I fell asleep before I could get anything accomplished in meditation last night. So today when I got up I decided to start my weekend cooking and once it was set, sit down and meditate.(I try to cook some for the coming week, things we can munch here and there without whole-meal cooking. Today it was Mexichiliburger Stew and Blueberry Flax Muffins.)
I let IG pick the first two archetypes–and I asked for archetypes. No more guides. I don’t know why, but I really have a reaction to even the idea of guides let alone meeting them up close. I apologized to Taan last night for being such a jerk. For whatever reason I have some threat-issues with the Consortium, I have since the first time the Four introduced me to them. I couldn’t even LOOK at them then, and I clung to the 3rd of 4 like a small child, it was weird. I’m intending to make “my relationship with them” an archetype and work on it. I’ll get there, but I have three of them now and that ought to be enough for awhile I figure.
There was nothing exceptional about the meds. Just ordinary archetype work, not even very memorable.
Then I asked to work with a few planets because I knew they wouldn’t be so intangible as the archs she happened to be giving me. She brought me Jupiter, Pluto, and then Ganymede at my request. The first two were just a lovely minor rush on hugging them. The last was nice but there was this odd thing; just to the side of us there was a big part of the ground that was all ‘torn up and messy’ like construction mess. So I cleaned that up and then hugged him. Ever since my RV session on him I am fond of him. It. Whatever. I have to assign genders to things or I have a hard time relating to them, I find.
I felt like I’d done enough archmeds and had the feeling I should do something else. IG suggested the Cleaning Center, so I decided to do one of those.
My normal way of doing them is like this:
1. I imagine whatever chair/bed I’m in is on my plateau and then I imagine sinking deeply into the underground, and then getting permission to ‘port’ through into a room down there. It’s a big room, and all white, high ceiling, lots of light.
2. In the room is a tech who will bring me stuff to work on and answer questions. I ask him to bring me whatever most needs working on (unless I’m attempting to work on a specific body-part, then I ask for that). The tech brings me exactly THE part of the body to clean. Not an analogy or reference or visual; the actual energy of the actual thing. So whatever I’m doing is pretty literal. If there are ‘many’ and I want to work on one-focus and have it apply to many, he will make it holographic for me and that works.
3. On the floor of wherever I’m standing, sitting etc. is a fine grill. Underneath that is a sewage area. Everything washes down to there. Underneath there are special lights and chemicals that render everything ‘inert’.
So he brings me whatever, and sometimes he sets it on a table in front of me, sometimes it is levitating in a column in front of me. And I just look at it and figure out what to do. Each time is different. Usually a whole lot of energy work with the water/light/chemical/etc. “of love” works but it depends. Sometimes I’ve had to summon actual tools, like a pick, saw, laser cutter, dremel tool (haha), whatever.
The body part may be a few cells or something; I have no idea what it is or where it is generally or the ‘scale’ of it. In the past, the ‘thing’ I was working on has had pretty much every possible configuration. Once it was a flat thing that had a bunch of tubes that clearly were supposed to come out of it and go somewhere, but most of them were smashed, some destroyed, mangled and stuck to the side. Once it looked like a black volcanic rock sort of and it turned out all that was a hard shell coating. Once it was really gunky with a variety of dark colors. Fuzzy, slimy, gunky, encrusted, matted, you get the idea.
Don’t ever attempt to do these while casually eating or anything. I’ve never had one that did not eventually require the kind of deep nearly hyperventilating you do when you are on the verge of throwing up. Feelings of nausea, dread, fear, disgust are pretty common, to varying degrees. Sometimes it’s fairly mild, I just feel kinda icky in the torso region ‘a little’ while I’m doing it. Sometimes it’s so intense that every time I do a new thing or focus I’m nearly overwhelmed by a sort of dread-disgust-nausea and it takes a LONG time to get through because I have to keep taking breaks from the med.
Today when I dropped in I looked at the tech who is there and said, “OK, now I’m interested. Tell me, are you JUST some little facet of me, or are you ‘more’ energy that is a little ‘other’ too, like a guide?”
Tech: Some of the energy you think is you is just as much ‘other’ as you. But I am a little of both.
Me: Do you have some desire for me to do this meditation, or do you not care at all?
Tech: I’m here to help. I desire to help when you desire to heal. I don’t have any attachment to whether or not you desire, though.
Me: I see. I haven’t done this in probably years. Do you think I need to do these kind of meditations more often?
Tech: Yes. Definitely. Much more often.
Me: Do you have a name? I always just call you tech.
Tech: Tech works fine. (But I felt like “Tek” was the overlay of spelling.)
So I thought he was bringing me the thing to work on but he brought me thick gloves, a funky hard bib-thing that went all the way around where I was sitting and up to my neck, and then he puts like an oxygen mask on me with a tank behind. I started laughing.
Me: This is virtual. How much protection can I need?
Tek: The mental models matter, in this case.
Me: But you’ve never done this before.
Tek: You’ve never worked on this particular thing before.
Me: Alrighty then. Bring it on.
The ‘thing to clean’ was a large irregular blob. It had a lot of sort of pink fleshy color to it, white-ish, and a variety of in-between colors. The ‘impression’ it gave me was really bad though.
Me: This is really rather disgusting.
Tech: Yes, it is.
I worked on it with light and water and chemical and then I was able to see it was a bunch of pieces sort of stuck together. I imagined a laser-light tool that helped me separate each of the pieces, rather like long, two-foot fleshy-cloves covered with fuzz and yuck, and I laid them across the grille/grate I had in front of me. I felt some degree of body-reaction from that, but mild.
I put my hands over one and started visualizing working with its energy. It seemed difficult though and it was taking a long time.
Me: Tek, can I get help with this? Am I able to do it on my own?
Tek: You can always call for any help you want. But you are capable of the cleaning work on your own, with focus.
Me: Can I have the Angelics?
The twin white-on-white semi-light people appeared.
Me: I know you guys don’t ‘give’ energy. But maybe there is something you could do to help?
I went back to what I was doing. They came and stood on either side of me, and each put a hand on my upper back near my shoulder blade. I was working with visualizing that the energy inside the pieces got golder, cleaner, and that anything ‘bad’ was broken down into smaller particles. When they added their hands on me, the energy turned to white instead of gold, and it seemed to work through things much faster, cleaner, with far less effort for me. I was able to get all the pieces done in much less time than I would have without them, and I thanked them for that. I washed everything down the grate, imagined it being made chemically inert and flushing into the sewage systems.
I didn’t feel like doing more. So I ‘ported to just above the room (in my chair) and then ‘raised up’ until my plateau was under me, and that was that.
I will come up with at least a couple of my own chosen archs to work with tonight. It is so much tougher for me when I let IG choose as, most (not all) the time, I am much less in rapport with it and I can barely discern it. I think that IG naturally chooses things that I have the least relationship with, as maybe that is what I need the most. But that means that the sense of tangibility with them is almost zero. (At least things I have a BAD relationship with, are vivid and/or kinesthetic enough that I really “feel” it.) Too much of that intangible stuff makes me feel it’s too imaginative; I need stuff that surprises me and makes me feel stuff in my body, to really feel like I’m accomplishing something.
My personal feelings continue to change for the better though. My ‘sense of well-being’ has vastly improved since I’ve been doing archetype meds regularly. My sense of comfort with myself and the world in particular has increased.
I’ve been cleaner the last two weeks than I can remember being as an adult. Not driven to clean; just vastly more ‘inspired’ to keep all the little things clean around me that normally pile up fast.
My relationship to food seems to be changing. I had a wonderful burrito last night, I had room in my stomach for it (I’d already had one) and it tasted great and I wanted to eat it, but I felt as if Taan were telling me that my body would prefer I didn’t. I sort of argued that and ate a few bites of it but the feeling was so strong that it simply “wasn’t appropriate”, that my body would feel better if I didn’t, that I ended up throwing 3/4 of it away. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. I was irritated, because I wanted it, and it felt kind of weird to have that new awareness of his opinion.
Not sure how much of this I can attribute to the meditations. The changes are fairly subtle, low-level, yet fundamental enough to make a significant change in my life when combined and over time. I wanted to do at least a solid month of them. I started on 8/26. So I have awhile to go.
9/14 is my 43rd birthday.