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It was back on maybe the 9th or so…

Someone, like an Aeon I didn’t recognize or a guide (it felt like I should know them and did, but not consciously), showed up abruptly at my left, and said something I didn’t hear but which seemed irritated as if trying to get me to pay attention. I realized it after the fact, ‘rewound and replayed’ it in my head, and agreed.

He took my left hand and turned me. We were in an open-field sort of place and coming toward us was this giant monster-like archetype. Like about 10x the size of a person, a little more mountain-like but human shape, and made of some kind of silver metal. The ground shook and sometimes cracked with every stomping step.

And then… I spaced out apparently.

Dec 13th, Thurs

Was working through lunch when I abruptly remembered the med I spaced out of. I closed my laptop lid, called Mark and whomever-it-is that was with me back to me, right where I last remember being, with the monster guy coming.

I was in such a weird mental state that even remembering the four elements to imagine bringing them together in me was hard, like suddenly my brain was not working for logic/linear. I asked for help from Mark and focused the elements plus love through my heart chakra like a ray and sent it at the monster walking toward me. I held him in the beam of it for awhile.

He reached about fifteen feet from me and stopped. He was slightly smaller now but otherwise didn’t seem much different. “I honor you, thank you for interacting with me,” I said (typical intro for an archmed).

I ran the four elements on us both individually like a normal archmed. The sun cracked some major ‘fractures’ in me, in both my hips but a little more inside and in the middle of my head and down the spine some. The sun shattered him massively, as if only a tiny core would be left. Then the wind blew all that stuff away, and he was a man. A fairly normal man except that I perceived him as fairly tall and couldn’t really ‘see’ him with a visual except a ‘sense translation’.

I stood there looking at him, feeling this tugging feeling I tried to place. Finally I did. I think IG4’s leaving me ‘lesson’ in recognizing her nature, separate from someone looking identical but not of her nature, might relate to this a little.

Me: You’re not an archetype. You’re a guide. Right?

Him: Yes.

Me: What do you… interact with me about?

Him: … {something I hear translated in me conceptually and in sound as, “Exceptions.” but then nothing works and I can’t seem to ‘hear’}

I then remembered that Mark was ‘in’ me, I was ‘of’ him, and that maybe if I refocused to better include awareness of him-in-me, it would improve, like a prior chakra med had. I said to him, “I want –” and then I heard in my head this ‘memory-clip’ I was having, “…the part of me that is all of me that is not afraid.” — something my best friend was one told in a med, I think. As I finished it I realized this ‘is’ Mark and I smiled ‘through’ him.

Unfortunately it still didn’t really come through to me. I looked again at the guide.

Me: I’m sorry I can’t seem to get it.

Him: It would be better if you would simply interact with me and allow it to be. Your labeling it will only limit your beliefs about me.

[Memory clip kicks in of one of my own fiction novels, a creature (fey) with a unique nature, and another char thinking about their nature, “what can that even mean?” Like they just couldn’t even wrap their brain around something so outside the existing list of what one understood.]

Me: Oh. OK.

I felt like there should be something else, I just didn’t know what.

Me: Um…. well you’re not an arch I realize, but could we trade energy? I don’t think I’ve ever done that with a guide like I do with archs, outside the Aeon rounds.

He agreed, and he put something on me. I thought it would be a necklace at first, but instead of going around my neck, it actually went around the top part of my shoulders, like a flexible flattish piece of thin jewelry-metal (it fit like some evening gowns or “mink stoles” that are worn just around the shoulders with the very-top of the shoulders bare), and then in the middle front, a crystal heart pendant hung down to my upper chest (over the un-chakra where the Four anchor). That is so archetypal and usually even my archetypes aren’t that… predictably symbolic I guess you could say.

Back when I learned archmeds in ’91, my classmates would get things like crystals and feathers and stuff but mine were usually more prone to be something like a sawblade in my arm or just misc. geometric shapes of colored energy. I reminded myself of the lesson from some time ago about how things being harder or more obscure does not make them any more legitimate in inner working, so not to reject it just because it seemed so dream-symbol-ideal.

“It’s beautiful!” I realized I was saying in genuine appreciation. I hadn’t planned to say that.

I didn’t know what to give him. Normally with archetypes I “feel” some sense of it. Rarely I do have to ask, and a few times I’ve let them take energy from me as they wished but that is fairly uncommon.

Me: I don’t know what to give you. Can you tell me what would honor you?

Him: May I take what I want?

Me: Mark, will it do me harm in any way?

(He indicates no, not at all.)

Me: OK then, of course.

I smile up at him and he comes very close to me and reaches for my head, I assume to pull strands of energy out of me as a couple archs have done long ago. But he takes my head in his hands rather like Mark did recently, and kisses me. And I was so surprised, and then thought it was funny like this must be some “phase” that I am going through where inner-world people keep kissing me! It’s funny but a little embarrassing to admit. Then I was rather impressed at the sense of “swoon” I actually had from it. I get that from Mark.

When I finally paid attention to it (going on a bit by this point), I realized it felt a little bit like IG4 and IG5’s kisses, but also different. They feel like “resuscitation.” Like “feeding me the light” in a form of mouth to mouth. His kiss felt like he was taking from me, but also giving to me at the same time, and I had the subtle sense that the rest of me besides my mouth, in psychological reaction to it being a kiss, actually allowed a lot more of my energy to go to him. After a bit (several kisses) I felt as if, he was willing to accept that, but to me, an ‘event’ did not seem nearly as … er, durable, as a ‘thing’ which is normally the trade. So I told him that and we kissed for awhile more as if to compensate or something, and then pulled back and stared at each other.

Me: What is your name?

He says something, and I struggle hard with it. As often, I get the “feel” of it, and I’m trying to translate that through my language’s alphabet of sound which is often just pitifully unequipped for this. I actually have the sense of a shape, and a ‘motion’, as well as a sense of a “feeling in my gut,” and I work on it, trying to convert this to some approximation of sound. It’s ridiculous how hard this can be sometimes.


I have often had sounds that were ‘deep’. This is spacial for me. Like say you are standing, and in front of you, a word is written (flat as if on a screen or mirror) across the air in front of you. That is ‘normal’ language. shallow and wide. Often I get the sound and it is ‘deep’ as if for example, the ‘mirror’ showed one of the letters actually being like six inches thick, and it’s all the same at the front, but there’s a ton of depth in that letter ‘behind it and as part of it.’ Usually when that feeling comes, a doubling of the letter is the only way I can convey that, even though this makes it “flat and wide” instead of “deeper”. My Aeon Taan is an example. It feels like Tan as far as the width goes, but the “a” has a “depth” that our language has no words to describe. It’s the energy of that letter/sound/feel, so “putting another A behind it” is the only way I can translate it, which means “beside” it if I have to write it down.

This time it was something I hadn’t had very much of before if any. It felt deep more like it went “down” rather than “back” in the main vowel sound, not to mention that sort of spherical and “curving under” shape-motion I sensed. The result was that even though I found letters that sufficiently matched the ‘basic’ sense-of-sound element, and I knew no letters in my language could match it better, they utterly failed to capture the “inner dimensions and geometry” of the “real” sound (it’s a chakra thing I expect) as opposed to the simple “surface” sounds we have in our world.

I guess it’s like looking for “an image of a tree,” and you understand that you’re looking for this thing you know of, that you experienced once, this super HD 3D amazing picture of this gigantic beautiful complex tree during a sunset during a mild storm. Something with breathtaking depth and detail and colors and textures and dynamics all at once. And the only thing you find to match ‘tree’ at all is this little 2D oldstyle computer “icon” that has a lollypop-tree shape on it. And you are forced to accept this because, well, it IS a match, it IS technically a tree, and you don’t have any other options. But it’s drastically far from being anything remotely like what that tree really is. It just seems completely unrelated, on every other level except that surface level. But alas, that surface level is the world we live in.

So in our world, his name will be Rolle. A little like Oroln, the O sound is very “rich, thick, deep and spherical.” The e is silent and only exists to somehow give more of a sense of … um… sort of “reverb” which is more about ‘depth-echo’ than ‘time-echo’ to the O… I know this likely makes no sense to other people. Sounds like “roll.” Simple.

I was curious that some months ago I named a character in one of my fiction books, which was based on Oroln, by the name Tolle. All of this is probably not coincidental as the energy goes, I am just not sure what it means. Oroln was essentially finding the most-ideal-probability in any given, er, situation — although he is more, and probably that’s a poor translation, as I recall him implying at the time. The concept of “exceptions” might relate to Rolle but who knows.

Anyway. We said goodbye and he left.