Select Page

I had two tiny skulls embedded in my own skull. They were small, maybe 3 inches diameter or so.

It was from ‘the old time’ I was told, I understood, a time beyond time, a time before what we know exists. The time I once remembered coming from when I woke up to not being native to my body, during the Bewilderness period. This was around the time of my first vision of 3rd of 4 and our being one. I didn’t first run into The Four consciously until October 1994.

November 1993:

But the overriding feeling was that I was so old, so very, very old… almost tired, as if I had been a cynical adult when I had been dropped abruptly into this naive child’s body… and I could feel myself as if I had existed for a time beyond that which I could even conceptually grasp, a time beyond time as humans can even know it… and she seemed, in my memory, so young.

They were aliens. They brought a fever to our people.

They ate our people like we were large animals.

I was observing how the back of my skull, bottom and middle to the side, had two of their skulls embedded in it.

Grinning at me horrifically as skulls do, as I looked through the front of my head somehow. This was ACKRCK, my ajna chakra — only that involvement gets that incredibly “visceral inside me” visual.

I wondered who, in times of old, had ‘stoppered’ my wounds with their skulls. Was that it? Or had they just eaten their way only partly in? Gross.

I felt as if on some level I had their ‘invasive’ personalities in me now. Hiding.

Like their bone stuck in my bone, especially their skull inside my skull, had a profound meaning. Especially in the back.

A very invasive meaning. Like I had won the battle and lost the war or something. Like they were dead and I was alive but on some level they lived on inside me.

I observed other people who had them. One was a young boy and I realized that “time of old” couldn’t possibly mean when I was young because he was still young.

Then I also realized that this couldn’t possibly be ‘literal’ and had to be symbolic.

But I felt that it was literal in a metaphysical way, even though I was symbolically getting the information.

I remembered the experience I had not long ago of another entity ‘hiding out in me’ – not in a good way. It had actually done some physical damage though it was not physical, just from the energy invasion so consistent there over time.

August 2013

…there was an ‘identity’, I perceived it as male, “curled up / crouched down low hiding” “inside me” in the lower left of my torso, and this was an actual pressure in an area affecting nerves in the spinal column, which ended up causing a great deal of stress a little higher up the spine and on the other side — the area in question. The information that came across was that ‘he’ was literally ‘hiding in me’ — like a parasite of sorts but a complete autonomous entity. I mean kinda like a person.

I was so shocked that I didn’t think of anything for a few moments. … this identity [felt like] an entire personality of its own, completely external to and separate from mine…

I wondered how the hell an identity could ever get ‘into’ a person to ‘hide inside their energy’ like that, which seemed so impossible, except at that moment I was perceiving this so clearly there was no point in arguing with it. It wasn’t an intellectual conclusion or theory. It was an obvious observation of what-simply-WAS.

I woke up this evening from the nap feeling, before I was fully awake, that this was something that I had triggered by thinking of the “man of old” — the part of 3rd of 4 I awakened 20 years ago that I mentioned in my recent Dream Out of Time post — I had been thinking of this just as I fell asleep, of some beautiful graphic designs I could do to sort of narrate that symbolic-mythology in several pictures.

October 1994

He was gaining strength. We were in some kind of “Highlander” theme I guess, where people competed, got their heads chopped off, and the energy of their deaths was [eaten] by others. The blonde me was there, in the cloak type clothing I often see him in for one reason or another. He was the man. There were other men, competitive men.

I might have shifted in time; I was watching him stalk a certain man, whereupon he deliberately let his own head get cut off, though he took the other guy’s at the same time. I noted that somehow his death had cut my left hand in a couple of places. Deeply, and it bled thick and dark like molasses, but I couldn’t seem to feel it physically.

I thought, “Well that’s that I guess, he’s certainly dead now!” but someone said urgently, “No, that’s just it! You don’t understand! He is come back. This was his way of [throwing all enemies off the track] for so long….” and I suddenly understood what was meant: he had “folded up inside himself,” as if he had hidden within the cavity of his rib bones (?!) and seen his body (including himself) buried deeply, on purpose, where nobody would know where he was. Knowing that when the time was right, he would unbury himself; that somehow he was not permanently dead but temporarily, deliberately so which for some reason was different, and that allowed him freedom.

The guide almost gave me the impression that he was a “bad guy” and yet simultaneously, a “good guy;” something like, there was only going to be one way for [someone/him] to deal with things at a certain point considered an “end time” or some such; it required that he be believed dead, so that things could develop as they would without the threat of his influence; as if they would hunt him down (again) for his power, do something that could take his autonomy away… so this way he could come back unexpectedly and defeat some conqueror or accomplish something… or some such thing that only he had the ability to do, him this man from “times of old”. 

But I was ambivalent, since somehow I knew that I was a big part of waking him up, I was his “anchor” specifically for this reality, physicality, and “time,” and this guide made it sound like waking him up was my duty, I’d done it — and it was like I was personally helping to bring on the end of my world as I knew it (like armageddon) or some such thing.

Waking up from the dream, I felt these were ‘bad aliens’ and it was part of the same thing somehow — the same time, the same threat, as if part of why 3rd had been “hidden away inside himself” was in fact to hide from them, for an end-times war with them or something as the first dream implied — and that they really did take up ‘residence’ in our people.

And that maybe I had become aware because I have been talking to ‘the guide of things I’m in denial and avoidance of’ and asking for things to become clear to me. And/or because of my recent all-day work with three of my Aeons I’m not close to at all, yesterday. Or maybe by sheer chance because of what I’d been thinking about. Finding that previous entity ‘curled up inside of me’ had been seemingly totally by chance, like just the right trigger to bring my awareness.

I felt that I have to get rid of them, get them out of me. Somehow.

By the time I was fully awake I was deciding that when someone carts me off to the lunatic bin, they will throw me in the pit with the Scientologists.


PS I think I see now. I didn’t get it then. Maybe I do now. From the original dream during Bewilderness (’94). He let himself be killed at just the right moment. He used their own ‘soul technology’ against them; perhaps he had to die to do it, our people couldn’t just furl up inside another soul the way theirs could. He hid inside himself literally, just like they were doing in others. And when the time was right, the other half of his soul would ‘wake him up’ — would trigger the activation of the hidden part. It was the only way that part of him could be truly ‘hidden’ so they wouldn’t find him, so he could come into his strength before they had any idea. He was the only one who could defeat them. The ‘man of old.’ I said millennia in Bewilderness but even then I felt it was vastly more than that or different somehow.

What a hell of an archetype story!! This is like I’m reliving whatever happened 20 years ago, today, like it’s a cycle I’m returning to, how weird. When I get time maybe I will try and find that obscure reference in the gnostic stuff I stumbled on a few years ago that had some mention of this dynamic.