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Nobody else needs to read this, I’m just trying to keep track of the ‘little things’ in my life, awareness, dreams, and the more mundane things. I get far more insight on my life re-reading the past than I ever do at the time. And a few pictures at the bottom.

05/27/2021: Body says: 1 potato, 3 farm eggs, and grassfed butter, is a good meal it likes. 2 potatoes or more eggs is too much. Wholly Guac is ok to add but that’s just being kind for my taste, he doesn’t feel it’s really any benefit for us. (That surprised me.) I knew the kidneys liked the butter they’ve asked for it a couple times. Anyway I am working to ingest this at least every few days. I am not a huge egg fan even though I think they’re the healthiest food possible (and I get mine from my gunsmith so they are well fed, outdoor chickens). I think I’m going to try poaching eggs for the first time ever as an experiment. (later) Poached the eggs, and made a hassleback baked potato with melted butter, minced garlic, onion powder, salt and pepper, and then rosemary. Holy cats that was good. Never had rosemary on anything but chicken before. It was somehow so perfect. Will do that again.

5/31/2021: In a dream the message from one character to another was: “If you don’t brush your teeth, you’ll die.” The other character argued that no, I wouldn’t actually die, at least not directly, it’s just that — and then I experienced what he meant, which was some absolutely disgusting thing about bacteria. I immediately began always brushing with toothpaste (sometimes I’d been doing it with just water) before bed and on awakening VERY consistently.

Realized in retrospect that 5/30 was the banishing sort of meditation, following the dream where 4th was kidnapped and planned to be killed, and since 5/31 I have been astoundingly productive with my days, with my habits, without even realizing it until about 6/5 that it began then. I mean so much so, that it seems like the energy of the King/Knight of Swords has returned. I had it, and it was awesome, and then it seemed to be suppressed or gone. Apparently that aspect was reacting and suppressing it. That aspect is gone now and the energy was suddenly back in my life. Not as extreme as at first, but still very apparent — different than my norm.

6/1/2021: Had a dream I’d been living in a little studio/flat above/around an ER room/hospital for a long time, but now it was time to move out of there, and I was getting my stuff and going. I interpret this to mean that my body is telling me it has healed to past the point of crisis now. Unrelated: I’ve started taking beta-Alanine and it turns out it’s like niacin, but not as strong, with the flush.

6/4/2021: Had a dream that my ‘catalytic converter’ was damaged and I had to fix or replace it. It was a small oddly shaped thing on the dashboard of a car I was driving. In such dreams it being part of my car means it’s part of my body, the visual shape will be true to the body, and the function of the thing in my world will be the closest analogy to the function in the body. I interpreted this to mean my liver Phase II processing is not working properly. Although I can’t match the shape, it does have a similar texture I’ve felt on the liver before in meditations — like a firm, yet flexibly-dentable if you pushed on it, sort of strong thick rubber. Then I realized that I had recently a few days prior added a variety of supps and consistently taking them which increased Phase I a lot, but did not support the next step.

Meditated with Tek on this 6/4, and we did some actual outer-liver-surface repair. Then we did another med 6/5 morning that was so much work, we had to finish in the evening, where he put me in hazmat gear and into some irregularly-spherical-area I had to clean out, except, this required a ‘peel’ of a thick gross-black coating off the surface of this interior place, and the surface was then left with string-like things protruding from every…. pore-like shape, and then I had to pull all those out, and then when done do a soothing thing. We had to stop many times to break it up, neutralize it, thin it out thinner than water, and send it out on ‘trashcan pathways’ and then drink a bunch of water. Finished late at night. Added new supps to my night and afternoon stack for liver P2 detox.

Note that I think that interior area was an area ‘between’ my small intestines — the outer ‘walls’ of the room seemed like they were multiple soft layers like flexible tubes, and from a prior meditation, I know these have zillions of tiny holes in them (on purpose) where only things of a given type (very thin) are supposed to get through (the type is different in each area), but what amounts to mud/poop (that eventually starts rotting I suspect) actually starts oozing through and completely trashes the receiving area with ‘mud’ plus coats the surface of the tube so it’s clogged plus gums up the pores of the tube for a final clog. (Leaky gut doesn’t just leak, it prevents actual nutrients from getting out or getting absorbed, too. Nobody ever mentions that but this is what body showed me.) I had a spontaneous med on this from a body part that got my attention when I was doing a med with the kidney brothers eons ago, so I recognize some of this.

6/6/2021: I think I might have dreamed of 3rd — a ref to ‘Bosch / the Blonde’ was in my dream (I do not watch that show, however, the germanic name and ‘the blonde’ which I called him for years — and also that I said he looked like a young Rutger Hauer for our early years — tells me that was likely symbol of him. And after asking for this (our dreaming together) to return to my life for so long it seems hopeful).

I have done all my basic meditations (amplified aeon rounds, amplified chakra rounds, a bit with guides, some zazen ‘being-ness’ (usually) with the Four, and some time with Tek for whatever he wants — this plus decent breathing and spontaneous mudras — every morning for like a week now which is mindblowing. I have never done this well (let alone got so much done every day). I forgot to mention this includes other stuff I want to do in the morning but haven’t until lately — like opening the curtains, lighting incense, using the vibeplate for decent span, and some basic exercises like bodyweight squats and step-ups (on the running vibeplate)). Anyway, so maybe this regular routine, with the meditation and exercise and good habits, will start amping up my internal life in some way.

6/7/2021: I was thinking about stuff I wanted to get done today, quite optimistic, and suddenly had this visual flash of ‘reading’ like I used to with IG#4. It said: Manage expectations. Period and all! I suddenly realized: Right. I was not being very realistic. That would only lead to disappointment. Unrelated: I had earlier done some book reading (one of the things on my dailiy to-do list is a bit of reading and a bit of some kind of music), but eye strain knocked my ass out, so then I’d napped for a bit, which means I am not reasonably going to get everything done I planned let alone more stuff. I was oblivious to that until the reminder though.

6/8 – I failed to do 4 and tek today, or to take any supps but a few. Daughter drama was excruciating all day. I do feel if I’d done everything in the morning I’d have been in a better state of mind, though. I did everything else though and I’ve done everything EVERY day since 5/31.

6/9 – I think part of “adulting” is recognizing it’s my job to be CEO of my life and decide what I want to make it happen. This starts with being proactive about evaluating to a decision, and then asking myself/universe/etc. for it.

I’ve realized previously, like when the Powers (the source of chakras) visited and told me to specifically ask them for what I want (twice they have done that!), that I couldn’t even articulate it intelligently. I don’t just mean while present with them — even when visiting them as individuals, they are god-little-g identities, very powerful and a bit overwhelming. So I don’t expect to be in a normal state of mind around them given experience with that, I have to go in with a specific and simple intent. But I mean even just sitting around planning. “Good” or “better” are not specific, whether addressing health or finance or whatever.

If you can’t sum up what you want in one succinct sentence, you don’t really know what you want.

I feel like this is why sigils can be so powerful. Because it forces us to get very specific about what we want, articulate this, and manifest it into a thoughtform symbol physically. Probably our guides are like, “OMG finally!”

Law recently did a great shoal of sigils related to work/income and holy cats, every single thing in the group absolutely came to be, in perfect timing, before much longer. It has been an impressive result. I would like to do something like this.

Which reminds me, he sent me some glass paints and cut-able thin plexiglass and I am thinking of making some shapes to fit the upper half of the posts on my squat cage — which are in my living room and face the only chair (my recliner) in the room — and paint those with sigils. I would also (finally!) like to post the pretty tarot-four pictures I had printed and bought frames for. I admit I put it off because I felt it would make my living room very… er… occult-ish. Not that anybody but me and my pets and a friend are ever in here anyway. But when you live in nowhere OK where there’s like 32 churches, not a single temple of any form, and occasionally there’s people with signs about the end of the world on the corner, and some local radio preacher ranting about the evils of meditation — well, you know, there is reason for my reticence.

My Sigil: I AM My True Ideal Self

My Sigil: I AM My True Ideal Self

I have only made one sigil in my life. It was specifically for divine will to help resonate me into my Ideal Self (“I AM My True Ideal Self”). It began as nothing more than letters mucked-about-with until it felt right, but it actually ended up looking like — well hang on let me see if I can find it. Alright. It’s so odd that I did not set out to make it any kind of icon or picture, it really was just letters I was mucking about with and still somehow ended up with that result. It “felt right” like a settling in place inside me, which is the sign of a good sigil for oneself. Then I proceded to lose it repeatedly, and only that I emailed it to my best friend kept finding it for me — more than once — suggesting resistance, which to me suggests real energy inherent as well. And it’s been years since I created this and it hasn’t left my email and one print. I never did any kind of activation ritual etc. So… I think it’s time. Starting with this one, and moving on to a group, related to income/work.

6/10/2021: I have done a set of basics that I have wanted to daily for years, successfully every day since 5/31 (except one day I missed 2 parts of the 6-part meditation and 1 part of the 5-part supplementation schedule). It truly is kind of amazing. A lot of the stuff around the King/Knight’s energy that I had back in January (which was right before I got a temp job, which led right to another temp job, now I’m looking again) — is present. I make the time to hang a towel neatly, phrase something well, put the clothes in the laundry hamper where they should be — stupid little stuff. An ongoing sense of “paying attention to my life, to accomplishing something” that if I had to sum it up, is, “Living ON PURPOSE.” Which is exactly what that energy felt like.

I’m so impressed that this happened right after that variant on banishing that I’m seriously wondering if I should be doing some kind of filter-search banishing for “any part of me not in accordance with my will” monthly. I’d think the new meditations I am doing with the Aeons would actually amount to that indirectly every day, though. Hopefully.

Life with a dog is a very different lifestyle. It forced a consistency to my waking, sleeping, getting morning-dressed, waiting to get bedtime-dressed, having to get up and take him out every 3 hours, not to mention his anxiety if I need to go through any door without him, let alone leave him to go somewhere, that sometimes seems obnoxiously exhausting and imposing.

But I knew that was coming, and I am so glad he has his first real home ever in his four years of life, and I so adore him and want him to be happy. And I know that these things are good for me. And I hope that it will be part of letting more love into my life.

I pray to be a good dog mom, often, and he and the kitties are still doing fine, they are now rubbing all over him for attention and he still ignores them, pretty funny.  I got him a bed and he loves it, and often sleeps by the squat cage across from my chair.

Meanwhile let’s see… my neighbor Chris, who is an actual SAINT, has been doing massive yard/landscaping work free for me since he’s been unemployed. Including shoveling boatloads of pecan mulch into my beds. My tiny-rose bushes over on the South side are blooming well — they nearly died when I did, years ago — they are the most amazing color, a sort of coral-melon that doesn’t even have a word. My knockout roses are knockouts as always, this one is budding to bloom from a month or more ago, they actually just lost their blooms but they’ll be back for even longer later in the summer.

The hydro has been a real PITA because I keep needing some “little thing” and maybe it’s only 4x $8 or only 20 bucks but I have no job and no freaking money! So I stall for thing-X, and this went on so long half my seedlings died waiting for transplant, and I gave up on aero for now and shifted to RDWC plans, but now it’s still going on with stall because I need a bunch of 1″ bulkheads for my hard PVC pipes going into a bunch of tubs I can’t yet afford.

Poor man’s kratky: empty gallon water jug, black plastic trash bag, little 1″ net cups.

I finally realized I had to do something to get the plants remaining out of the tiny little 1″ rockwool seedling cube trays, I mean, I had like 14″ tomato plants in something the size of an ice cube. So I used 1 gallon water jugs, a couple thick black plastic trash bags, a drill, a box cutter, and made a bunch of containers to temporarily put them in as kratky — only until I can get the RDWC finished. (It awaits only the bulkheads, I have everything else.)

I did a single 2″ pot per gallon for each tomato, and then I did 3-6 (depending on water container type) little 1″ net cup each (because those that were seeding into those, have totally grown into them inseparably, so I can’t do anything bigger, that net cup is going nowhere) for the others. In the end right now it looks like I have probably 20 pepper plants, 6 tomatoes, and a few… er… something else. Carrot or radish or chives or all three. I have no idea what any of these plants are in detail (never mind the stupid reason why!) so it’ll be a big surprise on every one. 🙂

I have a Spider Farmer 2K panel light and a Mars Hydro 2K panel light (that means 200-250W), for the ‘garden room’ — the ‘warm’ room — which is for tomatoes, peppers, alliums, and anything that can grow in warmer temps (bear in mind that warmer means, might hit 85 in the worst of hot season, will be minimum 70 during cold season). Those are the best lights I could afford. If I had more money I’d still buy one of those — just maybe the latest biggest one. I’m hoping the fire swamp — what we call the other back room that is storage — can grow all the cool season greens, strawberries, etc. I have 3 cheapo 1K panel lights (lies, all lies cheap chinese crap on amazon, it’s nowhere near that light volume…) for that room, greens don’t need nearly as much light as fruiting plants. And I have half a dozen, maybe 25-35W grow lights that are regular-socket oversized-bulb types, that are in the garden room closet, hanging over the seedling/cloner stuff.

Right now the only thing in the swamp is a tray of succulents I am alternately overwatering and starving-of-thirst because I have no idea how to evaluate this I guess. I don’t want them in the warm room because I don’t want anything akin to soil in that room… ever. Cool temps are not as friendly to pesky bacteria, bugs, etc. as warm temps so I’m fastidious about that. I really like succulents and houseplants and have never had either. (I once killed both an Aloe Vera and an English Ivy, that’s how good I was with plants in my younger days.) Once I get the warm and cool room hydro stuff set up, I am really hoping to work out a whole lot of low-light houseplants. Preferably something vining if possible.

And then, out of a moral impetus, I want to clone every plant that is patented that I ever even hear of and am willing to grow somewhere. Just because of how I feel about corporations patenting life forms.