Earlier today I went in to see Calmè and again apologized for being a jerk and thanked her for putting up with me.
This evening I went to IG and told her I wanted to do a meditation related to work. Right now my future is iffy. It looks like I’m going to end up doing a buncha little piece of other things from other people and have to be glad for it, glad to have a job. I know very well that probability-wise, there is no reason why my long history of managment and tech plus 4.5 years in the firm can’t arrange some opportunity to take a new product line for example and project manage that. No matter how it doesn’t exist right now. It could happen.
Thus far I have really had zero in fact negative levels of ambition with this firm for the first time in my whole life–but that was because I was so profoundly burned out from the previous 23 years it took a few years to work past that, and then there’s the issue where so far the options have seemed to require someone in CA and I cannot move there. But this option or something akin to it sounds good to me, and it might not exist presently, but that’s what magick is about after all; causing change in accordance with will. The worst it could do is ‘not work’ and I’m out what, a few minutes of attention? The best it could do is hugely improve what I spend the majority of my waking life on. Well worth the effort!
IG: Close your eyes.
That was odd but I did, and I felt as if I were on a conveyor belt being moved backward, way beyond the space available before the outer wall of the cave so something had changed. Finally it stopped.
I opened my eyes to see I was on the far edge of a walkway that had extended me to the middle of a small pond or lake, just as all but the panel I stood on broke away, receded to the other side and vanished. So I was standing there in the middle of the lake on this like, 2’x2′ square floaty thing.
I wondered why she made me close my eyes and concluded that I would have ‘expected’ some kind of archetype behind me on the ground near the cave of course, so she had to shut that down enough that she could have me become aware in a different location. It occurs to me maybe I should always try and ‘clear my mind’ enough to let her do that if she needs to.
The lake seemed pretty and normal, round, and the sun was shining. The land around was sparse trees. The water was probably about a quarter mile diameter. I stood there for awhile thinking that this IG has challenged me so much more than others. What, the ‘water of life’ is going to ‘heal’… a lake?? With no visible problem?
I imagined holding my laptop and on the computer screen ran a program that gave me a sonar and thermal joint map of the interior of the lake. Over on one side, there was this big area, like a bubble from the edge, that was like a ‘dead zone’. Nothing it it at all. On the opposite side, there was this big area, another bubble-type area from the edge, that was stuffed with something irregularly shaped and dark and a little frighteningly mysterious. I vanished the screen and thought about it.
Apparently I would have to go underwater, I concluded. I was about to dive in when part of me thought, “What if there are monsters in here?” I’m so ridiculous. But I’ve learned to trust that whatever I feel I just have to go with it, validate it.
Rolling my eyes at myself I enlarged, stabilized, then moved my platform over to the edge just offside of the ‘dead zone’. I created a holograph in the air that starting at the bottom of the lake, built up and showed me the picture of what was ‘in’ that part of the lake in detail. It looked like there were two things ‘intruding’ from the ground at the side of the lake. Sorta ‘medium-dark blue rubber things’ sticking into the water. Yet they seemed kind of alive, too. I couldn’t figure out how to get them out. I mean they were coming from earth so I couldn’t pull them out the back. My impression was that they were poisoning the water, but only in that ‘zone’, like it was a “sphere of influence” more than a liquid poison.
I concluded I’d have to go down in there.
For some reason I had this concern that it wasn’t safe so I imagined that my regular body stayed and my ‘semi-astral’ body went down there. Whatever was sticking into the water looked like of like a venomous sea creature, an airplane ugly plastic floatation cushion, and a toxic waste spout all in one somehow. I imagined I had a big vaccuum tube and I sized it around this bottom one, totally against the edge, and then I had it ‘suck it out’ totally into the tube and seal firmly. Then I imagined closing up that empty space and strengthing the edge of the lake so nothing else could intrude like that, and I sent the sealed container to attach to the floating panel the rest of my body was standing on.
Then I did the same for the top one, which seemed to be 2 or 3 of these things, big and horrible and disgusting looking frankly, a little like the head of an octopi at times. Filled in and firmed up that area. The ‘sphere of influence’ seemed gone. It was healthy now but there was nothing in that space. So I imagined sinking a tiny but complicated old boat with many open window ports and then bringing in a fish school and various clingy creatures and re-establishing some kind of health marine habitat there.
I went back to my body, and took the two containers and went 1/4 of the way around the lake and got off at the shore. I asked for some experts to show up and help. A big industrial looking building appeared and two men were standing near. “What do I do with these?” I asked them. They took me into the building, into some area with a big clear tank about 20′ wide by 15′ high by 10′ deep, and one of them poured the contents of both vaccuum tubes into a big tank and sealed the tank. The bizarre shapes got even more amorpheous and it seemed like there was ink or something as they blended into the tank.
The men threw some kind of switch and a variety of energy things happened that eventually reduced everything in the tank to pure energy, and then neutralized anything unpleasant, and then the water cleared up. It was like putting shock in a pool or that stuff in fish tanks, very sudden. I didn’t feel anything though. They told me that although the water was clean they only released it in areas where nothing was intended to grow anyway ‘just in case’ so I felt better. I thanked them and went out and the building vanished.
I went around the lake to where the big irregular dark mass was seen on the screen earlier and I brought over and stepped on my ‘floating panel’ and went just outside of that area and did another holographic, show-me-what’s-there thing.
It looked like human corpses, but somehow covered in rubbery darkness too. I was grossed out. The closer I looked the grosser it got.
Me: IG, I find it hard to believe I have this serious an issue–dead corpses. Because you know, anything THAT bad usually I wouldn’t be able to see or perceive well. Besides, normally work is my best area, I’ve always done well there.
She sounded like it was a commentary on my perception, not a real question.
So I looked at them again. I really couldn’t see anything well enough to tell. Again it looked like a dark rubbery-ness too down there and gross bloated dead humans, more than one, seemingly all men. But there was no way I was going underwater for that stuff.
So I got onto the shore and imagined a giant dredging machine was on the land. A scoop came and completely scooped up every bit of the funky stuff from the lake and held it aloft. I solidifed and strengthened what was left of the side of the lake, and did the ‘restoration’ I’d done on the other side. Then I brought back the big facility and the guys and the scoop dumped into a tank about 5x that size and then everything but me and the tank vanished.
I stared at the tank, as everything moved and swirled and diluted some with the water. I imagined a lever that did the energy-thing that the last tank had and everything that was not human gradually disappeared, reduced to energy, made neutral. That just left 5 dead guys drifting around.
“Stand up,” I commanded them and vanished everything else. They stood limply and deadly in place, but I knew already they weren’t really dead or why would IG have said that. I began to imagine “a light of life inside them”. It grew right between the heart and solar plexus like a spark of light right in the center of them, and then begin to grow.
I could see that it restored them, much like restoring the roman and his horse had gone. Except this took time. I mean I tried to just imagine it happening quickly in all 5 of them but it couldn’t. I had to literally focus intensely and PUSH and stay with it, going all the way down their body through feet, then back up to the middle and upward. All 5 at once. Finally at the head, it was even more work. Like I just had to really focus on every detail and buh-lieve it, yeah-uh! in order for it to work, like faith and patience were part of it. Finally I had only the head left and it took awhile for the heads. When finally the crown of the head was the last thing finished, big light shone all the way through them, beaming up into the sky like a spotlight. I had to go through the heads one by one to make this happen though and it took awhile. Finally they were all just standing there. Normal guys, it appeared.
Me: Who are you?
Them: “We are you,” they said in unison.
Me: Oh that creeps me out! Don’t do that again. (But I kinda laughed.)
I tried to figure out what to do with them. I mean all the work I’d done so far I’d had no sense of merging, suggesting maybe I wasn’t finished. I asked them for something to trade energy and they all put little motes of light between my heart and solar plexus, 5 across, like a 5-star belt of orion inside me. I had the urge to give them (it’s often weird, bear with me) the muscle from my right upper arm, which I had to put in the left upper arm of every one.
Then I imagined trying to merge into each. I did have the sense that this worked as far as integration goes but I felt no rush whatever.
Thinking about it, I remembered the dome carnival archmed and so I imagined everything including the entire huge lake, that I expanded to encompass that and then integrate with everything, with the whole landscape. I felt some rush from that, and felt it was what I was supposed to do, as a result. Not intense or long, but enough to know something worked. I went back to IG.
Me: I feel like if I don’t get a major rush that maybe it’s not done well. I wanto to manifest that. Can you help? Will you help? Can we do others?
She nodded. “Consistency is more important than frequency,” she reminded me.
Me: IG… what about the roman soldier guy and the horse? Could I… maybe see them again?
They appeared. He was on the horse this time. The horse was such a tall stallion he sat above me. I went up next to them and put one hand on the neck of the horse and one hand on his thigh and imagined sharing energy with them.
Me: Are you a guide?
Me: And… the horse?
Him: He is part of both of us.
Me: I see. (I wasn’t sure I did, but never mind.) What is your name?
Me: Just like that? I just get it that clearly, after the big mystery of everybody else’s? That doesn’t sound like a Roman name to me.
He said nothing.
Me: What’s the horse’s name?
Him: El Niño.
Me: You mean like the ocean warm thing? Isn’t that like… little boy?
He grinned a little then, and patted the neck of the horse. The BIG adult male horse. “Yes,” he said affectionately, talking as much to the horse as to me.
It occurred to me that if it’s his horse, he oughtta know its name, no matter how odd it seemed to me, so I shrugged a little, focusing again on one hand on the horse’s neck and one hand on his thigh as he sat above me.
Me: It was nice to meet you both. I… well I assume we will meet again at some point. Do you know it’s been exactly a year–minus like 6 days–between the time I met you and then met you again? That seems like a heck of a coincidence since I certainly didn’t remember it consciously. Anyway…
I imagined sending warm love and light to them.
Me: Thanks for coming.
I backed off and bowed a little. The horse kneeled a little and he bowed slightly and they vanished.
I turned to IG but whatever I was going to say vanished from my head as I said instead, fervently, “IG, I love you so much. I’m so lucky to have you! Thank you for everything!”
Then I rolled it all up and I was done.
Hoping to do more soon.