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I have not meditated since around the 7th or 8th when, after walking away from the 2nd night’s meditation-world, I just felt completely at-the-edge in some ineffable way and asked IG if I could have a few nights off. I see that back on the 3rd I wrote about crazy sudden ‘resistance’ to the extreme. I guess it finally got me.

I spent from just after my ‘departure’ from this, that until a day ago, utterly obsessively buried in online research regarding nutrients and health and biology. It was one amazement after the other, almost every day something new to me, something I didn’t know.

During that time I’ve gone through cycles. Of intense cynicism and semi-depression because the genuine conspiracy plus a world of ignorance of the medical system, when you get into many things back to back that are amazing followed by how the authorities hunted someone down in ways that sound improbable even for a fairy tale, it messes with your feelings about a lot of things… including what you believe about your ‘country’ that is apparently only true on the surface and not… really.

Midnight Mass with IG, 31 May 2012

Me: IG, should I go back to the two worlds I didn’t really work with, and finish that?

IG: On your own time. We have other things that need doing.

Oh! Well then… it took awhile because I could not get my brain to stay still for 5 seconds.

Finally I did. She stood very close in front of me and to help keep my brain from falling asleep, I kept my hands in a praying position, lifted with palms together. We appeared someplace with nothing but darkness around. I tried to figure out if it was space, void, just someplace dark, or what. But then she indicated the feeling of “OK it’s ready,” as if it were behind me, and I turned around and it was light and I was standing alone in the middle of… well, something.

My eyes are exhausted from three solid weeks of nearly every waking minutes on the computer and massive reading. They constantly feel dry as if I can feel the entire eyeball, I think they’re really overstressed, and I woke up yesterday and could hardly see at all for a short time. My third eye was apparently taking the night off, maybe related to my abuse of that body area. I didn’t really get much visual but I did get a decent amount of “internal kinesthetics translating to visual.”

My brain was trying to decide if I was in a city, a forest, some kind of… artificial thing or fantasy land, or what. It was incredibly colorful. Rich vibrant colors everywhere. The kind of colors where nearly everything has some overlay of naturally-growing-food, it’s just that ‘rich’.

I was kind of on a road, a dirt road you could say though it was wide and smooth. all around the road and even over my head intertwined a bit, were trees, but the trees were like some cross between the Lorax world and the chakra gem-world and some plants that really were not trees at all, but bushes and vines that were simply very tall but with groupings and shapes of color, some as if floral but most as if that were the color of their leaves or… just creative texture that wove itself into richly colored shapes.

Then there was this thing a little ahead and to the right which was clearly a building, but it was very difficult even to fathom because it was… well sort of like a natural growth, the kind of elegance only nature creates in seashells and the golden mean, with curvy almost spiral places like you would see on a young vine except it was a structure, and it was light colored. It was maybe two stories tall, and seemed to continue into the surrounding plant life so I couldn’t see its real size. I wished I could have had some ajna help there but the sense was fairly decent, it’s just that I couldn’t really ‘see’ anything in ‘clarity-with-detail’.

A guy walked out onto the road in my direction from a short distance away. He would have been normal except he had the head of a bear. No idea why. I remembered what the private oracle said about energies that are foreign to me so I figured it was just my translation. For a moment I considered ‘going invisible’ as I normally do initially in ‘the worlds’, but changed my mind and just decided to deal with whatever came.

We talked. I hemmed and hawed around where I was from.

Him: Hello!

Me: Hello. I honor you.

Him: You… are new. You’re visiting?

Me: Yes.

Him: Where are you from?

Me: Someplace… ah, very different. What a lovely place this is! Just lovely. Tell me, if you were a visitor here, where would you go, what would you do or see?

Him: Would you like me to show you around?

Me: I’d love that! Yes please!

We walked down the wide path for awhile. I asked what things were. I could not ‘understand’ the words he used for anything. It was like normal english and then he would ‘name’ something and it was like when you hear someone in volume but your ears or brain simply cannot begin to make out what it was.

I asked about the building and he said something I couldn’t quite grasp, like “they just built it like that. Many look different.”  I asked who ‘they’ was and he really looked at me like he couldn’t believe I didn’t know this and said a word I didn’t get, but my inner-self translated to, “The Weavers.”

Me: They… built that? Or… they grew that?

Him: A little of both. It is crystallized thought. You know.

I didn’t know. But my mind was slightly boggled at the idea. I nodded as if ‘ah-hah’.  I was thinking — the reason I said ‘grew’ — of these creatures in the ‘Wheel of Time’ book. I thought maybe his head and the unique structure, especially together, just kind of reminded me of that. Then I wondered if like many fiction authors especially the best ones, Jordan might have sometimes tuned into archetypes that others might sometimes run into as well… implying something more ‘real’ than only in his books. Then I paid attention again.

At one point he asked me if I’d like to go to {something} and I said sure! A little offside the path on the left, just a bit ahead, was this ‘thing’ rather like the material of the building, maybe an 8 foot by 8 foot thin single-wall with an attached floor, that was sideways off the path, with its back to some trees. He went to it and stood just near it, waiting for me.

Me: That is…?

Him: Well that’s how we get there of course.  (I said nothing.)  You have no experience with this?

Me: Ah, no, sorry. Please, tell me about it.

Him: How could you not know?

Me: I’ve, um, I’ve led a very, very “sheltered” life.

A look of ‘dawning understanding’ comes over his face and he seems very serious then and he nods quietly.

Him: You’re of the {something}.

He says that as if he has never seen one of these people before. I figure whatever it is, apparently he expects them to have lived in a cave or something. But I’m not sure I should go with that, what if it means some evil alien or something?

Me: Can you explain what that word means to you? Maybe we have another word for it.

Him: It is the {word I couldn’t get but some inner-me said something like, “a well-known yet officially secretive spiritual order which keeps the young women completely underground and apart from the world until they are of age.”}

Me: {Trying NOT to lie while clearly trying to ‘allow him to believe I agreed’ with my body movements} It’s not something I can talk about.

He shrugs in acceptance. I hope this won’t come back to haunt me but it seems a fairly good cover. I don’t want to just go telling people in other worlds that I’m from another world as, aside from Galana, I’m just not so sure that’s a good idea in some of them.

My ‘invalidation’ of ‘everything in my head’ seems to be fading as more of these experiences happen and I feel like I’m realizing that our world is no more or less real or fake than these, and that there is a certain… what’s the word… well, there is a responsibility in a way. I mean when you think something is just making it up or something, do what you want, but when it’s not… well it’s like that movie “the 13th Floor,” you know? (One of my favorite movies.) When you realize that another world has a genuine reality to the people living in it — no matter what YOU think of the ‘reality’ of those people or that world — then you have a responsibility to that world as well as your own, to do no harm, at the least.

Him: This is how we can travel to {word I can’t get}. We stand on this, facing this, and it will move us.

Me: How? Does it move? (It didn’t seem like it would.)

Him: Crystallized thought, same as the structure. It’s the art of {the old ones}. The {Weavers} can still do some of it, like this.

I joined him, and I thought maybe it would be some big ‘experiential’ thing but it wasn’t. The environment around us simply changed.

Blue was everywhere. As if the prior world was a sort of loose motley collection of stuff, like a disorganized path a little offside a village or something, but this was different. There was a very large structure I could see in the distance to the right and it was much taller and wider and nearly square. All the things growing were more dense but more uniform and seemed as if all the colors, the blues, were intentionally put there. You might say that if I had this sense in an RV session, of things done in intentional organization, I would know the area was man-made or man-formed (a forest is not an orchard, if you see what I mean).  There was almost no color except blue here though, very rich hues.

Me: Beautiful. More organized, though. It seems almost… well, government, in a way.

Him: Yes! Yes, this is the {something translating as ‘ruling house’ or ‘house of where ruling occurs’}. Visitors often come here from other lands.

We went left, away from the building, toward what looked like a cliff of some kind. But when we arrived I saw that there was this perhaps 150 feet across perfect circle lake, deep but the water very clear, and there was something that seemed very powerful right in the middle of it, like a dense whirlpool, even though the water all around that area seemed very calm.

Me: Wow. I take it… you don’t swim in that.

Him: Definitely not. There have been a few people who have leaped into it though.

Me: Really? Were they ok?

Him: Well they disappeared. We assume that was their ending. But there is no way to know for sure.

I had this very strong feeling that this was something I actually needed to do in this world. Maybe not this moment, but I needed to come back here and jump into the whirlpool and see what happened. I told myself to remember so I could write it down and not forget.

We continued walking and talking. I noticed that his bear-head now looked different to me, he was now about 70% human and 30% bear. I figured that meant I was adapting to some energy. He pointed things out, and then told me there was another place I might find interesting. I agreed, and we walked a bit until we came to another one of those wall-floor like things, except this one was larger and had something along the top of it.

Me: This one is different.

Him: It goes to several places, you choose which.

Me: Really! Why don’t they just make them all so they can go to many?

Him: We don’t know how to weave these anymore. The old ones did these. We can only do a single place.

We were moved into near-darkness.

Me: How could it be dark here and light in the last place? This is the same world, right?

Him: (laughing) Of course it is! This is on the other side, it is in shadow.

He pointed at the sky. I again wished I had some pure visuals because even the inner translation was marvelous, not only were the stars just fantastically clear and large and even colored in some cases!, sparkling like crazy, but I could actually see a variety of small bodies, as if moons or asteroids or something, all over the place. A large moon seemed to slide out from behind a cloud I guess, I couldn’t see it but everything got brighter.

Then I saw it, this structure — this amazing structure — it was perhaps three stories of height, and at first all I could see was this round area sticking out, this is very hard to describe in words, but I think the closest (not very close) thing we have would be a round gazebo shape, the slightly faceted circle with vertical poles at the facet corners and the idea that people would be ‘inside’ it. Except this was part of the structure and sticking out three stories up. Except this part was not structure–it was plant. All over the building, as we got closer I could see that there were several different kinds of strong, powerful looking huge plants that wove in and out with the light colored structural material, in a way I couldn’t even track. I couldn’t figure out what was tree-ish and what was building-ish.

Me: That is simply amazing. How did they do that??

Him: This is from the old ones. The structural part  is crystallized thought, as the others.

Me: Well yeah but, these plants, this is alive! 

Him: Yes, it is amazing.

Me: Do you suppose the plants might also be crystallized thought?

He studied it.

Him: I never thought of that. I don’t know how that could be. But that is a very different way of thinking about it.

He seemed intrigued and deep in thought for a bit. Then as we talked a bit he asked if I needed a place to sleep, and if I wanted to stay as his guest. I was very enthusiastically grateful and we began walking back toward the transporter-wall, I guess I’ll call it. When we reached it, I looked at the part of it that moved to define your destination. I was reminded of the ‘stargate’ concept in my own world.

Me: Has anybody ever stepped on one of these and vanished? I mean, not showed up at the destination and never been found?

Him: (laughing) Not that I know of. We’d be a little less willing to use them if so!

Me: Do any of the ‘destinations’ you can choose on these from the old ones, lead to other places, like maybe to those moons up there in the sky?

He stopped and looked at me with wide eyes, and said nothing for a bit. Then he finally said:

Him: What an amazing idea! No. At least, I don’t think so. (Then he added:) You’re very weird.

I grinned and he grinned in response, but I ignored that. I noticed that he now seemed like he had a normal human head, except I couldn’t “see” him I could only “sense” him enough to get a sort of “concept visual,” like everything else.

We appeared in the darkening-dusk of a place rather disorganizedly chaotically colorful much like the first place, and as we walked a bit I realized we were in the same place, but on the other side and some ways down of where I had come in. We walked to that same structure, and around the side, and then a space opened up and we walked ‘down into’ an area like a natural courtyard-ish shape, and on the left went into a door that was apparently his place. I just fit in the doorway but he had to duck.

Me: The doors are too small?

Him: Our people used to be shorter. The insides are large, though.

His house or apartment or whatever it was, had ‘curve’ all over the inside wall. There was one small room we walked into and through and a much larger room where he had a thick mat or pallet on the floor. There were windows that were just open air. There were shelves built into the walls themselves like they grew that way. All over the shelves, all over the room was amazing, vivid colorful objects.

I went to one and stared at it. I can’t recall the color now. The closest thing in our world might be ‘blown glass.’ I could feel it in me, like maybe in my heart chakra, such a sense of beauty. I was reminded of a time during my Bewilderness era when I fell in love with a tree. She (the tree really seemed like a she) had seemed to be reaching into the sky in the pure-simple joy of the glory of the sun-god. I talked to her, hugged her, was crazy about her. I mourned when I had to move and leave her. Of course I was pretty weird during that era and all my chakras were a little over-done…

Me: This is stunning. I mean, look at the shape of this thing. It’s like… it’s like the elegance of nature, and the admiration of man, like some combination of a beautiful water fairy stretching in the morning and a newly sprouted plant uncurling to the sun, and a man who loves them both capturing this, and all in such a rich color like the whole thing is inherently alive, it just happens to be still in this moment of time.

He beamed, clearly delighted.

Him: That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said! Thank you! These are my work, this is what I do.

Me: This is… a vase?

Him: It can be. (He waved his hand around the room.) I sell these weekly at the market and they are placed in many homes all over this world. There is even one in the house of the {word I couldn’t get. Inner self says: “King-President male in the house-of-ruling”}!

I looked suitably impressed. I realized that these were small works of ‘crystallized thought’. That’s why he knew what it was and was so intrigued by a new idea regarding the structure of the old ones, this was his art and job. I wondered if maybe talking more with him in the future would give me some insights about the nature of reality or manifestation or something that might relate to my own world. I wondered why he referred to the weavers as if they were separate though. Maybe he is a novice or just an artist not an… architect.

I looked again at the windows.

Me: Do you not get bugs inside your home?

Him: Bugs? Why would they be here? They live out there.

Me: Well I mean… but don’t they come in here, with those open windows?

Him: Well no, of course not, this is not their place.

Me: But how do they _know_ that?

Him: It is a part of the weaver thought. There is more than just a solid-surface or something you see to it. It is thought, and there are many layers and depths to the thought.

That seemed very interesting. I guess that makes sense. Like, that bugs are smarter than I am because they can sense it and apparently I didn’t…

I had no hope for getting his name. I had not been able to hear a single ‘novel’ word the entire visit so the odds were completely against me.

Me: Will you tell me your name?

Of course, he said something, but I couldn’t begin to make it out. However, I did ‘feel’ it. Alas, it was one of those “dimensional sound” feelings. I won’t bore you with the painful details. It was impossible.

Rullen was the end result I came up with. Except the L’s make it impossible for the flat “uh” sound to manifest as much as it needs to, it is a “doubled uh sound” like one behind the other in depth, and the end I have is wrong but nothing else was right and everything else I tried was more-wrong. I worked to imprint in myself his name and his house so I can go back there in the future.

He showed me to a small separate room with a pallet and a small window. He said that I could sleep there. Then he indicated that he would be more than happy to have me share the much thicker-softer pallet he sleeps on, but he knows that given I am {their version of a nun-like priestess I suppose} he understands I would not be comfortable with that.

Some inner part of me thought it was hilarious. So I’m more comfortable with men and probably a higher % of my interior experiences are with men. But then there’s that sexual energy so often involved. Well this ensured that cannot be involved since it’ll completely blow my nun-like cover! Very funny. Maybe IG helped arrange that to keep me from getting distracted, ha!

As he went to leave the room, I stopped him with a hand on his arm.

Me: I may have to leave… before morning. If that should happen and I am not here, please know that I am so very grateful for your kindness. I find you interesting and your art amazingly beautiful and I hope we can meet again.

He put his hand on mine and just stared at me without a word for probably five seconds, before bowing a little and walking out of the room. I waited until he seemed settled in his space, before I closed the meditation and came back to IG.


She seemed to think it went ok.

Me: I feel like I should be more altered state. Should I be?

IG: It is good to learn to do these things consciously. (However I had the feeling that she “felt,” behind that, that there was in fact value to the deeper state, it’s just that right now, this is what we are working on, for whatever reason.)

Me: Would it be a different experience if I were more altered state?

IG: It is always different if you are different.

Oh yeah. Then I remembered that I kinda messed up again. Last time I’d been determined to be more constructive on info-gathering. I forgot to ask the name of the world, even. Although it might have been hard to get away with that since I was supposed to be from the same world and he was already acting like my unfamiliarity with stuff was hard to understand.

I spent awhile with IG then. I don’t remember much, it was confusing and I think I half fell asleep a couple times. Once, I was suddenly just for about half a second, “in” this “place” like… maybe like an underground subway tunnel or something, to my right was the opening-up of the hallway I was in and up on the wall I faced at the top corner was square sign, red, with the white letter “A” inside it. The wall was dirty and grungy and the place seemed abandoned. I wasn’t in it for a long enough instant to get anything else. I tried to figure out what that meant, but couldn’t and gave up. Eventually I sort of fell asleep. I woke up when thunder hit nearby, and I came to write this down.