Prep: I took a shower and washed my hair and put on a clean gown for sleeping later. I went to the screened porch, the weather was miraculously really nice at that moment, and sat in the chair and went through the aeons, chakras, four, and planets, asking each to be with me tonight during my meditations. Came in the house, turned off all the lights but the one stained glass sconce that is ever on, turned my screen brightness down and set f.lux properly.
Opened two instances of VLC media player and did binaural for one and epic music for the other, in over-ear headphones. Continued the rounds of invites, to include every guide of every kind, Aeons of the Aeons I have met, and so on. Opened my blog and updated it, opened my spreadsheet of spirit to make sure I hadn’t forgotten to invite anybody, and by 9:09pm I was ready to begin. Turned off the music, kept the brain sounds.
I’ve had no idea what might happen tonight. Last year’s med got eaten by a server crash and I remember nothing of it. I am trusting that Mark and I will work out something good.
I slept for 5 hours. Then I meditated for about 3.5 hours. Then slept for another 2. It was difficult to do or get through anything. It was too long, it seemed, before IG even got around to something, and then I was confused about what I was supposed to do, when he did.
I ended up starting with one thing — disks, all of them plus their Aeon of Aeons — which I had invited, and then just visualizing bringing all that energy and me into alignment with divine will. It was far more work on my side than these meds usually are. It seemed abstract, indirect, and… not very perceivable.
I was sad because I feel like I messed up this important event. Like maybe I was supposed to be more proactive or driven in some way, but just stood around uncertain or something.
I remember a few years ago when everyone showed up for this med and then just looked at me and nobody interacted with me and I was so upset. The response that evoked in me probably turned out to be helpful later, though, with my determination that they were mine-so-there. This time though I just feel kind of lost and incompetent.
Not sure what I can do about it though. And it’s 9am Monday now, so it’s time to do some work chores and personal chores and move on.