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Well this is a whole series in a single post. Dreams followed by the meditation experience followed by other things I feel are directly related to it all (and I think the dreams before it, were as well).

Thoth Tarot Knight of Swords

Thoth Tarot Knight of Swords

I was attempting to meditate upon Knight of Swords. (King, in other Tarot decks. There is a strong mesh blend of my Four with the royalty in the tarot, as the meditation on the Disks made even more clear.) I’d had an unusually calm morning where I went through in nice detail cleansing, then the Aeons, then the tuning-fork with christ-call to the chakras, then the Four. Then I spent nearly an hour with my bujo (hand-written journal), stopping early because the power in my neighborhood went off for 30 minutes. Then I went to Mark, and the ‘new’ place he reminded me of, with 3rd and Sun there with me. I got up early enough and this is the schedule I would really love to have every day.

I felt a bit of trepidation about the Knight. The royalty of tarot are really powerful and if you make proper ‘contact’ as remote viewing would call it — ‘rapport’ as you might say in archework — it really moves you. The prince, princess and queen were all very moving to me, though in different ways. I had the sense in my gut of something powerful enough to be destabilizing, although I don’t know that I have had that from an archmed before except knight of wands. I asked IG5/Mark to help me really ‘allow’ and make proper commune with the knight, I want to do these meditations well if I’m going to do them, and then we began.

I was somewhere very high, like in the sky. There was a storm below me, raging it seemed, like extreme sharp winds. I got a bit lost in the experience, and was dreamily thinking about how the clouds were water, and the lightning was fire, and the storm was wind, and it all interacted with earth. That was the last conscious thought I recall, as I fell asleep. I dreamed, a 3-part dream which I sometimes have and usually these are more meaningful (if there is such a thing):

1of3: There was a game that was real life, but was also a game of sorts, because I had a larger perspective sometimes. I arranged for various people to meet and fall in love, or kill each other, or things like that, the big things not the details. I wasn’t the final word apparently, because how it came about varied a little, and was sometimes the thing I spec’d but with a surprising element or dimension. It was more like I was executive management, but not the director or line manager or personnel below. But it was a game I had control over to whatever degree, and it felt like a big puzzle-maze concept that I was slightly above and looking down into.

2of3: I came upon a man with a blue spiral pen who was sitting up high in a room, in the doorway. He was an expert in psychology and such. He had experienced something in the maze of life, and I was part of making that happen. I wanted to talk with him about my own psychology, which for some reason was feeling some turbulence, but I much more wanted to talk to him about his, and how he had felt about the experiences. But I felt I could not, because he did not know me to tell me such things, and if I was there as his potential patient, he would not be open to talking about his own psyche with me.

3of3: It was my vehicle but she had stolen it, kind of anyway, borrowed without asking you might say. I had forgotten all about it for awhile. She had my name on it and everything, like she had validated it was me, but she was the one driving. I snuck in silently, through the very top center of it (which on waking felt like crown chakra), and sort of floated or slithered down into the vehicle with her. I heard her thinking as I did, unaware of me, I ought to be regretful that I took this over, but I’m not. I felt slightly affectionate about her. She was a young woman. I said to her, I ought to be regretful that you did this, but I am not. But I was here now, I was back to take my vehicle back, and she understood that. — dream, 29dec2020 10:45-12:45pm

I have been napping and remembering my dreams daily, after eons of almost never remembering anything. That alone is some major change in me just the last several days.

a) I had a dream (to summarize the key element) a couple days ago that I’d had a baby, a boy, and had gone off to do something else and left him with someone. It had been about four months, I thought. But I suddenly realized it, remembered it. Then I was searching, really driven and concerned in my search for my child. I was getting very frustrated at how hard it was to “remember” anything properly, really crunching my brain trying to force-recall the details of what had happened, where I’d been, where I might have left him. I was exasperated at the weird evasive responses everyone gave me about it when I asked where he was. Finally a friend brought the child back to me again.

b) I had a dream yesterday (to summarize) that I was singing and everyone thought that ‘nice girl’ theme was me, but then I was singing loud “We will rock you” (the old Queen song) full rock-yelling sort, and at first there was some response like it was bad to do that, and then later that this needed doing, and then that I needed to be the one to do that, and I woke up scream-singing that song. Which is funny as there was soft harp music on while I was sleeping and when I awoke.

Law says he feels like there is some common theme in these, like taking your power, taking what is yours (back), etc. I hadn’t seen that until he mentioned it. Hmmn, maybe.

The dream I fell into while meditating on knight of swords was very affecting upon me — and I felt it in my gut, just like I had the nervous sense I might before the meditation — like it was destabilizing. To me that means in part, very powerful, and changing/affecting my core. This doesn’t imply anything bad. But it felt like the dream had a very deep meaning, so deep it was pulling at something very primal to me. So when I awoke — still very sleepy — I asked Mark about it.

Me: Mark, is there a… a reality of sorts to that dream, of a (part of?) me coming back into the me-here?

Mark: There is.

Me: Is it a bad thing? Or a good thing?

Mark: It is not a bad thing.

Me: Will this help me to… become more of my ideal self?

Mark: Yes. But it is not your Ideal Self.*

* I understood he meant: my ‘ideal self’ is an actual personality — like an archetype identity — and this was not that personality. However, becoming my ideal self is basically the end-point of “individuation” so anything that contributes to my development toward Divine Will, is technically putting me closer to that goal. So in other words, it had the potential for improving my evolution and could be good.

Then I was finally awake enough in state of mind to not be able to easily talk with him anymore, because for some reason I have done so little of it for so long that I have lost the fluency it seems.

I asked him to help me to continue integrating this energy, but to please do it in ways that do not “mess up my life” — like my health or finance or finding a job — because this energy is going to be open for at least another day if not more before I finally get to the actual meditation.

Archmed, Knight of Swords (about 2am same day-of-awakeness)

I had a truly difficult time holding my attention, and it wasn’t mere mental wandering, it was instant evasion. I fought to come back to it on every single chakra, on every single aeon. Sheer determined will got me through the basics finally, and ready for the arch. We did the elements, and every one of them I also fought to come back from. It was clear some part of me felt challenged and was trying to escape. We got through it.

I asked him, that is to say gushed toward his glory basically — not as intensely affected in that regard as I was with queen or especially princess, but still somewhat — that I wanted to know him in me, and me in him, and so on… I wanted he or Mark to have us do a lot more together. So we could integrate more energy of course, that’s the basic approach I’ve taken in archmeds lately, is “wanting to want,” wanting whatever activity might lead to my sudden deeper interest, yearning or want for that rapport. That’s the important point, when that feeling comes in.

But he put his hands on my shoulders and came toward me, and I thought he was going to kiss me but he just sank right into me. Like through me but not out again. Like an energy merge. I felt it, but not in any physical or kinesthetic way. Then I felt mentally, now from inside me, that he wanted me to accept this, him, in me, and I worked on doing that, allowing that. Because already I could feel my intellect was making a list of worries.

My body was abreacting wildly to this, especially in the lower body, buttocks and legs (which doesn’t surprise me, my legs are always an issue), like there was a lot of energy added there and the existing structure was having issues with integrating it. “We” — the me that was now me+KnightOfWands — turned our attention to my legs. We sent a strong pressure of energy that was relaxing, healing, but also a kind of… “force of will” you might say, that it be calmed. His energy has that I AM of command that is also in Senior’s energy.

I wondered… as the logical side me had basically gone its own way to worry about this, while the intuitive side was all about it… is this some version of “taking on a godform?” Because in the ceremonial magick world where that is done, it probably leads to a great number of fledgling magicians who become lunch, as these identities are vastly more powerful in strength of identity than most of us are. Even if it’s a “nice” identity. This is not a practice I have ever wanted. I have a hard enough time with the rare but occasional slight-merge with some identity during viewing, and those tend to trigger tons of cognitive dissonance later.

But now that he was “in” me, the “we” that was “the new ME,” it felt like the right thing. Like this was “as it is and was and always had been and always would be.”

Well, that ended the meditation rather abruptly, because he was no longer separate for me to interact with.

Follow-On: My intellectual ambivalence was still present though.

Me: Mark, this is… temporary, right?

Mark: The ‘focus’ will last until you complete Ace of Swords. You should give it at least a full day.

(I had the sense though that he thought more time before that med would be better, more time to spend with… this… um, effect. That Ace med is the official plan of last-med, it ends my series on this suit.)

Me: Please let this be helpful to me in some way, and not mess up anything important in my life, and please help me find a job!

(I know my inner world is getting tired of me pleading about that, but the situation is dire, sheesh.)

I am going to wait to post this. It’s so ‘affective’ I expect some follow on effects though I’m not sure what. I will add to this post if I see any effects or anomalies or changes that might relate to this merge. Although given my dreams the last few days, and the 3rd of 3 dream piece this morning that I mentioned above (with the vehicle), it seems like such a thing might already be slated to occur anyway… or even happening, given this weird desire I have this evening to paint, of all things. Like a small outlined picture or an object. I’m not a painter. I have never “wanted to paint.” So that’s totally new for me. Wait a minute…

Now I’m wondering, are they separate?? The aeons say things don’t happen in the time I think, and most things are going on sort of indefinitely forward and backward in what I call time, it’s only me that thinks a conversation or event happens at this one doorway X-Y coordinate. So is the seemingly larger or ‘more aware’ self, that seemed like it entered at the crown chakra and was “taking back my vehicle” in the dream this morning; is that the same aspect of me that is “the summation of King of Swords’ energy within me” that entered my dominant/conscious-identity just now? Maybe they happened at the same time, or reverse order, or time doesn’t matter to that.

Color Blind Test PatternsI model “the energy of a given part of the universe {tarot identity} within me” like a color-blindness test circle. Lots of little dots of different colors. Some dots, of a certain color, if you look at them ‘as one’ seem to make an image (like a letter or number). To vastly and crudely simplify it, imagine that each of us is made out of 78 (to match the tarot, which is the ‘manifest universe’) different colors of dots — a zillion dots of each color, blended like graphic noise. If you highlight every dot of a given color, say “the color of Knight of Swords,” that ‘pattern’ is an identity. It has a reality-experience of its own, which just like in the circles, is ‘through’ ours — our energy, our realities, are part of each other.

So there is an identity which is specifically “his pattern within the larger me” and it’s an identity of its own also, and in theory… I suppose… that it could be more or less present within the conglomerate of conscious-me that “dominantly” interacts with this reality, the “me” that wears my name. The back of my brain tells me that Seth has something about this, different aspects of self being present in the conscious identity, in more than one place, but I can’t remember any detail.

I mean if this model of it is feasible at all, it could make the dream this morning and the meditation-merge experience tonight kind of make sense and be related. Which probably means it’s nothing like that at all, of course… since for me, few things tend to make sense when they occur.

30dec2020 noon: I finish the meditation and blog until nearly 3am. Was super tired, but I tried to sleep for hours and failed. My body had so much energy mostly just the lower body, buttocks and legs, that around 6am I got up and went to the living room, exasperated. I started to crochet, with some meditation music, and watched it closely with my glasses on. That usually can be predicted to give me eye strain (I need new glasses) and sure enough! Around 7am I finally was abruptly ready to sleep. Didn’t wake up till noon, quashing the good schedule I’ve had the last few days alas.

Not that I haven’t had sleep issues until now mind you (menopause, oy). But I felt clearly the energy was a side-effect of the meditation right before bed, half due to the powerful energy in the same part of my body that abreacted during the meditation, but also due to the way my mind was working during this time I was trying to sleep. It was like a part of me not normally me was “learning” my life, mostly recent stuff, by “querying” my own memory. I felt like ‘me’ had a slightly dominant element that was not very familiar with me — somewhat, I mean it wasn’t like my life was totally new, not foreign, the sense was more like it hadn’t been paying attention, and so had forgotten. This effort was so repeated and clear that eventually, I reacted to this by just “walking through the memories” intentionally as a process, like a teacher.

The feeling reminded me so much of the dream w/the baby a few days ago, that “having forgotten, wasn’t paying attention, now was trying so hard to remember” that I had in the dream. It seemed like it was now happening in real life to ‘that part of me’. OK wow, might that dream-identity also be this identity? Just like I theorized for the other dream one “taking back the vehicle?” Last night though, it did not have the immense sense of frustration that I’d had in the dream. Not at all, no negative emotions, though the dream seemed filled with frustration, confusion and exasperation. In the dream, that emotion was part of (an interpretation of?) the “effort to bring the clarity of detail into recall.”

Aside from the research-via-requesting-memory thing, it also seemed like some ‘driving demand to know’ what things I had in the air, or need or want or plan to do, and the current status of them. I felt like it was a bit like “boss has returned from vacation” review. I also felt like, for some reason, many things in my life were simply going to get done pretty soon that hadn’t for a long time, or at any real speed. Like there was some… sense of ‘driven’ and even an overlay of ‘speed’ and ‘force’ that was not present in me until now. (It reminds me a bit more of the personality I was until nearly age 30, when my Bewilderness era ended, I got married and pregnant, and everything changed, all the way through.)

So far, this anomaly while I was in bed — the requesting memory-walk-throughs of mostly-recent life and of things-pending in my life — is the only time I have had the sense of “containing two Identities that were talking to each other.” English doesn’t support the experience well, it wasn’t as separate as that, but it wasn’t all like a single-me, either. Anyway aside from that, I don’t feel any sense of separate identity. It’s all just the sense of “me” now. (Merely an expanded-me. And today, after sleep, I don’t even feel the expansion. I’m intellectually aware it’s still present is all. I guess I am finally properly integrated now.)

30dec2020 early afternoon: I had way more energy than usual today. I was going through in my head the list of things I could/should be doing, but there was the sense of the new-me being the driver. I ended up getting up and going through a variety of stuff in the living room that I needed to deal with, chores, sorting, putting some things away and so on. Then grabbing a kettlebell and doing a few deadlifts. I have wanted to do KB stuff regularly for… eons. And I haven’t. Never feel like it. And now suddenly… I am. Go figure. Then I wasn’t planning to eat until 3:30pm or so (intermittant fasting) but some part of me just made the decision it was time body needed it and started the process. I’m starting to feel like I’m a passenger here.

Later in the bathroom I saw the nail polish bottles and decided I have to paint my nails. What the heck! I haven’t done that since 1994. I have a few (mostly clear and neutral french-style colors) bottles on this structure on my counter, because in late 2017, when I was still getting over surgery to a great degree, I bought a number of “self-care” type things that I had not used in at least a couple decades, leg waxing stuff, some makeup etc., excited that I was getting healthier and maybe I could be ‘normal’ again someday. Those nail polish bottles were part of that. It’s been over three years. I have not worn the makeup, nail polish, etc. in all that time. “But I don’t have any nails, I just clipped them off in case I wanted to play guitar!” part of me argued, but the decision was done. I ended up sitting in the living room painting my nails with base coat, a french coat that is nearly invisible but for shine, and a top coat, and blowing on them. Part of me feeling like an idiot. The dominant part of me not caring how the other part felt about it.

Just as I was sitting there thinking about how this day seemed to be getting odder as it went on, C. came in my house and told me there is a dead squirrel in the low fork of the tree in my front yard and another dead squirrel at the base of that tree. They look like robustly healthy squirrels that just keeled over abruptly. We have no idea why. Maybe someone is poisoning them. Or antifreeze. Hope it’s not a sign of some kind. Hope my outdoor cat doesn’t get into it, whatever it is. I have no idea what to do with dead critters.

30dec2020 late evening – Life seems (suddenly today) far more interesting and fun than usual. I’m delighted and excited for all kinds of cooking ideas, craft ideas, house ideas, and so on. I was going to fast until a certain time today but the minute body decided she’d like food the now-dominant-me just went and ate. Again I’m feeling slightly like a passenger sometimes. It reminds me of when the formerly-winged-guy arrived ‘in’ me (just before Mark’s official arrival, I suspect it was him), that felt a bit similar in some respects. It’s like the “elements” that are the “composite of me” just got rearranged, and now different elements are in the ‘dominant focus.’ Still me. Just a slightly different aspect of me than is usually in the forefront. I’ve noticed a couple of times that I feel oddly happier. More cheerful.

Late in the evening another bizarre new thing showed up: I washed my face (that’s new, never do that), then put some face cream on it. I’ve done the cream thing like once in my life. Once was over a year ago when I bought the stuff, which has been unused since. I’m 55 so once is not much for that! Which I’m sure shows in the lines on my face… For whatever reason it felt like the right thing to do.

Body wanted to eat again. “No,” I told her. “It’s late, we need to sleep, we can eat tomorrow.” Annnnnd we just went and nuked a bowl of homemade chili again and ate. OK fine, don’t mind me, apparently my opinion doesn’t matter in what actually happens… I mean I could force it to matter, I think so anyway. But it feels like the right thing to do to just sort of “watch this go on” like I’m just along for the ride. I’ve done half a dozen things today totally out of my normal character but which are things that I have long “wanted” to do and just never really got around to it. I feel good. So I can’t complain. It seems like it’s a good thing.

It occurred to me earlier that placebo effect may be going on in terms of expectations, but I decided that is not so. Not this time. I can only say the experience is not like that. It’s not like I (the normal I that I know) am suddenly inspired, like when something opens up in your belief systems or expectations. It clearly feels like the other parts of me that I don’t know too well but which now feel dominant, are the ones driving all this (while the normal I that I know just kind of watches). I suppose this is one of those experiences that someone might have to have themselves, in order for the words to really make sense of it internally.

31dec2020 early morning – Well my sleep was poor again but back to the same type/reasons as usual, not the advent of the king in me, it seems. I’ve noticed something so odd I’m embarrassed to admit it though. To explain it, a note about the past: Sometimes in a meditation I will have a rapport, with IG or with an archetype, where I intend to say something a certain way, and my words change as I say them into something far more… respectful, and often adoring of the glorious or whatever. That happened with IG4 sometimes, with the second Ace of Disks archmed, and so on. Well, I’ve noticed it happening just a little bit in my normal life. Not until this morning did I notice.

I was opening the curtains. The cat wanted onto the screened porch. I started to open the window, but the left side is so hard to get open. I said to the cat as I opened the right side instead — or I meant to say — let’s open the right side, it’s easier; but after my intent yet before they reached my lips, the words changed to, let’s open the right, because it opens so much more easily. And my words were slightly better enunciated than usual. (I used to pay attention to that when young (because I was a singer) and noticed with surprise.) I wondered if it were influenced by my nightly re-watching of Downton Abbey series with Law (we’ve re-begun at Season One on amazon prime), only because they are speaking a slightly more formal english, and highbrow (which is far more subtle) but clear accent. But I was not speaking with an accent.

It just had the subtle sense in me that the phrasing was more proper, and that the way I was going to say it, was… lazier. Sloppier. Somehow. As if “making the effort” even for a simple sentence to a cat was still worthwhile. I had a vague overlay of an old memory, of talking with a friend (a former boss) about handwriting analysis, and him commenting that people who don’t bother capitalizing or dotting i’s or things like this, that it really does reflect character, and he had been told this when in school, on someone seeing it in his writing, and he had changed this, and felt that it had changed him as well. Then we talked about graphotherapeutics, which is exactly about that, instead. Anyway, it felt like all wrapped up (without comment) in the ‘intent’ the new-part-of-me was conveying, was that maybe making an effort with words — enunciate, structure sentences well — is like making an effort to write legibly when someone else must read it. Like it’s not about whether you can get away with it or “it matters” outside you; you and your life are not defined by other people or things outside you much. It’s about choosing for the “you” to be of quality, of character, and everything you create to be done well, to be done intentionally. Like everything we put out into the world is a holographic representation, in that symbolic form whatever it is, of who we are, of what we are, of how we are.

Thinking about this oddity a few minutes later, it occurred to me the best way to describe this is that it feels like some part of me is “very much living on-purpose.” I picked up my socks in the bathroom this morning after my shower and put them in the clothes hamper at the end of the hall. I seldom do that, why bother, once enough clothes accumulate on the bathroom floor I will finally pick them up and put them there. I actually left the bathroom, then stopped, walked backwards back in and did so. I also picked up a tiny box the kitties knocked off a shelf on my way into the kitchen. I usually don’t bother if it’s something trivial and out of the pathway. Especially since my muscles are twinging a bit from the kettlebell yesterday. It’s a little like playing “dress-up” as kids do, like if you think there is a way humans are ‘supposed’ to live, and you want to do it well, so you are consciously paying attention to doing so. But it’s that newer aspect, not me. Living on purpose.

Last night before I fell asleep, I can’t recall what brought this on, but I rather suddenly was saying to that new aspect of myself, I love you. I love you. Please stay with me. Please. Please, my life could be so much better with this positive feeling and focus. Thank you for showing me this. Thank you so much. I love you.

I don’t think this is mere imagination. Natural internal response accepts it as real and takes it very seriously.

31dec2020 noontime – morning has gone well, like day before yesterday when I met the king. Up early (despite poor sleep), shower and dress, open windows and feed kitties, take supps, and a proper set of rounds (missed most of that yesterday). Introduced “the new aspects of Self” to each of the Aeons, and since all those aspects exist somewhere in the Aeonic, for any given energy, some one of the aeons knows any element of it better than I possibly could. Introduced that-me to guide J’Rend who is with me through the tuning-fork rounds, and to each of the chakras. I never met Kyana Daoen’s female before! Both yin/yang of it showed up to say hello, that was novel, usually it’s just the male.

At Crown, that-me took lead suddenly and did the tuning fork ring and christ-call, and I said once the ringing got going, because we had missed that part, “Let me introduce you –” and that-me interrupted and said, “We met on my way in.” I was just… agog. Like the crown chakra was a doorman he’d had to have a conversation with in order to get into the then-me, and they already knew each other. Later, though, that just seemed kind of funny. Brief round with the Four, and I nearly wept to them I was so grateful and gushing with love about the new aspects of me present, and said if this was something I could do with all the tarot kings that would be amazing and awesome.

For the first time I actually wanted to eat something and that-me chose differently (usually I don’t want to eat and as-me it does anyway). I wanted a protein drink. That-me chose the cocoa-chia mousse thing we made last night, with chia seeds and collagen protein. I tasted it last night, it was not that great, and I like the protein drink better and it has some vitamins/minerals in it. I was expecting the chia stuff would sit in my fridge until it started turning into something else haha. But we ate most the mousse stuff, it’s like I was happy despite the taste. I’d like to improve the taste once I figure out how, and I’d like to add some whey protein, and make half of the coconut cream liquid instead be the milk kefir I make or perhaps it’d be tastier if I made yogurt with the coconut cream instead. Would like to try some berry flavors. I have a bunch of coconut cream, and a bunch of chia seed, and they are both past the date I should have used them so I’m working to use them up. Which I have thought of doing for many months, but that-me saw the thought in flash passing in the kitchen yesterday and immediately insisted we do it, hence it finally happening last night.

My eyes passed my tall japanese shoji lamp in my room this morning, and a slight query led to the flash-memory-explanation. It’s dark, unplugged, and in a place where I am usually not. Senior, who once saw it when we were joined and it was dark because it was broken, commanded me, FIX IT. Because it represents us, he once used it as a symbol, that we were “four panels of light.” I realized I need to move it into the living room and plug it in. The moment I speed-of-light skimmed through that, that-me wanted to do it RIGHT THEN, but I managed to intervene to insist the little fake Christmas tree is still in that place and that comes down Friday and we’ll have to wait until then.

That’s the first thing I have intervened/stopped that-me on so far. So I guess if there is any question on whether I’m possessed and can’t, it’s been answered: former-/rest-of- me was able to assert a dominant will when I finally had some reason to make the effort.

Following all that, the new part of me that just wants to be creatively-craftily-colorful about everything, went into a whole thought exploration of how we could replace all the torn rice paper on the shoji with something like cut up transparencies (made in blocks of several small shoji squares) that we could paint or marker color upon. I had thought long ago about doing something colorful on it, my interest suddenly renewed. Then, that maybe I could do a symbol for each of us four using certain squares, for each side. Maybe make a few colorful graphics and print them on the transparency, for along the top and bottom rows. (Humor: long ago I told my dad, “I paid $79 for that, it’s a Japanese Shoji lamp!” and he replied dryly, seeing it was nothing but thin bamboo and rice paper, “It’s a Japanese Money Machine.” Ha. I see these are now selling for over $200 on amazon. Good grief I should make them and try to sell them…)

Nearly everything I think of since I was joined by that-me has expanded into something creative. I had previously (the night I met King, just before that) been thinking about a cat tree that had both a tiny cat-grass plant and a fountain in it, and I thought of it again, and of PVC for jute-wrapped tall cylinders they could climb and that could hold structure. I’d previously (eons ago) wondered what I could do above the doorway to the hall. A whole new idea unfolded in me about that incorporating all my ideas into one that seems just wonderful, and pretty simple compared to all my prior ideas. I felt slightly frustrated that I have so many other things to get through first, before I have the space, tools, etc. to focus on doing that project.

(My eyes passed my dining table; I considered whether I had more mason jars under it still; recalled in bare passing that I have a big roll of lovely tapestry fabric unused for years down there against the wall under the table; and then instantly came up with a new idea to use it that would solve wanting more space to store things like remotes, glasses, headphones, etc., plus cover the arms of my recliner, something I was thinking about yesterday. Whatever this new-me is, I’m certainly more usefully-creative!)

31dec2020 latest afternoon: So last night I tried making the chia ‘pudding’ I’ve been wanting to try for over a year (ingredients recently expired but I think are still good, unopened) and never bothered. Today I tried the coconut cream balkan yogurt I’ve been wanting to try for at least two years, again, both main ingredients recently expired ’cause I never bothered, but I think are still good. Then, the fermenting stuff I’ve had since mid-2018 and never used, I dug out, and tried my first simple just-peppers ferment, which is in a jar waiting for time to make it interesting. Lots of novel activities. I also have been unusually clean, tidying everything and everywhere after I interact with that area/thing, vastly more than is the norm. I looked up info on the internet for about 20 different things today, I can’t even remember them all. I’ve gotten a lot done.

Briefly, with Mark: Spontaneous conversation we had today:

Me: Geez Mark, at this rate I will NEVER get the Ace meditation done, because I love this new high energy high mood high creativity high constructive situation!

Mark: Only the focus will shift then. The energy stays if you choose.


Well this is SO long I’m just going to end it. I’ll document more for my own future interest (and because writing as things happen helps me “re-experience the energy” later) in some other post.


Thoth Tarot Meditations: Swords
Thoth Tarot Ace of Swords
1, 2, 3
Thoth Tarot Two of Swords (Peace)
Thoth Tarot Three of Swords (Sorrow)
Thoth Tarot Four of Swords (Truce)
Thoth Tarot Five of Swords (Defeat)
Thoth Tarot Six of Swords (Science)
Thoth Tarot Seven of Swords (Futility)
Thoth Tarot Eight of Swords (Interference)
Thoth Tarot Nine of Swords (Cruelty)
Thoth Tarot Ten of Swords (Ruin)
Thoth Tarot Princess of Swords
Thoth Tarot Prince of Swords
Thoth Tarot Queen of Swords
Thoth Tarot Knight of Swords