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I’ve slept more in the last two months of my life than ever. Usually in short periods (working on improving that). I used to spend half my should-have-been-sleep time industriously “accomplishing something,” whatever it might be — internet research, webdev coding… now I accomplish “sleep.” Turns out I really like sleep. But added to not much else besides work, best friend on the phone, a little bit of reading or music and that’s it, this is your life. Your ongoing hobbies — mostly done during sleep hours — are gone. Oops. Well on the bright side… I am finally getting some sleep.


I forgot to mention (edited this post to add): So I’d been pondering slightly on the whole dynamic of me having to go find IG5/Mark. I was reading this epic fantasy novel that I rather liked (Dawn of Wonder: The Wakening by Jonathan Renshaw), and right in the middle this young girl says in her journal:

I got to wondering if maybe the ancient is like that too. Maybe he wants to hide like he wants us to look for him instead of him just appearing in the middle of the field and saying, Here I am! Because maybe we’d just say, You’re in my field, go away. So maybe he lets the people find him who really want to find him.

I lose count of how often I feel like something is ‘an answer’ to what I was thinking about, like not just pure chance.


I sometimes think one of the definitions of natural mystics — and probably lunatics, if there is a real difference — is the tendency to feel things that are either ineffable, or that are effable (?) but one can’t put any logic to. Off and on for a few years I’ve had an odd love for the periodic table of elements. I have an icon on my browser toolbar for a very nice version of the periodic table of elements, probably the best one online. Over the last ten days or so, I just go stare at it. Seriously. For no good reason. Like something is very attractive to me about it.

Gradually the feeling expanded and I started feeling as if I needed to consider this in terms of maybe sound, I was thinking of vibrations perhaps, so perhaps hebrew letters, I wasn’t sure. I was slowly experimenting in photoshop with making little element squares or circles that maybe I could eventually put in a poster or something. I was idly searching various terms related to the PToE online. And to my surprise, I actually found what I was looking for, but I didn’t know I was looking for it until I found it.

The Wheel of Motion arrangement for the Periodic Table of ElementsAn American physicist Dewey Larson (non-mainstream) developed an alternative theory (literally a fundamental change to how physics/reality is thought of) which he called The Reciprocal System of Physical Theory. I suspect my insides would translate his concept of ‘motion’ to the term ‘dynamic’ or something, but ok. Skipping to the point, his theory brings about an alternative arrangement for the PToE, which (as some prop for his theory actually) works perfectly, and which I really like. Click the small version here for a larger version (or see the Wheel of Motion, full-size).

So I spent several days of what little time I had making a modern version of this. And finally it was done and I felt like: Ok. Whew. Had to get it done! Moving on now.

Why? I have no idea. Like I just really needed that energy in me, in my life, as if it were a food or color or music or person, and I got my fix.

Normal people don’t do this kind of thing. I think.


Dream, 19Mar2016: I had been thinking about third (3rd of 4), and maybe meeting him. I dreamed there was a young boy. And he was a little bit lost, and I felt strongly about this, so I went and got him and took him with me. This happened three times. But then I realized I had not paid attention to him, and he had wandered. I had to find him, and I tracked him down around houses and bushes. He was with a cat or a lion. I gently seized him and took him with me.


As the diuretics from the doc gradually (slowly) work, my seeming health improves, my mobility improves greatly. My heart still tires fast especially if I lift my elbow above heart level for some reason. The nurse admin who has been the most “accept hospice you’re doomed” all along, the other day told me in obvious surprise that I seemed dramatically better than I’d been two months prior when she met me. She asked what the doctors had wanted before I’d qualify for the ‘minimally invasive aortic valve surgery’ because she said it seemed to her that maybe I could actually get better, get the surgery, have the edema-killing-me issue resolved (the part related to the heart valve issue), and go on to live for many years. I told her I’d faxed them the question about the metrics on mobility, if that was the only thing preventing my acceptance, and got no answer. She’s going to ask on my behalf. So that’s a good thing.

And it’s good that my improvements are so apparent. I have a long way to go but I am working on it. As soon as I can walk/stand long enough to use the kitchen to make blender-shakes so I can do all the aminos and protein I want (I simply cannot do this with pills), I expect even more substantial and rapid improvement.


I am not living up to what I should in my metaphysical work, and remain in suspense as if there’s more than one of me in a war about it and I’m still not sure which will win. But I have positive expectations, and I have followed the directives my body has given me for various little things, which has helped.

Not much else to report, but I should at least report being alive now and then!