LaeLee’s been woven with me for the last few days. I had the intuitive urge to do some work on a symbol that I got a long time ago, in January 2013, during a dream with Nero and in the midst of dreams with the Four:
…I was being led by someone very young up really tiny-width steep staircase (toward something on the 3rd floor). There was a ‘known mystery’ on the 2nd floor, a door on the left we were passing. I asked what seemed the ghost of a little girl who controlled the room, if she would let me see in the room. Not close or go inside, just look at it in passing with the door open a little. She let me. I felt so grateful to her and I thanked her very sincerely. I don’t remember the detail, seemed like just dust and a big mirror.
I asked Mark if I could please be merged whatever max amount was possible with LaeLee as part of the meditation, as having her with me during one was part of the point. But I immediately started getting merge-rushing like a very good meditation. I waited until that was over to continue on.
I (as ‘we’) ran the elements on the room, girl and mirror. Things got clearer and less dusty, that’s about it. Then I realized where the issue was likely to be, and we tentatively reached out and turned the standing, hinged mirror far enough down a little that we could see ourselves in it.
We saw a monster in it. It was clearly a child’s monster. Terrifying, oversized, a mutant conglomeration of everything bad, and bits of cartoons and stuffed animals, as if that was part of what the monster’d eaten while being monstrous.
We ran the elements on the monster in the mirror. It was greatly improved, but still was clearly not… ideal. So we sent heart chakra energy and the four elements at it, steadily for quite some time, and it began to get smaller, and skinnier, until finally…
It was the little girl. Which I should have expected, I realized, but hadn’t thought of it for some reason.
As she was clearly me, I asked her to merge with me, and Mark brought her in fully, not as a weave, but a permanent merge that will absorb. I got only a tiny sense of merge in the nervous system. Then I brought in the entire room and mirror, and got somewhat more.
It felt like a very good thing to have done though. And I felt that there was a reason I felt driven to drag up this thing from 8 years ago to do while LaeLee was with me. After all, my resistance to my feminine and LaeLee are intertwined, and I was just guessing that the girl alone in the dusty room with nothing but a mirror was probably some obscure part of that.
I asked Mark to de-weave me and LaeLee now, so she was again an equal part of my aeons with me and of me, but not fully merged. My relationship to energy is affected by full merge, as they all once showed me.
And then I had another bright idea inspiration, even older and just as obscure as the symbol from 2013.
Healing (and hopefully, The Last of the Alter Stuff)
Back in 1992-4 I appeared to be involved in some clandestine hypnotic effort, an outgrowth of my involvement in that field, which had a whole list of weird shit then and later but IG4 helped me work through nearly all of that. One thing that I have still had that I consider related, though, is some kind of energy block in my upper right arm near the shoulder.
This was so profound that when I would do serious energy-running work (with a teacher and fellow students in a living room class), if I got very altered state, I would end up going to this corner wall and trying my best to break the arm right there, like going out of my mind, the “frustration pressure” was profound beyond words. I wanted to feel the bone break, the blood flow, like the “energy release” was so desperately needed. The other students would drag me away from that effort. I was a nut.
It was a couple years later that I was reading some completely unrelated article in a magazine, and in this kind of crazy segue, the author just slides in with some comment about alter personality triggers often being in the upper arm near shoulder (the article had nothing to do with such topics or I never would have been reading it) and I broke into a cold sweat. Now this is a common literary reference but it is a very rare human experience to actually have. It is a level of fear so incredibly profound the whole body reacts. It’s incredible. I never considered until just after that, realizing that what I’d just read had triggered that effect, that maybe that’s why I had such a crazy “energy block” there.
Meanwhile, years later doing archetype and Tek work all this time, Tek actually worked out a nervous system reroute. Often we will do something that triggers the pain/awareness but he learned to flip it somehow, so I feel it on the LEFT arm, instead of on the right. But it was clear (and often is, when it happens) that the effect is on the right, and he is just using the nerves to somehow make the feeling go to the left, in order to prevent some larger energy/issue/thing being invoked or blocking something.
So I had the sudden bright idea, that since LaeLee once told me I could work with her related to the alter energy, that maybe I should do something related to that. So I asked her, and L’Anna, and then added Bolehren and Calme because why not have the four females of the Aeons, if they would do some healing work on that energy block in my right upper arm. And then since they were there I asked the four if they would help as well. And then since 3rd and Sun are always with me in meditations anyway, I also asked Sun Moon Mars Venus if they would help as well. Because anything worth doing is worth overdoing I guess!
I only meant for this to be like a “hey will you help with X” prayer that merely included a lot of folks prayed to and that was it, I was about to get out of bed and get up and go on with my day. But it seemed like the girls (the Aeons) were actually really focused on this like a big thing, and I had the sudden urge to turn over and try to ‘nap’ if possible. I decided well, I had a little time, so I did.
I came to the surface as I wasn’t fully sleeping, off and on. They were all genuinely working on it like it was some kind of big deal. I went under again.
I surfaced abruptly, but still sleepy. 3rd looks in on me, by which I mean I literally had the impression that he was doing something and kind of leaned out and leaned over and looked right at me from about two feet away and said, “You need to do a banishing.”
“What?” I said, totally surprised, waking up a little bit more. “A banishing? Like the magickal ritual?!”
“Yes. Do it tonight,” he says, and then goes back to what he’s doing.
Oh. Alrighty then…
I had the feeling that whatever they were all doing it wasn’t going to be over soon and might take the day so I just needed to let it be. So I moved on with my day, got up and took the dog out, fed him, did our morning “sits with mom in the chair while she adores him” fest — which, once we began, he will now not EVER let me get away with not doing, ha!
I intended to do the Ace of Wands meditation last night, but wanted to wait until I was not woven with any Aeon before doing so. I hope to do that later today but I’d like to feel like the big project on the energy block in the arm is completed first. Not sure if anybody will tell me it’s done or I’ll just have to ask Mark if it’s ok to go forth yet. Talk about old issues: I’d say it’s been probably about 30 years (maybe even exactly) since that block, or whatever it is that constitutes what I’m calling that, was installed there.
Edited to add: after posting this, I was planning a variety of things for my day. I had the feeling I should relax briefly to meditate, it was 9am so I had time, and — I woke up 8 full hours later having slept like the dead it was so deep. I can’t believe my dog didn’t wake me up to go outside to pee all that time! Or maybe I was sleepwalking and just letting him out on leash from porch, sheesh I remember nothing though. I don’t think I have slept that deep in quite a long time actually.
Before I woke up I had this great dream I’ve had before. It involves meeting nice strangers, finding they have a cat, inviting them somewhere, where we all somehow have cats and love to sing and it’s so much fun and we all laugh and laugh. It’s hilariously hokey but feels great, and I’m pretty sure my cat who died many years ago was in the original as he was also in this replay dream. I feel like this was somehow needed after (or maybe during last part of) the healing effort and like the dream was almost a gift.
I actually feel slightly different but I’m having a difficult time articulating it. Maybe it’s just more relaxed, like my body is carrying less low-level tension I didn’t realize I had until it was gone. On the downside it’s early evening and I got precisely zero done today, but on the upside I kind of feel like it’s possible more good got accomplished for me today than if I’d been awake and productive.