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I saw the Senior more clearly last night than I ever have.

Earlier I had decided to do something about the ongoing randy energy I’d had for days and, since I have no conscious relationship with (the Aeon) Hot Amanakhaton, I gave him that energy. During that event I felt like I had more awareness on his part, more interaction, than normal. It worked well enough, which is to say that it was about to be really fabulous on climax and then the energy was GONE given to him. It’s so weird how that works. It certainly takes the fun out of it at that point!

Later I went to the tower, I felt I should for some reason. I felt more ‘aware’ of all the three of them than usual. And then there he was, the Senior. I was just stunned that I could see him so well. Most the time I can’t see him at all, or barely a sense of him, except rare flashes.

I said, “But– but– but you’re a white guy, how did this happen? Last times I thought I saw you, you were –” and he changes and he is the guy I remember: really tall, with the dusky skin, the sense of ‘vaguely red, vaguely asian’ that I think our people sometimes encounter as a type of alien. I realize that of course we are many people and the others, especially he and the Queen, can be in any form they choose. He shifted back to the other form and I ‘felt in me’ that this was because this guy was more ‘normal’ to me.

Me: Why is it that I can see you so clearly all the sudden?

Senior: Your work with {HA} opened up more conscious communication areas.

Me: But what does he have to do with you?

Senior: He has to do with YOU. The more of yourself you are able to bring into your awareness {through your work with them}, the more of yourself you are able to perceive in the energy that we {the Four} share.

So maybe that’s why a couple times after bigger experiences with one of the Consortium it seemed like I was suddenly having more of the Four in some fashion. If the consortium somehow compose me then more integration with them means more of me available to me. I guess it makes sense that the Senior would have brought them to me for working with, considering that; it’s a way of bringing me closer to the Four.

I was so awed and flattered he was letting me see him so plainly, and so happy that I could see AND hear him just like someone present with me, and I felt like I had so much I wanted to talk with him about, now that I finally could — but I couldn’t remember any of it. I couldn’t even think of a question to ask him!

Geez, that is about what happened with the Private Oracle recently too.

I felt closer consciously to the Queen than usual too.

I went to my mate/twin and hugged him and then realized that I usually don’t see his face. Not because I can’t, so I’m not sure why. I focused on his chest and really aimed my intent and focus and that came into clear view. I moved my focus up his body and over his face just a few inches at a time, seeing him more clearly than I have in eons.

I thought of the bridge. A couple years ago I guess it was, I was doing a lot of inner world stuff and I can’t remember if it was IG taking me to it or what, but I came to this “bridge of me.” It was a really big bridge, the metal kind that go over a major waterway. But at one side there was a gigantic hole through the bottom and there was various falling-aparts and holes and weakness throughout most of the structure. The integrity of all the metal was fine, excepting a few beams on the bottom in bad places. But all the rest that made up the ‘floor’ of the bridge had some serious issues.

I had been working on healing and fixing it when my mate/twin showed up directing a whole workforce of guys. I had a slight overlap with the Queen then, which I didn’t even realize till just now. Anyway he was responsible for the massive job actually getting done.

I realized my thoughts had moved us and the Four of us as one stood on the bridge. “He did this,” I said, impressed with him and proud of him. “He fixed this whole thing!” And then I wondered, “WHY would he do that, if it was my bridge, maybe the Queen’s in places, not his??” And they felt (so I understood) that we ‘share’ energy as literally as I perceived the first time I ever met my mate/twin.

I don’t know that I have any energy they don’t. But my mate has some I don’t. And the Queen has some he doesn’t, and the Senior some she doesn’t. We are less like four separate things that combine to one, than “nested spheres”, like a Russian doll, and each larger one contains the one inside plus is something more.

That means that since they all ‘contain me’, that any problem with me IS a problem with them, too. Their own… evolution, for lack of a better word, includes the need for mine.

I fell asleep so whatever else happened I don’t recall.

This morning in the Aeon round, Hot Amanakhaton was no more merging or responsive than normal, go figure, the ingrate. Yes I know he is a giant statue but still. The round was nothing to blog about, not even merging senses except the tiniest bit with Ithikah.

I went back to the tower. I did feel more clear with all of them than usual but as I stood in the center and the three of them stood together to the side, I thought, What am I supposed to do? I don’t understand what action I’m supposed to take when with them. I know they’ve previously told me that we don’t generally “do”; it’s more a “be”; but getting to the BE part, to where I am enough integrated-aware with them that we are merged, is the issue.

I started to ask them but felt, from my mate, that I shouldn’t. He didn’t actually lecture me but it came with the feeling that I sometimes get from him that I need to quite whining and expecting someone else to hand me answers or action and step up. I stopped just before saying anything and asked myself, What does it SEEM like I should do? What do I feel? What is appropriate?

After a minute, I went and stood besides my mate, held his hand, closed my eyes and just imagined “being” with them, that’s all. I saw the Senior and the Queen slide into each other and then we did that and then for a moment I was more aware than usual of the two identities that resulted. I ‘allowed’ myself to perceive from the perspective of the merged being and felt a tiny bit of rush-energy then. Then we merged as the four, and I did that again.

And then we just ‘were’ for a bit.

Then I said, I’m going to leave now, I mean my awareness. Do I need to do something that kind of… officially closes this, so that my going on with my physical life in a moment won’t be bleeding into your awareness? They felt no, I didn’t need to. But I sorta did anyway, just for closure.

I felt a little clueless then, when it was all said and done. I sense that I need to get much more clear with the Four. Now I understand that, indirectly, getting much more clear with the Aeons, the 12, is a big part of that. But it feels like the easy part is passing. By which I mean, initially I had tons of merging with all of them in various ways like because there was so much to do it was easy.

But now I feel like I am getting to the point where merely thinking it’d be nice isn’t enough anymore. Like something more proactive is required. But I don’t know what.

P