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I still don’t have a name for the crown. I still have never perceived it as an identity in the way that it would model as ‘a person/people’ the way the root to heart chakras have. I know that’s just my symbolism but to me it indicates a certain relationship too.

However it has more “communication” with me than any other chakra. Well maybe except the heart which, oddly, seems to answer me… if I ask properly.

Alright so the last time I was talking with crown it showed me that there were three “layers” between this part that goes ‘through’ the top of the head (the part shaped like a giant garlic bulb, with a stem that goes down to the top of the heart chakra), and the part up high that ‘fountains’ out. ┬áThe layers were ‘restoration’, ‘conversion,’ and then ‘amplification.’ Today it showed me some detail on those.

I was doing a brief med (which certainly got longer once this kicked in) and I asked:

Restoration: what does that really mean?”

In the journey through the body, which is the energy fountained by the crown that is manifest in (or perhaps ‘against’ an energy-canvas where their joining is) our perceived outer reality, and which is pulled up from (mostly) under the feet and all through the body, there is distortion present.

I am using the word distortion to cover an innumerable number of possible effects.

The body itself (and the energy body and physical body were perceived as just different perspectives on the same thing at that moment) has… interferences.

When the energy comes through, it tends to be distorted by its experience to varying degrees.

Not just a matter of distortion like making it broken or mutant (bad), but also just distortion that you might call ‘prism-ing’ like where something ends up in a ‘relationship’ to its true nature like a harmonic or reflection.

When it comes through the crown, to a degree it is compared against ‘the truth of you’ is the only way I can put the sense; not necessarily like the fundamental truth of the universe but more like YOUR truth which is subject to change; I guess you might say like ‘spiritual dna’ or something except in this case the dna reflects ‘the pattern of your belief systems’ or ‘the relationship of the energy you consider you to the energy you don’t consider you’ or something.

‘Corrections’ are made to ‘restore’ the energy to its beautifully clean “true self.”

I perceived the energy as if it were a huge collection of varying three dimensional geometries, ranging from simple to impossibly complex, with the interesting feel like they were all present and real and yet somehow all the corners and angles where the planes meet were the only thing perceived, as if… as if the geometries were all hollow, perhaps, and their shells were like a divine version of visible and not visible at the same time, impossibly combined like uncountable things were all sharing the same space at the same time… but all of them being unusually beautiful, as if there is a sort of crystal-beauty even in unmanifest geometry.

The next layer up is ‘conversion.And this? I asked.

Energy as applied to the body is not the same as the energy applied to what amounts to the fountain of crown — well it IS, but… what is ideal for one thing (what you perceive as your body) is not ideal for the other thing (what you perceive as outside your body). Or you vs. not-you. Or subjective vs. objective. I understood that all these things are really the same thing, it was like just seeing yourself in a mirror from the front or in a reflected mirror from the back or something.

This came with the realization that there must be an opposite version of this down under the feet, to convert it from whatever it is on the outer-fountain back to something that can pull through the body (our physical body at that moment felt to me like merely another energy body layer).

“And then amplification,” I remembered. “Well, that seems obvious, I guess.”

Famous last words. It wasn’t so obvious, apparently.

First I saw that this layer, this function, was greatly affected by the strength, open-ness, power of the crown chakra of the individual. This gives the interesting sense that although the same collection of geometries are projected out in the fountain, that somehow they would all seem clearer, more defined, more experientially-apparent, the more strength was in this. Almost like… like looking at a picture with a great deal of complexity, and then suddenly it gets massively clearer and more 3Dish and you suddenly can see incredible detail and texture in it that you couldn’t before, you see a ton of things you never even noticed before, and even the ‘definition’ of what you did see is suddenly greatly updated.

(It reminds me of once when Ry and I, having had a favorite cartoon movie we saw on VCR and at that it was a secondary copy someone had made for us, saw it on this blu-ray player on a big screen at walmart. We literally stood in the aisle for an hour, agog and marveling, because we knew this movie really well, but now we could see a ton of stuff we hadn’t even known was in it, and the textural detail was just mind boggling. Well it was kind of like that kind of spectrum difference, based on how much energy was had by the crown.)

I had the sense that if your crown was really strong, the patterns (the geometries) “of you” would simply be stronger in your “experiential reality.” Now if your patterns are good, this is good. If your patterns have some serious issues, this is not good. I saw that a lesser-powered crown was surely preferable for nearly everyone because it created a sort of “blended, muted, gentle’d” version of reality compared to what they’d be creating if there was a lot more power behind it. A bit of a white-noise effect, you might say.

Of course, for such a situation, a person would also find it harder to ‘manifest intentionally’ too, and to ‘see’ as clearly what was inside them on the outside of them.

I suddenly remember this saying that goes something like, “When the divine light shines through a person, it magnifies ALL patterns. Even the bad ones.” Actually that is absolutely perfect for this, I think. I had this sense that “personal integrity,” meaning being truthful with yourself, and true to yourself, and very careful about what you said and did and even thought, would clean up and improve a lot of the geometries, and that the more the crown “trusted” (experienced, actually) that these were not going to be harmful, the more power it was willing to put into the amplification.

You might say, that the crown is living ‘through’ us at least partly, and it’s not going to be suicidal, so if what we’re sending through it sucks, it’s going to scale down power to try and mitigate the harm done.

Then, the next thing about ‘amplification’, was yet another 3-fold division-of-function.

It turns out there is a place in the fountain (by which I mean, the gold-strings-of-energy which blossom above the crown and then go out around us like a semi-egg shape and then are pulled back up through the feet) where just as it started coming down, to about the bottom of our chin, that “zone” had a sort of special effect, in the fountaining.

I hadn’t realized that there were ‘bandwidths’ in the fountaining, and that they kind of represent something or perhaps function in some way unique to each bandwidth. I only saw the first one though, which was just after the fountaining. It was kind of like — this is difficult to describe, bear with me — if you could convert a measure of time to instead be a measure of intensity, also as spread throughout a slightly curving golden string/line.

There were three variables in one here. Imagine if you will a string of gold light that goes from just after a torus ‘fountain’ at your crown, down to nearly the bottom of your head.

1. What you might call the ‘underlying or fundamental’ intensity of that area is going to vary, that is one variable. Like if it were fiber optics, the luminance of the cable you might say. But the cable has a certain range that it is not going to go above or below, so although that is a big variable, it’s not the only one.

2. There is also a sort of “specialty texture” you might say (I just made that up ’cause I have no word for what it really is), and in that textural area, there is … maybe you could call it the extra power, like capacitors added to a circuit. Like past a certain point of intensity, the power is not handled with the normal lines, but a new emergent quality appears, as if the line is denser or stronger or able to “hold” (not just send through the line) much more energy there.

3. And the “span” of the “intensity” also varies. In some cases being quite short, such as just after the fountain to say, only a couple inches of distance on the gold-light-string. In some cases being much longer, like all the way down to the bottom of your head. And my impression was that actually, the more power that you had in #2 the shorter #3 was. As if the “intensified area” of #2 also had a sort of capacitance limit, just like the strings themselves do in #1, and when the power starts going above that, it actually reduces the length of the distance, range, bandwidth, of that high-energy span range. Actually I think that is it, I feel intuitively: it is quite literally reducing the ‘bandwidth’ — which is increasing the frequency (so if the energy were seen as sine waves, they would get much closer together horizontally and possibly shorter vertically, depending on what all was going on). Making it more “compact” in a way.

But then we get to the point of this. #1 is a direct result of the “amplification” band, the most simple result, and has the side-effects I mentioned, where the “patterns of you” are so much more clear and defined in experiential reality.

#2 and #3 are also a direct result of the amplification band, almost you could say like a sort of overflow but not really because those things are always present on everyone I think, they are just not really “differentiated from” #1 unless the power intensity reaches a certain point.

I may be wrong about this next specific point, because this part is intellectual while writing, but I think #2’s side-effect was a degree of… you might say, “the ability to perceive the correspondence between what is inside you and what is outside you.” That is to say, #1 would make your patterns incredibly clear, but #2 would make you better able to be AWARE that thing-X in your reality was likely a reflection of thing-X in your psyche/whatever.

#3 related to our ‘energetic relationship’ with the manifestation of that energy, specific to our perception of TIME. The shorter the ‘span’ of the extra-intensity, the more “rapidly” our “fountaining energy” manifests in our perceived reality. So, when a thought, or new thought, or an experience, or a behavior, then manifests in our reality (note: everything does, as a reflection), it gets “closer” in time.

I had this during Bewilderness in a massive way. I called it “instant karma.” Sometimes reality changing to follow my mind was a matter of minutes or even seconds, the latter acting like a glitch in the matrix or something. Having this move “closer” to the “source” made it a lot more obvious what was related to what. When you combine #1 (clarity of patterns in your reality) with #2 (comprehension of the connection between inner and outer patterns) and #3 (speed with which pattern from inside you manifests outside you), it really becomes obvious that reality is reflecting you, is having a conversation with you.

The actual “torus” nature of our energy, which doesn’t seem like one because we are tall and the inner ‘open’ space is so thin, but it IS a torus — becomes more obvious, like you can just feel the constant interaction of inside with outside and back again. I didn’t know what it was then, but now I see that everything the crown has shown me, for a long time, are things which I experienced. I had some people more expert at yoga type stuff tell me I had ‘blown my crown open in the kundalini experience’ and ‘instant manifestation’ was one of the symptoms but that is all I knew about it at the time.

I remember one time, this was a year or so ago, I was looking at some old buddhist chart related to chakras and I thought to myself, “How did they know, to make these drawings?” I guess… maybe the chakras TOLD them. I’m not exactly evolved or anything so if the chakras are communicating with me, I guess it’s certainly fair to assume they’re probably communing with buddhic masters or whatever.

I find it interesting that there are three layers and that the third one has three layers. I wonder if they all do and I just don’t know. I wonder if there are other bandwidths of the fountain energy that have certain functions.

At this point it feels like a very interesting thing, but not like it’s something I can immediately put to use you might say, but I have the feeling that at some point it is going to be very helpful to understand how the chakras work in detail.


Speaking of chakras. So, ever since the heart chakra stepped up and pick-ax’d a hole in the front and back of me just above its own area, in the area I call “the un-chakra” where the Four are centered, it is still… a hole.

I regularly have to imagine cleansing and soothing and smoothing, but it still literally feels like, is sensed like a hole right through me. Not like heart put the hole there, it was already there (to my surprise), it was just like he tore off the thick layers over it on each side.

I just had this sudden memory of when 3rd of 4 used a sword to dig through layers of ice on a mountain, to uncover the golden sarcophagus which held the Queen. I wonder… huh. I am pretty sure that 3rd is associated with my heart chakra. I wonder if Queen is associated with this area somehow, if that digging out that heart did is a similar thing? Or maybe that’s just a symbol for “uncovering” and could be used for many things. Anyway:

I often have physical sense in this area lately too, like I feel this odd sort of pressure. It actually reminds me a little of what it feels like when your lymph glands are clogged in a given area, and I have had that in chest before (though more commonly under arms), which I work out with light massage and a ton of drinking water for a bit. This isn’t that, but the sort of “subtle pressure” feels a little like that.

Now I assume that this is a good thing, that heart knew what he was doing, that Mark is supporting it for good reason, and that the Four which stood calmly by while their anchor-center seemed to have the “surface energy-bone which protected and hid it” torn off both sides, making it clear it was an open tube through me, well that there is all some good reason for this which will make perfect sense eventually. Right now, it makes no sense.

I often have the feeling that it is a sort of… vulnerability. You know… there is this huge OPEN HOLE THROUGH ME! I mean holy cats! Like I need to pay more attention (and I do! Because I really “feel” it) to regular “cleansing” and to keeping that area clean, outside and inside, energetically.

I don’t even know what to call that area of me, and if it’s a chakra it’s literally like the reverse (I called it the unchakra for other reasons but now it feels like ‘a black hole’ that is empty as opposed to a vortex which is putting energy out) (perhaps that’s a chakra in reverse??). I thought perhaps it was some analogy to that ‘Daath’ area of the QBLH ‘Tree of Life’ thing, which is “the invisible sephira” or something like that.

I feel fairly certain that this has come-into-being-in-me because of a) Mark’s “conversational” presence and b) my finally having properly met the heart chakra and possibly c) my desire to bring more of the Queen’s energy into my life. Like it was “latent” until now but has been growing since the Four centered there (which was a year or two ago, I can’t recall), and more since Mark came.

I actually thought, previously, that if there were another chakra there, it should be teal, since the heart is so green and the throat is so blue and the chakras seem the spectrum. But it’s both black and invisible. Like a tube (invisible/nothing there) which is coated with black — but it doesn’t feel like a bad black, it feels good, just like “complete lack of color.”

Still, if you tell the average person, “I had a meditation where I discovered a huge tubular black hole through my chest” I am guessing most people would not see this as a good symbol hahaha! But it feels like it is. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what the heck is going on. I imagine I’ll get a clue eventually.

(Note: I not only completely sucked at doing anything from 9/1-14 to welcome the Queen but I literally went in the other direction. It was insane and stupid. Sigh. So I still haven’t done the meditation I was supposed to do a year ago, and I haven’t really been meditating with Mark much except once in awhile just sitting with him for a few minutes. I suck. I asked Mark yesterday to help me win the Cold War that clearly I’m having with myself about my evolution.)


I had a dream several days ago where there was this “spark of sweetness.” Like a tiny shard of the sweetness that the inner angel has when I see him in dreams. It manifested as a very tiny songbird. I understood that this was really just my symbol for that sweetness. It was contained in a clear energy sphere which functioned like a cage, but not an entrapping cage, just a protecting cage.

I realized in the dream that I hadn’t been paying attention to it, because I hadn’t noticed I even had it in my possession, and then I realized that in my obliviousness I’d rolled over partly on it in my sleep, and kind of munched the sphere. I slightly panicked in my concern that the sweetness was ok, that I hadn’t killed it, but it was ok, just no longer there. I found it again and made it a new clear energy sphere and at first I temporarily put it in the conveniently large hole in me where the Four are centered, while I was doing some cleansing exercises, but then it seemed to want to move to being right in front of my heart chakra. Not in it, but in front of it.

Twice now my heart chakra has symbolized as a man about 6-8 inches high who literally is standing on my chest and talking to me. The sweetness-songbird is now hanging right where he stands. So perhaps it reflects some of the heart’s energy; it is very clearly the “christ” energy, just a tiny piece of it. I figured the dream about not even realizing I had it, and potentially crushing it in my ‘sleep’ was rather obviously symbolic…


Health Trivia: this book is the most fascinating thing I have read in years.
Facial Diagnosis of Cell Salt Deficiencies: A User’s Guide

Ignoring the astrology component — because this book’s version of that is useless, not because I’m inherently biased, though I am a bit! — honestly this book blew my mind. Repeatedly. It also suggests that I am profoundly deficient in just about every cell salt which explains why my face has every crappy symptom they show. Back in 1994 I was reading something about Cell Salts and my body nearly had an orgasm — I mean wave after wave of rushing, remember this was in a time when I was high-psi and so tended to react to stuff — and I knew that it was profoundly important that I get and start taking them. And then I accidentally forgot… for 20 years. Oh my god. Who the hell knows what might be different in my life and health if I hadn’t. And how can I call it accidental given that, sigh. Anyway it’s a subtle thing, it’s like a super gentle/subtle version of minerals that are held differently by the body, this stuff is from the mid-1800s so not new, they are not the ‘course’ minerals as we know them, and allegedly it can take months, even up to two years in worst-cases, to fully “replete” the body of these. I got some and have just begun taking them.