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Part of the Tarot Disks image I made for my wall. The Thoth Tarot is © to the OTO.

Part of the Tarot Disks image I made for my wall. The Thoth Tarot is © to the OTO.

I’ve thought much more often of the ‘group of guides’ IG brought me when I finished the disks archetype series, now that I have that art framed on my wall. I greet them daily and thank them for allowing me to become ‘aware’ of them.

At random times I discover the back of my brain is musing along with them. They ‘hang around’, not just literally but figuratively, and I think most of my interaction with them is below the level of my awareness. I just sometimes realize it’s going on.

As a reminder, I don’t “do” tarot or have any interest in divination with it — for me it is merely “archetypal” — nametag labels.

So I’m no expert on Tarot at all. I’m not even sure what to call my relationship to this, but I claim complete ignorance about the official topic. Every time I read something on it I get more confused, not less. The only thing I consider “real for me” is the insights I have with and related to them as archetypes.


Disks helped me understand better the recent meditation where I met 8 becoming 9 and had a momentary realization — instant, brief, and nearly overwhelming even at that — of the Truth that “every number is infinite.”

There was so much ‘within’ ‘8’ that my mind nearly imploded at the vastness and depth and expansion and innumerability of it. I barely mentioned it in the blog post, partly because it was so brief, partly because it was peripheral to the meditation I was actually working on, but mostly because it was so big that it took days to “roll out inside me” so I absorbed more of what the moment of experience/insight contained. I got more of it later.

Disks have also helped me understand that while the Tarot divides the universe into a few categories (suits), the suits divide that category into a few more categories, each being a card for us. A card is not a singular thing but a singular category — like a number, it’s huge, containing an infinite amount of awareness.

But it’s — well, the Tarot identities are Aeons. The cards literally span ‘the universe’ of awareness. This keeps coming back to me in pieces now and then like to try and get it through to my tiny little brain.

Each tarot card (identity-label) is, as 3 of Cups told me, an Aeon. Vastly… bigger than I realized.

The suits as category-groups are actually ‘The Aeons of the Aeons.’

Sort of… MegaAeons you might say.

And so are numbers.

Each of them are equally infinite; what we think of numbers aren’t just Aeons, as I thought when I met them; they are each an Aeon of Aeons, containing a whole universe of Aeons inside themselves.


I know, you’re probably thinking, “What difference could this possibly make? Isn’t this just a bunch of confusing labels? Who cares?”

Well, in one way it doesn’t matter what “scope” a given card has I suppose…

But in another way, it’s just a sort of insight — one that has meaning to me — that you could focus on a single card and literally, study it for your entire life in a monastery and never be to the whole of it.

It’s a profound realization there aren’t many words for.

I didn’t understand that until now and I think even now, I’m only getting a tiny bare fraction of it.

I didn’t understand the profundity of every single card as a stand-alone facet-of-universe-as-identity. Heck I didn’t even really understand that for the whole of the deck, never mind a single card.

Aeons of the Universe are gods. Little-g.

The deck as a whole is everything. Each suit is an Aeon of Aeons, and each card is utterly, mind-blowingly, impossibly vast and powerful, a genuine Aeon of the Universe — now I finally sort of understand the greater meaning behind what 3 of Cups was saying, was meaning, when she told me that.


I started out with Tarot meditations being “a little symbol-archetype” that I figure our people made up at some point and find convenient or entertaining.

I moved through thinking it was a lot more than that, and realizing it was something powerfully ‘through’ us and yet also beyond our ken.

And I’ve just kept moving through, until I’ve gotten to the point now of thinking that the whole of it is more than our brains can grasp, even a single card of it is.

The only appropriate approach to a tarot identity is respectful, humble awe.

I’m a shallow idiot who knows nothing about them, but fortunately the ‘interface archetypes’ of them seem willing to talk with me anyway.

If I am in the right state of mind, and I say right to mean the one I should be in but usually am not, I am almost agog from the power and divine grace of the ‘identity’ I am in rapport with. Some entity further-explaining things I’ve run into before, a little, why every card is a ‘dynamic,’ and why I was shown previously that every element (like nutritional or table-of-elements) is a ‘quality,’ and why the Thoth 3-of-Disks symbol with its “unsaturated” color and “transparent pyramidal almost-form” is amazingly insightful, and why what we call Works (like it’s a board game piece with a label on it), is a certain bandwidth spanning the entire universe.

And as such, it is all over — it winks out at us from within the manifestation of our reality, physically and in events and relationships and situations. Change the relationship with this one group of energy, this one card — the archetype that is our interface with it — and a “shift” fundamentally happens that pulls at the tapestry strings of your entire reality, that changes the geometry of our relationship with everything else.

The Tarot, as it turns out, is so amazing, so powerful, so beautiful, so divine, that it’s only our ignorant chutzpah that allows us to get to know it in the first place. If we knew what we were getting into, if we understood the power of what we’re playing with, we’d be too overwhelmed to go anywhere near it. We succeed due to our ignorance — we’re too stupid to be terrified by the potential like we probably should be, because we don’t yet have the developed-capacity to perceive it for even a fraction of what it truly is.

And divine grace being what it is, it recognizes itself in us, recognizes our limits without bias against us for that, and is willing to explore the interface between us, to live through us with more awareness — because that is what it is for an archetype meditation result, is our allowing more of what we truly are already, to become better aware of being both. And if we’re lucky, we learn something – about ourselves, about the universe, and all because we were silly enough to think that we were learning something about a card.

Kind of adorable, from a slightly angelic perspective. We’re like kittens who are so incredibly cute and stupid and clumsy that we offer no end of loving-entertainment to those of the angelic realm looking on.


I’m gradually understanding more of the “underlying” importance of the structure we call Tarot.

See, I thought that it was just an old system, I know there are variations.

But I’m coming to understand that this system has in fact survived despite, actually, the complete destruction of cultures that knew it, despite persecution of people with interest in it, regardless of a degree of variance with it — which is truly trivial it turns out, in the larger span of things — for reasons that have nothing to do with our people, or our culture.

I’ve had the ‘shared insight’ that this has existed in many, many cultures we have no knowledge of, in forms both similar and variant, and it’s all the same thing.

This “pattern design” if you want to call Tarot that, was not “invented by” man; it was “revealed to” man.

To the degree he was able to grasp it in any case. That is why it doesn’t go away, it has some form in so many cultures, pretty much the moment their cultural tech makes them capable of making a representation for it that doesn’t take a decade to carve out of stone. And stone cultures have it in variant forms, they just have different symbols.

Like The Christ, it is something which Is; human beings attempt to translate their tiny exposure to the underlying pattern of energy, and we come up with a symbol that we’re able to relate to, wrap our hearts and our heads around, and communicate about to others.

We limit something with the power of the universe to the size and depth of a postage stamp, by thinking we understand it at all. Which is ok, this is who and where we are, and we learn and grow from it.

What we can come to understand is the tiny mote of its reflection within us. That is the ‘interface’ which becomes the ‘identity’ which is, depending on the day, sitting on my bed narrating something about why Works is specific to the functional energy that supports and IS the constructive, productive, destructive, formations — both energetically and physically — of man, not of God, which it had mentioned in my first meditation with it, and ‘corrected’ my understanding, following a poem I wrote that misapplied that concept.

(Not that God and all Its ‘gradient’ identities down to our level do not “live through us” of course — at some level, everything is, technically, merely part of God — but there are different ways of understanding the Nature Of A Thing, and some are more specific to ‘our species’ here vs. ‘the divine energy’ anywhere.)

The pattern of Tarot is taking ‘the universe of energy’ and dividing it up into four elements.

The ‘four elements’ are globally pervasive, throughout time and culture, for the same reason that Tarot is, where descendent info and tech has made it possible for it to be accepted, adapted, evolved, or intuited: they are, of course, holographically and literally, talking about the same patterning of awareness.


I used to think that Trumps was another category, such as spirit, a Fifth Element perhaps literally. I now feel this was inaccurate as a perception. I have a deeper understanding now but I’m not even sure where this came from as I haven’t been talking with ‘them’ so to speak.

(Although I consider any card I have ever meditated upon to be, in some part, “more a part of me” than it was before. But I’ve only done a few Trumps. I’ve been talking, and dreaming lately, as far as I know, with the Disks. Well and a few Cups.)

Trumps is not separate from or more divine than the four elements. Somehow the last couple weeks of talking both consciously and unconsciously with the Disks have gotten that through to me, though I don’t remember any specific conversation about this.

Trumps does not span any larger universe than the four elemental suits combined do. They aren’t higher, more divine, more spiritual: they are just more complex because they are more inclusive of more awareness. So I guess you could accurately say they are “more OF the divine” — but that is not to say more divine, because that would require they be something else, something other than what the rest of the suits are, something reaching outside their boundaries you might say. Which they are not.

Trumps represents a different way of dividing up the all-that-is, via one universe as its model, via one solar system as its model, via one planet as its model, via one human as its model, and so on. The elemental suits represent what is manifest ‘for us’ (from our solar system to our bodies and world); Trumps represents a larger-quantity-of-awareness which is just as present in the elemental suits, but not as physically manifest. (I have a sudden sense while typing that ‘the energy of the outer planets is more manifest in Trumps than in the elemental suits’ but I am not sure where that came from. As if I would know an outer from an inner planet energy if it bit me…)

If we truly understood it better, we could apply Tarot in its entirety solely to the health of our feet or something. Seriously. There is a ‘mapping’ to the body actually, I don’t know what it is, I just know that there is. Maybe someday I’ll have interest in that.

Now, the individual element-suits, while spanning the universe of awareness, also however have their own distinct character, and part of that character is the choice of how much, and which, energy inside is selected, and how it is arranged, for its resultant ‘identity and interaction.’

All the cards as identities are fundamentally equal, but experientially different. They are Aeons which means they are “all of” the system they’re Aeonic of, but merely divided by attention-perspective.


I find it endlessly amusing:

After so much refusal of religion (to the point of knee-jerk-rejection);

After so much irritation about the whole topic of God — I literally prayed “To Whom It May Concern” for quite some time at one point in my life, because I could feel there WAS a ‘divine element’ that I could connect with, but was hopeless confused about its detail, and pissed off about that confusion in me and in our world;

I’ve gradually got to the point where my ‘psychological construct’ of ‘inner guide’ was realized as The Christ;

where my chakras and organs were realized as ‘representative energy’ of ‘the powers and the glories’;

where the constant dreams and visions and experiences I had of being the Fourth part of Four-in-One turned out to be filled with symbols found in ancient religious writings — vedic, hindu, hebrew, and some of the unique experiences actually reflected in a few of the gnostic writings;

and where the tarot, a game as far as I was concerned — despite Steinbrecher’s interest, I had nothing to do with it for over twenty years, in my shrugging disinterest — were realized as gods.

Little g, because our primary local Deity is of course the Solar deity — as a local form, The Christ, who is son of Terra and Sun — but there are infinitely gradient scales, infinitely larger, toward what we call ‘God,’ they are Sun’s god also, God being something which I’m just assuming is infinite because certainly we can’t count it, in any case.

How does a person set out to do ‘psychological meditations’ and gradually, piece by piece, come to the realization that everything is divine? That everything is aware?

At this point I am more spiritually-inclined than pretty much anybody who isn’t living in a monastery or abby. (Except not very consistently, as everyone inside, and a few outside, keep pointing out to me.)


I am growing a “respect for tarot” which is immense, which is a whole spiritual category of its own.

I’m realizing this is not an invented, devolved, haphazard, collection of game pieces made into artworks and cultural trivia. It is our species’s pattern-recognition of the design of our universe, as much as we are capable of translating it.

It isn’t that we invent; it’s that we discover. Within ourselves, when we think we create it in art, as opposed to with-out ourselves, when we think we find it in science. All-that-is, already exists. Everything… simply… IS. Time and space are part of the perceptual creativity with which we explore the facet which we call Me.

Tarot was not invented, it was discovered. Every new deck, every new art, every new way of organizing it, is a trivia (although powerful for the individual doing it, and anyone who may choose to use that new arrangement of archetypes); in some systems we think they’re ‘organizing animal symbols’ in ancient stone carvings, not realizing this IS their tarot, their symbols, is all; as a larger “Aeonic,” Tarot simply IS.

It doesn’t have to be cards. Whether it is cards or rune-stones is our own art; the fundamental pattern of energy and its possible divisions and groupings is part of a vast, underlying pattern series. The mythological gods fall into this category I might add: our passed-down understandings are lousy, but the underlying pattern of energy is the same; just a different way to divide it.

Our attempts to define Tarot are charming… but limited, and of course, more about us than about the profound universe of awareness which tarot represents. I like cards because they’re portable, condensed, super artistic, and I just feel a growing appreciation for Tarot generally, and Thoth Tarot specifically, that I can’t even put words to. Like they are becoming my friends.

And sure, my friends are little-g-gods, with immense amounts I could learn from them, and enough inherent power to vaporize me as surely as IG’s angelic light could, I suppose. They’re not prejudiced against the poor girl with two brain cells and no spiritual training besides what comes from within. They make me feel like we have an equal right to be who we are. I am so… honored.


I think I understand now, sort of by accident as a side effect of the rapport, the dynamic behind the ‘reading’ of the cards, except I see that as the completely wrong word for it.

I still don’t think I’m interested in doing this, but I think I have a new respect for what you might call “a version of it that I think I could relate to.”

I can imagine having a talk, a ‘rapport’ with, card-X “as shaped by its perspective from layout-position-Y,” with the specific inherent question of “as applied to situation-Z and person-Q which I am representing by proxy.”

It wouldn’t be a reading based on a memorization of what they mean or anything on their art.

Reading is totally the wrong word for me, unless one is literally ajna-reading from the interworlds. It implies a visual, logical translation of the surface art or assigned-meaning to a card.

That’s a game.

But I can imagine that it could be an interactive experience, setting up the layout as an inherent archetype meditation — just as I might make a mental tool of a ‘meter’ in a meditation to show me the relationship or change-state between some aspect of me and something in the interworlds.

Card-X showing up in that position is like my meter showing red, or rising higher, or whatever. A layout would be just a structural tool for information, and would help structure the focus parameters of the archetype we’re interacting with.

What would come after is a rapport where, in a perfect world, we ask the gods for insight — and I mean literally —  we ask the card, which represents an Aeon of the Universe, which is a god-little-g — for insight, for understanding, related to whatever question we have in mind.

It’s a form of ‘structured prayer’, part of intuitive friendship with larger chunks of the divine.

I have met a lot of people (in person I mean) who ‘read cards’ and I am pretty sure none of them had this particular concept for it so I’m guessing this is just my unrealistic, “if archetype work were tarot” version of the idea.

I am coming to think that there might be a good reason why I might “go talk to Prudence” (8 of Disks, who in my first archmed with him, was a man in a castle, keeping some kind of accounts in a book, sitting at a table, whom I seduced into making love with me in a room with an open slit window overlooking a cliff by the sea). I think I could understand why eventually one would be familiar with all the identities, the cards the aeons the gods your friends,  and happily use a ‘structured meditation’ like a card layout as a doorway.

But that would make each so-called reading a meditation, and a spiritual experience, in its own way. Not a party game. Not something you read a book about and then implement based on what-that-card-means.

But a doorway to the universe; a doorway to better understanding the depth of your own soul, which is the larger-you within that universe; structured prayer-conversations with the Aeons of the Universe…

A talk with the gods of Tarot.