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“Gridlock is always a reflection of insufficient Will.”
— guide ‘8 becoming 9’

Lately my life has felt frustrating. It’s like when you get stuck in a dream that you can’t get right and you’re doing it over and over again and you can’t get out but you can’t get resolution either. From not finding something to do for ongoing work to not finishing the hydro stuff for the back room, added to an eating plan I haven’t been following well and I don’t think I’m always getting enough protein (but I’m definitely getting too many carbs), I’ve felt down. Like I need to pull my focus together and really WILL things to happen in my life and for whatever weird reason I haven’t.

So I’m reading my blog and I came across a couple posts where I was griping that I had the opposite problem of everything in a card I was overdue for. I’m way overdue for the next tarot med, the one in queue is 3 of Wands. So today I realize I should get around to getting that done and out of curiosity I go and read whatever that one is supposed to be about. I should have known…

The Three of Wands is accordingly the Lord of Virtue. The idea of will and dominion has become interpreted in Character. It refers to the Sun in Aries, the Sign in which he is exalted.

There’s more, but that was enough to make me realize that for the zillionth time, I am caught in the web of “open tarot energies I have not worked through” and I need to get off my ass and do the meditation, rather than allow my life to continue in its grip. So, that will be happening before I sleep today!

Meanwhile: a difficult attempt at a 3-part meditation on work is ongoing and I hope to finish that today as well.

Unrelated: I found a ton of stuff in my ‘notes’ file that I don’t think made it to the blog and I’m going to stuff it all into a long boring post just so I have it archived for my reflections in the future.

I have felt less than great physically and am bloated, and decided to fast today, aside from supplements of course. Body wants protein for sleep so I told Tek I would have a protein drink before bed last night and tonight. I had a dream last night that told me to eat fermented cucumbers. WTH?! OK then, happy to help body. I don’t normally eat cucumbers at all, outside of the rare Greek Salad, but I will find some and ferment them. I think adding some jalapeno, serrano, red onion, garlic and peppercorns would make it way more interesting though!