So I was talking with IG and I was preparing to have some lovely quality time with myself one morning recently. I told her that I felt there were parts of me that wanted to be more present in me, more integrated, more a part of my life. And I wanted to send the orgasm energy specifically to whatever part of me I most needed to allow in, to bring forth. Maybe this would be an Aeon or part of one, maybe not. I didn’t get any sense of what this might be. It could be an energy that manifests as some abstract quality like being better at keeping my budget or something. I didn’t worry about it. I figure well, IG knows.
My last previous quality time energy transfer was to Marcan, or rather to “our integration” as a process and dynamic, which is probably why my interest in psi has amped up, as that is (at least so he once indicated) one of the main things he will work with me on. So this new idea and the process and the focus on the energy basically funding or aiding the ‘integration’ went ok, and definitely the energy went *somewhere.* I mean, you can tell when this solo tantra stuff works by the rather offbeat change in how things feel of course. I hadn’t a clue where the energy went in this case, but I trusted that given my holding the intent and IG helping me, it found the right psychic post office box for delivery.
I wondered, will I see some sign of this? I mean, how will I know? Maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll just suddenly develop a new interest in basket weaving or something and maybe that’ll be the sign of the energy in question.
It has taken about a week to figure it out. And it was really obvious right away but you know, I never thought to look here, to consider this. I think it was my heart chakra. Even though honestly I would not think my heart chakra would be happy about energy from the lower chakras, but it didn’t go directly there or I would have felt it of course, but there has definitely been a major new integration since that morning with my heart.
It doesn’t feel like the times when it has really amped up like from sudden overuse or meditation. It’s not functioning “alone” is the only way I can put it. It is genuinely “integrated” more than ever, and yet more active. Yet in being active it feels like it has ‘warmed and enlivened’ the whole chakraic system. Just a little. I don’t feel the literal warmth in my chest this time, it’s not specific like that. It’s like I’m getting what are clearly heart-chakra effects, but they are just gently, subtly blended fully into the whole me. It’s kind of novel. It’s kind of nice.
It’s not like I’m having a sudden love-fest that is kind of a separate effect from anything else. It’s like I have become a nicer, more loving person as a system-wide mild upgrade.
That’s not to say love isn’t involved. If you ever wanted to see an over-conservative left-brain semi-intellectual get a bit loopy, tune in. I have spent a good deal of the last week loving everybody I thought of much. Even someone I pointedly don’t like, that I only thought of because something really negative was presented to me about them — I actually felt humored, compassionate, and warm. Go figure! (I did manage to hide this sufficiently well, heh.)
People I do like, I have felt just ridiculously affectionate about, I so “appreciate” them.
And people I was already kinda crazy about? — them, I am just gushing-in-love-with. In waves that follow my attention, I so desperately love them that I just need to physically express this, and it hurts that I can’t. Given my psychology and how it interprets that, this mostly means that I feel pulsing waves of love followed by lust (that is how one ‘expresses’ it, or can). A little inconvenient and sometimes inappropriate, which makes it humorous.
So after a week or so of this I suddenly realized that since the time of that meditation, this is the energy that has been very suddenly new and powerful in my body, life and awareness. I can’t prove that’s what IG chose — she is not the most chatty of entities most the time, you know — but it amped up just after that, quite noticeably, and nothing else seems to have.
I recalled that I met the forehead chakra most recently. ACKRCK as it spelled itself out to me (twice). Had a 30 minute talk with it. OK it’s true that I was so in rejection/denial of this entire concept of chakras being incredibly powerful entities that are symbiotes with us and dimensional doorways and that we could even have conversations with for goddsakes, that I refused to blog it until I finally managed to conveniently “forget” everything we talked about. I do still feel that was injust and immature of me.
I will probably pay some price for the insult eventually… here’s hoping it is enlightened enough to just pity me instead of being irked at me. Especially since, well you know, we do have to live together sort of, um, permanently for this life.
So maybe… maybe the heart chakra is next. Does it have a ‘name’ it could give me, I wonder? Could I have a conversation with it? Could it help me feel more loving and less freaked out about the forehead chakra? And let’s get practical: can it help improve my psi functioning? Marcan seems to think so. Now I should just get back around to some of that, ya think.