Select Page

This has been a long break from meditative work. This is more a journal entry than an esoteric ref.

I did ‘breathe with’ each of my main contacts at the current era, yesterday. God, IG, The Four, the 12 Aeons, the 3 Largers (I couldn’t remember any names nor what the 3rd one was like), and it didn’t take long, just two long slow breaths imagining holding hands and touching foreheads with each. Simple, but I felt very nice afterward.

*

I’ve been on a new eating plan for the last 10 days. Intermittant Fasting or “IF”, eating once a day at night, and PaNu (which for me is kind of a ‘dirty carnivore’ approach as one group calls it–I do eat some dairy) for the food. As is typical, it is very difficult to dominantly eat meat and get enough calories unless you have a helluva appetite. I’m trying but it’s a miracle if I make 1400 calories a day. This is a known problem though. I once carefully ate, weighed, measured, food and myself, and in 30 days of eating <1000 calories a day (but for one day of 2200), at the end of the month I had lost 1 pound. Which I got back the next day. I upped my calories to about 2200 and weight just fell off me.  So I try to eat enough. I mention this because in my last blog post we talked about eating decently etc. It is sure a lot easier to eat decently when you only have to deal with one big meal a day, not three.

*

I don’t remember if I mentioned it here, but for eons I’ve been griping — and I think I did two meditations on it — about my bathtub having a massive bent crack, the floor being soft, and so on. My bathroom recently got redone and we have a new secure floor and a new very secure bathtub and new tile on wall and floor. It’s a huge improvement in my life, not to mention the feng shui of my house.  One issue resolved, 8000 to go. 🙂

*

Work has been very long days most of lately. I feel sleepy much of the time as a result, if I stay up late enough to do anything else, but I feel ok physically. I am thinking, not like I don’t have several series of meditation-needs going, but that I should probably add some “reality feedback” (aka “issues that bug me”) related to this, to my list.

I work for two men now, one under the other. My former boss was laid off months ago. My current direct boss never talks to me voluntarily. Not ever. Only nearly by accident indirectly, in a meeting with others, or if I ask a direct question. (I’ve given up asking stupid questions just to try and force him to talk to me. Screw it, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, apparently I can’t change that.  I shouldn’t be working for him in the first place IMO since he has zero interest or knowledge-of or dealing-with 99% of everything I do.)  We get along ok I suppose, mostly because we don’t know each other better, since I’m pretty sure his ultra-christian highly-competitive very-judgemental personality and mine would not be too well suited. The other guy, his boss, I like personally a good deal, but he only talks to me maybe bi-monthly. I like him SO well that I actually take him shifting me and my coworker under his lower manager, and barely communicating with me, a little more personally than I would have otherwise.

I’m doing a lot of stuff that is rightfully management work, but there’s nobody to do it since my previous boss was laid off, I haven’t the authority to force things, my management won’t give it to me, but won’t do them either, and is too busy ignoring everyone outside their immediate tower to support me in even small ways with direct request. They don’t really have anything to do with the things I’m doing, they’re responsible for those areas but they don’t even know them.  They’d be pretty screwed without my proactive help, if things melted down without my trying to fix or prevent them, but I don’t think they realize it, and it would only make my life more hellish if I let that happen. I work for the company first, so it’s what’s best for that as a whole that has to be priority. I sympathize that they do not have time/resources to focus on all the areas I work in. But this is all the more reason why someone in management ought to either take responsibility for it, or appoint someone inside the authority to push more effectively. As it is I have to call meetings with multiple Director level people who probably wonder WTF I’m doing, as if that’s my place in my current indian role, but since they aren’t getting things done, seeing things coming, I have to push to make it happen.

I end up writing emails trying to keep my bosses up to date on many things, and they don’t even acknowledge the email let alone ever respond to the things I make clear in bold/red and mention up top I need help with.  I’ve never worked with people so bad at communication (or management support) in my life.  Sometimes, they act like it’s my fault because I am remote. But the corp has 3 main offices, nearly everyone is remote from 2/3  of the team, and nobody else in my 25+ years of work — during much of which I’ve managed others remote from me — or in my previous nearly 6 years with this firm under others — has had a problem with this.  “Sorry” really couldn’t even cover it at this point, the communication issues are so ridiculous and ongoing. One of my coworkers also remote has been with the company for eons, and says they have never felt so shut-out.

So I’m thinking maybe I should meditate on it. It is hard to meditate on things I am actively irked about, is the problem. It’s almost like it’s a slightly intimate act, and you have to get close to that energy. When you’re in the midst of aggravation about something, maybe you don’t WANT to get close to that energy at that point!  Especially if you’ve reached the “FINE so there!” point with the situation.

*

It’s getting cold outside now and we’ve had to break out our little space-heater fans… our climate control heater died, alas. It’s expensive and mostly chilly with the little heaters but it works. This weekend my housekeeping helper will winter-ize the medium sized ‘Igloo’ cat-house (sold as a dog house) on the porch to add the bodyheat pad and shoplight for them. It works pretty well, I’ve been out there when it’s like 12 degrees F and it’s probably 75F in their little lighted home.

I’ve been feeding them Felidae (expensive, from petfooddirect.com, hefty shipping charge, but not available here and I haven’t a car to drive to the nearest big city right now), and mixing in Diatomaceous Earth (DE) in the hopes it’ll help in some respects.

Lately I’ve seen people waxing on about alleged health benefits of DE for people too. (Don’t breathe it. But it’s safe to mix in something and drink–only the ‘food grade’ level of it. Like drinking sand, ugh. It’s normally used for putting in long-term storage food because it kills bug larva.) Aside from parasite removal (which sounds like a good thing to me… yuck) and some minerals and silica I’m not sure what about it is supposed to be healthy for humans. I’m willing to give it a try since I don’t think it’ll kill me and I trust one of the people recommending it, who saw within days a major reduction of joint pain in a knee that had been hurting her badly for months.

The alleged testimonials are either fake, or the stuff cures everything but stupidity. I don’t have any particular thing I ‘need’ it for that I know of, but if over time it did even a fraction of the testimonial claims (thickens hair/nails, reduces age spots, resolves arthritic and joint pain, improves body-wide skin, and 1001 other things) it might be worth the try.

*

I finished programming all but one critical page that I had to redo due to some process improvements, in the ARV software I’ve been building (Risk Intuit) and then dropped it for months. I’m going to see if I can finish this soon so I can show it to a few people. I haven’t viewed in a long time but eventually will get back to that.

*

Hopefully, my next post will be about something proactive in the meditational world.

P