Midnight Mass with Inner Guide #5, Sunday night 11pm 19-Apr-2015
I knelt in front of Mark and told him I honored him and it was time for me to return to him, so I was doing so. Not just tonight. Just period.
I talk to J’rend for a bit about chakras, tell him I want to meet the one below my feet, ask him about the tunnel unchakra.
I promptly had the new idea-urge to “create space for the Four inside me” in the universe-tunnel unchakra, much like I had done in my sacred space long before.
Then I asked if they would help me do it since it seemed appropriate now. We went in and they got to work and I closed my eyes and let the energy go because I couldn’t keep track of it, of what they were doing. When it was done I opened my eyes.
If I go into the middle of the tunnel of nothing, I allow myself to “want to find” this “in the universe.” It’s somewhere there. Then I see the glimmer of it and then I am “with” it and it is full size, but in the distance.
I am standing on the shore of a lake in the darkest night. There is water in front of me and a reflection of bare golden light off it. The light comes from a small castle that is up ahead of me and surrounded by water like a lake-sized moat. There are no bridges, I have to fly over it.
When I’m over the water it is an odd mix of the darkest water of night and something with color I can’t quite make out. When I reach the other shore and I land, I am standing in the sunlight. The sky is enormously blue, and when I turn back to the water, the water is more like an ocean shore but without hard waves, and the water is azure and teal and clear like the tropics. I can’t see another shore at all.
The castle is small and seems typical for a castle, but then I see the familiar elements. There is a wide round tower in the very middle, like our last one. And the whole front of the castle with columns and multi levels is open to the air and the ocean breeze wends through it. This is also like our last one. There is an open courtyard that is new. There is no roof area near the tower like the other had.
The Four take me into a big room where tons of people are having a raucous sort of feast dinner, at long tables, and there are serving people and it’s a little chaos but nice too. We sit down and I am trying to figure out who all these people are when I see Viru and Maal and I realized that they are aeons of the Four, like I am. As if all the “layers” of each of the four are separate there and having a party. I ask if I can invite my own Aeons and they think of course. So I bring them in with a big table of their own and tell them officially they are always welcome there inside me and so on.
I go to the courtyard as it is novel and the queen is there. I begin talking with her and then throw my arms around her and I’m mirroring this with my pillow, and holding so tight I can’t seem to get my arms to let go. If it were real I’d have been squishing her. I almost start crying but not quite. I am gushing about how I have missed her and it is so good to get to ‘see’ her again finally, to be with her. We are not as close as we could be, but I recognize that this is my own energy issue — that the more I build up this thoughtform, the stronger they will be to me.
I realize I need to find Senior, and I go to him and he is in an inner throne room on an actual throne. I kneel in the aisle facing him. I feel “inspired” to gush on about how he is the king and I honor and recognize this and will abide by his will and it is such an honor to serve. He commands me that I am to come to the castle and kneel and address him as King. I’m kind of shocked by this. I say, how often? He says, every day. I’m surprised, and I say, for how long? And he says, Forever, until I say otherwise.
I’m sort of amazed by this and I feel simultaneously at-your-service honored and terrified I’m going to screw it up and forget, which seems inevitable given my inconsistency. I realize that he is attempting to force me to have good habits here, just the effort and castle thoughtform and reaching out to him will be a healthy exercise I should be doing daily already for years. He has told me to do many things I haven’t done. I wonder if this being so ‘personal’ with him will be different than say, visualize a statue or something like that was.
I look up in my bedroom at the statuette of the Four that he once told me to look at and be with briefly every day. It’s slightly pulsing and glowing. It suddenly occurs to me that this IS the energy of the Four. I mean manifest. I mean… our paradigms on language are a problem here, there is no separation. I mean until now I always thought of that, and the statuette of the queen, like objects which symbolically represented that-energy-over-there. But I suddenly realize there is no such thing, and that the four ARE this thing and the queen IS that thing and it is not just an object with a label, it’s literally THEM, like a facet. I realize I have had the wrong way of thinking about these things all along.
I go to the shore and look out at the blue water again. Third joins me and he keeps flashing into the curly dark haired version of himself. We spend awhile on the shore and he helps me understand that from the other side it is always dark – not night, he corrects me, it’s merely the dark as we perceive it, somethingness lacking color. From this side it is always day. We talk a bit and I ask him for help with my health and I say I want to ask but I don’t want to obsess on that and make our time together about that so I let it go.
We join the other two on a lawn area near the front of the castle that has a lovely view and we hang out and talk for awhile (I don’t recall about what). I showed them Sierpienta and wand though I can’t remember why, I just felt the urge. At one point, 3rd says something in his typical lecture self, and I laughingly leap on him and push him lying back, and I sit on him and tell him that I may be an idiot but I’m HIS idiot and he needs to be nicer to me so I don’t always feel like he is disapproving and lecturing me because we need a better energy-relationship. He grins and shifts into the dark hair version again and I kiss him.
We become one and then the other two become one and then we all become one, and I look at my left hand in a sort of awe that I can see all four of our hands at the same time in me somehow, no matter how impossible that ought to be. Then we walk around as four-in-one for some time.
We all feel that this ‘new castle’ is a celebration event and we port to the front area inside the castle where it’s all open air. There are four thrones there and we sit in them and watch over the party. There are people and food and dancing. I say (outside the meditation) to my echo to play me some J.S. Bach and so now I have a soundtrack to my inner world.
People are waltzing, and I realize with a dawning awe that this is the party that I found them at all those years ago in my inner world, when I built them a small four-doored one-room building on an ocean cliff, and they changed it into a whole castle and moved around my inner space and everything.
I don’t mean that it was like that event. I mean it WAS that event. Eons ago, I had found them at the front in the middle of some kind of ball where there were musicians and waltzers and people eating at tables and so on. This WAS that event. Somehow it’s like today’s time and that time, whenever it was — many years ago, nearly a decade perhaps? — were actually one. My mind boggled.
I decided it was time to come back so 3rd came with me and we went to the tunnel and then went to its entrance in front and sat down in the big round opening, legs hanging over, as if we were sitting in my chest. I called Alayaowaeyiia and he joined us, and we talked for a bit. I asked him if there was something I could do for him and spaced out, so tried again. I still don’t remember. I thanked him for all the effort he put into getting this set up in me.
Then I asked him about all the symbols around the border of the tunnel. I pointed out that although I know they represent the chakras, that there are a lot more little shapes and stuff than just that and I wonder what it means. Alaya reaches outside and somehow “pulls off” a tiny shape — like a small piece of neon tube except semi-organic — and as he holds it out to me I am lost in a memory and visualization of some kind. This happens repeatedly and I realize that his doing this is connected to what I think, I’m just not clear on what it means yet. In retrospect I suspect it’s heart energy as all the memories were like negatives I need to work through.
There were a couple of occasions when I did not want to deal with the energy and then I nearly panicked, asking if this was the “turn off” that I have been waiting for after the previous dream with the Four and I was told no both times. I laughed at myself that I am so neurotic about it, but maybe that’s a good thing, I do need to pay attention.
When I am not paying attention I suddenly realize that I am close up to a man lying on his stomach and he has a terrible wound in the back of his left shoulder. It’s fairly high, above the shoulder blade. I realize this is something I need to deal with so I bring 3rd into me and call Tek and open the guy up there, and spend awhile digging out these big long beams of dark metal (I had this in some of the disks meditations too) and icky infection around them and putting it all in stasis, and healing the man. I got some rushing during the healing and again when we merged at the end.
When I was dealing with the stuff in stasis after, I asked Senior to be in me and I was intending to flash it into wiped-out-light-only energy but his intent changed it, and now everything was totally clean and bright yet it had unique nature, like lots of colors and different energies, and he helped me understand that rather than obliterating something and taking the raw energy, you can simply bring the something to its ideal potential instead, and then take the energy which lives on inside you under your will but its unique self. I tried to insist the Four take the energy like usual but Senior said no, you do this. So I pulled it into my solar plexus chakra, it requires a sort of puff-breathing to do it right.
Third’s in me and not focused with me now and I go back to Mark and kneel and thank him for all that.