Although I haven’t been perfect about it, I have mostly taken to a morning and sometimes evening period of ‘breathing with’ everything. It’s a ritual, though it varies.
I breathe once each usually, my attention focused with a given thing. All the chakras. All my Aeons. All the ‘disks’ suit of tarot (the 13/15 of recent intro). The Four. I feel the need to add all the planets, along with the larger moons that for some reason I feel very powerfully do matter and should be included, such as Ganymede and Titan. Even without the solar system I’ve still got, what, 42 separate ‘things’ to focus with so even with only one slow breath each, it takes a few minutes to get through it all.
Earlier today, I blogged the previous experience, and re-read it, and then sat back and told God and IG how much I loved them and was so happy to be alive, to be part of this Amazing Game.
Knock knock. I heard a knock at the door. In my head, I mean. Very clearly though. The proper response to this is a long-known thing, so I imagined I was in a room and I opened the door.
In walks a whole bunch of people, filing past me without permission (except my passive surprise) into the room. They are a mix of male and female. They are all wearing the identical thing, although it might vary subtly, high-collar long-sleeve long-pants and shoes, clothing that blends black and a few shades of the darker and darkest charcoal colors. They all have black hair and darkest eyes and their skin, which is the amazing thing (on face and hands), is like a chess piece, not like a human. It’s black with various patterns of darkest charcoals woven through. So their skin is exactly like their clothing which is also slightly more… smooth than textile, and it results in this very surreal effect.
They look more like humanoid game pieces or something. But I can feel these are not archetypes, they are guides, and granted, sometimes I am pressed to tell the difference, and they can overlap, but there are also differences.
I talk with them, one in particular who says he is “C.” And they tell me they are the Aeons of the letters of me. I tell them that I only use the word Aeons for my Four and Twelve. Everyone else can be a guide. He insists they are Aeons — much like the original set did, I might add, back when I’d not heard the word used for identities before (apparently I missed the video game revolution, it turns out) and was insisting it was a stupid word that made no sense for that use.
I try to count how many people are in the room and before I finish, he tells me, one for each letter. And I understand then, that they are each the sum-total+ of the ‘group of people’ that were associated with each ‘letter’ in the dream and meditation that came before. The ‘groups’ which I understood were already ‘representative’ of a vast amount of energy, now these individuals are singular representatives of all that energy.
But… but how can a letter be an Aeon? I ask, confused.
The Tarot are Aeons, he says. How can a card be an Aeon?
I think about it. They are the universe-of-me divided up into 78 pieces, I said. They cover the whole spectrum. I think that is the difference between Aeons and guides. Guides simply represent a given piece of energy, on its own. But Aeons are like a ‘set’ and they represent ‘all’ the energy, although each one might represent a given piece of that, but they are connected and… well it’s similar but not identical.
He says, we are the universe-of-you divided up into 26 pieces.
I think about it some more. I mean, I suppose there is no reason why ANY given ‘pattern’ can’t be used to divide a person-slash-universe up. The Hebrew alphabet is used in QBLH after all in that way, or the Sephiroth, there’s probably a zillion ways to do it, so what.
But why? I say, feeling as if I am whining. Why should I even bother having a relationship with the letter R or something?
He says something I only remember fuzzily. The relationship is not with the letter R any more than my tarot relationship is with a deck of cards. It’s more a regular familiarity with and exposure to the energy of everything in your universe which maps more to that thing than to some other thing.
I’ve often wondered if I could divide myself up by the atomic elements and the answer is “yes, absolutely.” Copper and Lead and Gold are Aeons, as using that measure they are part of a system which spans all-that-is although our people don’t know that whole system yet of course.
So, deciding to play along with this weird idea, I ask “L” why it is that when I am feeling strong “intuitive” communication, I feel like English doesn’t match the shape of the energy, like I really really need the “L” shape, but it needs to sound more like the “K” sound, but not that either. He talks with me for awhile and explains something I don’t recall, I think because it was rather esoteric and I was a little bit in resistance and denial about yet another set of identities inside me.
The third points out to me that I have not said hello, I have not welcomed them, I have not done anything like that. So I make an official speech to them, thanking them and honoring them and welcoming them into my life and psyche and my room, my actual bedroom I’m sitting in, since at this point it seems like it’s crowded with them, “overlaying” the mental-visual of sorts of a larger room I began in, in my head.
I have this visual overlay of the letters, all being the darkest-charcoal color, all in totally 3D in the shape of English letters but in a 3D roundish font, and they are in the blackness — so you can just hardly see them, mostly reflective of some light source — and they are turning, tumbling independently, through space, and I notice that when I see them like this, the fact that each letter is a “manifest symbol” seems so much more obvious. Like when I lose some of the familiarity with them as being a flat surface representation, when I’m seeing a letter in 3D with no color in a space of no color and it’s at some odd angle — the “power of the symbol” somehow seems more clear to me.
Then I realize that my interpretation of letters as a flat shape on a surface is ridiculous. Just because this is my exposure to them does not mean that is the summary of what they are, any more than Knight of Wands is a card.
Also, somewhere in here, I am told and understand that it is not that any part of the universe belongs to or IS one thing. Every part of the universe is every-thing. But every part (arbitrarily divided) simply has more draw to, more resonance with, more experience at that moment of, a given energy.
Just like I was previously blogging about the incredible similarity, yet difference, between Saturn’s rings, Jupiter’s pole aurora, and Earth’s shoreline tides — psychically for me, they are all this huge collection of similar energy, and they all have the same energy inherent, but each one very heavily is more of one kind of energy than another, which is how they are differentiated. Letters are the same. Everything is the same. There is nothing in one ‘Aeon’ that is not in another (this is not so true for guides, except in the fundamental of the universe way where rocks and people are alike). Their “focus” is just different.
Like to use the tarot as a model, every card is found in every card. Every disk card is found in every disk card somewhat more so, more of it or more strongly or whatever. Every three-of-something card is found in every three-of-something-else card more strongly. That it’s like this gigantic pool of energy, the universe I mean, and then I got this idea that it wasn’t even that it was split up, truly. It’s more like —
— It’s like those color blindness eye tests. Where there is this “white noise” graphically. Every color is buried in it, and let’s imagine the graphics are so good that the individual colors are too small to consciously see, it just looks like a slightly iridiscent whiteness like an opal at a distance or something. But then there are these ‘patterns’ hidden in the noise, of color. And if you are color blind you cannot see it because since you don’t see red for example, or not differently than other things, then red does not exist for you, so you just see the white noise. To someone else whom red does exist for, they look at it, and they see the letter R clearly in red in the white noise.
Well it was like that. Like everything was everywhere at once, and it was merely a matter of what we are able to look into the blend-of-everything and specifically SEE, and notice. Red was always there, whether or not that guy perceived it, for example. If one day he suddenly could see better, differently, he’d say, “Oh look! The letter R! Clear as anything! Totally real!” But it was no less real before… except to him. Well that is how we are with everything in the universe.
We look into the universe, which is both and neither inside and outside, and we don’t see what it HAS, we see what WE are willing to be, to accept in ourselves. If we accept Red, then maybe we see the letter R representing it in the pattern.
So… the more genuine guides and especially ‘Aeons’ I have, the more of me I am able to … connect with? I don’t know.
This energy must be slightly new to me as I have memory problems now, writing it down. That’s usually a sign.
Well, but — I argue, because despite that I welcomed them, I’m still resisting — I guess I just don’t see how these symbols can be all of me. I mean, if that were true, that letters could be Aeons, then I could just as well be defined by say, a group of num —
Knock knock. I saw them ‘in my head’ inside the ‘in my head’ experience (…!) immediately. They were all dark red and had the same chess-piece kind of clothing and skin mixed. I opened the door and ten of them filed in. Like the letters, they were the darkest of the color red with just slight variances of some darkest-shade-near-it mixed in so it wasn’t just a solid color. Zero through Nine.
— Numbers, I finish, feeling somewhat stupid and blindsided by how easy that seemed. I mean normally meeting other identities or guides or whatever it is, is… unusual, I mean it doesn’t happen that often, and I generally resist it a lot (though I’ve improved), so what is this sudden train-station meditation of everybody, I wonder?
And you are Aeons too? I say with slightly irritated droll humor, looking at the one closest to me, a male.
He agrees. We talk then, and I get a couple things from this.
Something about… the numbers are of a different nature than the letters. Not only are there fewer. But they are… like they are the foundation of the universe, or at least not far from it, and the letters are themselves just some of infinite variations that are secondary or follow-on to the numbers. As are people, planets and chairs and trees and whatever.
Like… let’s say the numbers (and I felt iffy, as if zero were slightly different than the others somehow), they are like a base energy. And there would be more of everything else because it multiplies from them, builds off them — including humans, me. Like the Aeons of the numbers were far more fundamental in some respect.
I was proud of myself for being pretty relaxed and accepting of all this. I thought of how in the Thoth tarot, various planets and Hebrew letters relate to each card, and I think of how planets and astrological signs are also part of a ‘system’ (and how I did actually manage to relate my 12 Aeons to the 12 ‘Houses,’ after reading Steinbrecher referring to Seth as Jane’s “3rd house guide”). I wonder to myself how the numbers and letters relate to the cards.
Knock knock. I knew it. I opened the door but only four of them stood there. I let them in. They were just like the others in the odd makeup, except one was deep close shades of blue, one green, one red-oranges and one brown-goldens. I guessed that blue was cups, green was swords, red-oranges were wands and brown-goldens were disks — at least that matches the Thoth colors.
So you are… you are the Aces? I ask, trying to wrap my head around it.
More than that, but you could think of it that way, one of them says, I forget which.
I’m trying to wrap my brain around all this. I point over to the numbers.
So… so if you, like the disks, combine with… with this guy, who is three… then you are the three of disks, “more than you are anything else in the universe,” is that it? You would be “works,” that dynamic energy? I say.
The Ace+ disk explained it further. Something like… no. That was almost right, but not quite. Three is three, and disks are disks, but three and disks combined creates a world. Literally, like it creates a universe. The overall nature of that universe, the relationships, the energy, kind of the combination of a top-note and a low ‘feeling-tone’ as Seth called it, the “creative relationship” and the “manifest creation” of the “experience of their combining,” THAT was the three-of-disks.
ALL tarot are a dynamic, he adds in passing, as if I’d said something that wasn’t entirely right and he was correcting me with the obvious. I look at him in wonder. I never thought of that, I say, going in my head through all the different cards and their seeming meanings. I guess you’re right. It seemed like that was important, but I wasn’t sure how. I have thought of three of disks as a dynamic, specifically, but other cards as… well I guess as more-like-Things. Somehow. Although that makes no sense, now that I think about it.
I think about my bedroom, and arranging the four tarot Aeons — because I realize then, that’s what they are that I have here, the Aeon of the Tarot — around it. Then I realize that doesn’t work with Feng Shui, which has a fifth major ‘element’: spirit.
So what about Trumps? I ask them, and another appears with us, nearly as different to them as Zero seems to the numbers. I can see him, but he is…
How can I see you, if you’re invisible? I say to him.
I’m not invisible, I am transparent, he says, as if this is different. Then I realize it is, and I can see him rather like in the cartoons you can see wonder woman’s invisible car or something. Like the edges and reflections and ever so slightly opaque in places or at certain times or angles, make it clear, no pun intended.
So I have the ‘Aeons’ of the Tarot, the ‘Aeons’ of numbers, the ‘Aeons’ of english letters. Aeons meaning, a concise representational summation of the full spectrum of a given kind of energy in the universe.
My room was crowded. I now had 41 ‘Aeons’ (not counting my own 12 or 4!) stuffed into it and it’s very small.
I thought of this guy whose book I barely began reading before I lost it to a cleaning day, it’s out on a shelf somewhere. Some psychologist, jungian sort, who insists that every word is a symbol is an entity is alive. Every sentence is a relationship. That last is my translation, not what he said, at least that I’ve read yet.
I don’t know what to think any more, at that point, but I worried if I had any other questions, I’d hear a knocking and yet more game-piece-people representing the Aeons of some other system would drop in to stay, so I stopped thinking.
I understood something later. They are not the Aeons of the alphabet, but of language. ALL language. ANY language. In this case, they are being divided up into 26 symbols that I use for the scope of MY language. However, it would be the same overall group of energy in Russian or Chinese — it would merely be divided up into a different number of unique conglomerations from the whole of that energy. It spans every possible language that ever has or ever will exist, of any creature that ever used any combination of sound and form (or even just form) to communicate. And it includes tons of energy that is really not just about language, but about creatures and communication and information and how life forms structure reality and a ton of other things I can’t even imagine, my brain isn’t big enough. That’s why they are Aeons and not just guides or archetypes. It really is ‘universal’ and is wrapped into the whole of everything. It’s merely that my “simplistic” way of understanding it is via the letters of my alphabet. But there is a great deal more to this, and it is not remotely tied to my letters. It uses those as a “symbol to group the energy around” for me. When I change, grow, better understand or perhaps have a larger comprehension of all this, they may change, group and divide differently. It will still be the same “Aeonic.” The divisions will merely differ.
Later: my primary question, I guess, is what good does it do me that I have this understanding? Am I somehow more … wise or insightful, because I grok that the letter M can be an identity, as are my chakras and tarot? Moreso than I would have been if I just considered them shapes on paper, whirls of energy and cards?
I know with archetype meditations, the most profound results come from arranging half a dozen different meditations all on the same thing from different angles. Like it’s much deeper that way, more thorough. Maybe having ‘the universe’ via a variety of identities and experiences is how we increase the depth of our … exposure and evolution. Wait a minute. I guess that works for ‘real life’ too, right. What do we have, but a variety of people and experience to increase the depth of our exposure and evolution? So maybe it’s not as weird in my head as it seems.
I am not sure why this is, but I don’t think I am consciously capable of creating anything that would be or even feel like an Aeon in a meditation. This is something where they come to me — via Inner Guide (IG5/Mark) I’m guessing, he was oddly not really “notice-able” during all this — or they don’t. I can imagine stuff but I cannot imagine anything that has that… sense of fundamental power, something much more profound than I am capable of grokking, let alone intentionally creating. So although they were surreally “present” so easily following my thoughts, this is something that Mark has made happen, brought to me. They are as literal as any other group of spectrum-of-all-energy such as my own Aeons.
I am jealous for my 12 Aeons. I want them to be my only ones, on some level. I want them to be special, and I know they are. I know the Four is one group of the universe of me, and the 12 are another group (they are 3 divine energies multiplied by the 4 of us), and I understand this is probably infinite. Still, they feel… more important to me. Singular.
I mean, maybe I should stop complaining so much. Probably shamans of some traditions, and certain mystical sects, have more Aeons and Guides and Archetypes, O My than I can even imagine, and only my obvious resistance to new “identities” found inside me has slowed this down. Heck even catholics have too many saints for even a year to cover.
I am getting much more open about it than I used to be! Remember how hard it was for me to meet every single of my 12 Aeons and I was so angry and resisting for years. I’ve found notes going back nearly a couple decades repeatedly telling me that chakras were identities and I resisted this until just a few years ago and still have barely experienced that much.
But much like my Aeon Nedlund, who is said to represent ‘sound’ he told me; I have no way to wrap my head around that. I suppose all letters slightly overlap with his energy as a result of that. I have asked him and I have had a few long conversations with him but I cannot remember them to write them down after, alas. I hope to learn more about him and how we relate in the future.
I don’t get how sound can be summed up in an Aeon any more than I get how a letter can be summed up in an Aeon. I mean intellectually my brain wraps around it ok. But experientially it doesn’t.
I could see ‘water’ or ‘power’ or ‘green’ being an Aeon. (Sigh. I just “got” that the color spectrum is also a group of Aeons, except that the spectrum is a lot larger than we are capable of perceiving and hence understanding.) I can see how those elements, energies, could be present, at least latently, in all things, as part of a spectrum. I just cannot understand how a given letter of an alphabet could be that way. For ME, too, because it would be different for someone who was Chinese, right.
And the important thing I always come back to is: so what? Why does it help me to know or experience this? What is the point of it all? Not to be a flippant sort of mystic, but I would like to think there was some practical value to these relationships.
I might add that I have, in the past in dreams and some meditations, actually run into things specific to a given color or letter or number. Particularly the numbers 4 and 8. I just never before thought about those individual things as identities, a collection of consciousness assigned a title. Like they were some spiritual, cosmological version of an inanimate object. Maybe it is me that is the idiot all this time.
And now my bleeping morning ritual is going to take even LONGER.