I have gotten a ‘prep’ down fairly well now for the meds. Three deep breaths that I visualize taking tons of bright white light inside, and then ‘pushing out/off’ any darkness. On the third one I imagine it complete and then imagine a severe beam of light coming from above my head to below my feet real quickly that is like a final rinse. Connect the superstring from earth’s core to galaxy core, one breath in-out to center myself precisely on it. Imagine bringing in light and providing affection and interest and request for awareness to all body chakras from below the feet to (quickly) above the head. Tune into the sense of The Four in my upper chest, and breathe with that a time or three. Then I’m ready. Takes about 45-60 seconds.
I told IG what I wanted: to work openly, clearly, fluently, with Nero.
I mean dang, what happened?? He was my first and best Aeon of all!!
I told her what I’d like to be sure and address: any resistance to seeing, hearing, perceiving, understanding, or any other form of consciously working with him. And if there was overlapping energy that is why I’m not clear with more of my Aeons, that too, but especially him. He’s special, darn it. I miss him. I want him. So I relaxed and let her go to it.
I looked around. I saw nothing. Darkness but not even that really just ‘nothing’.
Me: IG, is this the environment?
IG: In a moment.
I waited. It occurred to me I had never had to wait before, and I wondered why: isn’t IG like… well she’s Angelic… so how… — then suddenly I ‘understood’ something I hadn’t before.
I’ve been asking IG to challenge me and help me let go of resistance and expectations. I’ve been thinking of it like, I want her to do something interesting and unexpected and then I’ll try to “deal with it.”
What I suddenly understood was that what IG ‘builds’ for me, so to speak, she builds out of me. Literally, I “compose” it. So she can’t just do something totally outside my ken and then hope I can perceive it or deal with it, because the thing she “does” is built FROM me. And so if I am resisting, expecting, etc., that basically limits her options.
So I’ve been putting a lot of this on her, like I want her to push me and I’ll respond, but it kind of needs to happen the other way around — I need to be more open, give her the raw materials to build with, so she CAN push me.
I did a prayer and visualization of “letting go” and being more relaxed and open and things like that. Then after a bit, I felt we had something.
It was dark, but I could just barely see, as if in moonlight. I was on flat ground, nothing around, near the edge of something, it seemed maybe a cliff. I walked over there and came to this … outlet. This is difficult to put into words. Imagine your average cliff. Now cut-out about 10 feet in, maybe 20′ wide, about 5-10′ deep, a sort of ‘flattish horizontal rectangle’ cut-out of the land on the top edge. There was a cement thing built into the cliff there, walls inset into this shape on each side and maybe something across the top. And there was water pouring out, and flowing over the edge in a waterfall.
I’ve been wondering if maybe I should pay more attention to the landscapes, ever since I got the merging from the lifemed(work) yesterday. So I stood there trying to observe, and understand what this meant.
I was ‘standing on high ground’. There was water, which I associate with spirit and life and awareness. It was ‘hidden underground’. There was ‘an outlet built for it’ to surface. I couldn’t really see any problem with this, excepting that I didn’t really know how it would be ‘ideally’ compared to how it was. Alas I had no time to continue as I had to work. 🙁
So I went back later. Found myself looking at a large, like six foot circumference, dull silver metal screw, facing me like it was on the side of something I couldn’t see. I looked around but couldn’t seem to sense whatever else. So I focused on that, put my hands on it, sent energy into it. Nothing. I tried to turn it, nothing, it wouldn’t turn.
So I backed up and said, ‘Show me what it is for.’ Then I could see this big circular wheel-like technology that went through the ground and under the ground. I realized this was behind the outlet area. I could see the wheel was designed so depending on how you turned it, there would be more or less water allowed out. Right now there wasn’t much.
I made myself much bigger, got a screwdriver to fit, and turned the screw a little to force more openness.
Then the 3rd was there, and I asked for his help. He brought his corps of engineers like we had on The Bridge long ago, and they went to work completely renovating it, different technology and build and everything.
I recalled that I actually talked to Nero for some time last night as I was falling asleep. Alas I don’t remember any of the content. I started thinking at him, and suddenly had a shift in perspective.
I am the Aeon of my higher selves. While I am trying to reach Nero what I don’t see is that they are trying to reach ME. They work to reach me and I work to reach him and for all I know he’s working to reach someone else — but from previous talks with him I think he has worked hard to ‘evolve’ to the point where he was actually able to pursue getting to know the other Aeons and me, really ‘reaching out’. I had a little bit of rushing during that.
I’m coming to associate the ‘rush’ as integrating-energy which it turns out may not be specific to another identity or even an archetype — or even a landscape — but sometimes just an ‘understanding’.
The 3rd and his crew had finished. I went and specifically addressed each part of what he had done, blessed it and accepted it. He made the ‘outlet’ vastly deeper and wider and made the tech to ‘adjust the flow’ different so it couldn’t cut it off and other details I wasn’t aware of and didn’t bother looking into. I talked with him briefly telling him that I was just tired of feeling like I’m lousy at managing my spiritual and personal life and want to work through this stuff.
As we were talking, I had this vague “sense” physically near the top left of my head. I have gotten this repeatedly for the last few weeks. Normally when I feel that sense, it would be followed by a stronger sense of “chakra pulling” as I call it, but for some reason it just hasn’t been. I keep waiting for ‘more’ chakra activity up there, but — nothing. Anyway, I was holding his hands and I realized that this sense followed by nothing is because there was a PROBLEM there.
I felt “into” it, like a healing scan, and was aghast to realize there was what I call a “nonconductive plug”. It was shaped like a squat tornado with the flat part at the top of my head. I called IG and Tek. Tek was gradually working on getting around it, loosening it, preparing to remove it, when I just lost my temper, decided I AM, reaching in and dragged it out forcibly.
I was shocked that it had this long ‘tail’ and went way the hell down deep into the head and even neck, all this ‘nonconductive’ — it feels like a ‘rubber stopper’ in energy work — and I dragged it all out. Tek and me ‘wove the matrix’ of energy-of-me from the bottom of the root-hole and up through the very top finally. Then we did this again with the back right bottom of my head which I’d done once before, it was not nearly as bad. I sensed that there were several really tiny small ones all over my body. I worked to do a quick ‘flush’ of them and weave with Tek.
As I continued talking with 3rd, I started having a variety of abreactions in my right leg. Although it affected my whole leg, I realized that the ‘spark’ of this actually pulls from the glutes. Which interestingly I had a major ache in, really severe I could barely walk or sit or lean over the other day, but by the next day it was gone — no clue what happened, but it went away. Anyway, I worked a little bit on this but realized that this attempt to dig-out-Nero is tapping into some deeper issues than it seems.
The 3rd told me I already knew what I should be doing. Visiting each of the Aeons closely, even briefly, every day. Communing with the Four. And — cleaning. I said, Yeah, I know I have felt someone in me, maybe you?, leaning on me to clean my super messy room, but come ON, what difference does it make, why should you guys care about my environment?! And he just looked at me and I understood: messy energy is messy energy. Doing a ‘cleansing’ before you do a meditation but refusing to clean up the total disaster in the room around you is contradictory. And it REFLECTS something ‘inside’ you. Here I’ll spend all this time doing cleaning and integration exercises in my head — yet none in my environment. The energy outside IS inside, just like the energy inside IS outside. And I understood this is a little of what the Senior meant when he said that some changes in my outer life would be required. This one is really trivial, but it’s just one example.
Out of time, had to close that down. Back to work.