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I wanted to start on the Cups suit — the Queen’s world. I already did a long meditation today, and I still have some things to finish on it as well, plus I blogged a few posts, so it’s kinda overdose. But for some reason I feel like another meditation, I feel like making it specific to the queen, and I feel like I need to give myself a little more time before getting back to the 13/15 of the Knight of Disks Plus Other Stuff meditation finale. So here we are.

Thoth Tarot Knight of Cups

Thoth Tarot Knight of Cups

I had previously decided that I would work through Disks and Swords from Ace upward, and through Wands and Cups from Knight downward. I can’t remember what logic led to this, and I’m not sure it’s the best decision, but it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that’s gonna kill anybody if I’m doing it ‘wrong,’ after all. This would be Senior in the Queen’s world.

Taking a look at the card for a moment. Three symbols of the queen: the chalice which is a cup; the scorpion, which is considered the polarity of the eagle of the queen (no idea why but it is), and the wings which in this case the Knight is himself wearing – he has mastered her energy. To me the sky blue (and his wearing green) might imply he is also master of air (Swords and its Prince). I am not sure where Earth (Disks) is in this card [unless the scorpion counts], nor do I know the meaning of the horse as a symbol. Yes I could google it but I have learned the hard way that everyone’s got an opinion on tarot, they all vary, and I can read them as entertainment, but I need to let the energy of the archetype show me what it means to me, not anybody else. Tarot, like psi, is a deep subject you could study for 60 years and still have a world to learn, but any bonehead can declare themselves an expert on the topic, so the signal to noise ratio is exhaustingly low.

I very recently had a dream that is eerily like part of this card. A horse, very light colored, rather stylized like art (as opposed to ‘real’), rearing with both feet up, facing to my right, and the front right leg, moreso the front right hoof, moreso the very tip of it, had a (stylized image) lightning-bolt pointing to it, as being what I needed to work with; as if it were one of the main energies I needed to deal with in this life. (Some overlay of my own right leg and right arm as well.) Not to be picky, but it’s been eons since I saw this card even in passing and I don’t know I’ve ever looked at it much, so it wasn’t until this morning that I realized this card has a horse a lot like the dream I just had. Not precisely. The horse was alone and it was a different drawing (the horse was more ‘curly’ in the dream, I mean the mane and tail and just the style of it).

I have no idea what that means. It just seems like maybe that makes meditating on it … I dunno, intriguing. Maybe that’s why I’m inspired. Or maybe the dream was actually telling me to meditate on this card, who knows.


Knight of Cups


I dropped onto IG’s sofa in the woods and the world around me blurred as if we were in high motion.

“You’re like my personal Dr. Who,” I joked to him.

We stopped and 3rd of 4 was sitting next to me. We talked for quite awhile. I begged him to do more dreaming with me that I’d recall, and more about the Themelians at the heart chakra that he named for me once before, and so on. We ported to someplace where the energy felt good as we sat and looked out and over the water and stuff, a harbor, and I recalled this happening once before. “Harbors usually have good energy,” I mused. “All that chi from the ocean, all the people with ‘plans and goals’ whether coming or going, all that dynamic motion.” He agreed.

The scenery changed as if we’d moved many centuries in time but stayed in the same place. “I wonder what it was like,” I said to him. “Seth said there were advanced civilizations before ours. I wonder if a gazillion eons ago, we could have sat here and it would be the same.” Things changed again, but there was nothing. Like maybe if that era had people they weren’t where we were sitting.

Then I remembered suddenly something I never followed up on. I reminded him, he said he’d explain Viru and Maal, the obvious ‘parallels’ to me and 3rd we once met. I asked how they could be Aeons, but he pointed out that the four ARE Aeons — the four Aeons of light, technically I guess — so all the … maybe the only word is ‘layers of us’ … are too. I didn’t know there were… layers of us.

“But I guess I thought that like… well like when me and all the Aeons combined, that we are ‘the Fourth,’ I said. “And I thought my not being all of the 4th apparently, that nordic-looking woman seems the dominant ‘whole’ of us, was because me and the Aeons aren’t fully integrated.” I don’t think he said anything to this, or I have forgotten it. So I still don’t really understand it. Maybe all the percentages of Aeon-integration from nothing to fully count as a sort of ‘layer’ and the ‘identity’ of that layer is a ‘version’ of the 4th. No idea.

I called Viru and Maal to us, and asked Viru if she had any advice for me. She said, “Be consistent. You must be consistent.” I said, “Although I didn’t expect you to say that, now that you have it seems so predictable.” Then I asked Maal (the 3rd’s-other-layer) if he had any. He said, “Focus with your mate. Be with him much more.” Again that seemed not expected but then predictable after. I wasn’t sure if I’d expected blinding insight or something, but then again, maybe what is obvious is just obvious, and that is hardly their fault. I wondered if all the … layers? of 4th of 4 are female, or if the whole gender thing is totally variable and I just perceive it in a way fitting my particular model of the moment.

I talked to 3rd yet more. At one point, he ported into an ‘interworld’ that was an overlay of my actual physical environ, as if he were with me physically, but of course I could only perceive him in the ‘layer of reality’ that was our mental world not my real one.

3rd: This is a mess.”

Me: “It’s just my bed. Blankets and pillows. Well ok and my purse. Well and the mineral stuff. Well and the water. And my robe. And those clothes. And the iPhone charger cord…”

…at that point I just shut up.

Me: “So you’re telling me if I made my bed nice and neat, and made a little space beside me, and meditated, you’d come sit by me?”

3rd: Yes.

Me: Really? You’d meditate with me too?

3rd: Yes.

Me: How do I know you’d really wanna do that?

3rd: I just told you so.

I later wondered why I’d asked that. We talked awhile more, back on IG’s sofa, and I shifted around positions, most of them holding him entirely or holding his hand. Eventually I decided I need to get on doing the official med or it’d never happen.

I closed my eyes and then… I was standing, the ground under me moved a little, and I grabbed a rope right near my head and steadied myself. I was on a ship on the open sea. I suddenly realized I have never in 22 years been on any kind of water craft in a meditation, and I wondered why. Gee, wouldn’t you actually think water would be a huge component of meditations? I’ve had it involved a few times — lakes, rivers, whirlpools, the beach once or twice perhaps. That’s it.

“Yeoman!” some man bellowed and I turned — he was clearly talking to me. (I thought: oh, so I look like a man now??) “Trim the aft [something] sail!” he orders, and I realize I don’t have any clear idea where that would be, which might seem like a little thing, but the boat we were on was a pretty good size and there were sails like all the way across the dang thing except some space in the middle that was structure. I asked for the fuller-4th to guide me and we jogged to the other side of the ship. There were a few other men around and one ran past me and started climbing a rope ladder up a pole.

What does ‘trim’ mean? I asked 4th inside us, but I’ve heard that term and it seemed reasonable it probably means to reduce the amount of sail catching the wind or something. I could feel that the 4th was dominant now, I was more “riding along” like an alter than fully-first-person, and she (he?) undid a knot and pulled a rope and was pulling up this big sail — almost like you would window blinds — when the guy who’d yelled at me yelled, “Enough!” from across the ship and we stopped and tied it again. I watched the knot, thinking, I really should learn to do that kind of thing. I’ve had the Ashley Book of Knots on my shelf for 25 years and I still have no idea how to tie a few basic sailor knots, how pitiful is that?

I wondered what I was supposed to do with myself. This didn’t seem like an ordinary archmed. Honestly it felt more like a ‘world’ — like Galana, or the world of the weavers where I met Rullen. I hadn’t seen anything or anybody that I thought was the actual archetype. I decided I’d just go with it, be patient, and assumedly I would see.

A shout came from the other end of the ship and then the captain and I’m guessing he was the first mate started shouting and men were pouring out of the structure part in the middle and I understood that some other ship was coming toward us — some ship we feared. Not like pirates, but potentially as threatening, but kind of an “IF” on how they’d react to us. 4th dominant now, we ran down into the ship, which was insanely crowded and small and smelly, and I put on some boots and strapped a belt with a sword around my hip and put on a jacket I somehow knew was an official military officer’s jacket, a little too big for me and very worn, but not originally mine. I tied my hair back tighter with a piece of rope, it was rather long, and went back up top and stood there, legs braced and hand on my sword, waiting.

The ship came clearly into view before long. Consciously I was wondering if it was something like the british royal navy because I could swear I got that “accent” from some of the almost-sensed-audio so far, like the sense of hard english kept ‘sparking’. Except I had the gut feeling of a really long time ago — before hand guns anyway. But my brain even before I saw the ship approaching clearly put a word in my head: “Cathars.” I got more the spelling and look of the word than the audio. I tried to remember what that was. Was that Crusaders? Maybe that was too late a time. Anyway, we were all nervous, including the captain, because they had a much bigger ship than we did, and it seemed much better and the people better dressed and armed too, and I guess there was some uncertainty about whether they would attack us or let us go. They weren’t going to ignore us, we’d seen the moment the ship was clearly heading for ours.

It did a maneuver that got it going the same way as ours and got not far away pacing us, and someone was yelling something over at us. I understood it to mean something like, “Send over a representative to answer questions of our Captain.” I knew immediately like a book with an obvious plot what THAT meant, and wasn’t surprised when my captain told me to go. Two men rowed me over in a small boat and men threw a rope ladder over. They walked me to the other side of the ship away from mine and then a large man I knew was the captain turned and looked at me.


He was the Knight of Cups. I was pretty sure of it. But not 100% sure because I still had that “this is a whole world not just an archmed” feeling.

Then I started wondering how you tell the difference: might it be that I am just better able to handle a whole world of information now than then? Like my video game is now in 3D HD with massively more detail and a wider screen, but it’s not that the game has changed, only my streaming bandwidth and monitor?

The captain looked at me and looked at my ship, several times. Then he said to his first mate that he thought we were probably pirates and maybe they should just take what we had. I said, “We are NOT pirates!” and told him about merchant stuff that we did. “Typical answer,” he shrugged, and I said, “Please, let them go. I’ll stay on your ship and work if you need an extra sailor, and I’m sure you’ll see from the way of me that I’m not a pirate. If you thought otherwise you’d have time to catch up to them. They’re good men and they don’t deserve to die for an error in judgment.”

The captain stared at me as if I’d grown a second head and the whole ship of people was completely silent, looking at him to see how he responded. Finally he said something like, “Well that’s different.” And he said something I couldn’t hear to his first mate, who went to the side of the ship and bellowed down at the two men with the rowboat that they were keeping the sailor but would let the ship go.

Every bit of ‘conversation’ in this is an estimate. I was only occasionally dominant and so the words are ‘translations of meaning.’ For all I know we could have been speaking Etruscan or something. Or just mental ideas. Though I’m pretty sure it was heavily accented English.

I answered questions of the captain respectfully. One of his people took my sword belt off, which irked me. The captain indicated I should walk with him, and I muttered as we walked, “I feel naked without my sword.” He chuckled and said, “Yeah I know the feeling.” I was surprised that he seemed so approachable in a way. As if we innately had chemistry to get along well. We stood looking off the side of the ship for a minute or so, silently.

“Where’d you get the jacket?” he asks.

“A man ran out of money for his card game,” I said. “I let him pay in clothing. Worse for him, he still lost.” He grinned.

Then he asked me some about my background, like place I was from and family and then something I translate now as education. I told him I spoke a few languages (I remember Italian was one) and could keep accounts books and some other things. He seemed very impressed at that, as if it were unusual or something.

“Can you hold your liquor?” he asks me.

“God no, but don’t tell anybody,” I muttered, and he burst out laughing.

“How good are you with that sword?” he says.

“Well I’ve been to a dozen countries and I’m still standing,” I said, shrugging, and that seemed to be an ok answer to him.

He looked at me again, really closely considering me, and said, “You’re an unusual one.” I raised an eyebrow and shrugged slightly but said nothing.

He had me follow him and we went down into a small room (probably big in ship terms) with some bench-like seating and he and I sat down. He brought me this thing like a bunch of papryus sheets between two thin boards and drilled holes at the side with thin rope through them and tied in some kind of of knots.

I wondered what part of my brain was making this up because I don’t think I’ve ever seen quite that before, and if this was near the crusades, I’d expect better printing by then, since I recall they had those pretty artsy bibles… though I don’t really know — that’s what google and wiki are for, right. Sheesh.

He opens it up to a given page that is filled with a bunch of scraps of stuff — fabric, thick paper-like stuff, etc. — with nearly illegible marks of different hand writing — and the page in the book has a column of descriptions, dates and numbers and what seems a running total column. He tells me to see if I can figure out what’s gone wrong with the page as the numbers aren’t adding up, and that the misc. scraps of stuff were all related to that page, because he just can’t figure it out.

So I went through them, and I found one thing wrong and three that were left out, one removing and two adding quite a bit, and added them and got the numbers different and he said that was right. I looked at him and said, “You could easily have done this.” He grinned and said, “Yeah but I needed to know if YOU could.” We went back up top.

It was early morning, and he said by late afternoon or early evening we’d be coming into a port where he needed to do some business. He said he had too many things that needed doing in a short time and he wanted to have me visit three merchants and arrange for some materials loading or something like that. (This was going to involve not only letting me free in a port — where I could certainly walk away and not come back — but even giving me a small amount of coin up front. That he would do this when he didn’t know me from adam, and had a whole ship of sailors, seemed weird to me.)

He said he needed someone who was pointedly “not” one of them sometimes — I guess that means a Cathar or whatever — and I seemed fairly respectable and intelligent and dressed differently from them and I’d do. I noticed he didn’t threaten me and when it came time he didn’t send anybody with me, either.

I felt insecure as I hadn’t done this before, but it turned out ok. The third merchant had some men who were pretty hostile. One said something like, you’re clearly not a Cathar but you’re obviously in bed with them if you’re doing business with them. They seemed like they might cheat me or hurt me. I responded with something rather crude like, I do business with the blacksmith too but I don’t let him slap my ass, and they actually laughed at that, and it was alright. The deliveries were arranged for dawn the next morning and I went back to the ship, finding the captain on the dock. I gave him a report on the results and a small bag of some coin that remained.


I figured I had to do the four elements, I mean the point was a meditation and I was not going to risk falling asleep or something and not getting to it. But I couldn’t tell someone in a ‘world’ — not just an archetype — “Hey I need to pull the rain of love down on us, K?” because in this world I’d probably get a sword through the gut. I mean that’s the lesson that is impossible to convey to someone just reading, that in these worlds — not the archmeds but the “worlds” sense — to these people, this is REAL.

Sure maybe my brain is making them all up, I’m totally cool with that likelihood, but that doesn’t change the point that to the ‘people’ in these ‘worlds’ the events are real. If I act like it’s not real so I ignore trying to fit in, they are confused, or they are scared, or they think I’m a god or wizard or whatever. It’s a matter of honor in a way, it’s like I’m being gifted the ability to be in their world for educational reasons so I should behave appropriately. Whether their world is solely in my head is beyond the point. Maybe my world is in someone’s head.

It occurred to me that if everything is energy, there is no reason why “rain sun wind mineral” have to actually BE those things. Couldn’t I project the energy signature of rain instead? Did it have to be “manifest” to count?? I thought I’d try it.

I targeted the captain — the assumed Knight of Cups — and our immediate environ and ran the four elements and then another rush of those plus ‘love via the heart chakra’ at everything. I didn’t get any rushing at all, however, a weird thing immediately happened:

The whole world got more bright and more colorful and more sharply defined. As if that effort “cleaned the screen of the ajna chakra” or something. Like you’re watching some show that is in color but it was made in like 1969, and then all the sudden it changes to the same movie but made in say, 2002. Not 3D HD or anything but still, vastly more clear-edged vivid-color and quality of textures and such. It was like the world seemed happier and more interesting somehow even though it hadn’t changed otherwise. We walked back up onto the ship and he went off to do something.

I stood back against a pole and asked Mark, “What now? Am I done? How do I leave?” And he just closed the world off and I was here.


PS So would the world seem more happy and beautiful if we were different?? I guess, as IG4 told me a couple times: everything is different when you are different.

PPS I later read some on the Cathars, of which I seriously knew nothing but a vague familiarity with the name, and the details of this fit in very well.

PPPS – edited to add years later: I briefly saw Knight of Cups again during a talk with Mark (IG5) and Sun. He said that we (the man I ‘was’ during that meditation) had been very deep friends for a long time in that life. I missed him, still miss him at times, as if that is so.

Thoth Tarot Meditations: Cups
Thoth Tarot Ace of Cups
1, 2
Thoth Tarot Two of Cups (Love)
Thoth Tarot Three of Cups (Abundance)
Thoth Tarot Four of Cups (Luxury)
Thoth Tarot Five of Cups (Disappointment)
Thoth Tarot Six of Cups (Pleasure)
Thoth Tarot Seven of Cups (Debauch)
Thoth Tarot Eight of Cups (Indolence)
Thoth Tarot Nine of Cups (Happiness)
Thoth Tarot Ten of Cups (Satiety)
Thoth Tarot Princess of Cups
Thoth Tarot Prince of Cups
Thoth Tarot Queen of Cups
Thoth Tarot Knight of Cups