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I read my list of stuff to do:

1. Talk with BUSM and maybe ACKRCK.
2. Then ask IG for something to work on the energy of the dream, anything left over.
3. Then ask IG for something to work on the chakras relationship and health overall.

Me: We could do it as one. Or as two, or three. Or —

IG: How about you just work with me until we are done?

Me: But how will I know we are done?

IG: You’ll know.

Me: Oh. OK.

“Help me,” I said to him. “I want to be everything I should be. Loving and humble and kind and respectful and all the things that are due the chakras and that I need to be in order for my talk with her to be good. I know she deserves that. I know that –” and I suddenly felt emotional and almost a bit tearful — “I know that I have hurt her.” I could feel that this hurt seemed personal. I decided feeling tearfully regretful was probably a rather good mental state to be in for the occasion, so I nodded at him to bring us together then.

She appeared as a woman, a lot like the one in the dream though I don’t recall either clearly except that she was shorter and slimmer than me by far. I don’t recall every detail of our conversation now, but shortly in, it involved a lot of me feeling and our interacting a lot like I’d think maybe a man and woman would. I’ve never had a man act like that but I trust if I were a man I would act like that in a similar situation.

I was holding her and talking to her in half-whisper against her face and hair as I kissed her and told her how sorry I was and how amazing she was, and how she deserved better and how I would be better for her, and then I realized something I felt IG was making me notice, so I talked for awhile about how she is the one, she is the only one that could play the role she does in me, that role is incredibly important and she’s it, there is no price possible on that, and how we could be so great together, and if she could find her way to forgiving me there was a whole world of exploration together in our future, and so on.

This had a funny effect a lot like energy work where you blitz someone angry at you with love: eventually it works really well, but it works just as well on you as them alas, so then you’re just as sappy and starry-eyed as they are. I truly felt all the things I was saying to her. Eventually we ‘merged’ and I imagined her in place and sending that love and gratitude and admiration.

I don’t remember what was happening next, something was, something IG seemed to have made for me, but I was shortly interrupted and my attention radically distracted. This thing like a vehicle had just zoomed past me, left to right. It was actually shaped like a sphere, split it in half horizontally, with a thinner stacked middle like a hamburger shape except skinnier in the middle and very tall in the middle. Now make the ‘buns’ part of the shape blazing yellow painted like a car and the middle totally black looking like mechanics.

That thing zoomed past me. There was something offbeat about the top front I didn’t see clearly, but I went, “What the — wow! What is that?! IG can I follow that?” he said yeah so I dropped whatever I was doing (which I can’t recall now — maybe it was his bait&switch trick lol) and followed it as it zoomed along a winding road.

It stopped in a driveway — and a guy got out of it.

Me: “Wow! I like your car. That is totally cool! Where did you get it?”

Him: I’ve always had it.

Me: Oh. It’s so neat-o! What can it do?

Him: Come inside. (The house, he meant.)

He seemed friendly and smiling so I followed him in. From the moment I was in the door, there was this incredibly rich bright yellow everywhere. Walls, objects, art. Then I saw this flash of amazing green, a small art thing on a table, and I thought, funny, that’s the precise green that reminds me of the heart chakra — and then we passed this area where there was a stripe low on the wall that was exactly the precise color of the throat chakra —

— and I went, “Ohhhhhhhhh you’re the solar plexus chakra aren’t you!?!”

Him: Yes.

Me: Oh wow oh wow this is SO cool like totally cool!

He seemed like he thought my reaction was a little funny. I’ve been wanting to meet this chakra for so long!

We got to this room in the center that was open at the top, like a lovely arboreum I had once seen in an expensive home. We stepped into that area, and the sun was up, and I looked up at it and then was just flooded with this rushing, like arch merge rushing kind of, just beautiful intense feeling all through my body in pulsing waves.

I talked with him for awhile. I told him how much I want to know him, and how I have health issues I can feel affect him, and how I hope he’ll work with me to fix those so we can both be stronger. I don’t recall all the conversation, until the end.

Me: I’m afraid to hope here, I feel like it’s unlikely I can hear it right now, but I would love to know ‘your’ name.

When I said ‘your’ I intentionally put into it the feeling of “the whole you which I know includes your feminine component.”

Him: I think we can make it work.

He leaned close to me. He spoke clearly. It still took me awhile to work it out, going back and forth with the feeling and the difference between the sounds and english letters and how we spell things, him repeating it or parts of it and working with me on it, me comparing to how it felt inside and how he felt about it, but in the end, the ‘raw sound’ I wrote down hastily initially was like ‘Cayenna-Dow-enn’ (long-vowel “I” sound up front) but it ended up spelled Kyana Daoen. If he’s good with it, I’m good with it.

Then suddenly there was this other guy standing in the next room I could see into, not facing me, giving a lecture. It seemed important, and everything faded away but him and I said to IG, “But wait, I don’t want to offend the chakra –” and he gave me the feeling it was no issue and I needed to listen to this guy.

I again felt that sense of slight panic like I wouldn’t be able to hear him. I guess over a dozen years of not being able to hear anything at all, and a whole bunch more only getting it barely, poorly, often wrongly, has given me a complex about this.

I sat down in front of him and I couldn’t get it. It was like when you hear something just fine but can’t make out a word of it. That is pretty common for me or used to be anyway. “IG” I said, “Can you like, use knobs on my head to ‘tune me’ to the right frequency so I can hear him? That symbolism has worked for me before.” (I don’t know why I didn’t do it myself.) He did this, and the man came into clarity, and then stopped and looked at me, as if his lecture abruptly changed and now he was answering a direct question except I hadn’t asked anything that I knew of, and I was kind of startled by it.

Guy: First, you need to recognize them. Say hello to them. Daily. Would you feel close to someone you lived with who never even said hello?

Me: I ah — um —

Guy: Second, develop a positive relationship with them. Feel affection for them, breathe with them like you do with Aeons.

Me: Oh I see. Yeah, ok. But —

Guy: Third, you need to recognize their presence when things in your body happen which affect them. For example if you have a pain or injury, a bruise on your arm for example, include some thought toward and with them about this experience and your own recognition of it with them, the two of you together, and your wish for their healing. Everything that happens energetically in their sphere of your body is part of their reality.

Me: But wait! — I have no idea what chakra is affected by a bruise on my arm! Chakras are in the torso aren’t they?

Into my head flashes the 9 of Wands from Thoth Tarot and I have a sense from IG I think it is that they actually fill up my entire big-egg-energy-sphere if you want to call it that, and this idea that they are like little orbs or dinner plates up our body is only one way of perceiving them and way too limited.

Guy: Maybe it affects more than one sometimes. Think of them in group where needed, you can do that.

Me: OK. {silence} Um, is there more?

IG5/Mark: That is all for now. Work on these things.

Me: OK. {to the guy} Thank you. Sir. (I bowed, and it all vanished.)

Me: IG who was that?

IG: You felt it.

Me: The Narrator? I did yeah, I thought of him, I haven’t heard from him consciously in like 15 years! But this guy seems different, too, the Narrator was so much more… well, separately objective in a way hard to describe, foreign, and he’s an inorganic, while this guy seemed like part of me. Well I mean I know the inorganics like narrator and private oracle of which he’s a part are part of me too, but — well they seem like a lot of something else, too.

IG: Right.

Me: But then I guess the chakras are something else other than me too.

IG: No, the chakras are fully contained within the larger you. But that is much more than the ‘you’ in focus.

Me: But he felt like — ohhhhhh… that’s the feeling. Taan? Was he blended with Taan?

IG: Yes.

Me: But how does that happen?! How can it? Taan is my Aeon! And the narrator is an inorganic! They aren’t even —

…and then I realized: Taan is an Aeon, a division of the universe of me, a huge sphere of energy. It is entirely possible that an inorganic could be part of Taan’s portion of the universe. In theory, it would have to be part of SOME Aeon’s realm, right, if they are essentially the composition of me! Huh, that would suggest all guides might have a certain ‘home’ in one of the Aeonics. Wasn’t I just saying yesterday morning about how I sensed maybe there was a world of stuff within each Aeon and my personalizing that whole thing into only one identity, much like we do with tarot cards for a huge range of energy, was limiting?

I told IG I needed to write stuff down, I would forget otherwise, plus my alarm was going to go off before long and I had to go eat, I’m really trying to do well with getting food down me and certain supps today. I asked him to help me remember. He let me go but I want to go back and talk to him about another thing later.

Oh yeah during all this, I remembered that a couple nights ago the first night I went back to talk to him, IG drew a 6-pointed star on the top of my head (crown) in gold light, and then held his hand there for awhile. Felt groovy.

Oh yeah and I remembered while making dinner this whole section of stuff I forgot. I think it was the section that was going on before the car thing distracted me. I only remembered a couple pieces of it. I was trying to dig it out of my brain when I ‘understood’ from IG that I didn’t remember it because it was not appropriate to blog. Not because it was secret, just because the energy of it was…. just wasn’t to be part of the end result.

Me: You mean I can’t remember because I shouldn’t write it down?

Mark: Sometimes that is not appropriate.

I thought about that for a moment.

Me: OK. I am yours to command on this. Please just don’t let it be ‘iffy’, I already have so many issues with lack of certainty about things! But if you don’t want something written down for whatever reason, if I know, I will exclude it.

(I was trying to imply, ‘You don’t need to have me forget it. I will voluntarily exclude it if I feel it isn’t right to write about.’)

Oh I also remembered that I need to write a vendor at work with a clarification of something from an email on Friday that I suddenly feel he doesn’t understand and has slightly put him off.

I feel like I need to take shorthand to keep track of all this stuff!