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There were some things I did not articulate in the previous post (or forgot to mention).


That the sense of the sword positions, which reminded me of the qi gong I have seen, was so different, and I think I finally grokked-to-articulation-point what it is.

It isn’t motion.
It’s a nearly infinite series of stillness.
Each has a balance point unique to that position.
When you run the ‘experience’ of these in series, it feels or looks like motion.

It makes me think of how oblivious we generally are to motion and our bodies in terms of all the “transition points.”

Anyway that was my gut-level intuitive understanding and this may not be correct.

I have never been attracted to the ‘slow dance’ tai chi personally but I am attracted to other elements of ancient studies. I know zero about any of them.


I had a cycle where I was thinking about energy and realizing that it just doesn’t matter. Whether I die in a drug gutter or saving the world, whether I eat well or don’t, whether I am evil and power-stealing or loving and healing: it just doesn’t matter. I mean in the larger perspective of things. God, the cosmos, will “Know Itself.” Our experience is part of that. It’s all experience. It’s all equal.

And technically as far as our larger-self goes, we are not going to ‘evolve’ any faster or more slowly based on those decisions: we as the larger entity are going to evolve either way. We are all going to brighten until we go nova. All the experience in the middle is merely experience. Like identity, if you accept the infinite nature of it, you also accept the equality nature of it, because the larger identity is going to have everything. You can simply be what piece of that everything you choose.

We all do what brings us pleasure. If we find denying certain pleasures actually pleases us more from our sense of virtue than endulging in them, that is fine. But it is no less a life lived on pleasure. It is merely that people can find pleasure in infinite ways, including pain and self deprivation.

Once I realized that, I was very thoughtful for awhile. Everything I did, even making food. When you completely remove the sense of “should” — for that is really what this ‘equalization of value’ amounts to — somehow it changed how I thought about everything, including my own health and the trouble I take for it.

It’s no longer and issue of gosh-I-should and why-don’t-I. None of that matters. For some reason when everything becomes equal, it seems more attractive to me to choose what I want to do simply because I want to do it. I don’t think I am articulating this well at all. I will try again another time.


So I thought perhaps I would google to see if things like the sword positions are still taught in this day and age, as I’d had that impression of someone in me doing that. I would not have associated the earlier sexual “power” experience with those positions. Yet somehow in reading about sword work I ended up on a page that said:

Stories from ancient Chinese folklore, filtered down through the centuries, tell of so-called huli jing, literally “fox spirits” — vixens or sirens — who use their enticing beauty to lure young men into sexual intercourse with them. In so doing, they drain their victims of their youth and sexual vitality, eventually dooming them to a horrible and premature death. Even today, there exists a type of qigong, that when practiced during sexual intercourse, is intended to drain the partner of his or her sexual energy to benefit the practitioner.

Seemed like a synchronicity to me. I suppose in the eastern studies, everything is really based on yi/chi so it’s not that surprising. That’s not quite the shocking experience the little shaman woman in the village being sacked had of course but along the same lines I guess.

I forgot what else I was going to say. I am forgetting things more again lately which suggests I’m running into new energies I haven’t adapted to yet.