Thursday 12 APR 2012 Midnight Mass with IG
I got there a little early. I was able to do some nice breathing, cleansing, centering with the Four, a superquick breathing-med with each of the major gems in the chakra gem world, and return to her on time.
For some reason that seemed so easy. When normally this all seems so hard. Like normally just getting centered and calm is hard enough and usually if I go into the gemworld I get distracted and lost. It was like I had some kind of grounding and focus I don’t normally.
I ‘allowed’ her, praying fiercely as we began to ‘allow’ as needed. I floated straight up and the ceiling opened up and I went through the roof and into the sky and just kept going. That … was not expected. I ‘allowed’ and felt myself pass through various “bandwidths” of energy is what it felt like, that I suspected had to do with the layers of our atmosphere, except I suspected I felt more bandwidths than those have, as if there are several per layer as we know of them.
Eventually I stopped, and I just stood there working to be calm and centered and ‘allow’ whatever might come.
I thought to myself, “Let it fall. Let any part of myself that is resisting this experience, dissolve and fall.” And I sensed that literally major parts of me were dissolving and sloughing off, as if it were an archmed and we were doing the four elements.
TEK! I said in my head, and he was there. “Can you manage this?’ I asked him. “Help continue this “allowing-releasing” of this energy? Clean it up?” He agreed he would do so.
Then I had the sense of the formerly-winged-guy. He is taking forever to integrate! It’s the weirdest thing ever.
Status of integration? I asked myself. The low 40-percents, some part of me felt, as if it were a chart inside me.
Tek, have this formerly-winged-guy be integrated into me in all of the energy-mote-points where I release something else, I requested. He agreed.
I turned my attention back to the seeming not anything-ness that was around me, and I saw them from the distance. I had a flash reminder of this visual introduction to some movies, because there is this movie company that uses these as their logo/visuals.
Horses came. Yes, seriously. Energy-horses really, they didn’t look completely solid-mass even in my head, but solid enough, energetically. A small herd of them came galloping toward me and in front of me and the lead one, a male, stopped and looked at me. It did not have wings like the movie visual, but they were definitely energy horses galloping through the sky.
Me: Hello. I honor you.
Him: Why are you here? (He seemed nice enough, he simply got to the point quickly, I think.)
I heard the 3rd inside me telling me, Tell him the truth, but include recognition of God. I thought about what that answer should be.
Me: I am a seeker, searching for Truth within the Divine Will of God for myself.
Him: Do you wish to go somewhere?
I thought to myself, I have no idea! The 3rd said, Just say yes. You don’t need to know where. IG will handle it.
The horse came to me and clearly expected me to get on and ride it. A saddle appeared with a horn I could hold on to. I slipped on its back and held on, and it began galloping, the other horses joining us. As we rode, I could feel the sense of ‘layers’ still, like bandwidths of energy in the sky, each their own reality perhaps, who knows.
Then all of the sudden, all the layers vanished, and I was so busy thinking to myself, “Hey, all the layers just vanished, as if it’s all one space of open sky now or something,” that it took me a minute to realize I was riding a giant bird now. Literally the horse had transformed. It was huge.
I knew what this had to be because clearly and as usual, what is in my head and attention, IG often uses to build these things out of. I leaned down toward the head of the giant bird and I called out in the wind,
Me: Wow! You are a FANDOR as that book calls them?! You are those amazing carrier-birds from my peoples’ most ancient myths!
It thought an assent at me. I spent a bit waxing poetic about how amazing and beautiful and powerful it was as we flew.
It flew over a very high cliff and wanted to stop not too far (like a quarter mile or less) from the edge. I resisted this. It reminded me of a very very old dream I had with a friend and ‘the coffee colored people’ and how he cawed like a bird when we were at the bottom of the cliff and these giant birds had come and got us. This was like circa 1996, 1997 or so. So, some part of my brain thought that “the cliff” and this kind of bird were hence “predictable” and “I was making this all up,” and it took the 3rd inside me, almost yelling at me, ALLOW!! to make me let go and let it be.
It let me off, and then took off. I couldn’t really see anything around me initially, but I centered with the Four and worked to ‘allow’. Feeling … the word “grim” is not right but maybe “determined” is, I focused on feeling “the parts of myself that resist, dissolve, and the energy of the formerly-winged-guy take their place.”
My sense of “children” came forth as several of them began to appear around me, looking at me with big curious eyes and a sense of wonder. I smiled a bit, and then had the sense from the 3rd that they perceived me as I think he perceives me–I look completely different apparently, my ‘dominant focus personality’ must carry and it isn’t this one; it’s a rather Aryan looking woman he finds beautiful.
I have no idea why this made me feel more relaxed and smiling bigger and more comfortably. I wondered if it was the sense of being-her and then “understood” from the Queen/Senior that no, it was that I have inherent self-perception insecurities “as myself” that affect my interaction with others. I honestly thought, “No!” like “That can’t be so!” but it so obviously WAS at that moment, that I was for a moment lost for words or thought or anything. Why is it the most abrupt realizations happen in some by-the-way manner when you are hardly paying attention, instead of coming trumpeted and in gilded frame like it seems they ought to.
The kids asked about the bird, as if they found that amazing–they clearly knew of them, but perhaps had not seen them personally or very often before. I was reminded of when I met the pinwheel-head kids. I realized after a moment that this was their experience too–and I should make it good for them–and then it occurred to me perhaps I should look at all interactions with everything that way in my normal life.
I wanted to make it fun for them, and I got all smiling and dramatic and did this whole story-telling elaboration of how amazing was the flight with these birds. As I interacted with the children, my sense of everything around me started to become more clear, things began to be perceivable, until I realized I was in something akin to a neighborhood of sorts, though not like modern ones.
I realized at this point, that back in the pinwheel-head world (I know that was only my limited perception, but that’s what I call it now), that must have been the same dynamic. That it was interacting with the energy of the kids, that actually made me better with the energy so that eventually I could perceive the adults more and they could interact with me.
From a house-like home fairly close in front of me, as if I had been dropped there specifically, two people man and woman came out the door. I asked the 3rd who they were, were they us, or what. He was trying to talk to me, but it was like everything he ‘said’, some part of me ‘held’ and then some other part of me evaluated, and then some other part of me ‘presented’ — possibly changing, filtering, etc. it — and I felt like I was “aware” of this going on for the first time ever, but that it ALWAYS goes on, and this is why it is so difficult for me to communicate and “allow novel information.”
I prayed to God and to senior/queen to help me “allow” and finally, I had to shift it so he was not talking to me in words but just, “…and I realized…” kind of information, to get it. At that point I understood that they were not ‘us’ (not any of the Four even symbolically) but that they were good people I should consider friendly. I didn’t feel like he knew them or anything, just knew their nature.
Me: Hello. I honor you!
I forgot what happened then. Sorry but my memory does pick up where we were walking into their home. I had the “sense,” but conceptually not physically, that it was far cooler inside their house than outside. They were going to take me into the house to show me something, I felt, but before we got there, we walked through this main room at the front, and as we did so, I realized with amazement that there were two swords on the wall that were a lot like mine. The handles were colored, each different, not black, although I couldn’t see the color but I could perceive the ‘same sense of amazing depth’ it had, and the hilt had something diff on them, but the “sense” of them made it clear they were similar; the color deeper-than-real and the shiny-ness of the blade an amazing thing. I stopped and gaped at them. I could sense there were actually many things on their wall but that was the only thing I could perceive.
They said something, some question about my attention.
Me: I just received a sword like that. It is new to me and I have never yet used it.
The swords flashed into their hands at the same moment, as if just thinking about it made it happen. So I guess theirs do that too.
Me: I’m working on figuring out ways in which I can use it (it appeared in my hands).
Then they showed me stuff I had not yet thought of.
- Using it to hack away perceived blockages to ‘seeing something clearly’, as if it were brush.
- Using it like the books of magic, to ‘point the way’ to something.
- Using it to ‘reach into’ something I feared and sort of magically spear something just on the point and bring it out.
- Using it to dig a hole into the ground, although I sensed it was in ice or something really hard, to get to something blocked.
I was so delighted and grateful and I begged fervently for IG and the 3rd to help me remember this stuff so I could blog it after and be reminded on re-read, so I wouldn’t forget.
I thanked them profusely for the new ideas, and then their swords were on the wall and mine vanished, though I had an actual sense of it ‘appearing in the case behind my physical body‘ as if we were slightly connected, and we continued into their home.
In the middle of the home, as if built for this, was basically an arboreum — a plants/garden area. Like there was a large room dedicated just to that, and it was just wild with lush growth everywhere.
Inside me I thought I heard the Aeonic telling me something like: because ‘the center’ is ‘earth’; it should always be this way for ideal balance. You could put some plants in the center of your home. I recalled that in Feng Shui, actually the center IS ‘earth’ element. I put a rug with gold, orange, terracotta colors in my living room about 6 years ago a little bit with this in mind. Hadn’t really thought about it since.
They indicated I should sit on a bench or something, and one of them–at this point I lost any sense of them being two for awhile–went and got a potted plant, maybe a 10″ planter, with some kind of plant in it, like a succulent in a way. He stopped by this fountain and put just a tiny bit of water into the soil and then carried the planter over to me.
Them: This plant has a unique experience of Truth. When ingested, it shares this perspective with you.
Me: Like… like peyote or mushrooms, in my world?
There was a pause. I wondered if maybe they didn’t inherently know the answer, but perhaps IG or someone would help with access to it.
Them: Somewhat. Those do shift perception to their level, but there is also a lot of interference, and a lack of relativism. This is a milder version of experience but a cleaner one, and one more useful for you.
Me: You are… you are going to give me some of it? Like powder or dried leaves or a tip or something?
The second one then become apparent to me again and handed me this tiny little ‘starter’ pot, like 4 inches round with a little fleshy stick like thing in it.
Them (somehow still one for communication): This will grow.
Me: You mean… if I imagine seeing it, visualize it, and imagine watering it, and stuff?
Them: Yes. The container will grow with it. You will know when to use it.
Me: How could I know? It will be a certain size?
Them: It will bloom, and the bloom will ask you to share its sense of truth. Then you ingest it. (He meant the bloom.)
Me: Oh. Wow, that’s cool.
Another part of me went: Oh for godssakes! That’s yet one more thoughtform I’m going to have to PAY ATTENTION TO and keep some relatively not-dirty place for! And worse, this one GROWS, so I have to water the damn thing or it’ll die!! I could almost feel the sense from inside me that some of the Aeonic thought I was being a little ungrateful and lazy and others thought it was simply hilarious and perfect that this should be the way of it and that would teach me, so to speak.
I got up and they led me back to the door of the house. When we were near the door I said:
Me: I am really so grateful and honored that you have been so kind to me. Thank you so much.
Them: We are always delighted to meet one of the four-fold souls.
Me: You — you mean my Four? You can see that?!
They looked at each other like that was a bizarre question. As if maybe there were four of me stacked in front of them so how could I possibly ask such a thing.
Them: Of course.
Me: (feeling sheepish and slightly apologetic) I am 4th of 4, and a bit new to this still.
They smiled broadly and opened the door. As I walked away from the house, various kids were around and looking at me. I saw the bird — the Fandor I may as well call it — standing there (upright I might add, like a person, its legs were much longer and stronger than our birds) — waiting for me. I bowed slightly to the bird, and as I got on its back I waved to the kids, who all waved enthusiastically and yelled goodbyes at me, and we took off.
As we flew out over the cliff, with the land so far below, I said to the Fandor, “You must feel like master of the earth and sky, to perceive the world in this way.” He didn’t say anything, but I got the sense that yes, to a degree, it felt like that.
I remembered that I need to ‘allow’ when I am following, traveling, etc. and it occurred to me that maybe I was taking up this entity’s time and it would be… well, impolite, to not pay attention and so make it a real chore. I don’t really know what is ‘real’ in this regard. So I closed my eyes and imagined and I ‘accepted’ that we could be arriving, and realized “something had changed,” and realized that I was now on a horse, that’s what had changed, but its gait was so smooth compared to normal horses, more bird-like than horse-like in that respect. The others were behind us.
We arrived at (apparently) the place where I had come in, and the horse stopped and I slid off.
Me: I honor you. Thank you ever so much for your kind assistance.
The horse sort of bowed its head as if in acknowledgement, and then turned and they all went galloping off.
I realized that technically, I was right above me and IG’s area so I relaxed and ‘let go’ and let myself ‘float down’. As this happened, I thought to the 3rd, “That was almost absurdly easy! I mean it was so… simple and linear! So symbolic and archetypal! So… normal!!”
He found that humorous, first because, as he thought of it, it is certainly NOT always that way at all, sometimes it is hideously hard and abstract and confusing, so one should really appreciate the ones that are easy. And second, he felt like, it COULD be this way much MORE often — this came with a sense like, “There is no rule that this HAS to be hard all the time!” — if I would just allow it to be.
I reached the room with IG. Held her hands and ‘breathed her in’ a bit. Then had a sense of Tek. I could feel that a whole lot of me had dissolved and released or was in the process of doing so. I had a slight worry that the results of this might surprise me at some point, but I let it go, deciding that is how it needed to be.
Integration status? I asked Tek, regarding the formerly-winged-guy.
Will be more than sixty percent by the time this is through, he reported. Well that seems like a very big increase considering how long it has taken him so far!
And that was that. I thanked IG and I came to blog this before I forget it. Which I probably will. But it’s here, so I can reread. If I can just make it to the blog entry form, I’m ok. 🙂
I might add that everything lately, is just ordinary state. I mean, I am not getting into a deep state of mind, not usually listening to binaural, etc. I close my eyes (though I open them sometimes) which of course is instant light alpha state but this is working out pretty well without any altered state required. I do notice that it is more difficult for me to “allow” in this state, but I want to be able to, want to get over this incessant “filtering and blocking” that I do, so it’s good practice I think.
I just realized that if I do not give this plant-thing some kind of ‘label’ I will not be able to refer to it, or search or categorize it. Um. Well I should call it “Bloom of Truth” but now I am thinking that sounds so completely retarded I’m embarrassed to have that anywhere. Lemme think. No, I can’t stand it. I’m going to call it Bloom as if that is a name because I can’t think of anything else.