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I was in a meditation with the 5 of Disks when I heard myself say, with great longing, that I really wanted to meet the Queen of Wands. This is one of those dreamish-things where I hadn’t realized I was altered state, or that perhaps some larger part of me was operating, not just the me of my name. It has happened before, in relation to the Four.

I did the Knight of Wands previously, hands-down the hardest, longest meditation ever thus far, so I’m nervous about the Queen. But I feel this is a clear indicator I should be doing this. So, because I want to demonstrate my dedication to intuitive knowledge and guidance (in the hopes it will bring me more), I am doing this as my very next meditation.


Thoth Tarot Queen of Wands

Thoth Tarot Queen of Wands

I got all ready and promptly passed out. No denial here…

I woke up early in the morning and continued. IG? Queen of Wands, I reminded her, and waited. Then I felt like walking and spinning through the ‘space’ that IG and I were sharing at the moment, and I found this stone staircase she had been creating. So I went up it, moving my feet to try and ‘feel’ it, and it turned 90 degrees to the left and I went up more, and this kept up, a square, empty inside and outside, tower of stairs. I felt ‘aware’ of a spot near the top of my scalp, a bit to the left.

I got quite high when there was a platform that led onto the top of a stone castle. This reminds me of my own Castle, but different, I thought to myself.

I stood at the top and asked ‘the world’ around me at large, Where can I find the energy of the Queen of Wands? to be told, On the Throne, of course!

I rejected this initially. It’s an archetype, it’s cosmology, whatever that energy is, it isn’t what is shown on the card, or maybe it is in some fashion, but archmeds are seldom literal. Almost never in fact, with ‘almost’ thrown in.

Then I thought, Maybe I am in the tarot world, like a couple previous meds, in which case, of course she is the Queen here.

And then I thought, or someone inside me thought I am not sure which, Why have a validation-argument about it? You asked, you got an answer, you’re supposed to go with it. Why do this if you won’t let it happen? Is the problem that it seems ‘predictable’? Had it been something bizarre and offbeat, would that have made it ok?

I shook my head at myself, and walked across the roof until I found a spiral stairway that seemed to go down inside.

I spent awhile doing the spiral stairway in the opposite direction as the stone had been, until I reached the bottom, and went forward down a long hall with torches and the typical trappings of castle. I entered the side/back of a room that was apparently the throne room as there were many people and there sat a queen. I didn’t ‘See’ her, only sensed her there.

I thought I would stay out of sight for awhile and watch. But she instantly was aware of me, and called to me to come forward, everyone around turned to stare at me, and I walked up the path toward her and kneeled to the ground.

O Queen, I said, I would know you, and me, and the me that is you, and the you that is me, and the us that is the Universe. I come seeking that interaction. Would you be willing? She considered me briefly and then nodded her head a bit.

The way this works is, I bring energy to us which cleans out my relationship with your energy, which you may perceive as the four elements, I said, suddenly realizing (which I never have before) that my ‘rain of life, sun of life, wind of life, chemical of life’ IS ‘the four elements.’ Just by coincidence. (?)

(I was only exposed to ‘water of life’ years ago when learning archmeds in the Steinbrecher model and that was simply for cleansing. The whole rain-washing, sun-drying and cracking problem areas, wind blowing them away, chemical cleansing all through, is just something that developed over time of doing it.)

She didn’t respond to refuse, so I said, I must approach you and touch you gently, as if it were a question, and she nodded once, so I went forward and kneeled in front of her throne, and put my left hand on the side of her right knee.

I imagined the ‘rain of love’ pouring on us and cleaning both of us, and got a surprising amount of rushing from that. Then I imagined the sun, and I got rushing from that too. Then I imagined the wind, and I got just a little rushing from that too. Then the chemical, which I didn’t feel much on.

Then I said, Now I look into you, and resolve any of my own energy issues I perceive. May I remove us from the view of your court, as this is a private affair? She nodded, and I thought at IG and the queen and I were in a space with ‘nothing’ all around us.

Her left shoulder, from the neck to down the side, seemed to have some kind of problem. Something that seemed like it had a big partial wing, plus a big stick or sword or both, stuck out, and something I could only call ‘chaos’. I had the sense that the various stuff I perceived was reflecting the four major suits of the tarot and the four major elements at the same time.

I gently laid her on a table of light and then I felt from inside me, I wasn’t sure if it was a reminder or a memory, separate the primary from the relationship, and I remembered the meditation on ‘my worst enemy’ where I learned about that. So I focused for a moment on feeling these things separate inside me and in my perception, and then I looked down at her, and could see the ‘light being’ versus the ‘everything else’. The solar body, someone said inside me, I think the 3rd.

I put my palms over all that, and I told myself to feel both receptive and projective, to heal and allow the healing in myself at the same time, and I worked on that, and got a good bit of rushing during that as well. I got more rushing in this med than I do in the average one frankly.

When it was done, I said to her, I would be honored if you would place some token of your energy on or in me, so that I may better integrate you over time. She put a little crown in the top of my head. It wasn’t like hers on the card, it was about six inches round, four inches high, gold, had lots of little pointy things going up but they all had little round balls at the top, and she sunk it into the top of my head, sticking out just a little.

I created a small orb for her with a disk in the middle I felt represented my energy and ‘earth’ and she let me put it in her solar plexus. I bowed to a kneel again and asked IG, “what now?” and it all vanished.

Do I need to do the whole spiral stairs up and square stairs down–the reverse–now? I asked her. She indicated no, that we were done and it was ok. I was somewhat amazed that I was actually able to get through this meditation in one sitting, never mind that it wasn’t horrible, never mind that it had quite a bit of merging present. I mean the Knight of Wands was so traumatic for me I was expecting the worst, I guess!

I had some ‘impressions’ while in this. They weren’t real strong so I hope I am not screwing this up. But it had to do with the four royal cards of each tarot suit, and the Four (a rather obvious correlation of course), and with the four suits themselves, and the Four (also a rather obvious correlation–I am disks, 3rd is swords, Queen is cups, Senior is wands).

I realized that I have long had issues of integration with the Senior and his energy and this probably is literally what the knight of wands represents: the senior’s role in the senior’s world no less. And he is all about authority and power it seems. No wonder it was so hard.

Time to get the kid up for school and start getting ready for work. It’s just another day! 🙂


Thoth Tarot Meditations: Wands
Thoth Tarot Ace of Wands
Thoth Tarot Two of Wands (Dominion)
Thoth Tarot Three of Wands (Virtue)
Thoth Tarot Four of Wands (Completion)
Thoth Tarot Five of Wands (Strife)
Thoth Tarot Six of Wands (Victory)
Thoth Tarot Seven of Wands (Valour)
Thoth Tarot Eight of Wands (Swiftness)
Thoth Tarot Nine of Wands (Strength)
Thoth Tarot Ten of Wands (Oppression)
Thoth Tarot Princess of Wands
Thoth Tarot Prince of Wands
1, 2
Thoth Tarot Queen of Wands
Thoth Tarot Knight of Wands
1 2 3 4 5 6