I recently blogged about a vision of my Aeon Ray — where I could SEE him utterly clearly, and talk to him, and knew that this man was how his energy was “em-bodied in this reality.”
Some time ago (after that, though) I met another Aeon. Completely clear vision. I was just astounded by how clear this was — really the chakras are just rocking when they want to be!
He said he was Jared. And I instantly closed it down in emotional rejection.
I love Jared, I have a close relationship with him especially compared to most others. He and I have been through a lot together.
But his embodiment ‘here’ was so different than how I have modeled him internally.
Jared first appeared (the first Aeon I ever encountered, though I didn’t know it at the time) — and then again a year later — as a Roman-ish soldier, a leader, though in more casual leather. Possibly influenced by my limited experience, he came across a lot like Russell Crowe in the Gladiator movie, because I don’t know many generals of armies of that era to model that energy on I suppose.
We have spent a lot of time together in the past. Our relationship had a whole storyline-drama that I’m sure is as creative as anything else (not literal except for me), but it created powerful emotion in me. And resolving that energy helped me let go of one of the most detrimental, powerful energies I’d had for 40 years. So it was a big deal.
Sometimes in the past when I spent more time with my Aeons, I would just go see him and El Nino, and hang out with them for awhile. We’d ride for awhile, stop and picnic, curl up together in a hammock. You get the idea.
The man I saw, the man his energy is embodied as in my reality, is so completely different — and pointedly, actually, unattractive to me, even a bit repellent! I had an instant “I don’t like him and wouldn’t get along with him” sense.
The instant, utter CRASH of how Jared feels to me internally, versus the personality he embodies here as, was such a cognitive dissonance that my psychology slammed that door shut immediately.
I cannot begin to find a picture to represent him literally. But just a little bit, I knew an actor who had just a little bit of the “feel” of him — it is ineffably difficult to explain — this pic of Chris Elliot (who I think is a fine actor, nothing against the guy!). Except much worse than this — there was something about him that was immediately irritating to me. The whole look of him was even irritating to me.
(I suppose he is ‘carrying that energy’ for me, like in ‘my worst enemy’ meditation.)
Once on an airplane I had a few minutes where I knew, from the look of anyone even from the back, tons about them. As if every single thing about them was so obviously manifested in their body, in how they stood, in their face, it was just so incredibly apparent. It was a small few minutes of expanded perception that was really amazing.
I seemed to have that with the two Aeons I’ve seen so far. Like an instant look at them tells me tons about their personality and how we would interact.
I didn’t get that part in the old airplane experience — that was more about the “nature” of people (to include a lot of their inhibitions and limitations), nothing to do with how I’d relate to them.
With the Aeons, how I would relate to them comes through instantly.
If I had to let immediate prejudices run, I’d say the gut feeling was that he’d be a wanna-be intellectual I’d be stuck working with in some fashion, someone I would feel had seriously insufficient integrity, who would end up being one of those drama queen, competitive but weak, pansy-ass jerks that make me want to force them to find some spine and be a man already. (I actually mean that as much for women as men, not really saying men are supposed to be tougher, just using the ‘man’ in that phrase in the ‘have a backbone and character already’ sense.)
Such rare people come across as such manipulators using victim-whining-as-bullying, they make me WANT to be mean to them at that point (I guess that’s a sort of “I’ll give you something to whine about!” haha).
(Although I liked him better and he’s certainly better looking, the coworker I had the Froggy Prince meditation about was rather like that.)
So you take an Aeon who is a fundamental part of me, a vast 1/12 of the universe that is me, a man with a profound and intimate and powerful relationship with me, who has always been so strong (remember the archetype model he came to me with), whom I have admired and adored for years for his strength of character as well as body.
And then there’s this dorky looking guy who pissed me off instantly and almost gave me a sneer-response.
It was horrible.
The previous vision I had, of Ray, I didn’t dislike the guy, but I had the sense then that he and I would probably be at loggerheads before long, gut feeling, like I would find him stubborn and a little unreasonable, maybe even obtuse.
Now I’m slightly terrified that I will actually meet 3rd of 4 in my reality, as I’ve hoped for years, and I’ll think he’s a total jerk. My god. I didn’t get that impression in the visions I’ve had of him. But I did get the impression that he was a bit… conservative. A very solid salt of the earth sort. Like a lot of my less ideal personality elements he would find irritating or immature.
And then I realized what I’d done. I had let some kind of immediate prejudice, including some degree of reacting merely to how he looked, actually cause me to reject one of my own Aeons! Good grief!
I mean — how would they see me? For godssakes I’m the size of a refrigerator, and you know how our culture is about fat, they’d likely be horrified. And what if they were as shallow and prejudiced about me as I am apparently about them?
I apologized sincerely. I begged forgiveness. I was mortified that he had been KIND enough to actually help me perceive him literally, to add an answer to my question about whether my Aeons, like the Four, were actually embodied in my focus-reality — and I promptly rejected him with such an immediate, intense reaction.
How can I love him so much inside, and perceive him with so much strength of character inside, and yet perceive his body/personality in this focus-reality as so completely different?
It fries my brain.