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I spent a little time with the Four and with Alayaowaeyiia (heart chakra) sitting in the universe tunnel, looking out over the landscape of me, Alaya’s vivid green pyramid barely visible in the distance. Once before he had given me a few of the odd colored shapes on the fat border around that tunnel and they had prompted turbulent memories in me. He offered me another now, and I was shocked that I got nothing but a great feeling and body-wide merge-fuzzies from it. I felt like he found it slightly amusing that I seemed to expect everything to be hard.

*

Mark has had me opening boxes, looking for pieces of him, since I am not for whatever reason up to doing the major med of ‘finding him’ in some larger way. All the boxes are very unique and often don’t open without basically my forcing a magical solution. They all contain a small gem of some kind and when I touch it, it turns to sparkles and just goes into my hand. It’s just a tiny, silly exercise we’ve been playing.

But I opened one box and it had a small ring with a couple small pearls. I had the overlay of a young woman’s ring and then the term “promise ring” very clearly, and he put it on my left little finger (the engagement ring from the Four is on that ring finger). He looked at me intently and whispered, “I promise, if you find me, things will be ok.” I just looked at him silently for awhile — at least not freaking out into rejection like I’ve done every time he’s said something reassuring in the recent past. Finally I melted a little into tears of maybe-I-just-want-to-hear-that and there was the sense of, will you not believe it, will you give the ring back? And I clamped my fingers down and refused to give it back.

*

I finally finished making an audacity audio file for an official prayer to all the Powers of the Chakras. I was very careful about what I asked for and how I asked for it, changing the wording in tiny details often. The first half was all about working with them and so on, what/when/how/often to talk to them, and the second half was about what I would like them to help with, rather specific to biology mostly.  I was playing soft music in the background during the 24 minute file and I fell asleep right at the end and it turns out it was on loop. So while I slept this prayer looped over and over again. I woke up at the end of a dream where I was saying very emotionally, insisting to someone (who had misunderstood and needed to be set straight apparently) about the nature of the Powers:

They are huge, don’t you see? They are a gigantic piece of the universe, they are gods in their own right, in their part of the spectrum. Don’t assume they are simple, and that your wording must be perfect or they’d get something all wrong. They do understand the larger context that you have to live within. If you want something from them, just ask – clearly of course, but there is no need to be over-simplified or polarized in your requests. This is about intent, not English. They are complex, evolved beings.

There was a sense of having underestimated them in a way that would be patronizingly offensive except they’re far too big to be offended by someone so trivial and clueless as me, ha.

I felt that was a clear answer to some of the questions I asked in the prayer though, so it’s all good. I went back to talk with them tonight and asked only for the two things — to be healthy and to integrate with Mark — and approached them in a way I now think was more appropriate.

*

I sat in the universe tunnel with the Four briefly tonight and Alaya joined us again. He gave me something, and I took it, but couldn’t feel anything. It had plastic on it, like a hard case in two parts snapped together, and I took that off and held it, yet still didn’t feel very much from it. It told me it belonged inside me, and I understood it went in a certain place in my lower torso. No idea why, but ok.

Thoth Tarot Four of Cups (Luxury)

Thoth Tarot Four of Cups (Luxury)

I asked Mark if we could do Four of Cups. I actually though this was Love but it turns out it is Luxury. I didn’t look at the card first and had forgotten entirely. First he danced with me, and I let that happen and got some nice rushing from it. Then he ported us to the edge of this high cliff, and a huge waterfall with tons of fat individual streams was in a half-moon shape, and other falls on the other cliffs around us. Water everywhere, rainbows, really lovely. He suggested we could fly if I wanted, and I leaped off the cliff and flew between the cliffs and falls and through the spray for quite some time, just playing. It was a lovely thing.

Then the Four joined us and I let Queen take lead in her metallic-golden eagle form, and I got nice rushing while she was leading. Eventually I asked if I should talk to the tarot Aeon and so we went back to the cliff, and I met the Aeon but I don’t remember much of anything about it except that the whole experience was kind of like “an enjoyable positive experience” as everything up to then had been, and not much like an archmed. Or the “it must be hard” expectation I must have of them, I guess. Eventually I asked for something to wear on or in my body to better absorb more of that energy and it wrapped me in flowers that sank into me and then I had this sense of “beautiful blooming all over.”

I realized abruptly that I have nothing to give but myself, and it is ever thus. And then I realized that senior is fire, and Queen is water, and third is air, and when I run the elements on archs, I have been thinking of it like I was pushing/pulling an energy on/through them, but really what I am doing is offering myself in “interaction” — because I am the Four, on another level we are all, all of us — and I hadn’t seen it that way before. It felt profound at the time. Anyway, I had constant “energy yawns” and rushing through most of the evening, and greatly in my lower body which is not the norm, it was all quite nice.

I was going to not bother blogging as I felt I had nothing to blog about. Someone inside suggested that it was an invalidation of the tarot Aeon if I felt having a good time in a med with it made it all ‘not count.’

*

After I saw the card, when I got to the blog, I realized that I’d been interacting with Luxury very obviously, from the landscape to the experience. Not ‘love’ as I was assuming (oops).

P

Thoth Tarot Meditations: Cups
Thoth Tarot Ace of Cups
1, 2
Thoth Tarot Two of Cups (Love)
1
Thoth Tarot Three of Cups (Abundance)
1
Thoth Tarot Four of Cups (Luxury)
1
Thoth Tarot Five of Cups (Disappointment)
1
Thoth Tarot Six of Cups (Pleasure)
1
Thoth Tarot Seven of Cups (Debauch)
1
Thoth Tarot Eight of Cups (Indolence)
1
Thoth Tarot Nine of Cups (Happiness)
1
Thoth Tarot Ten of Cups (Satiety)
1
Thoth Tarot Princess of Cups
1
Thoth Tarot Prince of Cups
1
Thoth Tarot Queen of Cups
1
Thoth Tarot Knight of Cups
1