I’ve been working on ‘getting to’ the Four for a be-ing-with meditation since yesterday. I go through the rest of my inner-world first and I cannot seem to finish that process without interruption (usually by sleep or my attention drifting away). I start the chakra series and I’m gone. This evening, waking up from when I fell asleep in the effort earlier, I determined to do better.
Konewa Turi! I called, showing up in the area of me where they are found. I sensed that I got both the masculine and feminine actually present and noticing me, which is novel, so I figured this was another chance to talk with them about The Big Question that I brought up the last time we talked. I am stumbling through what words could be right for this.
Me: Is there something that I need to DO to make it possible for you to… begin your process of… becoming the dominant light in our joined-Being? Something that would… make it possible? Or prevent my dying? ‘Cause I have a sewed-in heart valve, you know. I really don’t want to die.
I sense no response. I sigh. That’s not unusual. But I do actually feel like they were present and… paying attention. So there’s that, at least. I guess.
I continue on.
I talk with Bessand Ari. As always it is more difficult for me to see them clearly in the chakra gem world, or perceive them very clearly when saying hello.
I go to Kyana Daoen’s and imagine knocking on the front door of “his house” he took me to long ago. He lets me in, and I ask Ithika and Taan if they will join us (as they are very strong @KD or perhaps KD is very strong in them, not sure) and they are there with me. I tell KD that I would like to know them better and what’s most important is, I really want us to communicate well. I want to know what he wants, what he likes.
I suddenly realize I have been in a spontaneous dreamling of sorts. In that, which I only fuzzily recall, I found myself saying to someone, something about, KD really liking a certain person (mythical, just in the dreamling). I abruptly realized I was back ‘here’ again and then considered, a bit fascinated: Do my chakras have preferences on who I associate with?!
And then I went down a whole rabbit hole about this.
If the Aeons utterly compose me as they do; and if they make clear that the chakraic energy is a bunch of what composes them, in turn; then technically… my chakras are not merely present within me, like rocks in a riverbed… but are part of my composition.
I realized: but so what. Surely I know that already?? Only shallowly on the surface I think. Because there are other considerations, if I take it seriously.
Like with the Aeons, I live ‘for’ all of us, as CEO of this joined-focus, and their expression and evolution is an integral, critical, important part of that — of what I choose for my life. But this would mean… that the same goes for the Chakras.
Me: KD, I have thought of the chakras as like… it just being an issue of health. Function. But if you are more developed identities, and a part of me, then… there must be more. Surely there is more… nuance and detail than the less-personalized issue of what makes you stronger vs. not.
He didn’t respond, but I sensed he agreed. I asked Sun and 3rd to join me, and I went to the chakra gem world and put my hands on the elevated-pyramid of Alayaowaeyiia. Then Alaya was with me, and I thanked him for all that he has done for me, and I remembered how simply gorgeous his people are in the glittery multicolor skin mode, and just as I was going to say something to him about Konewa Turi and the issue of risk to the heart, he surprised me.
Alaya: Come with me to the Heart Lake.
Me: The heart has a lake?!
I reach out and take his hand, and allow myself to imagine I am following and we are arriving.
We reach the shore of what seems a small lake, which has a rather sudden dropoff at the edge, not very gradual. I am standing there wondering if this parallels something biological and what it would be.
This… thing… starts coming out of the water. It is tall, kind of thin, maybe round but I’m not sure, it’s just this tall thing that I cannot see clearly at all for any detail. It seems like it has something on the top of it… maybe. It is lifting out, as if it were lying flat, and one side has stuck into the bottom and the other is rising up so it is eventually vertical and right at the far edge of my reach. It seems like it kind of has something on the top of it… maybe… that comes down a bit on it.
I stare at it. “What is it?” I ask Alaya.
“You don’t know?” he asks. I get the feeling he thinks that deep down I do and I’m just not letting myself have the info.
“No. I can’t even see it very well,” I admit. I can’t even see the shape well, just that it’s tall and long and a bit different at the end somehow.
He doesn’t answer, but I have the sudden “overlay” — well it’s more like an “underlay” but that is hard to explain, but heart data comes across like that — of the ancient story of Arthur finding the sword Excaliber in the lake (or handed out to him by the Lady of the Lake). I feel that this impression is being given me.
I realize that probably means I should… take it. (For reasons beyond me, this did not make me think it was a sword. I only took the “for you” part of that.)
I reach out with both hands, and wrap both hands around it, one higher one lower. I feel it through my whole body when I do, with two things I notice simultaneously as this is happening: first, that my kundalini energy just amped up hugely very suddenly, and second, that if I were a lot more altered state, this would have been a more powerful experience for me. That suggests to me that I should take it a lot more seriously than I otherwise would based on my ‘experience,’ because it being somewhat mild is an artifact.
After a few moments of that, I lift it and pull it toward me, out of the lake and to me, right on the edge of the shore. I hold it away from me, staring at it, thinking about it. I could feel something about it I was struggling to get up to articulation-level.
I clicked on what I was remembering. It was a long ago archetype meditation where there were these poles and some had round spheres at the top and some had these transparent-glass cubic or geometric forms at the top which reminded me of the staff that the princess and queen of disks hold. Back then I had said: These (round) are staffs of light, and these (cubic) are staffs of power. And I’d had a “merge-rushing” then, so I figured that was correct and something important to have realized.
It had not occurred to me until now that light and power would be separate (I mean they obviously were, I just never gave it any thought). But I was noticing it now, because:
Me: “Ahhh. This is both light AND power.”
Which seemed like a much bigger deal for it. And so it was, I could tell by my nervous system reaction to that.
I had the sense that I should put it in the center of me somehow, and I placed it in the middle of my body vertically, but I didn’t really feel like I was absorbing it. Alaya put his hand out, and it absorbed into the center of me.
I could not ignore the fairly major “activity and oomph” from my kundalini — like instant high-level sexual turn-on the moment I had touched that thing — which was still present. What does that mean?, I wondered.
I suddenly had this memory. I had once many years ago (15+) had this vision, I think it was one of those tiny abrupt visions, where I was lying naked on the ground, with my legs flat but spread open, and suddenly this massive crystalline sword punctured the ground and went up high above me, as if it missed my private parts by a millimeter, and I realized at the time that the sword represented Kundalini. Around that time I was having several very symbolic things like that going on specific to K. A crystal sword seemed reasonable.
I wondered: is this … thing now integrating into me… like a sword? Is that why the Arthurian underlay?
Then I sat here in astonishment at the sudden idea: that maybe that Arthurian tale is a symbolized story that is metaphysical, something about accepting the power or something. I have never heard that it might be, though I admit I don’t know much about those stories, short of a fabulous fiction series I read many decades ago (one of the book was called ‘The Crystal Cave’, I don’t recall anything else).
And then I looked at Alaya and realized: this is in response to my talk with Konewa Turi, and my planned talk with Alayaowaeyiia about KT.
Huh. Well, I said hello to BUSM, ACKRCK, Crown-RCA, and that was done. I figured I better write this down before I forget it.
Now the back of my brain is wondering if me thinking all of this was my own idea, and only happened in response to me saying that to KT, is actually not so. If maybe this was going to happen the next time I was going through the chakra process and reached Alaya anyway. That maybe this is why I’ve spent 24 hours just trying to get to a chakra med without suddenly going unconscious or distracted.
PS The image is from a 1903 illustration by Howard Pyle from the book King Arthur and His Knights. Public domain.