I’ve spent the last two days rereading the blog, and got a lot out of it, in terms of things I know I should be doing, and things I’d forgotten. Sometimes I read it just to get myself back in the space of the energy.
This morning I realized it is time to return to the command of Senior, who told me to show up every morning in our castle, in his throne room, kneel and recognize him as king. I had been doing that for some months when I stopped, and had read a blog post about that. It is time to return to my inner self.
So after a protein drink, which I drink each morning with my guides as their energy, I went to the castle. I went to see him first, suddenly feeling emotional as I kneeled there.
He put his hand on my head, and then I could feel Queen and Third were with us, but I could not see anything at all. We were standing in total dark.
It felt enclosed and deep underground. I could hear something dripping in the distance. We walked, me between them so I knew where to go.
We reached an area and I could barely see an opening in walls, like cave walls, and we went through that. We walked along a narrow shelf along a wall. We were super high above where some flickering lights were far below.
We reached an area with a ladder attached to the wall and we all had to climb down it. A very long way. I felt emotional and maybe scared so at the bottom I clutched the hands of senior and third. Then had to let go because we were on something where we didn’t fit next to each other.
Senior led us across a slightly elevated narrow wooden walkway that went over a river in this underground cave place, perhaps about 50 feet wide. There were people on both sides of the river, many with candles, which made it fairly light, though flickering.
We went to the other side of that narrow river, and stepped into the line of people on the side who made way for us. I didn’t know what we were waiting for but I felt emotionally nervous, so I was clutching the hand of senior and queen whom I was standing between.
A boat was coming down the river. I understood then that this was what everyone was here for, they were all expecting some version of their own boat. This one was fairly shallow and pointed and raised on each end, which seemed vaguely familiar.
As it got closer, I realized it was a woman, with her hands crossed across her chest, like in death. Like she was dead. I couldn’t sense whether that was true or not. The boat was caught by third and senior, who moved it toward us and pull it partly onto the shore where we stood.
I couldn’t look away from the woman in the boat. I was fascinated. Because it was me. But that wasn’t all. I remembered being put in that boat. It was a powerful “Four-dream” I had back in… gosh. I’m going to say maybe around the year 2000? Maybe years prior. I mean wow!
I suspected that my body looked a lot better here in the boat, than it probably did in the original vision/dream. I do think I wrote that vision/dream down at one point but it was long prior to this blog.
I was in the mountains with the Four, who came across as two black and two white, and then as doctors, like surgeons. They were working on me frantically as I laid on the ground, like some massive injury or problem had occurred, especially in my chest, and like time was of the essence in a truly profound way. My consciousness was going in and out.
They lifted me into a rickshaw, I had the word in my head, it seemed very rickety and made of wood or cane. The white/young man (third) took hold of two handles at the back of it, and began to push me, out of a cave high in the mountain and onto this ridiculously narrow winding path on the side of the mountain. The other two stayed and did not come with us.
And third RAN, like at the maximum speed he could, pushing me in that thing, trying to get me to somewhere in time, trying not to end up killing us both off the side of the narrow pathway, and it was such a long journey, and I was slightly terrified through the whole thing, but also kind of going in and out of consciousness it seemed like.
Finally at the bottom of the mountain there was a river and he lifted me out into his arms, and laid me down in that boat. He crossed my arms, and he gently closed my eyes, and then he pushed the boat out into the river.
I awoke fully then, with “the river Styx” idea in my head, and I couldn’t remember what that was, something in legend, but it seemed appropriate for whatever had just happened.
I had the offbeat feeling that I really had been… injured or dying somehow, and that third was trying to save me, but it was also part of trying to save himself. And that this had been very, very difficult for him, and he had put astounding effort into making it happen.
It’s been at least 20 years since then.
Looking on though, I don’t feel like she/me is dead. I don’t necessarily feel like she is alive either. It’s a weird thing. As if there is some way to actually be right in the middle of neither.
And it feels a bit odd to be standing there looking at her. Then I realize that I am probably part of Fourth at the moment, looking on.
Senior and Queen reach into the boat and put their hands on her, concentrating like they are doing something, and I can tell any moment she is going to open her eyes —
— and I open my eyes. I’m looking up at them and I realize I’m in the boat. I look to the left a bit. Fourth with the white hair is watching me, from where I had believed I was standing.
The four of them gently but firmly pull me up to standing, and hold onto me as I gingerly step out of the boat and onto the land. I look at third, thinking to myself: Did I just rise from the dead? Hey, this is Easter! So that’s almost a meditation pun. Was I dead? Was some part of me just… oblivious from time that began until now?
We left in another direction than we came, and stood closely together as an old fashioned kind of elevator lifted us far, far up, back to the same level we had come in (which itself had been incredibly deep underground. The river was like far underneath the underground. I later read on Styx and it is the river and “underworld” so I guess that fits). There were still the people, the flickering candles, and I thought maybe another boat coming, far down below.
We went in the dark down some cave hallways and then seemed to reach the place where we had arrived — and then we were back by the castle in the sunlight. Not where I was with King when it began but where I usually arrive on the lawn.
I was separate from Fourth, it is seldom that happens. Thank you for my life, I said to them.
I understood that this is… I am in a different… place now. Spiritually. Somehow. That I am also in a kind of … new cycle, I guess you could say.
Emotion took me again. I felt that they said something to me, I don’t know what, but I responded, “I will. I am all of me, from now on. I will include my Aeons, and the Four, in all my workings from now on.”
I left there, and went back to the universe tunnel through me (I go through that to get to them), and I went to the single unmoving but all knowing eye that is found there in the tunnel.
“I’m alive now,” I spontaneously volunteered to him, I have no idea why. I do that sometimes — say something I did not expect to say, and don’t know why I said it, to it. (As if I were not alive before or something, go figure.) He did not respond.
I went back to the cave area, went over to where my friends-guides who are ‘tools/objects’ are. I put a tiny gold box filled with tiny gems that were representatives from ‘the universe’ which heart chakra had gotten for me when universe-tunnel was new in me. I had put it into me for keeping but only just realized the other day that this is something “given me” and counts as a power tool… somehow. Not sure how yet. I put it on one of the shelves. I will see if there is some… way in which I can interact with that energy in the future.
I was only alpha through this meditation. I had the sense that if I had gone to even a light theta, it would have been much more impactful. It already had a lot more “emotion” in it than many do, even at the light level.
It’s probably a coincidence this occurred spontaneously — I did not expect Senior to turn my first hello to him in eons into that — on the day that just happens to represent rising from the dead in my culture.
The tie-in to a moving experience from my distant past though, is really a trip, it kind of blows my mind to be honest.