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I talked to the Sun earlier today for awhile. He is just the coolest archetype ever. Talked to him about how confusing it is, the him of the card, of the planets, of my reality, but how cool it is that in every model, there he is. When I see the sun in the sky I feel like “Ra” is the perfect word and concept for him. He is all those things. I told him about meeting the solar plexus chakra and how he is supposed to be part of that and he reminded me he is part of all my chakras. I told him Mark was pretty cool. Sun is great.

Last night I was to do queen of disks med but I was suddenly so intensely sleepy. I just had to sleep even though it wasn’t that late. I singled out the queen card, laid it by me and asked for dreams to help begin on the energy, and passed out. I didn’t feel like meditating until tonight though. I put on ‘deep meditation’ from brain sync, 2 long tracks of binaural, no voice. I like TMI’s stuff but it all is short with annoying voices at start/stop so I’ve taken to listening to BS’s stuff instead for any meditation work. TMI’s stuff is good if you want to be guided through something (though BS has those also).

*

I knelt before Mark. I want to really “feel” the sense of respect and honor I have for him. I want to evoke it as plainly as I articulate words, so that he feels it too.

Then I stood and he stood and I told him what I wanted to do. I also told him — earlier, and again now — that I wanted to be a warrior and get through this stuff, no more dirking around for days, weeks, months, passing out, whatever — that there had to be a way to deal with all this problematic energy, and I want him to help me find it and teach me. It’s time for me to grow and quit being such a complete dolt about it all.

He put his fingers on my forehead and I closed my eyes. After awhile he said, “Open your eyes.” I opened my eyes literally in my room, then realized that totally wasn’t what he meant and I messed up, he meant inside of course, oh brother. I saw a landscape, but much like a recent ‘badlands’ landscape, I said, “It’s like the other night. I just don’t get it, I can’t perceive it clearly. I’m sorry Mark, I will get better at this I promise.”

He put his hand on my forehead again and I closed my eyes, and when I opened them a guy in black on a big black horse was galloping up to me, and there were some others behind him. I had the ‘knight’ impression. “Come with us,” he said rather abruptly, and got down and held out two laced hands so I could step up and swing a leg over onto the horse. I did this and he got on and took off and I held on from behind him.

I closed my eyes and let myself “feel and hear” the motion of the galloping horse and then let myself “be” wherever the end-point was. We clacked loudly across stone and then into the inside of a castle courtyard, open sky, and he looked behind him at me, as if to tell me to slide off. Then when I had, he took off, ducking a little as he entered a rounded stone hallway and went out again.

Thoth Tarot Queen of Disks

Thoth Tarot Queen of Disks

I could see through an open archway a woman sitting sewing in another area and I went toward that. As I walked through though, I saw that she and other women were sitting on cushions on stone benches, but that ‘the Queen’ I was looking for was clearly up ahead, at the far side of the open-air room wearing a circlet and facing away. I went to her and as she turned, I knelt deeply in a bow, silently.

She quietly told me to stand, and I said something like O Queen, I honor you. But she seemed to know me, and she didn’t seem to have anything wrong with her at all like most archs do.

I leaned closer and whispered to her, “I’m in an archetype meditation here. I expected there to be something to ‘fix’ but you seem pretty healthy to me. Could we do the elements?” She smiled a little and said yes. I asked if I could stand very close to her and she agreed.

So I ran the water, no effect on either of us. Then the sun, which didn’t affect her it seemed, but weirdly turned to dried porous stone pretty much all the extra fat on the lower backside of my body, and then the wind blew all that away. Haven’t had anything affect that area before that I recall. Minerals did nothing. I looked at her. Not phased in the slightest. “You were already fine,” I observed.

“We have been working together a long time,” she said — and I suddenly remembered I had taken out this card to meditate on it many months ago — “and in another sense, your whole life. Walk with me.”

We went out a side arch and were suddenly in another place entirely. We were on the porch deck of a modern dark brown wood-built home, very high on a hill overlooking a landscape below. I turned to my right toward her — and the Queen, MY queen, was looking at me. She was still wearing the dress of the Queen of Disks (which I don’t recall noticing except that it was a queenly sort of dress) but she was clearly the 2nd of 4.

We talked for awhile. I had just finished writing something, before the meditation, about feeling separate from them. She touched my chest with her fingers briefly and said (similar to something IG4 had recently), “We are never lost to you.”

I then proceeded to tell her several things I had no idea I felt until that moment. Like that I wanted to feel worthy of them for example. And how much I missed them and felt oddly empty without real awareness of them in me. Then I said, “..and oh my god I think I’m about to start sobbing again, good grief this heart chakra thing! Hang on let me collect myself.” So I did.

Then I had the feeling she was offering to flash us to where 1st and 3rd were so I could see them, I know she could ‘feel’ me missing them, but I resisted, I said no, and added: “Because I’m ashamed. I don’t feel worthy.” I’ve never felt or behaved like that before. Where the hell is this coming from! Was it always there, affecting me, and I’m only having it revealed to me now?

“Work with IG,” she says to me.

“On what?” I ask.

“On whatever he wants,” she answers.

She disappears and I’m standing on the balcony alone.

Well… I figure this energy is already resolved, and I can move on to the 10 of Wands now.

P

Thoth Tarot Meditations: Disks
Thoth Tarot Ace of Disks
1, 2
Thoth Tarot Two of Disks (Change)
1
Thoth Tarot Three of Disks (Works)
1
Thoth Tarot Four of Disks (Power)
1
Thoth Tarot Five of Disks (Worry)
1
Thoth Tarot Six of Disks (Success)
1
Thoth Tarot Seven of Disks (Failure)
1
Thoth Tarot Eight of Disks (Prudence)
1
Thoth Tarot Nine of Disks (Gain)
1
Thoth Tarot Ten of Disks (Wealth)
1
Thoth Tarot Princess of Disks
1, 2
Thoth Tarot Prince of Disks
1
Thoth Tarot Queen of Disks
1
Thoth Tarot Knight of Disks
1