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Wed 11 April 2012 Midnight mass with IG

Over time it is getting more difficult to think of her in the “shamanic psychological” framework I began this study with nearly 20 years ago. It gets more and more apparent and unquestionably obvious that she is Angelic.

I have to resist referring to her as ‘the angel’ since I feel like that gives a different meaning to readers, but then, I really don’t know jack about angels, so maybe it doesn’t. All I know is that this always seemed like a mental thing but she is something way beyond.

I have sometimes suspected that all of my IG’s are actually “percentages of” my blue eyes of soul — the holy guardian angel or spark of divine or whatever you want to call it — that perhaps as one moves on in this work, you are able to take  a larger dose, so to speak. I’m not sure. I guess it doesn’t matter. She is what she is. Really awesome.

*

Had an incredibly difficult time staying focused. Both I and IG had to rescue my attention repeatedly and after not more than 2 seconds. It was getting very frustrating and embarrassing eventually.

Then I saw this woman VERY clearly initially, her face was incredibly clear. She was sitting (maybe a wheelchair? or just chair, not sure) with a ‘charcoal colored’ whole head, for some reason, that color name even came through. It looked odd, a sort of curious color flatness of realness difficult to describe — maybe an ajna chakra effect.

I was reminded very briefly of a dream experience I had many years ago. I had made myself a chakra exercise mp3. It was heavily kundalini based although it was all the chakras, the modeling of the words and the beat was very base chakra. I used it a few times and I liked it, then I had this dream that there was this man (the 3rd playing charades for me I think) and he seemed normal, but I touched his shoulder where he sat in a chair, and his entire head and neck collapsed into ash. I understood he had burned his head terribly. Other symbolism of dirty/yucky/clogging was present later. When I awoke, I understood it was a message to me that the exercise was dangerous to me (to my crown and upper chakras in particular) at that time, so I quit using it.

I kept trying to work with her but had unbelievable avoidance. Not the neural trigger thankfully, not the massive abreaction kind thankfully (although I did get some during this overall experience), just that my mind literally “leaped” away constantly. It got to the point of ridiculous. Finally I changed position, sat forward, skipped all standard archetype stuff, and just sent heart-chakra energy at her. Even this was hard to keep the focus with, but worked better than before.

I am forgetting a small part here, but the way I saw her “fell away” from her, and she was a normal but somewhat unusually tall, lean woman with fairly short very straight light brown hair.

Just as she appeared, this big thick tubular irregular long cylinder fell from the air right between us to the ground and on hitting, split open and showed this big sword that was in a case. Its case had been in turn encased in a sort of dull grey metal. The sword case was flat not cylinder.

She reached down and picked up the long sword which had a handle about 1.5-2 feet long that was super deep black, and it had something super gleaming silver wrapped around it and meeting at the blade, rather like the kundalini routes or the medical symbol snakes.

The blade was long and very gleaming silver.

She held it out to me, hilt up. I felt like I probably wasn’t strong enough, I was surely barely tall enough.

Her: You are a warrior, in many realms.

I wondered if she said this to address my insecurity. Then I realized I was dirking around and in avoidance and not taking it, so I forced myself to really pay attention, and I put my right hand out and wrapped my fist around it.

As I wrapped my hand around it, she moved her other hand, and it felt like I should slightly kneel, so I did, and she put her hand over my crown chakra and said things. I don’t know what, I didn’t understand it. But it seemed like what she said and her hand were both sending out energy into me.

I got really intense body rushing from this little event, from the crown to feet.

Me: Who are you?

My imagination started throwing so much crap at me I didn’t stand a chance. Of several ‘lines’, the main one of them was ‘Lanaforge’ and I said no, ’cause that’s the name of an Angel or something in that Urantia book, and a variation on it (Lanforge) is the name of an evil immortal in the Wheel of Time series, and I know I’m making this up, so I won’t accept that. And then I wiped it all out as decided-too-much-imaginative-involvement, and tried again.

I said, “God, you know how I’ve been praying to better allow myself novel information and energy in communication and trade? Well this would be a really GOOD time!”

Near my feet, between her and I a few feet up in the air flashes this gleaming silver word that was ‘written’ from left to right and faded as quickly as it appeared. It said: Sierpienta. I ‘heard’ it in me at the same time. The ‘t’ sounded like the spanish T with the slight tongue between teeth. Actually the whole word sounded like it was said by someone with a spanish accent inside me, ‘conceptually’.

I might add that she was totally not spanish at all.

I said, “That’s your name?”

Her: That is the name of the sword. You may call me that also.

I found myself standing there with it wondering what I was supposed to do with it.

Her: It is peerless in battle.

I thought to myself it was real unlikely I’d be using it in battle anytime soon. Then I got a little worried that maybe I actually would be in some way. I remembered Nero once telling me that part of his job with me was to protect me until I could protect myself.

Her: It can “cut through the bonds of untruth…” anything that you can imagine, it can serve.

I understood, I think maybe thanks to IG, that she had simply been looking for some analogy that would mean something to me. She meant, if I can use my brain to come up with a “mental model” of how to “use” it for something, in any way I used it, it would be extremely effective. If I can ‘model’ some problem or issue in a way that a sword could be used in a visualization to help deal with it, then this would work.

I got, not in words but almost, something from my inside crew like, “It is an energy tool.”

Interesting. That’s a term I recall my old teacher ML used to use, nearly 20 years ago. I recalled then, how she said entities would gift her things, “energy tools” that she would use. I haven’t thought of this since way back then.

I guess it is my first energy tool. I’m assuming the golden statue of the Four doesn’t count as that, but who knows.

Earlier this evening after getting a few things from eBay, I lit some charcoal and some frankincense and myrrh resin incense. Just before midight mass (my date with IG) I was telling my best friend Lawrence on the phone how the smell had really brought back to me memories of that time, of being in my RV van conversion with the fat purple candle and incense and praying so intensely to “evolve,” of ML and Danny, my teacher and her friend (also my friend) who I’d just been writing about earlier tonight on my blog. But I hadn’t thought of anything at all related to this (energy tools).

My right hand suddenly had this very intense feelig that at first I thought was serious pain, then I realized was just super sensitive intense feeling… can’t describe it better than that. It completely encompassed/was composed of the first joint of the first finger of my right hand, the whole thing but particularly the back half (the side by the back of my hand). It came through very clearly that in my body this energy, this tool, relates to that area. I don’t even know what to make of that.

I told the woman thank you, and that I was honored.

As I wondered again what to do with the thing, the case on the ground morphed a little and actually got this name plate, “Palyne’s Sword Case” for a moment, hahaha! So I put in the case and I closed it. There is no latch, the case is thin, fairly flat long rectangle, but thick-lined inside with something I can’t really perceive.

The outside is super deep black just like the hilt, really unusually deep black like it’s not any material I can really place. It was probably a degree of ajna chakra going on actually, I just realized, for me to be able to perceive it that way, it had another ‘dimension’ there are no words for.

Where should I put this? I ask her.

Her: Warriors sleep with their sword at least “near” their bed, although she says it so mildly I almost expected her to shrug. I’m guessing that maybe to identities like her this is just a really trivial question or something…

I looked around my room. I don’t have anything around my bed, a semi-high captain’s bunk, except the standing headboard/bookshelf behind it. I looked back at it and saw that the case would fit fairly well across the top.

But I didn’t WANT to have it there because then, that is one more “thought form” thing in my immediate environment which I am going to be expected to keep its area relatively decent (not cluttered with crap and trash and food dishes and…) and actually think about it and look at it sometimes, like the statue of the Four that the Queen was just talking to me about last night.

I got a grip and thanked her again and imagined putting it up there.

She was gone.

I saw this red stuff with black, just a random visual kind of, and I focused on it and said, “ACKRCK, I’ve been seeing so much weird stuff lately. Real colors, vivid colors, like this. [Now I suddenly recall that red and black and the long square rectangle are all ‘the official symbols of the king’ (senior) for me. This whole meditation was “the energy of the king.”]

The visual changed in a variety of ways, and then I saw amazing “Purple!” I exclaimed, and then a couple others. I told him how amazing it is, these colors. He showed me some neat stuff I have no words at all for. I don’t know what it means, if anything. But I’m starting to get really offbeat stuff in my head, like how Ithikah “feels like shapes inside me” that roll out as things happen or are said, it’s like a lite version of that except it is visuals that have depth and color in ways I can’t describe.

I’ve also been getting a lot of numbers. Often too quick to catch or just a couple in passing. I used to get numbers constantly, showers of them, as if it was an entire language and I just didn’t understand it.

I grabbed my computer to type this out fast before I forgot it as I could almost feel some denial trying to kick in and suppress it immediately. Then I stopped, and went back and said, I’m so sorry IG! I didn’t even say goodbye. Is it ok if I leave and do this? She was happy, it was fine.

*

I realized today that last night’s mass with IG was great. Anything that gives emotion let alone strong emotion is good work.

I’m really enjoying that ACKRCK is taking a larger role in my work with IG and in my head in general. I’d love to get more participation from all my chakras.

P