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This was a brief collection of pages from a period when I was reading about and performing something called Enochian Magick. Initially I was very impressed with how powerful this is, with how present the identities are psychically. I later had a real problem with it, because every time I would focus on this energy, entities I dislike (the Guardians of earth as property, the cat-eyed lizard guys) would show up and drag me OBE.

I also later griped about Enochian that there is no clear map to how the tablets/entities relate to US, like where humans are on there. And the ‘call of the Aethyrs’, translated, is like saying, bring on armageddon and open this world to the bad guys–gee, let’s do some of that, NOT. What the hell?!

I feel it is a legitimate and very powerful magick, and it “includes” — overlaps, you might say — legitimate elements of our universe. What I mean is that some of what’s involved, e.g. the 30 Aethyrs, are legit ‘dimensions’. Enochian does not “own” the Aethyrs and their content any more than the Catholic church “owns” the Christ energy. It is simply the only model currently that mentions to us their existence.

But I feel that much of Enochian working is not in accordance with my Will; with whatever God I am loyal to and part of. Some is “neutral” — dimensions and entities exist, without regard to my intent — but some (like the Call, and like the Guardians) is definitely not. So I now no longer have any formal association with that Magick.

These snippets are from when I was being introduced to it and working it in formal ceremony with some other magickians that I liked very much (I miss them and hope they are doing well, whatever has become of them).

Journal Fragment, June 22, 1994

Have been reading intensely about Enochian magick. I talked to “Nalvage” (nawl-vaw’-gee), from the tablet, he is some sort of angel over angels I guess.

Journal Fragment, June 23, 1994

I seem to be having a spiritual identity crisis. Weeks ago, I felt alone, desolate, as if I no longer knew who God was and had lost contact. Well I don’t feel like my contact is lost now. But I still feel uncertain of how to pray to an unknown God. What is in a name? Why must I know? I’ve no idea why it should matter. This God of mine has never been named before. Only now I feel as if… why should God listen, any more than any other entity, if I do not know his name?

Is he providing beings like Nemo to help?

{I have some vague recall of an entity named ‘Nemo’ coming and talking to me in the middle of the night, while I was staying at the house of an Enochian magickian, reading some very difficult to acquire books he had. I had recently heard the name ‘Nemo’, it is some entity in the Enochian Aethyrs or something (‘Garden of Nemo’ comes to mind, but that’s all I remember, nothing about what it might be or be like).}

I did not really ‘believe in’ my ability to talk with entities then. So I talked to them regularly and then “forgot” all about it. I only have as recall a few rare accounts I actually wrote down somewhere.

Journal Fragment, June 23, 1994

The ritual {an IAO Enochian ritual} went well. They seemed very satisfied with the power in it. I was surprised by the strength of that I felt immediately.

But when we finished the ritual, the three of them were promptly outside smoking discussing the ritual like a football game. That was difficult for me, coming down for that. Rituals make me feel even more strongly in the presence of God. I wanted to kneel then, once the formalities were over; I wanted to pray, to meditate, to give glory to the God I felt inside me. I can’t help but notice it. Their awareness of Grace seems a bit limited. Their devotion is not apparent from their actions. They Call as Magickians but they do not Pray as part of God. I don’t understand that.

It is my constant craving for the divinity of me, for God, that I feel keeps me in line. This is my talisman; this is what ensures that no path is leading to darkness. I go seeking God and determined to find him. I fear nothing else. I have long considered my “good intentions” my lucky charm; surely God will guide me if it is his love I seek first and foremost.

When I think of “God” and making a promise and incarnating here for a reason, I am almost overwhelmed. O God, I love you so much. I crave you inside me and near me and surrounding me. I am so honored to be part of you. I would die for you and probably have in other lives. Anything. Nothing is enough for your glory; nothing is too much. I tremble in frustration at my inability to put my feelings in words for you. Whatever could be said about me, let it not ever be said that my faith, my heart, were untrue to the light. This plane is my assignment and I shall live it with honor. May I not forget that. Please. Please. Please.

Journal Fragment, date unknown

Last night, I sure wish I remember the dream that it related to, but it was about something in life really worrying me. At the end, when I woke up, an identity (seeming male) said to me very clearly, “Everything is going to be fine.” And then, to show me “who” he was, this word flashes in gold letters and he carefully underlined it to draw my attention. The word was “Oliphant.” I “felt” it in my gut, too, so I am sure I didn’t mix up the letters.

I think I have heard this in something occult but I can’t remember where, I have searched in google but darn it, so many people have that name it turns out (including some in occult literature) that the bazillion refs to people hide any possible ref there might be to something else. I had the clear sense, though, that this was both a name and a title, and that this was an archetypal role; like the way to think about it was nearly like a tarot role (e.g., the heirophant), this just wasn’t in that deck. (Added later: apparently this is an old word for ‘elephant’. Of course that’s a mystical animal to the eastern religions. So, who knows?)

Journal Fragment, date unknown

I once had an OBE with the cat-eyed lizard guys. They told me that it was time for me to make a commitment to them. I resisted. They assured me that my friend __ whom I admire and am influenced by, was part of them, and surely I wanted to do anything he would? I didn’t believe them. If that were true, why was he not there himself. I felt they were lying to me in the hopes it would sway me. I resisted.

They assured me they were telling the truth. They showed me a room of something akin to computer monitors, and how they could tune into the most secret rooms and places on the planet that we would never dream they could. They told me they first met him many years ago in a literally ‘secret underground’ room where he gave a briefing to a higher ranking military officer. I sensed this part was true, but that they were mixing it with lie to confuse me. I resisted. They encouraged.

And I found my courage, remembered who I was on some level, and planted my feet firmly and yelled to them, I AM OF MICHAEL! YOU CANNOT HAVE ME. I AM OF MICHAEL! and they were very pissed off.

Later when I told ___ of that, he said: “That is all they can do. They can fuck with your mind, or try. They can try to get you to believe. But that is ALL they can do. If you don’t let them, they can’t hurt you.” And I realized that every time I have referred to the narrator (which he dryly says perhaps should be called “the dictator,” certainly proving he’s met the same ‘aspect of self’) or I refer to entities, or aliens, spiritual or other, he volunteers little if anything… but once in awhile when he does, its clear that he knows more about it than I might have expected.

Man, I don’t like those guys.