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Most of us can “analogy” our lives ok. At least the significant stuff. We can look at events, or circumstance, and come up with “what this might represent if it were a dream symbol,” with a little thought.

Recently I had a rather different way of getting that information. It just hit me like a “sudden amazed realization,” as if the information about my reality, and what it meant in a certain way, was delivered to me with utter clarity all wrapped up into one moment.

The last time I had THAT kind of clarity about ‘what my reality meant’ was during the Bewilderness era when thoughts and reality got so close together that changes inside me were followed in minutes if not often seconds by changes in reality that I could recognize.

My bedroom closet is an old fashioned door that has those fake crystal-like knobs. The rest of the house had those replaced long ago but not that door. On the wall where the closet is, is only my shoji lamp (now fixed; it represents ‘The Four’ for me in some respects), and my little shrine, which has the thought-form statuette of the The Four and some incense and stuff. That’s all. I seldom get into my closet. I work from home, I don’t have a car and don’t go many places, so getting dressed to go out isn’t as common with me as it is with most people.

I opened my closet and the doorknob came off in my hand, just as the one on the other side fell out onto the floor. I looked at them in surprise, and put them both next to the closet on the little table/shrine, thinking that door had finally aged enough and I’d need to buy another knob.

Later that night I was sitting here on my bed with my laptop and I looked above my computer at the area where the doorknob used to be, and suddenly I just GROKKED in the full meaning of the word what it meant:

The closet represents my psiche, my inner self, my connection to the archetypal, the everything. I am “losing the handle on access to my psiche.” I’ve gone too long and am in danger of genuinely losing the traction.

I wondered, how can I recover? and then saw the handles sitting there next to the statuette of the Four and such.

I understood that elements inside me had shown me this and that it was important I understand, consciously. Maybe like… to make sure I can’t claim I’m not responsible…


Later that evening I was thinking about it idly and I thought, well it’s partly the fault of LaeLee and the alter-energy (they are entwined), as she is just not integrated with me despite my efforts, and she is a big part of my infrastructure that I haven’t truly integrated with. And LaeLee promptly responded inside me a “corrective” info that this was not true at all and that _I_ was the one that was actually refusing the integration with her.

I argued back, well I think it’s the alter energy which I think refuses me access, and as she and all of that energy said “no” I got this massive abreaction!, a muscle jerk through my whole hips/pelvic region that spasm’d my whole body wildly. Wow. When she says no she means NO!

I was agog to think that it might truly be me. Then I realized: is it ever otherwise?

I mean isn’t a given that if something in your reality is X, you meditate on it and realize that you’re like X and that something in your reality is just taking the projection for you? Shouldn’t I already have figured this out concerning the Aeons and my issues with some of them especially her?


Recently a fly was buzzing and I was thinking of how it makes that noise as they get old / are dying, and it gets louder as they do. I figured that was nature’s way of making sure a bird gets them or something. Then all the sudden I remembered how science has demonstrated that plants give off a certain frequency when they are ill or dying which seems to basically attract the creatures which eat them. That’s why some plant can be covered with bugs when all those next to it aren’t. I realized that this is what this is with the fly–it’s merely that it’s in a range of frequency that we can hear.

I realized that every life form has this.Maybe even bacteria. Maybe that’s partly why, for example, dead bacteria get ‘cleaned up’ by other certain kinds of cells–they put off a frequency that attracts them.

Humans must have this. That’s why the natives had no issues with bugs so much but the white people who weren’t nearly as healthy were eaten alive by things. Those are our predators and that’s what attracts them.

Nature has arranged it that creatures are attracted to the impending-death (that includes illness as ‘impending-death-lite‘) signals of their prey, that makes sense actually.

But it’s not metaphysical or anything, it’s perfectly physical. We probably have the science to measure most of this now just like was done with the trees and plants.


Later I was thinking about how Steinbrecher felt that when flies are bugging you it suggests that you have some sense of obligations that you aren’t meeting or maybe a better way to put it would be, “a case of the ‘should’ ‘s”. I thought of this like some sort of metaphysical superstition there is no evidence for.

Then it occurred to me that if every brain pattern is energy and how we hold our bodies changes our energy, and everything inside our bodies does, then WHO SAYS that when we have a certain ‘feeling of responsibility unmet’, that it does not create a certain kind of subtle energy from our bodies which just happens to be ‘mildly’ attractive to flies?

Seriously it could be totally physical.

TC Lethbridge (former curator of the Cambridge Antiquities Museum I think it was, and a dowser — the book ‘the Best of TC Lethbridge’ is awesome) — once noticed that this (moth, I think) flew in his house and flew straight to this decorative plate on the wall and landed on this specific spot. Later, another did the precisely same thing. When he took it down and looked at it, he saw this little fracture right there. It suggested there was some frequency that they were attracted to.

And when you think about it, sound is a frequency, and smell is a frequency, and light is a frequency, and temperature is even a frequency,  and we have managed to find things in all those categories which attract or repel various creatures.

So why would it seem paranormal rather than normal if changes in our bodies based on our psychology of the moment, had some subtle effect on creatures around us, including the (perhaps especially influence-able due to their tiny size) insects?

Maybe this even goes for ‘bugs’ inside us – bacteria and more.


I was in the bathroom when a couple buzzing flies were on the window. (It’s summer in the Ozarks, so they tend to get in the house if you open the door at all.) I felt sudden compassion for them.  You only have a short time of life left, I said to them in my head. How much better if you could have more novel experience, more freedom, while you have the chance? and I opened the window to let them out.

Now I suppose flies — like my experiences with the spiders and their devas have led to also — will be on my compassion list. It feels almost strange to have genuine compassion, appreciation, respect, for an insect. Like it has elevated them almost to an equal.

My best friend LD was telling me that he was once really pissed about this fly in his house and had gotten irrationally enraged and was hunting it down. Just as it landed and he was sneaking up to kill it with a rolled up magazine, he noticed that the book it had landed on was Behaving As If the God In All Life Matters. He told the fly it had found the one place in the city to save its own life and dammit now he even had to be grateful to it for teaching him something! That cracked me up.


I found what the Private Oracle told me about cleaning up my sleep, eating, and focusing more on Aeons integration:

You are familiar with the phrase ‘with power comes responsibility.’ This responsibility is not limited to social issues. In a larger sense, a person who embodies ‘responsible’ is implied to be a stronger structure, something which is capable of support of more than just itself. When you perceive self-discipline as a trivial daily habit, responsibility as merely a burden, you don’t see that it is the groundwork for the “infrastructure” which maintains your power and strength. These are your words and model, and are not entirely accurate, but you get the idea.

Yeah, thanks.

You feel stressed because you are bringing in more bonds, more power, than your infrastructure is comfortable carrying.

So… what happens then?

Either you will turn away from this focus, similar to cognitive dissonance, and release some degree of the bonds you have made, or you will step up to the demands required for more carrying capacity, you might say.

You’re saying I will get my act together with eating decently and exercising so I am physically more healthy?  With my work and kid and sleep schedule so I have more consistent dedicated time for meditation/prayer? That kind of thing, that the 3rd leans on me about?

Yes. That is not the limit of it, but those are the most obvious things inhibiting you. When you suddenly don’t feel like meditating, or abreactions distract you, or sometimes even when you simply have a hard time ‘dealing with’ the content of your meditations, or perceiving something at all, often this is because your energy body is simply not up to the task of new absorption.

But why is my energy body affected by my physical body?

It is enough to know that it is.


Your physical body is affected by your energetic body as well. They are both under stress. If you are going to improve your awareness in this way, you need to improve in other ways as well.  Stress is merely the warning sign of gradual overload. Deal with that or you will either lose the awareness or break the structure, which could mean serious illness, physical or psychological (they are the same). You are already seeing signs of this.

You mean since I met three of the Largers, and got a whole smorgasbord of bizarre physical pains, symptoms, and even verging into some mental oddities, like how I perceived my ankle, and the dark cynical stuff. And that I have physically aged in the last couple of months, really visually particularly on the face which I associate with identity so I guess that makes sense — which seems quite out of proportion to the rest of ‘time’. So perhaps their inherent energy is much greater than I realized and having a stronger effect on me.

Definitely. You need to work with your Aeons more. They literally are your infrastructure, since we are using that term as a model. What you can absorb of what you call the Largers, is going to depend on how well bonded, integrated, you are with your Aeons. And other models you also use — the tarot, the solar system — and other models you have considered, such as the Elements, and the parts of your body — and some others you haven’t encountered yet. They will all be helpful.

Can you tell me what those others are?

Get a handle on what you have, and IG will introduce you to these things. You don’t have the mental framework to understand it now.


You need to invest a bit more effort into your physical life–into your body, your surroundings, your physical movement, your emotional movement. Increasing your meditation, and making it more consistent, that is a good thing, but you need the balance and strength that the other things will provide.

Are you actually telling me to “get a life?!”


It almost frightens me to think that I could literally ‘release the bonds’ I’ve made — how terrifying to think that it’s not merely a matter of ‘not meditating enough’ but actually LOSING some of the progress I’ve made so far.