Meditating (meds) ended in sleep night before last. But yesterday morning I spent nearly an hour on my “inner hello” — more than in longer than I can remember. And I had the most amazing day, although it was so low-key and filled with ordinary things, it seems odd to say that about it. I had more ‘interest’ in everything than usual. I had more gumption to ‘get up and do stuff’ than I ever do. I worked on sewing and cooking the whole day. I’d get weary, breaking a sweat, and at a good stopping point go sit in front of the fan and do something on the computer for a bit, then resume.
By end of the day my entire body hurt. I spent much of it bent over with the sewing process which I now realize I don’t do nearly enough of. I was so incredibly weary that I showed up for IG at midnight and begged to just go to bed instead.
So this morning I put in even more effort to the morning hellos, having decided that had something to do with my day. And I laid in my gravity chair on the porch in the sun briefly, till the sun was gone (circa 11:30 porch is in shade from then on, and it only has sun in pieces as there are trees, so I have to aim for the right times). I ended with the Four as usual and they had me sit while 1st put his hand on the top of my head, and 2nd and 3rd on each side of me put one hand on the side of my head and the other on my shoulder, and we were just to “be” in the moment. So I did that, then set a timer for 10 minutes more of that. But they wanted more “be-ing.”
So throughout the day I breathed three times, cleansed and grounded, then flash-moved into the universe tunnel unchakra and out the side into the area where the Four and a castle are, and merged into the ‘me’ left there, where they did this. Twice I set a timer and did it for 10 minutes, before going back to other things.
It would spontaneously “get my attention” — the memory-realization that “I was there still” — and I would go back, and usually 1st would change something after I was fully in place there, so I got the idea that if I had that “attention draw” to it, it meant Senior wanted me in there. This went on the entire day, until evening hours.
Finally 1st (Senior) arranged a low merge, just me and 3rd. I was surprised how smoothly it went, how fast, that we shifted to 5th. I suspect whatever they were doing with me all that time helped. Then they shifted to 7th, and so I set an alarm and made a point to “be” in the “present moment with and as” 7th. Although my attention often wandered, I have to say it was probably better than it’s been in a long time — but that is not saying anything for it at all. Set a 20 minute timer. Was getting a bit blissed out.
So I anchored myself in that and went back to doing things around the house. Some experimenting showed that I can stay with something during that, but not if I get too far distracted, or have too much emotion about anything. So it breeds a very calm, zen-like state of mind, to hold the state of mind that makes still being tied to the meditation another part of me is doing, work out ok.
One of my guides just popped into front-focus attention and said hello, haven’t seen him in eons — maybe only once many years ago — name is Ronan. I did a brief little blessing and request and he vanished, and 10 seconds later another popped in. After doing a few of these I said oh I get it, now I’ll be here all day! LATER.
I made a point to make myself a sheet of all the identities I should say hello to in the morning. It’s ridiculous. It’s gonna take all day. I will try to do it at least a few times and then come up with a more… er… expeditious, or distributive, approach.
The last time today that I showed up in my cave, one side has shelving where the power tool identities are (I put it there) and the other was a cave wall, but is now much deeper and apparently is the later incarnation of my former ‘star wars bar scene’ that I had in the early 00’s. Tons of guides hung out, seemingly even without me, and I would arrive and it would be a riotous place. Many were just crazy looking creatures. (After The Crucifixion of the Trinity experience, I didn’t meditate for three months. When I went back it was empty and sad.) I said well… ok. I guess that means you think I’ll be meditating more regularly! Why not.
Tonight for IG meet, 3rd and Sun with me on his sofa. I thought he tossed a blanket over us but it turned to sparkly light as I felt myself fall back slowly, and then found myself standing on a dirt road in a skirt that was pretty well to the floor and some kind of rudimentary boots. I looked up and a man was coming up to me.
He spoke weirdly. Like he was from those old movie/TV shows where everyone is oddly formal and saying hello is a whole sentence. I couldn’t place exactly where or when but I thought it was pre-USA Northeast, maybe mid 1700s. (The quakers arrived long prior so not impossible I guess.) He asked me where I was from, and I realized I didn’t know how to speak like he did, so I would not fit in if I tried. Normally I just let 4th lead, but I don’t want to be passive like that unless I must, not anymore. So I kept my answers to one or two words, spoke softly, and looked at the ground as if I were very shy. This didn’t seem unusual to him. I said: “Lost.”
He said he’d take me to… some word that meant a minister or priest. He took me to a small church, which was not catholic as no crucifix though there was a cross, and that guy sat down with a space between us on a hard wood bench and asked me questions. Using as few words as humanly possible and attempting to behave as if it were because I was shy, I answered. He asked if I would be able to work hard for room and board and I nodded yes. He seemed to know that being new in town and alone I had no place to stay and he took me to some woman, who in turn walked me to this building a couple stories tall. I had the impression they both thought that I had been cast out by family for wanton ways or something.
She took me to a tiny room upstairs, said I was lucky they actually had one, said the bathroom end of hall was for everyone and I’d better be quick. Said laundry is Fridays so we could be clean for the Lord on Sundays, and I would help collect all the beddings, help with the laundry, and put it back on beds… and help with meals, and bring in crops. She gave me some bedding for the ‘bed,’ and told another woman in a room next door to me to help me with everything and teach me to work.
The linens were… well we have no idea how good we have it today, let’s say. The bed was not a bed, it was some kind of narrow cot-platform with something that does not qualify as a mattress in my universe. The room was basically a deep closet, but did have a tiny window, but it didn’t open.
By now I’m wondering what I’m doing here. I don’t see anything to do, or fix, it’s boring, and frankly it’s… well let’s just say I’m glad I live now and not back then.
A young woman maybe 19 or so who is obviously pregnant comes into my room and tells me her name and asks me mine. She’s looking at me expectantly and I’m thinking it would have been convenient if Mark had given me one along with the costume so I could fit in. I tried to think of the oldest-fashioned name I could, and finally decided on my grandmother’s name, “Mabel.”
The girl was incredibly nice and helpful. (She told me at one point she could not feed her baby but the woman had said she knew a family that might take it in.) I was with her through an insane kitchen prep. Boys about 12 and up to adult came in lines with buckets and dumped them into a couple huge tubs, water from the well. The dining setup was first for a bunch of people who were dressed better, and then for us in batches, which included some kids.
Dinner didn’t have any meat. It was some boiled stuff, carrots and something else, and something I swear must be “gruel” though I don’t actually know what gruel is. (But if eating it is grueling, then that’s the stuff.) We got it for breakfast too, along with something that in no universe is a pancake eaten like bread, but I think was along those lines.
If I ever time travel remind me never to go to the past. I hate the food.
We worked until time for sleep. She said the rule was “the devil makes use of idle hands” so if you weren’t working you were sitting in the main room (where dinner had been) listening to a man read the good Lord’s book.
(I’m in hell, I thought.)
Up insanely early the next morning, we were out picking vegetables from an oversized farm garden — I thought there was zucchini which explained why it was so hot and muggy in that world, must have been mid to late summer — we were working in full sleeves and dresses and a bonnet thing — then briefly in for breakfast then back out again. I was starting to think I really was in hell, and reminding myself that when I’ve asked IG4 or IG5 what I’m supposed to “do” they just say just be, just interact with what’s around me.
Some cranky broad walking around bellowing at people yelled at me that a pretty face wouldn’t feed me, and then was even more angry when she discovered I had just as much stuff in my basket as the people around me (and bleeding hands to show for it as we were on some kind of thorny berries by then).
I wondered if maybe the point of all this would be the young pregnant woman and her fate. I started imagining possible storyline scenarios featuring her that would seem worthwhile for all this.
In the kitchen me and my friend were… pounding something like dough on a table, long before dinner, when a man stepped in looking for someone, and saw me.
It was 3rd, in that world. I was so relieved. Finally something! I felt the instant attraction to him I always do when encountering him, and I could tell he felt it too. He was clearly someone with more money than we had, but didn’t seem rich. Maybe some kind of craftsman that had a good living. My friend told me gossip (as she brushed my hair before bed, promising to braid it on my head the next day so it wasn’t like “a loose woman’s” and so it would be less hot), that he’d been asking about me.
Eventually I told him that my parents had been killed in a ‘mishap’, that I had traveled with other people to a destination and it turned out to be the wrong one, and had gotten a ride to this town in the hope of finding a way to survive.
So skipping ahead because this was just as boring to live as to read about, good grief, he eventually asked me to marry him and I agreed. And I pleaded with him to bring my friend to live with us as a house servant, so she could keep her baby (she was hoping someone would take it in, and had been told this was a good potential), and she and I could help each other with chores and raising our kids, and he agreed.
The marriage bed was awkward and painful and kind of miserable but he was very kind about it all. When he was asleep I was lying there looking up at the blackness, as the candle was out before the event, and asking Mark, Is this enough? Can I be done?
Back on the sofa. “Oh, I forgot about you guys,” I said to sun and 3rd. “Were you there?”
Sun starts laughing. “Oh,” I realized, embarrassed, and 3rd’s grinning at me as I look at him, cracking up. “We just had sex like 45 seconds ago and I forgot about you already!”
Me: So Mark what was the point of all that? I mean was there some lesson, some meaning, some reason?
Mark: You need to learn to pay attention. We will be working on that.
Well that was one of the most underwhelming meditations or parallels, not sure which it was, possibly the latter just due to my feelings and reactions, the automatic clothing for the occasion etc. Well and the enormous amount of stuff (more stuff I did NOT bore you with) that was just totally trivial daily stuff that I can’t see any plot line for having.
Archmeds are like fiction books — all their events etc. are centered on me or the point of it. Parallels are more like somewhere I just happen to suddenly be and are often filled with the more rudimentary, crass and boring and stupid detail experience. Then there is something “in between” those — like the one for Gaia as I think of it, the cinderella-ish story, but those probably belong to archmed category.
I’ve noticed before that if I don’t find the world or a person very interesting it is difficult to keep my focus. To say there was not a high interest value for me in that world is an understatement. I pretty much disliked everything about it and mostly just felt desperately grateful that I’m not in it now.
I wasn’t very altered state because I started a few minutes late and so had forgotten to do some brainwave stuff first. So it wasn’t very visceral, outside the vile food, and was almost entirely concept-to-visual (some are direct visuals, at least in part, but this was not).
Tomorrow’s hello may take all day. But I feel psychologically better today and yesterday.