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I’ve had some cognitive dissonance to work through the last several days.

Ever since I saw Konewa Turi (Kundalini chakra) in her serpentine-female-humanoid form, which I didn’t know she had until then (KT had only come through as “conceptually in human form,” though male, a few times and only recently), my thoughts have been drawn back to her often.

Perceiving her was clearly via ajna chakra (perhaps everything we see with our eyes closed is? But I don’t “feel” things like that except sometimes) because it was so ‘visceral.’ I felt her impact inside me, as if several layers of emotions are affected too, and “deep” emotions. English words aren’t really designed for this.

Every time I even thought of her fully, I would feel this “lurch” inside my body at the very bottom — where I have felt K before, and it’s shockingly physical, I mean K in general, but this little-lurch was also a physical feeling as a result.

Her eyes were large and bright golden and had vertical pupils. Her skin was a bright copper color, literally like a sort of metallic-shimmery-sheen, but more the light side of pure copper, than the dark color of oxidized copper which is the one most people know. Her hair was a vivid but dark (high saturation of color) auburn that is not a color we have in our world except from a bottle or a photoshop filter, but which perfectly married her skin and eye colors. She was super tall like eight feet (compared to me I guess), and very lean and ‘sinuous’ as an impression, but very female. There was this impression of ‘gleaming gold’ all over as if she were mostly skin but had on something, maybe barely anything (the scifi stainless steel bikini babe sort, maybe — if I were to illustrate her, and I wish I could, she’d probably be wearing nothing but snaky armbands and tummy/thigh/shin bands like the same kind of jewelry, instead of clothing), but it was shining-gold and she was ever-in-motion just slightly, so the whole effect wouldn’t stay still for my eyes to get a lock on its detail — except her eyes looking at me.

Of course, it wasn’t what she looked like, although that was amazing enough — but I assume it is “symbolic” of course but I suppose if most humans had a tendency to the same ‘symbolic translation’ then it’d be literal enough, as far as we’re concerned — but it was what she felt like.

Like amazing, clean pure power, made succinct, condensed, like enough power to move a mothership but all summed up in something the size of a seed. And like her eyes were a direct line to sentience not only foreign to what I know, but far deeper than mine. Like she was a… a creature, as I once said in a story. But a huge, POWERFUL creature.

I had already ‘got’ some time ago that the identities I call chakras are the things that in ancient days were called “the powers.” (As in, “the powers and the glories.” The glories have ‘representation’, as do the powers, in our body.) The chakras are vast and vary in size and detail radically. We don’t have 7, it’s more like our overall whirling-torus-of-ovoid-shape is utterly filled with them — if it turned out to be the 144,000 I think I once read in something asian and obscure, I would not be remotely surprised.

A couple of times I’ve had a visual of myself and it looked like literally “a golden field stuffed with a huge variation of golden stars, with golden lines of power coming out and flowing down from the crown and sort of ‘blurring out’ to join each other and create a solid-mist-like sheath,” and there were sort of “layers” that went out from that larger but I was focused on what I think amounts to the shape that is within a few feet of the body. It literally like “a starfield of gold-on-gold” — really amazing.

It saddens me when people act like the human body is some kind of dross to suffer until we can all ascend. The human body is so absolutely amazing that we cannot wrap our minds around any cubic inch of it. Every time I ‘see’ into it in some way, I am in awe at the ‘divine technology’ and staggeringly beautiful nature of it. When I’ve had archetypes of a certain part of my body (like a leg) they had “iridescence” that was so gloriously beautiful. Humans walk around feeling like “ugly sacks of mostly water,” or “meat popsicles” as I am at the moment now that winter dropped in with a bang, but if people could just once SEE themselves the way I’ve seen it, you could just sit in awe at the incredibly complex, gorgeous creatures we are.

Mark’s light, and solar body’s light, and even the light of the “angelics” that are arechetypes, is specifically white. The solar-body of my cat that I once saw was specifically gold though. I recall now, a meditation where I blogged that the light I was cleaning something with shifted from gold to white when the angelics put their hands on the back of my shoulders, and it seemed to work more powerfully. I wonder if that is significant, though I wouldn’t know how.

Anyway, that glimpse of her — which felt like the goddess granted me a gift or something — made me realize I had not fully appreciated the totality of her before that moment. Nor the local-to-me-yet-utterly-foreign element of her before that moment. Let alone the sheer power of her that was so mind boggling my mind couldn’t even wrap around it — merely perceive the ‘scope’ of it in awe — until that moment.

She could have looked like your average Kansas housewife but if she’d come through with the same “feelings” it still would have been just as amazing an experience.

One of my thoughtform tools is a sword called Sierpienta. It was given me by a tall lean woman (who did not look like this, though I likely would have rejected the experience entirely if she had, at that time!) who told me that it was both her name and the sword’s name {added:} and that “I could call her that as well.” (I am writing a novel inspired by it.) I got that the name is snake in spanish and it even was said in a male spanish-accented voice, at the same time silver handwriting ‘showed’ me the word.

I have had kundalini symbolized in a dream as a crystal sword once. And it is clearly like a snake — I only felt this uncoil in me once, but I assure you there is absolutely no mistaking the similarity of the rising weaving cobra with it. Even once I realized what it was, my body couldn’t help the fear. The sense of physical power inherent in it when it uncoils is impossible for the body not to be aware of. It’s like living on the edge, as if the slightest thing gone wrong and you’d just be vaporized or something.

(Totally offside bizarre thought: I have often theorized that someone we call aliens are responsible for creating the retro-virus that caused our entire class of species to not be able to create ascorbic acid endogenously anymore. It profoundly, intensely affects our ability to handle everything from trauma/shock, to every possible kind of damage inside and out, supporting every organ, preventing disease, fighting off bad stuff, injury and poisons. It makes it vastly easier to kill off huge swaths of our people with disease. It shortens our lifespan radically I’m pretty sure, possibly by orders of magnitude. And more.

(Anyway, it just now occurred to me: the body develops based on what is appropriate for health. It has to or our species likely wouldn’t be here. Some ancient traditions don’t begin serious metaphysical stuff with anybody until they’re about 40 as they believe this is a capability people simply don’t develop until around then, much as children don’t develop the ability to understand sarcasm, or later irony, until a certain age. Well, what if because of the threat of this energy, it does not actually rise in most people unless their physical health is ok with it? And what if in our culture, that seldom arrives because until recently life span wasn’t much longer than that frankly, and even now most people aren’t healthy even when they do live a lot longer than that.

(What if the lack of endogenous ascorbic is only in part about the physical body, but much more about controlling the evolution of power within the species, which was dropped to possible but barely, as a result? OK I don’t know where that came from, the thought just almost “accosted” me it was so sudden and strong so I wrote it down. Now that I think of it, I guess I’ve heard in the New Age field some theories about humans being stripped down in some genetic fashion for that end, but I had never had cause to think of the vitamin C issue in connection to that. I’d thought of it in connection to making it easier to kill off and limit lifespan of humans, but not the chakra/kundalini angle.)

Back to the topic.

I guess I think of Sierpienta as a sort of ‘guide.’ Representative of kundalini’s energy.

As it was explained to me when I got the sword and also later, it could work in any way I had the ability to imagine it working. So for example you can set a filter on ‘what’ it will cut through versus not versus have no effect upon. And it works in “conceptual” ways if you want. I once sent “the glimmer of a bright idea” to live on the blade and it functioned like a glowing torch in a cave. But it has always been clear that one way or another, Sierpienta was directly related to the kundalini energy.

The terrifyingly glorious feminine serpentine-human version of Konewa Turi, if anybody were ever to be named “Sierpienta,” that would be the woman. But I guess I still assume the woman-and-sword are merely representative of that energy and not the complete identity of it, like KT seems to be.

(Trivia note: she is not like the people of the cat-eyed-lizard-guy species. Not remotely. The only thing they have in common is vertical pupils and actually I think hers were much thinner, and her eyes were not round at all, they were more like somewhere between ours and the blondes’, which are larger and more tilted, and hers were bright gold. Just to make sure this is never misunderstood. She is a ‘representative of a power’ as in ‘the powers and the glories’ of old, and she comes across like ‘a deva on steroids’ — with all that “glory” and “perfection” but a gigantic ooomph of “sheer power.”)

But I’ve had cognitive dissonance from all this. I am in awe and I am thankful and I am admiring and I am helplessly attracted to it — it touches you inside in a way that’s just how it is, and the kind of attraction it sparks is almost disturbing because it’s a really deep-level sort of lust-for-union — but… just because it sounds pretty or interesting doesn’t mean the psychology is ok with it. The foreign nature of the sentience, the awareness of its hugely powerful nature, the ability of merely looking at it for an instant to move my whole body physically and emotionally, all of this seems to have thrown my ego defense-of-identity-territory into overdrive.

The totally bizarre thing with “soul” after that did not help. I can’t figure out why I am intellectually attracted yet feel ambivalent about that one, but it doesn’t seem to have fared much better than the chakra in terms of my psychology accepting things as they are.

Yet.

I hope I grow into all this.

PJ