disks (Power)
1
Thoth Tarot Five of Disks (Worry)
1
Thoth Tarot Six of Disks (Success)
1
Thoth Tarot Seven of Disks (Failure)
1
Thoth Tarot Eight of Disks (Prudence)
1
Thoth Tarot Nine of Disks (Gain)
1
Thoth Tarot Ten of Disks (Wealth)
1
Thoth Tarot Princess of Disks
1, 2
Thoth Tarot Prince of Disks
1
Thoth Tarot Queen of Disks
1
Thoth Tarot Knight of Disks
1