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I felt good this afternoon. I was daydreaming off and on and just grinning like an idiot. I nearly went out to the garden today. I think I had the energy for the first time, but I ended up having a talk with my body about it. But if I have some extra energy, don’t I want my organs to have that? I asked my body. I don’t want to use a bunch more energy and use it all up, doing physical things. I got this explanation that made me realize the element that chemist Reams had not included: that our body is not fully fueled by what we eat. He did see that, actually, but he believed we got all the rest through breathing.

But: there is a ton of energy that comes through the chakras, particularly the base and crown, and gets added to our system. Body was explaining, sort of, that having some use of the energy was important because it… “works it through” is the only way I can translate it. That having fluency and facility with energy require there be a sort of clean and constant flow and too much sedentary behavior tends to gum up the flow. So you don’t have to be a crossfit junkie or anything, just getting some regular physical motion in is important.


Later I was talking to IG about something when a glimmer of an idea came through. I felt she was kind of helping with it. I pulled it through me until I had it, and felt such awe that I had never thought of this particular prayer. The ‘me’, the larger me, is surely vast, I perceive. Well, even the ‘potential’ of my DNA is vast. The ‘me’ on the surface is just this little shallow piece like the face I’m wearing for the world.

Well, what is IG if not the ultimate facilitator? Is she not the project manager of the ultimate toolset for reaching into our interior and getting exactly what we need? So I spent awhile praying related to that, related to finding the parts of me which most support divine will, and my ideal self, and a self that will have good habits, for my spiritual life and focus, and for health, and creativity.

I realized at one point it had become a meditation when I found myself relaxing in a boat on the open water on a blue day.  An unusually large black bird I realized was a raven landed on one of the railings near me and started talking to me. I was still in a ridiculously good mood.

Raven: Hello.

Me: Wow, a raven! I honor you, hello! … so, what are you doing here?

Raven: What are you doing here?

Me: Oh… right. So… you talk! Wow, cool! What should I do with you? Oh! Can we do the four elements?

Raven: OK.

So I ran the four elements against it. Both of us had a small amount that dried and blew out with light/wind but nothing else.

I looked at it suspiciously.

Me:  Oh. You don’t look any different at all!

Raven: Neither do you.

I stared at it for a bit then, taken aback. Archetypes just don’t talk to me that way.  It seemed to want to come closer, so I held my arm out, and it hopped onto my arm. I stared at my arm in some fascination, wondering how this was possible.

Me: You’re heavy. How can this be?

Raven: You’re lazy? {humorously}

Me: (laughing) Very funny! No seriously! This is in my head, so how could you feel heavy? Sun!

Sun: Hi.

He was sitting at the far side of the tiny boat, facing me.

Me: Raven, meet my friend sun.

Raven: (as if I’m an idiot) We all know the sun.

Me: Oh! So… hey, and you have a sense of humor. How do you have a sense of humor?

Raven: How do you have a sense of humor?

Me: Well — well I’m a person. I mean — oh my god! You’re a GUIDE! You’re not archetype! That’s why you didn’t change at all with the elements, right?

Raven: Right.

Me: You’re… you’re not one of my aeons in weird form I’m just not picking up the sense of, right?

Raven: Not one of those that you’re thinking of.

Me: I uh, I don’t suppose I could get a name from you? I guess Raven would do.

Raven: Oroln.

Pronounced like ‘oral’ with an N and it’s hard to say correctly. It took me like 25 times but I finally got it said correctly.

Me: So, what do you work with me on? Oh, I feel a sense of… this kind of stuff actually. Like the “selection of self,” of energies that are, um, ideal, or… something.

Raven: Or something… like that.

At that point, the boat shifted and now there was a steering wheel and the Raven was on it. It turned the boat as we now went forward, and a whole ‘nest’ of cliffs and caverns and such sprang up not far away and he steered us into them. We went into a cave, and then into a cave inside the cave, and so on, until I realized I needed to focus with it and allow the feeling of “deep” and “Inside” into me better so this could complete. I got distracted in the middle, talking to sun, and the Raven said, Pay attention! and I went Oh! Sorry!

I actually have a character in one of the paranormal fiction novels I am writing who is a sentient talking raven. I don’t know if this is borne of that, or if the character is actually borne of the raven instead, since my Aeons have often told me that they have always been with me and when I think we’re having a conversation about something, usually it’s been going on for days or even years with me oblivious to it. (Such a trip.) It occurred to me it would be kind of cool if something about this guide provided a model for the character in the book, which by the way I have not worked on in a long time, but where I left off, it had just been introduced.

Finally, we float into this super tiny little cavern, and the water is shallow there. At the edge of the water is an archetypal “treasure room” filled with gold and chests with pearls and things like that. I wonder what it is. Then I think it is the embodiment of the parts of myself that are the ‘treasure’, the energies I was talking to IG about earlier.

It occurs to me that a lot of things could be perceived this way. So I tell IG I would like to filter this room and make it so the energies that are treasures represent “only” what most supports my divine will, my ideal self, my spiritual habits and focus, my health, my creativity. The room shifts, and now the treasure is different, there is less and it’s in different forms, but right in the middle of everything is something that so grips my attention I just forget and dismiss everything else as not mattering at all.

It’s a tall spike sort of, made of pure crystal or something like that, and at the top is a sphere also made of pure crystal. But it had this energy there are no words for, like utterly “pure” is all I can say. I want to absorb it, breathe it, become it. I am wondering if I can just pull it into me when I get the feeling that no, I can’t. I need to “make space” for it. I realize I’m sensing not just a matter of space needed, but more specifically, ‘conflicting energies’.

So I ask IG to manifest all the energies which would resist this, in front of me, and this very big haphazard stack of ‘stuff’ manifests on the shore. I had the idea that treating this like I did the knife in Nero’s back once, was best, and so I prayed and asked IG and imagined that I was “releasing in myself all of the energy of this thing” and I got a rushing-buzzing with every breath intake for quite some time, until it had all finally dissolved in front of me.

Then I absorbed the crystalline thing, and when I did, I felt so happy, and I suddenly realized that the formerly-winged-guy, who I check on now and then and sometimes gets less not more integrated, was finally completely integrating with me, right that same instant, so I had that focus for awhile, welcoming and praying and accepting related to that, to him. I moved all of my muscles around, and had these major energy yawns.

I realized that everything in that cave “was already me.” Still, I tried to merge with the whole cave and its stuff but got nothing nada zip zero and had to conclude it’s because I felt no ‘sense of separation’ from it at that point. It really was already me.

I let Raven steer us out again, and then I had another realization, and I started babbling about how he is the FIRST guide I have EVER encountered that I do not have any resistance to! None! I mean I just felt happy and like “wow how cool!” that I had a guide that was a bird and talked to me. I didn’t have any real problem hearing him or perceiving him, I even got his name promptly, and I felt NO resistance. I couldn’t believe it! I’ve never had that not once not ever. I couldn’t shut up talking to sun about it I was so excited. I said I felt this was like some turning point for me, something I can’t define well as far as why, how or what it means, but it seems like it is important and really great.

I went back to IG and I considered meditating on something else, but I actually felt that falling asleep with all that energy in me was important, so I did.

I woke up a little bit ago with this song I really like by Jim Brickman, called Winter Waltz, playing. It’s from his ‘Escape’ album. All his stuff is great, beautiful piano solos, major key sweet stuff. (I think one of the songs on that album has words and it starts with talking about an angel, and came on just as I was talking to IG and I couldn’t quit smiling hugely for some reason. It occurs to me that some people simply have a certain ‘shared positive energy’ that you can get just by exposure to their creativity. Michael Parkes the artist came to mind as having that same effect on me somehow.) The song has a sliding violin that reminds me of some gypsy music. Gets nicer as it goes on.

I think I need to meditate some more, but first I’m going to lay around and listen to music for a bit since I’m feeling groovy. I have a roast that is supposed to be finishing before long so I’m actually glad I woke up. I sacrificed the meat (boiling it, which is by far not my fave way to cook it for sure) in return for a whole gallon of broth resulting. Hoping to make a bunch of soups with it.

I can’t believe I was totally not resistant to a guide. I mean it’s been years and years I’ve had the Aeons and I’m still barely integrated with half of them and so on. Names are coming easier to me lately and ‘hearing’ things is coming easier, but this is the first time I felt no psychological resistance at all! I’m just so stupidly happy about it. I’m not sure why, I just am!