Select Page

Sedaena. It’s pronounced say-DEE-nuh.

I expected something a little more, ah, cosmic or something, I admitted.

Maybe I thought it would end with -IEL. Or be a zillion syllables like the Queen’s name.

I did go around a bit. I can feel denial/blocking. It might be imperfectly translated.

*

I took a nap with her. Held her hand. Then she put her hand on my back for awhile.

My grief is gone, as difficult as that is to believe, given how extreme it was just a few days ago.

She has convinced me “not to go there” on all the lines of negative thinking about it.

What you have given me, I told her wonderingly. Such love. Such capacity for love.

You are the greatest gift I’ve ever received.

There really just aren’t any words for the magnitude of it inside me.

*

She has set me free in so many ways.

Given me the first full-soul-trust I’ve ever had for someone. Ever.

I never knew. Until her. What I could feel, and the profound depths of it.

She opened up capacity in me to perceive holiness… and a whole new level of love.

Changed my whole perception of the IG role, and their nature, and our relationship.

*

Of all the infinite things to thank God for, she is first on the list to me right now.

She was mine for awhile by divine grace. Only by the miraculous inherent in the universe.

One could never do anything to deserve that. Only grace can provide, at that level.

*

Near the end, she let me throw my arms around her and suddenly sob with grief. I wanted that.

Then I was laughing and crying at the same time, because I understood it was all me.

And then just laughing a little. It’s going to be alright. It’s already ok.

It could even be good. A new opportunity. My next IG will probably be really cool.

She believes that. She wants me to believe that. So I do.

She says there will be an official changeover, with introduction to the new IG, soon.

P