This was the 15th, extremely early morning.
After brief sleep that came during prayer but before ‘real’ sleep.
I asked Mark in frustration where is it, where do I put the fork, the crowbar, whatever, to bring him more fully into me.
As I was asking this I had this ‘feeling’ and followed it, and I started praying and visualizing that he was “injected into the very core of my major chakras” and each got prayer about it.
There was something else I do not recall, and then someone said, “Listen.” I think this happened earlier in the day too — my mind is blocking these out, a denial thing. And an odd sense in the right side of my throat chakra — very subtle, between ear and throat.
But it has sent me to 2% Lugols for that ear in concern it might be the barest hint of a bug, not yet manifesting into the ‘tiny flash of ache’ that normally will happen in the glands before the bacteria of a virus are really multiplying.
I then spent some time coding and then in the sudden inexplicable urge to get all my personal files off my work laptop. This was a bunch of work with a backup drive and deleting and making it all clean. As if just in case or something, but I don’t know what that something is.
Eventually I was ready to sleep. I couldn’t sleep for a long time, lost in unsleep with Mark and dreamishes, until I fell asleep for real for a pretty short time. I think if I’d slept deeper or longer I wouldn’t have remembered this when my alarm woke me up though, so I’m not complaining, and I thought it might be on purpose.
During that I dreamed:
I was at a dinner with two men and two women (the four, unusually the full-4th was there). I mostly only noticed one man and one woman (Senior and Queen). He was her husband.
He was mandating that the women HAD to be at a certain place by a certain time, that it was not negotiable, they had to make it there on time. He seemed very… dynamic and insistent to me. I told her that I actually kinda felt like I liked him, though he was irritating, that he felt kinda like my brother or something.
The women needed my vehicle (car) for this to happen. If we were to take the ‘normal’ route (by car), mine or theirs, whatever that was, we could never make it in time. No way.
There was actually a way they could make it there, and this is what the man intended. But they were really urgent and concerned about it, because the ‘soon’ way was a slightly unusual smaller road with an unusual sudden turnoff on the right, a nearly invisible tiny dirt road.
This was apparently so easy to miss that it was very commonly done — far more the norm than the exception. And if it was missed, you couldn’t go back to it. The chance was just over.
So we left, urgently, but we kept stopping places on the way they insisted on. Once we had to stop somewhere and put on different clothing. I told the ‘other’ woman that I was just one size from being able to wear something of hers. She assured me if she had realized, she would have… done something to ensure she could give me some of her clothing. I found myself buttoning up a very pretty full white skirt, on a body that was much too lean to be my own. I looked at the ‘other’ woman who was a normal size, and was wearing pants, a tank or tshirt and a ‘big shirt’ that went almost to her knees but was worn unbuttoned. I liked the look of it and we talked about clothing for a minute.
I was getting more and more worried about the journey. I worried something would happen with the vehicle that couldn’t be predicted, and it could cause us to fail, and that would be a total disaster.
The “urgency and importance” of the mission was getting stronger and plainer in me is the thing, and the worry was more just a response to that increased understanding of how hugely important it was to my life, and my panic that anything might mess it up.
I discovered the key to my vehicle had a problem. The very tip of it had one side longer than the other, and the longer side was bent in, like a power plug that gets messed up. It was far too stiff for me to be able to bend it back with my fingers, and I wouldn’t be able to use it. Then it changed, in response to my last thought I suspect (that it was already completely unusable) and now the tip of it was actually broken, but the key had duct tape along it barely holding that tip on. So I could use it — barely briefly only.
I had worry about it working as it was unlikely to work for much longer. So we had to not ‘restart’ the car any more than necessary, we needed to just go, stay driving, and get there while it was running, before its imminent failure.
I woke up and although I thought about the dream, I had no desire to record it, an odd denial (odd for me as I normally pay attention to and write down dreams). It took me awhile to realize and then get myself to write it down. Then 10 minutes later I remembered whole pieces I forgot and had to add in, that changed everything.
Once I started writing it down I started getting the sense of its meaning. This is not just intellectual and known-symbols, though it’s some of that, but much is ‘internal’ too so I think this is accurate:
Senior has set out something that I must do to save my health/life/etc.
It has to be done soon and there is a very limited amount of time (window of opportunity) for it to be done.
There is only one way to get there, the ‘right’ way. It is very easy to miss recognizing it (“listen”).
My… body is only likely to make it to that opportunity: my key is basically being held together with duct tape right now, and can’t be used often or maybe even after that drive, so I MUST catch/observe the turnoff and make it.
I had the clear understanding that the bent/broken top edge of the key represented the end of my right index finger, the pointer, which is senior’s energy and Sierpienta’s energy and per a previous experience, the peak focus of what I need to deal with or learn in this life.
Awake and frantic now, I begged Mark to let it be evident — the turnoff when it was nearing, and that it WAS a turnoff, THE turnoff.
(I’m wondering now if my use of that word has meaning and it will be something people normally turn away from, hence missing it.)
(After having the previous dream about the wedding ring, I was having some conversation about things related to the dream and realized I said they (the Four) were “waiting for me to engage.” Which I realized as it left my mouth was not an accidental term. I’m starting to wonder if a lot of things are even more obvious than I realize.)
Something else occurred and then I felt that odd feeling in the right-side glands and “LISTEN.” I didn’t hear anything after, but I felt it was more a general “pay attention” (in general), than something being said right that second.
So it was morning, another day at work (from home, but I use a company PC). I had the odd feeling (I am not normally quite so paranoid) that using my work computer for offsite stuff just wasn’t wise today. Maybe it’s some obscure surveillance day or maybe something has changed in corp monitoring, who knows.
I’m waiting on something though and can’t do anything until it finishes, so for two minutes I have time and I decided to go to facebook anyway. As I scroll down the main page, about the 3rd thing down says, “You should probably not read this at work.”
So my computer finally finishes rebooting and ‘internally’ I am told: stop that, fix your personal computer and use that instead, don’t even do mild stuff like this until Friday well after business hours. This was Wednesday morning. I say meekly, “Ok.” It’s not often I have my inner world and the outer world interact quite so obviously.
So it turns out a bit later that day, a sudden little reorg happened at work. Now I’m in a different sub-dept. reporting to a different person as of first thing that morning (already past). I don’t know if that is related to my weird feelings in any way or not. Maybe their monitoring of offsite people is different.
But I am always praying for Mark to help me keep my job and I think I actually like the guy I’m reporting to now, so hopefully this is going to be something good.