Eons ago, for the first time in my life at the time (mid-90s), I looked all through a Tarot deck. It happened to be the Thoth tarot. I slowly went through looking at each card as an art form, since I knew nothing about it and had no interest in Tarot anyway.
Thoth Tarot Adjustment
When I got to the card “Adjustment” I knew that it was “my” card. I don’t know what this means or how it could be. I just “intuitively understood” that. I wondered if maybe Tarot represents our reality and everybody has ‘a card’. I had heard a lot of people talk about this online in CompuServe’s “New Age” forum for the previous year or two, but they were always things like “The Empress” or whatever. “My” card seemed almost boring and certainly less glamorous by comparison, and I felt slightly disappointed, but with humor. Since that time, I’ve accepted that this is “my card” but without any real interest in what that might mean for some reason.
Out of the blue day before yesterday I had gotten an idea about something to meditate on. And then yesterday out of the blue I got the idea to meditate on Thoth’s “Adjustment” and its deeper archetypal meaning. I realized that IG is the source of these spontaneous insights, which hit when I am minding my own business doing something else. I think she wants me to think it’s my idea. I told my boyfriend that and he laughed. He said “That’s what you get for having a woman IG now! All the ideas will come from her but she’ll let you think it’s YOUR idea.” That seems pretty funny.
Well so I thought I would meditate on that last night as my first request and then do one IG wanted. I went to bed early enough to make it happen. I lit incense and a small votive and did what I could to make it a ritual. But it was HARD. I had to drag myself back to the meditation a dozen times before I even got to the cave! I had dragged myself back a good two dozen times before I ever even made it to IG!
I hadn’t expected it would be hard. To me it’s just a tarot card; so what? But this is probably the hardest med I have tried to do in I can’t remember how long, if I could barely even GET there and only with immense self discipline. And my mind kept sliding right off and I would yell, “Freeze! Now back up… what was I doing…” until I finally got back to realizing I was trying to meditate on adjustment and would go back to what I was doing. It was just crazy!
When I finally got the arch I couldn’t really even see it. I thought it might be a kind of giant version of the being in the card but I wasn’t sure. I had a hard time going anywhere near it and in the process of considering it, I passed out into sleep. Which is ridiculous because I was NOT that tired, I was sitting up straight, I was cool, in fact I had actually stopped earlier and changed my position to make sure I was not in an easy-sleep position just because of the difficulties I was having.
So I woke up this morning ticked off that I completely bombed. I’ll have to try again today.
As an aside, night before last I dreamed I met a woman and we became wonderful friends. That was after the meditation where the funky machine became a woman and we became friends. And after I got the first ever woman IG. I guess I feel like on some level, my psiche (psyche + psi) is working on that happening in my life.
Well, the kid and I are having something luxurious that we should not be eating that I need to go make, and then we’re going to watch The Matrix which she wants to watch for some reason and I haven’t seen in eons.
PJ
