Something’s been nagging the back of my brain and it finally clicked and came to the front for attention.
Until the last meditation where IG told me to ‘go with’ the ‘spontaneous daydream’ that the meditation was invoking, I had not before observed that there are some very specifically different feelings, like categories to daydreams, or at least the kind going on here.
English really sucks for language to deal with less course experience. There are so many levels of experience, things which are completely different things, subtle but important gradients, for which we have no words for at all.
In regular life, daydreams have three main types:
1) I’m bored and they are ‘idle fantasy’.
2) I’m interested in something and they are ‘exploring fantasy’.
3) I’m emotional and they are building a plot to allow the emotion room to play.
But during the meditation, when I got a couple different ‘daydreams’ as I often do when meditating, the actual daydream “felt” different.
I’ve always considered them a failing, a distraction. Not until IG suggested there was some reason for them did I realize there might be. And realize these feel a little different than ordinary daydreams. Why did I never notice this before? Now that I think about it, it’s always been there. They’ve always had that spontaneity and these kind of differences. I just had them classified in a course lump with everything mental that was not an archmed, I guess.
It felt ‘mental’ and ‘spontaneous’ and ‘needed by the energy itself’. Not driven by ME but like something that ‘needed to expand’, and somehow, that specific niche-mental-reality was like the only ‘dimension’ for it to expand into as needed.
There are some other qualities to it also that are unique. Like:
1. It comes with its own development. I don’t consciously move it anywhere. I can “sit in on it” if I like, but it is operating autonomously, which already is nothing like an ordinary daydream. Some were whole ‘stories’, yet they were nearly as realistic as a dream while I was in them; like a “dream-lite” in a way.
2. Many are sort of bizarre dynamic sequences of shapes and every imaginable physical descriptive, but nothing like a human event situation. As mentioned in the previous med, one looked like a wooden floor that was ‘growing’ out into the shape of something with a thick dull grey metal border and then other stuff–now that I think about it, this is bizarre. This is not a ‘daydream’. This is a lot like energy work, where I perceive shapes, geometries, patterns and textures and dynamics etc. It just happens to be highly visual (or sometimes emotional I think) in the case of archmeds, rather than ‘a sense’ like I get in energy work.
3. I can ‘allow it to happen’ at first-person perspective, and also watch it from a third person point of view, waiting for it to finish, on some level, as if a small part of me is split off and a different part of me is ‘engaged’ with it. That’s what I should be doing with it. Becoming “aware” of what is going on, and “allowing” it with the part of myself that helps it engage, yet remaining with enough awareness in the meditation that when it has completed, I can continue.
I realize now that when I’ve allowed myself to become ‘fully engaged’ with such things, I’ve let them be a problem for my archmeds, as I get ‘distracted’ by them. That’s why I’ve considered them negative.
But if I allow them and participate to whatever degree my attention is ‘needed’, yet hold that little part of myself outside waiting for its finish, at that point I’ll be back in the archmed and realize what I’m doing.
I think maybe when we work through energy, that energy has its own… “exercise and development needs”, beyond the simplistic version we can do in an archmed. These are more like spontaneous ‘dreams’ that the energy ‘needs’ to take an excursion into. Not like daydreams you make up or ‘wander’ into. Maybe our work with the energy is really… “shallow” in some respects. A simplistic, single situation. Maybe to really work-through-itself, energy needs to be able to fully flesh out, the way it would in a real-world situation or even something… more.
I’ll have to think on this some more. I think this is an important realization, and that my archmeds will be better for this understanding.