Select Page

I had all but forgotten that my best friend had bought me this cool textile of the River of Sky — the “nature god” I’ve had a couple of experiences with, one via IG’s brief introduction [IG and the Flying Dragon], one via that 1st-person memory-story of some woman’s life [The Rider].

This one is (as they all are) just a stylized version of the ‘long Chinese dragon’ but it works, it’s fun. It’s in tan/ brown/ cream/ black and it was made to be a full sized bedspread so it’s about 88×108 inches. (Pic) I had intended to hang it as a tapestry and I finally decided suddenly that I must do it. RIGHT NOW. Not sure why!

It turned out the local hardware store only had 4′ dowels and this is 8-9′ wide. So instead, I got 4 each 4′ length, and I actually hung this in a ‘corner’ of my room, a little over 4 feet out each way. One goes right to the edge of my window/curtains. The other goes to about 2.5′ from the door of my closet. In that open space stands my Japanese shoji lamp, which is tan and cream color. I like it so much I think I’m going to get this OM textile (which is a match to size and color scheme) and put it across from that in my room.

This drastically changes the feeling in the room, having what is basically 8′ x 7′ of wall covered with a tapestry of sorts instead of a white wall. (My room is 10×11.) It does make the room drastically smaller when looking that direction, for sure. But it changes the energy completely.

It reminds me a lot more of how my environment felt when I was really into metaphysics back in ’91-93 (that led into the ‘Bewilderness‘ era) when I did constant prayer and meditation, candles and incense. I always had things on the walls, beautiful fabrics and cloth posters etc.

Frankincense, myrrh, sandalwood, and nag champa are the only things I’ll touch for incense. I’m an incense snob! and at that it must be “real” stuff, not just the pretty smelling cheap stuff.

I decided (for some reason at the same time I decided I simply must have that up on my wall, which is about 80% of what I see sitting on my bed which is where I am most of the time) that I needed to reread the entire PSICHE blog, and begin a daily project of getting one thing, no matter how small, cleaned/organized/etc. in my room each day. First, the reading, as if to bring me up to date and start anew. So I dived in.

An interesting thing has changed.

I blog because I forget. I can read things for the 12th time, having utterly forgotten they ever existed. This is normal.

But this time, up until about Sep-Oct of 2011, I remembered it. Everything. There were a few that weren’t in my attention, but not a single thing I read surprised me or seemed mostly new. That is the first time I have ever read back on my blog and not been astounded at having forgotten most things utterly. And there is a TON of stuff here, going back many years, and yet NONE of it had fallen into that huge utter hole that it used to be nearly everything did, even after re-re-re-re-reading it for the 4th, 8th, even 12th time.

Unfortunately, as of around Oct 2011 or so, whenever it was that I began anew with IG, it was different, I forgot most of this. But, I didn’t forget it to the degree I used to. I didn’t read it as if it were almost written by someone else. It’s simply that I forgot it happened until I chanced on the blog post, but I generally remembered it once I started the post.

So something has changed in me, has improved. I consider this a big positive. Forgetfulness is one of my signs of denial and lack of integration.

As part of my re-read, I took notes on things that I felt were very important to consider, and copied a lot of the ‘conversation’ out that various identities have had with me. And of course I have some things to backtrack now that I’ve remembered the stuff from the last six months. My god.

And IG was so GOOD to me, too, giving me nearly a full visual of her, and so much awesome clear stuff. I could just kick myself for ignoring it all and refocusing on work again. It’s a good thing she is Angelic because I so totally and completely do not DESERVE her, she is so wonderful and I’m so horrible at this, I have the discipline of a 2 year old, like none. Gods.

Now it’s time for me to go eat some roast, make some red mud soup, go through the notes, and get my incense stuff together, and bring my wooden tiny table (TV trays we called them when I was a kid) into my room so I have someplace to put it. Ry took my chinese altar with incense stuff to put at the end of the hall a few months ago, so my thoughtform Four-statuette and incense and oils vanished, I must put some back for focus. Then I will meditate mildly and work on getting real sleep until work tomorrow, and tomorrow is a new day.

I get my reading/computer glasses from the optometrist tomorrow. Maybe there’ll be some good archetypal symbolism in that…

P