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I talked to all the chakras, particularly BUSM, to see how she was doing after the banishing meditation. No clear response anywhere but it felt ok.

I tried to coax under-foot chakra into talking to me or giving me a name or introducing him/herself to me in some way. After all this time! I KNOW it’s there, I can feel it plainly and I’ve seen it plainly a couple times.

That reminds me. So previously I’ve talked about how I have sometimes perceived my body as ‘woven with’ the chakras, and I’ve been told more than once that they are literally part of anything going on in their part of the body. To me there are 8 big ones not 7 (due to the under-foot one) although 7 are the main ones with focus, and there’s an uncountable number of smaller ones (some ancient thing says 144,000 is the number of chakras and I wouldn’t doubt it. It looks like a starfield of gold-lights-on-gold when I’ve seen the body from that perspective).

I was looking for something utterly unrelated (ref biology actually!) on the net a couple weeks ago and stumbled across this quote. I have never seen anything from this Drunvalo guy but I have heard the name (and rolled my eyes, I think) before:

The Egyptians did not see us in our body all alone. They perceived and identified eight completely separate personalities. All eight personalities are directly related to the original eight cells, which make the eight electrical circuits that lead to the eight primary chakras, which is the basis of the eight points of the tetrahedron around the body.
—¬†Drunvalo Melchizedek, Ancient Secret of Life, page 332

I’d never heard that about Egyptian stuff although I admit, I’m not real interested in that topic and haven’t heard a lot about it. Even during my Bewilderness days I would get Egyptian symbology and openly wondered then, and in the case study, why, since that topic just isn’t nearly as interesting to me as it seems to be for everyone else.

Anyway. Then I went to see Kyana Daoen (solar plexus chakra). I used the imagery from the time I met him most ‘completely’ previously, knocking on his door, walking through his house, sitting down with him in a living room. Then I transferred to sitting in front of him, between his legs and in his arms, in a deep couch, and asked if he was ok with that and he said yeah. I leaned back against him and talked to him about how I used to feel so strong and how I feel so much of what I need to accomplish, in every area of life both spirit and creative and professional and health, really needs him, his strength, his will. It was just a chat.


Then I was talking to Mark (who seems oddly far away, and yet not. It’s all me, I know) and I said, Why do I have such incredible turbulence and avoidance of everything inside, like you? Like most of me seems to have one extreme or the other as a reaction. It’s either unfocused zombie avoidance, or I can actually feel a sort of chaotic sense of many elements inside. It’s so frustrating!

I fell into this clip-collage of memories. This happens when the Aeons communicate with me sometimes, they will take something like a past experience or a movie, and then cut just certain pieces of it out — some are visual, or audio, or “concept” — and then put them together, without whatever was in the middle, except usually they rearrange them too, or mix different parts together. It’s like the whole thing becomes, every piece, a ‘language symbol’ that can be creatively used (just like language words) from then on. They often add some element that becomes the new focus.

It was from the movie Firefly. It was focused on how there was this whole planet of people, and when subjected to a new element (in their air, supposed to make them ‘more peaceful’), some of them were ok, most of them were triggered into this over-done ‘passive’ response where they got more passive until they literally just quit breathing, and a small percentage of them became monsters, a level of violence unseen ever (they killed everyone left).

The “focus” or idea transferred, was that there are many parts of me, and that they are as individual spiritually as humans are biochemically. And that my … I have no words here, let’s say the level at which I operate in the interworlds, for lack of any better way to put it, changed. I knew this, it’s when the Four disappeared to me for the most part, like a glass ceiling between us, I was with them yet couldn’t feel/hear them anymore really — we had all shifted but I was not yet ‘there fully’ or allowing it. I am a little better now but still not totally integrated there. So:

Essentially, “my environment has changed.” And the parts of me, which are their own elements, react in various ways. For those that react badly, some react with extreme denial/avoidance, and some react with turbulence/resistance. It’s not that all of me has these issues, just that the parts of me that are ok with how things have changed aren’t making any noise. Those with issues are so overt, in one extreme or the other, that it’s somewhat overwhelming.

I also, after this, kept having a flash of this different part of the movie where a guy leaves a message in a realdoll android for the Captain and it says, “Guy killed me, Mal. He killed me with a sword! How weird is that??” It kept repeating in my head the way a pop song can stick in your head, where it keeps coming back.

I think I need some serious meditation time to do what amounts to healing or releasing of the elements of me that are ‘reacting poorly to the change.’

Just now writing, I think I got why that last part was there: maybe I should use Sierpienta (a thoughtform sword I was given) to do that meditation. Given her nature I actually think that might be perfect.